Robotic Stallion Big Lugnut

by Hooves Like Jagger

Finale: Lugnut

"Ya asked to see me, Mr. Mulch?" Applejack asked the distinguished stallion as he relaxed on the veranda of his lavish country estate. Mulch tipped his pure, white stetson up and peered at his employee.

"Why I say yes I did Ms. Applejack, yes I did. Now, I was wishin' to speak tuh y’all 'bout the little deal we made a day or so ago," Mulch drawled. Applejack didn't know what he was talking about, but she didn't dare show it on her face. She kept quiet, waiting for Mulch to continue on his own like he's prone to. "Now I went and pulled some strings, I did, and by now you probably noticed the rather large crowd of stallions lined up outside the western fields. Ms. Applejack, can you venture a guess, I say, take a gander at why those stallions are lined up way over thar?"

"Does it have somethin' to do about what I said about the boulder that fell and smashed the fence down there?" Applejack guessed. She could hope the answer was no, but Mulch was the type of pony who went and did whatever he pleased.

"I say, Ms. Applejack, I say not only does it have somethin' tuh do wit what you said, but it in fact, I say, in fact has everythin' to do wit what you said."

"I appreciate your concern Mr. Mulch, but I'm not gonna marry any of the stallions down there."

"On the contrary, Ms. Applejack, I say you said that you'd marry the stallion who could move that there boulder off the fence without a single piece, I say, a single piece of rope. I said to you 'I say Ms. Applejack, I say, can I hold you to that?' to which you responded, 'Yes Mr. Mulch, you can.' So, can I hold you to it, Ms. Applejack?"

"You kin hold me to it alright. The stallion who can move that boulder ain't down there, so I'm afraid your effort has been wasted," Applejack retorted. It was true, she had said she'd marry whoever could move the enormous boulder unaided could have her hoof in marriage, but that was only to get Mr. Mulch off her back. Ever since she arrived and started working, he'd been pushing her to get married. His concern was fueled by a promise he’d made to Applejack’s father before he died. The two had been good friends, so the late Mr. Apple made his good friend agree to see that his children are well off should anything happen to him. Mr. Mulch considered seeing Applejack married to somepony who could provide for her as the best means to assure her wellbeing. Mr. Mulch had told somepony back down in Tombsaddle about what she'd said and the poor stallion had tried to move the boulder all on his lonesome. There was no doubt in Applejack's mind that Mr. Mulch had been inspired by the event to find a way to get all these stallions out here to try their hooves at the boulder.

There was an iota of truth in Applejack's claim though. She did know of one pony in particular who could roll the boulder away. If he were to show up, the story would be different.

"Well I'm sure, I say, I'm sure somepony down there must be up to the task. I put out the call tuh as many towns as I could. News may have even reached so far, I say, as far as your hometown of Ponyville." Applejack perked up an ear to that point.

"Ponyville? No kiddin'?"

"Ms. Applejack, I am no kidder I assure you of that." Mulch stood up and began to walk down into the fields. "Come now Ms. Applejack. You oughta make an appearance for the boys since they went through all the trouble of comin' all the way, I say, all the way down to Tombsaddle for your sake."

"Yeah, I'd like to see who turned out." Applejack followed Mulch down into the wheat fields. For the past three weeks, she'd been working the wheat fields Mulch owned. She felt bad about leaving Ponyville and not telling anypony about it, but she knew she had to leave while she had in in her. The moment seemed just right before arriving at the concert, so she told Applebloom to go on without her and headed back home. She packed up a few personal items and got on a train. She'd gotten lucky and found work quickly. Her fame on the rodeo circuit made Mulch recognize her when he saw her in town and his relationship with her father made him approach her. When Applejack told him she needed work, he instantly offered her a job in his fields. Room and board was included, so Applejack decided it would be something to do until she figured out what she really wanted to do.

Of course, what she really wanted was to go back to Ponyville and Sweet Apple Acres. Since that wasn't possible, she had resigned to figure something else out. She had no plans yet because her homesickness clouded her thoughts whenever she tried to think of what she wanted.

"Now, look at all these fine chaps! All lined up out in the hot, I say, simply blisterin' sun!" Mulch pointed out. Applejack and Mulch were meandering up the line, looking over all the ponies who'd come out to try their hooves at the challenge. As Applejack approached the ponies in line, they'd perk up and pretend like the heat wasn't getting to them. All of the stallions were pretty strong looking, and most of them probably worked on or own a farm themselves. None of them stood out, except one.

"I say, aren't you hot in that mister?" Mulch and Applejack stopped next to a pony draped in a dark cloak that covered him from his face to his hindquarters. He was audibly panting and sweat was dripping down his chin.

"Just a little," the pony grunted. Applejack didn't feel like talking to the strange pony, but Mulch seemed rather taken by the stallion.

"Maybe you oughta take it off then. It ain't proper, I say, just not smart to go around like that in this heat," Mulch pointed out.

"I think I'll keep it on," the stallion persisted.

