//------------------------------// // Ballistically challenged // Story: I think we're lost // by Poetic Brony //------------------------------// The sun wasn't even up as Arron and Dave walked to Sugar Cube Corner. A cool breeze came in from the Everfree forest sending with it the scents of both greenery as well as decay. A smell Arron easily recognized, but Dave covered his nose and scowled. I hate this place, Dave thought. The smells are just to outdoorsy for my tastes. He turned to look at his brother who was smiling, but holding his side as they walked. How can he stand it, freakin Boy Scout... he let out a disgruntled huff. I'm glad he's the one staying here, because I sure as hell don't want to... Dave found himself frowning at the thought. He glanced over at his brother once more. I don't know if he's brave or dumb? He grunted and shook his worries away. They were both smiling as the scents of the woods was overpowered by the smells of the Cake's morning baking. Even though the rest of the Ponyville population was still sleeping the bakers were already up and awake. Arron had already been up for a few hours as his side hurt when he rolled over onto it, the pain had startled him awake. He decided to head for the library to begin reading from the old Dave's journal where he'd left off. Dave surprised him as he woke up about a half hour ago and they both decided to leave the castle for Sugar Cube Corner to see if they could catch an early morning bite. They stood in front of the confectionery looking store that also served as a residence. They both breathed deeply the smell of the fresh baked muffins before walking in. The brothers startled Mrs. Cake who was bent over behind the counter filling the case with an assortment of pastries. She had just placed the last one inside when the sound of the two men entering made her drop the tray she was holding in her mouth. "Oh," Mrs. Cake said with a start. "I'm sorry I wasn't expecting any pony to show up this early." She apologized as she picked up the fallen tray. The noise of the falling tray made Mr. Cake poke his head out of the kitchen for a moment. He nodded to the brothers when he decided that no real harm was done, before disappearing back into the kitchen. Arron went over to the same table they sat at the last time they were there. Dave followed him. When they were comfortable Mrs. Cake came over to see if they wanted anything. Dave gave her a shrug as he waited to see what his brother ordered. "Just some orange juice for now," Arron told her. "And for you dear," Mrs. Cake asked turning to Dave. Dave thought a moment before answering. "OJ, sounds fine," he said with a smile. "I think it's still a bit early to eat anything," he turned to his brother. "and I don't think that Arron's up to eating much yet, his gut is still pretty messed up." Mrs. Cake winced at what Dave said. "Alright," she said after composing herself. "Two orange juices it is." She trotted into the kitchen and came back carrying a tray with two glasses filled with orange liquid. She placed their drinks on the table and was about to go back to attend the counter when the sounds of crying babies made her put the tray on the counter and hurry upstairs to see which of the twins needed to be changed. "Pinkie could you please take over for me for a while," Mrs. Cake cried as she headed upstairs. "I have to go see what's wrong with Pound and Pumpkin." "Okie doki loki," They heard Pinkie Pie yell from the kitchen. The pink pony emerged from the kitchen an apron tide around her neck and she was splattered with a mixture of batters. Her appearance made both men chuckle, she turned to give them a smile. "I still haven't forgotten about that joke," she said pointing an accusing hoof in their direction. "But it'll have to wait till Arron heals..." she pouted as she sat on her haunches in front of the register. "I still haven't been able to give you guys a proper welcome to Ponyville party either," she sighed in lament. "No thanks to Twilight..." They heard her mutter as she opened the drawer on the register to count the bits inside. Dave and his brother were about to strike up a conversation when Mr. Cake burst from the kitchen. He was wearing two large saddlebags filled with boxes of confections. "Pinkie Pie," he said. "I need to drop the morning deliveries off, so could you go back into the kitchen and wait for the muffins to finish baking and put in the next batch." "Aye, aye, Mr. Cake," pinkie replied with a salute. She trotted to the kitchen as Mr. Cake headed out the door where his cart awaited him. The brothers heard the cart roll down the street, as Mr. Cake was off to begin his morning rounds. They even heard him audibly check off the list of the shops where he needed to make his first stops. Arron couldn't help but smile as the sound of the cart accompanied by trotting hooves vanished in the distance. "Are these ponies always like this," Dave asked his brother. Arron shrugged. "I honestly don't know, I mean the show doesn't cover all of the goings on, it mostly focuses on the main six." Dave looked puzzled. "Who, are the main six?" Arron rolled his eyes as he listed the ponies the show focused on the most. "Alright," Dave said. "I get that Pinkie, Twilight and the others are important, but can you tell me anything else that might help us get us back home?" If I'm going to be stuck here for a while I'd better have Arron tell me everything he knows about this place, Dave thought as he listened to his brother's discourse. Dave started laughing when Arron finally finished. "Elements of harmony," he cried as he laughed. "Sounds like such a preconceived plot line!" "I think you mean an ill conceived plot device," Arron corrected. "Whatever," Dave said. "So, Pinkie is the holder of one of these plot devices?" "Yep," Arron replied. "She's the wielder of the element of laughter." Both men turned when they heard Pinkie Pie let out a huge gasp. She ran out of the kitchen and through the door so fast she was nothing more than a pink blur. "What was that about?" Arron shook his head. "I have no idea. I've pretty much given up on trying to figure her out since the party of one episode back in season two," he said as he took one last gulp of his orange juice and got up to leave. "I'm heading to the clinic to get this thing changed," he pointed to the spot where his wound was located. Dave nodded to his brother and hoisted his glass. "Get back soon, bro, you're the one with the money." Arron waved to his brother and went out the door. "I'll be back!" Dave shook his head when he heard Arron do his Arnold impersonation. He's going to drive these ponies crazy, I just know it, he thought with a chuckle. Pinkie Pie galloped through the castle the sound of her hooves on the crystalline floor echoed through the halls. She didn't even slow down as she burst through the library entrance startling Twilight who dropped the book she was shelving. "Pinkie," Twilight exclaimed. "Don't go startling ponies like that!" She picked up the book off the floor levitating it with her magic she put it on the shelf. "And why are you here so early anyway?" Pinkie Pie was struggling to catch her breath. Her heavy gasps made Twilight even more curious than she already was. "Don't tell me," Twilight said. "Pinkie sense?" Pinkie shook her head. "No, well yes, but that's not the reason I came here!" She stopped to take another breath. "Those guys are after my plot," she exclaimed as she quickly sat on her haunches and covered her flank with her forehooves, as she looked around the room as if some pony were after her. Twilight rolled her eyes. "Pinkie no pony is after your plot," she shook her head and blushed. "And why are you even talking about this?" Twilight demanded as her face flushed in anger instead of embarrassment. "No Twilight," Pinkie Pie declared as she galloped over to Twilight and pushed her down against the floor. They were muzzle to muzzle as Pinkie's eyes narrowed. "I heard Dave and his brother talking..." she whispered. "I heard them say they were going to put a device in my plot!" Twilight's face went bright red as she pushed Pinkie off her. "Pinkie," Twilight yelled. "I've been around Dave for days and I know for a fact he's not after your plot and I don't think Arron is either! Now would you please get off me and stop spouting nonsense!" Pinkie's face contorted into one full of disdain and disbelief. She let Twilight get up but she wasn't about to give up on trying to convince Twilight the men were bad news. "No, Twilight I know what I heard! And what I heard made me come here and tell you that you should watch your plot!" She got right next to Twilight and put a hoof up to hide her muzzle. "You should be on guard around those guys Twilight... they might be after your plot too. I heard them talking about the elements of harmony, so you might want to warn Rarity and the others..." Twilight backed away and rubbed her muzzle with a hoof. This is ridiculous, she thought. How can Pinkie Pie even think that that about Arron and Dave, I mean Dave has a fiancée for crying out loud! "Listen Pinkie I think you must have misheard them—" Twilight wasn't able to even finish her sentence as Pinkie glared at her and slowly shook her head as she clicked her teeth. "I'm warning you Twi, those two are up to no good. I mean anypony who tells a better joke than me must be absolutely diabolical," she pointed a hoof at Twilight. "Mark my words Twilight you'd better watch your flank or else!" Twilight rolled her eye. "Fine," she lamented. "I'll watch my flank." "Promise me Twilight," Pinkie said again getting into the alicorn's face. "Alright, Pinkie I promise—" "No, no, no, Twilight you have to Pinkie Promise!" Twilight groaned in frustration. "Cross my heart hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye," Twilight reluctantly recited as she went through the motions. Arron was enjoying the early morning air as he headed to Ponyville hospital. Everything looks cartoony but it still smells like home, he thought with a smile. As he got to the Ponyville fountain he noticed a pink pony coming towards him. His smile turned into a frown when he saw the expression on her muzzle. OK... that's not the least bit strange, he thought. Pinkie Pie's hair was deflated and she was grinding her teeth as she headed back to Sugar Cube Corner. Those, dastardly dudes are just too dastardly so... so... "Oh, darnit, I can't think straight!" She yelled in frustration. She quickly clamped her hooves over her mouth. I hope no pony heard that, she thought. "What's wrong, Pinkie," Arron