"You're gonna burn up and run outta energy before y’all get yer chance to move the boulder," Mulch tried to reason with the stallion, but he still refused to budge on the issue.

"No, no, this heat is nothing! I'll be fine," the stallion kept on. Mulch laughed heartily at the stallion’s foolhardy and pointless pursuit.

"Let's go Mr. Mulch, plenty other stallions to see," Applejack tried to urge Mulch away from the cloaked stallion.

"I like this colt, I say I like this stallion here for he is an interesting piece of work. Tell me son, do you think y’all stand a chance to move that there rock?" Mulch questioned.

"Uh... move the- oh right! Move the rock! Oh, I don't know if I'll be able to do it. I'm not that strong," the stallion admitted without hesitation.

"Well, if that's the case then you oughta save yourself the trouble, I say save yourself the disappointment and just step out of line."

"Well, I can't just give up can I? I came all the way out here, I might as well try," the stallion persisted.

"Where do you come from son?" Mulch inquired of the cloaked stallion.

"Uh... I come... from," the stallion mumbled. Applejack couldn't get over how suspicious this pony was acting. "Stalliongrad! That is where I come from!" the stallion declared his answer loud enough to be heard several ponies up and down the line.

"Good golly Miss Molly! That is a long way to come! I say, I didn't expect the news to get out so far! What do you think, Ms. Applejack? A pony all the way from Stalliongrad and it's because of you!" Applejack didn't answer Mulch's question. She had one of her own for the cloaked stallion.

"You got a name par'dner?"

"Of course I have a name!" the stallion explained. Mulch and Applejack waited, but the stallion didn't say anything further.

"Uh, wanna tell us what it is?" Applejack prodded further.

"I guess I can tell you what my name is. It's just my name, right? The one my parents gave me when I was born. Like, when my mother was at the hospital with my dad and then I was there afterwards and they gave me the name that I have because that is how all ponies get their names!" the stallion rambled, dancing around the question like a two-ton ballerina.

"Spit it out!" Applejack shouted, already at her wit's end.

"Right! My name is Boulder...buck... Boulderbuck... that is my name, Boulderbuck," the pony finally confessed.

“Well, I wish you luck today Mr. Boulderbuck. I say, we oughta be getting’ this contest underway.”

“It’s ‘bout time!” somepony yelled from the back of the line. Applejack and Mulch proceeded to the front of the line. Nopony else in line acted or looked as suspicious as Boulderbuck.

Applejack didn’t pay any attention to Mulch’s opening speech as he greeted everypony who came down to try their hooves at moving the boulder. She didn’t notice when the first few stallions began struggling against the boulder. Applejack knew Lugnut wasn’t among them, so there was no way one of the stallions out there was capable of moving the boulder. She wasn’t bothered by the prospect of being forced to get hitched to some stranger because there was no stranger who could mount the feat.

As the day got hotter, the line got shorter. Despite Mulch’s encouragement and high hopes, even he was beginning to lose faith in the remote possibility that somepony would show up and even budge the rock an inch.

“Ms. Applejack… did you say you know somepony who could move, I say, has the strength to push that there stone?” Mulch asked. Applejack nodded.

“Just one,” Applejack confirmed. If knews got as far out as Ponyville, or Stalliongrad for that matter, she began to wonder why Lugnut wasn’t here. If he cared at all, he should be here if he knew what was going on. Applejack assumed that word hadn’t reached Ponyville. If it had, she imagined more ponies than Lugnut would show up.

“Well, good to see you again Mr. Boulderbuck!” Mulch greeted the cloaked pony. Applejack looked up at the stallion, who was panting and sweating profusely at this point. “The best of luck to you-“

“Outta my way! Hey, let me through!” Mulch was cut short by a commotion starting at the back of the line.

“What in tarnation,” Applejack muttered under her breath. The voice sounded familiar, distant but familiar.

“Excuse me, excuse me, outta my way, excuse me.” Applejack and Mulch turned to see the bearded stallion who was quickly muscling his way to the front of the line. The grass colored and ivy maned pony looked unfamiliar at first, but once he was close enough for Applejack to see his violet eyes, she recognized him.

“Lugnut?”

“Hold on, be right with you,” Lugnut trotted right on by. Applejack stole a glance at his flank, noting the barrel overflowing with apples that was emblazoned upon it. Applejack stopped believing her ears and eyes. The fully realized Lugnut had just walked on by and was now getting in position before the rock.

“Lugnut! What’re you doin’?” Applejack asked. She had a million other questions, but that’s just the one that seemed appropriate at the moment.

“I’m just doing what has to be done.” Lugnut pushed the cloaked pony aside and assumed the pole position in the line.

“Okay, that’s fine,” Boulderbuck assented, cowering in his cloak and backing into the stallion behind him.