asked as he walked up to the perturbed party pony. He got to one knee and waited for an answer. Ohnoohnoohno, Pinkie's mind was a jumbled mess, even more so than normal. I wonder if this is what Pinky's mind is like, how does Brain not go bonkers? She shook her head to clear it. "Hi, Arron," Pinkie said, with a nervous laugh. "What's wrong Pinkie," Arron said again. "Nothing's wrong," she quipped looking around nervously. Now I know something's wrong, Arron thought. "You're lying—" "No, I'm not," Pinkie interrupted as she got back to all four hooves and trotted past him. Arron sighed and got to his feet. "I'm sorry Pinkie," he said over his shoulder. Pinkie stopped in her tracks, she turned around and noticed that Arron was walking a bit slower and his shoulder were slumped. Oh, no... I made him feel bad, but I don't make ponies... or people feel bad, I'm Pinkie Pie, her thoughts only made her feel guilty. "I took his smile..." She said aloud as her mane started taking on a gray tone. "I have to make this right," she said as her mane returned to its wild pink color. "Arron wait up," She said as she trotted beside him. "I'm sorry... I didn't mean to hurt your feelings it's just ever since you've arrived I think I've been a teeny bit jealous." Arron went wide eyed and then he laughed, then seethed. "Stop making me laugh Pinkie, that hurts," he said, placing his hand over his wound. Pinkies Pie's ears drooped. "I'm sorry Arron." Arron shook his head, "Stop apologizing Pinkie, I'm alright... and," he said as he placed a hand on top of Pinkie's head making her ears perk back up as a smile adorned her muzzle. "I think it's rather cute that you're jealous of me. I've been told I should become a comedian, but I've never pursued it, as I prefer writing." Pinkie Pie lowered her head to hide her blushed cheeks, when they returned to their normal hue she closed her eyes and gave Arron the biggest smile she could muster. "Thank you Arron!" She cried as she galloped off toward Sugar Cube Corner. Crazy horse, Arron thought as he took off his cap and ran his hand over his hair. He placed his cap atop his head and began whistling one of his favorite tunes as he walked to the hospital. The Pegasai sounded the trumpets at the changing of the colors as well as the changing of the guard. Princess Luna had lowered the moon and Celestia had just raised the sun but neither one of the alicorn princesses were able to perform their normal duties. "Luna, are you sure you don't need to get some sleep," Celestia asked her younger sister. "Nay, how canst I sleep whilst I know there are such strangers in Ponyville," Luna retorted followed by a yawn. Celestia chuckled and shook her head. "Twilight reassured me that the visitors are not a threat, and one of them was hurt saving Rainbow Dash." Luna squinted and snorted at this. "Dost thou think Princess Twilight might be taking her duties a bit too seriously, sister?" Cilestia thought for a moment. "You don't know Twilight like I do, Luna," she said with a smile. "I'm certain my former student knows what she's doing, and if she thinks these men mean us no harm, then, yes, I do believe her." Luna even with her sister's reassurances the Lunar Princess wasn't entirely convinced. Not wanting to press the matter she gave Celestia a curt nod and trotted off to her room. Luna breathed a sigh of relief when she closed the door behind her. Her bed looked very tempting as she was rather tired from the nights watch. Instead of laying down she used her magic to throw open her dark curtains to let the mornings light fill her room. She stood in front of her window allowing the golden rays to re-energize and invigorate her. Why did we ever want the night to rule all, she thought as she took another deep breath that swept away all of the grogginess she was feeling. The sun feels so good. She shook her head to force the dark thoughts away. "Now that I'm feeling awake I need to get to work," Luna said aloud as she trotted over to her desk, pulled out a fresh scroll, uncorked the bottle of ink and began to write. Dear Twilight Sparkle, Our sister hath informed us of the newest arrivals in Ponyville. Although our sister wanted us to keep it a secret, we have decided to inform thee that we shalt be in Ponyville this evening to meet these strangers. We know that Celestia trusts thy judgment, but we have misgivings about these men... as thou callest them. Please prepare thine guests for our arrival. Sincerely, Princess Luna P.S. Don't tell our sister that we told thee about our visit... please Luna looked over her hoofwork and levitated the quill back into the ink bottle. We feel it needs something, she thought as she re-read her letter. She picked her quill back out of the ink bottle but decided that it was good enough. After placing the quill down on her desk and putting the cork back on the bottle she rolled up the scroll, tied a dark blue ribbon around the parchment and stamped the ribbon with her silver seal, then sent it on its way. The letter vanished in a puff of blue and white smoke. Luna got back to all fours and stretched a bit before looking at her inviting bed. A few hours sleep won't hurt us, she thought as she closed her curtains and jumped into the half moon shaped bed. It wasn't long before the Moon Princess was fast asleep. The ponies were looking on in wonder as they watched Arron and Dave work as they sat at the table in the far corner of Sugar Cube Corner's dining room. I was hoping we wouldn't attract so much attention, Dave thought annoyed as several ponies stood a few feet away gawking. How can Arron be so calm with an audience like this? Arron felt his brother staring at him so he glanced up from what he was doing and smirked. "You'll get used to it," Arron said. "It took awhile but I'm used to being stared at." Dave rolled his eyes. I certainly hope I'm not here long enough that I'll have to get used to it, he thought. Dave glanced at the huge sets varied colored eyes. Now, that's not the least bit disturbing. Dave concentrated harder on the task at hand so he wouldn't be distracted by all of the onlookers. "Can you hand me another mag, Arron," he asked his brother. "This one is full." Dave placed the full magazine on top of the stack that were also fully loaded. Arron took one of the empties and handed it to Dave. "Here," Arron said as Dave grabbed the steel AR magazine out of his hand. "This really is a pain." Dave nodded. "Why did you have to buy all of these steel mags?" Arron shrugged. "Because, they were cheap," he said, Dave said the same thing but in a mocking manner. Arron frowned as he gave his brother a menacing glare, which Dave completely ignored. Arron's glare turned into a thoughtful smirk. "When we're doing this, it actually feels like we're home." Dave shuddered at his brother's remark. "Now, that's a scary thought." Arron was too distracted by the sound of the bell that jingled ever time a pony entered. Twilight trotted over to the two men, the small gathering of ponies cleared the path allowing the princess easy access to her charges. "Hay, guys," Twilight cheerily greeted the pair. Her muzzle became puzzled at what she was seeing. There were stacks of flat black banana like things stacked up on the table and there were several boxes that contained strange looking objects. "What are those," she asked a bit too loudly, though the ponies standing around were muttering amongst themselves that they were also interested in what the men were doing, though Twilight didn't have any qualms about asking. Dave face palmed. Here we go, he thought. Twilight put her foot in it this time, or hoof, or whatever. Arron was grinning from ear to ear at her question. "This,"— he said holding up one of the black things. —"is a magazine, it holds thirty two, two, three, or five, five six rounds." Arron put the magazine on the table and pulled one of the rounds out of the box so she could get a better look at it. "Well," Twilight said bewildered. "That sounds impressive, but I have no idea what you're talking about." Arron frowned, "Apparently not," he said resting his chin on his fist and rolling the round between the fingers of his other hand. Arron used his thumb and flipped the ammo into the air before catching it again he said, "Alright first things first, I'll have to explain the basic principles." Dave rolled his eyes as Twilight clapped her hooves in applause. "Oh, an explanation! I love explanations!" For the next half hour Arron captivated Twilight and most of the ponies with his knowledge of firearms and ammunition. He even told them how he reloads all of the spent shells. He went on to explain that firearms weren't just weapons of war but they were used for hunting which nopony liked very much. Then he told them about the different sporting completions like I.D.P.A, I.P.S.C. and Three Gun. After his rather lengthy explanation he stopped for a while to stretch his legs as he and Dave took the fully loaded magazines to the car. Dave got back to Sugar Cube Corner first. "Dave," Twilight exclaimed in eager anticipation. "Can you tell me the different powders you use to fill the cases?" "Sorry, Twilight," Dave said sitting down. "I just shoot the ammo, I don't make it—" "You'll have to excuse my brother, Twilight,—" Arron said as he interrupted his brother and sat down across from him. Twilight took a seat next to the more knowledgeable of the pair. "Dave's... ballistically challenged." Dave folded his arms and started to nod, "Yep—" then his mouth went agape as he understood that his brother was insulting him. Dave pounded his fists on the table startling every pony as he stood up. "I am not ballistically challenged," he yelled in retort. "Oh, no" Arron said with a smirk. "Then why is it your little snub nose thirty eight doesn't grow into a nice full size five inch nineteen eleven." "That's because of the medication I was on," Dave cried. "And my barrel is much bigger than your pathetic five inch one, I'll have you know!" "I didn't need to know that," Arron sarcastically replied. "And your barrel might be longer but mine is cold hammer forged," he bragged with a grin. "I'm confused," Twilight said rubbing the back of her head with a hoof. "I thought we were talking about ammunition and now you're talking about guns." Arron and Dave ignored the pony princess. "I'll get back to that in a moment Twilight," Arron told her. "First I need to teach my little brother proper firearm etiquette!" "I think I know how to properly handle my gun thank you," Dave sarcastically replied. "I don't doubt it," Arron shot back "And if you keep oiling and rubbing it the way you do, eventually you'll wear the finish off, then the corrosion will set in." Dave was turning red in the face. I don't know if he's angry or embarrassed, Arron thought. "I don't clean my gun nearly as often as you do!" Dave yelled. Arron ignored his brother's outcry and turned to Twilight. "You see Twilight," Arron said. "There are times when a snub nose thirty eight stays a snub nose thirty eight, and because of its shorter barrel the bullet loses its velocity faster... and the further out the target, the less impact the bullet will have." Arron glanced over at his brother and gave him a conniving grin before turning back to Twilight who was madly writing this all down. "That's why a snub nose thirty eight is considered a wimpy gun compared to the mighty nineteen eleven or even one of the more modern four inch polymer guns." "This is so fascinating," Twilight chirped as she wrote. "I never knew there was so much to learn about ballistics!" Dave was turning beet red. I think he's about to blow his stack or better yet... load, Arron thought as he broke out in laughter causing his side to hurt but he ignored the pain as his brothers face was just priceless. Just to make matters even more humorous Arron heard several male ponies in the restaurant also break out in laughter. "I can't believe it," one of the stallions cried. "Twilight doesn't realize they aren't talking about guns at all!" "Look," Another stallion cried. "Dave's face is turning the same color as big Mac's coat!" "That's it I've had enough!" Dave yelled as he got up and stormed out of the restaurant. "What's wrong with him?" Twilights question only caused the stallions to laugh even harder. "What'd I miss!" Pinkie Pie yelled as she ran from the kitchen. Her muzzle and coat were covered in white batter. That was it most of the stallions were laughing so hard they were crying. Arron was having a rather hard time breathing. "I don't get it," Twilight said looking around at the herd of laughing ponies. "Arron was talking about guns and ballistics, how is that funny?" A black coated pegasus with a bowling cutie mark managed to choke out an answer. "Twilight," Thunder Lane said taking a deep breath in order to settle himself down. "The conversation might of started that way, but trust me they in the end that's not what they were talking about!" Arron regained his composure. "It's alright Twilight, if you don't get it," he said reassuring the confused looking alicorn. "If you say so," Twilight said with a shrug. Pinkie Pie glared in Arron's direction. He could feel the party ponies anger even from across the room. Don't worry Pinkie I'll explain what happened, though I doubt you'll like it, Arron thought hoping Pinkie would be able to tell what he was thinking. Arron watched in disbelief as Pinkie's anger vanished in an instant. "Okie, dookie, lokie," she said bouncing back into the kitchen. Is she psychic, Arron thought. Nay, she's just Pinkie Pie, being Pinkie Pie. With the more humorous stuff over, Arron got back into a more serious conversation with Twilight. He answered most of her questions, but there were things she asked that even he didn't know. Arron was telling Twilight all of the names of the powders he used when Spike ran through the door. "Twilight, Twilight," Spike cried running over to her carrying a rolled up scroll in his claws. "This came for you this morning." Twilight used her magic to take the scroll from her assistant's grasp. She broke the silver seal, pulled off the blue ribbon and started reading the contents. Her eyes went ever wider as she read. "Ohnoohnoohno," Twilight exclaimed. "This is bad this is very bad!" She looked at Spike with an aggravated expression on her muzzle. "Spike why are you just giving me this now!" "I'm sorry Twilight," Spike apologized still trying to catch his breath and wipe the sweat off his brow. "It was actually Owlishous who found it and was trying to give it to me but I was trying to put the books away from last night's reading session. I kept shoeing him away until I was all done, that's why—" "Alright Spike what's done is done," Twilight said getting up from her seat. "Arron would you please come with me," Arron pointed at himself and Twilight nodded, so Arron shrugged and got to his feet. "And Spike," she said turning to her dragon. "Would you please go and tell Applejack and the others to meet me at the castle in two hours?" "Aye, aye, Twilight," Spike said with a salute. Twilight put out a hoof to try and stop him but he was already out the door. "Pinkie Pie," Twilight said. Pinkie Pie poked her head out the kitchen door. "Yes, Twilight?" "Can you please meet me at the castle in two hours?" Twilight was more pleading than asking. Pinkie gave her a smile. "Can do princess," she ecstatically exclaimed before disappearing back into the kitchen. Twilight turned to Arron and was about to say something, but she was interrupted by Pinkie Pie's cries emanating from the kitchen. "Gummie! I said red sprinkles, not green!" "Arron," Twilight said. "Please come with me." The princess of friendship left Sugar Cube Corner with the man in tow. They met Dave on the way back to the castle. Even though he was still rather upset with his brother he still decided to accompany them.