“You all might wanna stand back,” Lugnut warned. Lugnut lined his shoulders up with the center of the massive rock. The protests from further down the line ceased and the entire field was quiet. The only sound was wind rustling through the wheat and Lugnut scraping his hoof along the ground. When the air was as charged as it could be, Lugnut moved. He spun on his front hooves as he reared his hind legs up into a chambered position.

With one buck, Lugnut shattered the boulder. Everypony looked on at the pile of rubble that had once been a mighty rock, and then turned to look at the pony who caused the destruction as he stood triumphantly beside it.

“Nopony is marrying Applejack while I have anything to say about it,” Big Lugnut decreed. Nopony else said a word. All eyes were on Applejack as she strode up to Lugnut. The mare and the stallion locked eyes.

“Big Lug…”

“Yeah?”

Applejack bucked Lugnut square in the chest. Lugnut grunted in pain, but Applejack winced on impact. In her fury she’d forgotten she was bucking a pony with iron bones. She sucked up the pain and proceeded to yell at Lugnut.

“What in blue blazes was that?”

“What do you mean? I’m rescuing you!” Lugnut attempted to explain himself.

“Lugnut, yer the biggest idiot I’ve ever known an’ I hate yer guts!”

“W-w-w-what?”

“Y’all heard me! I hate you. I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!” Applejack stamped the ground with every declaration of hate.

“Why?” Lugnut pleaded. Applejack glared up at him with enough malice to freeze his soul.

“Why? Why?! Why didn’t you push the rock yerself?” Applejack growled.

“Huh?”

“Answer the question!”

“Because I had to break the rock!” Lugnut attempted to explain. “If I got rid of the rock, then nopony here could marry you!”

“Is that it? Is that the only reason why?” Applejack asked, her anger appearing to subside a little.

“Yes! That’s the only reason why,” Lugnut assured her. Instead of exploding like she did earlier, Applejack began to tear up. Lugnut began to panic as he attempted to reason out what was going on.

“So… *sniff*… you don’t wanna marry me?” Lugnut’s brain did a backflip.

“Waitwaitwaitwait, nonononononono! I didn’t say that!” At this point, the line had turned into a crowd and said crowd was watching Big Lugnut and Applejack with baited breath.

“Then what do you want?” Applejack sobbed.

“I want to take you back to Ponyville!” Big Lugnut hadn’t accounted for this in his master plan, so he was starting to panic a little as Applejack continued to cry.

“I can’t go back!” she protested. “There’s no room for me there!”

“I fixed that!” Lugnut tried to explain. Applejack sniffled and glared at him.

“Whaddya do? Kidnap Fluttershy?”

“What? No! I expanded the farm!” Applejack still looked skeptical, and sad, but mostly skeptical.

“Lugnut… that would take money we don’t have,” Applejack reminded him. “And I know you don’t have money.”

“I do now! I went back where I came from! I uncovered two more iron ponies, and Professor Pants paid me for finding them!”

“Professor… Pants?”

“It’s a long story, but I did it. Big Macintosh says he’s never seen a farm so big, and he’s going to need the best applebucker he knows to help out.” Applejack’s expression brightened. She could go home. She could return to the life she knew and loved. She never dreamed it could happen again. Everything was nearly perfect.

“That still doesn’t explain why ya didn’t move the boulder!” Applejack reiterated.

“If you married somepony else, you wouldn’t come back to Ponyville!” Lugnut attempted to explain once more. Applejack still wasn’t satisfied.

“What if somepony from Ponyville moved the rock?” Applejack attempted to lead him towards the point she was getting at.

“Nopony else from Ponyville is here. The task was given to me to bring you back. Everypony wants you to come back, Applejack.” As happy as Applejack was to hear that Lugnut was part of a group effort to bring her home, she should have known Lugnut was too dense to be lead on. She sighed, deciding to go with the direct route.

“Lugnut, before I left there was somethin’ I wanted to talk to you about, remember?” she asked. Lugnut nodded, recalling the loss of his voice postponed the conversation. “I wanted to ask if you wanted to go with me on a date.”

“Uh… a date?”

“You heard me.” Lugnut knew what she was saying, implications and all. He only wondered if she knew what she was saying.

“Like… me and you… and… romantic interest… and… with me?” Applejack nodded. “But back then… I was still-“

“Covered in metal? Ya, I know,” Applejack interrupted.

“That didn’t bother you?” Applejack smiled up at Lugnut disarmingly.

“Of course it bothered me, but just because a small part of the pony I love bothers me doesn’t mean I should stop loving him.” Lugnut didn’t respond. His heart was pounding, his head was spinning, and his ears were ringing. “So if I had asked you, would you have said yes?”

“Yes? Yes… yes! Of course I would have said yes! How could I say no? But you just said-“

“I know what I said,” Applejack interrupted. "Now you have to tell me why you would’ve said yes. Tell me why you’d give up your own money for my sake. Tell me why you were the one that came out here to get me back.” Big Lugnut swallowed the lump in his throat. Applejack’s eyes attracted his eyes like magnets. He remembered the night they went to Canterlot. Now he needed to confess what he’d decided that night. He leaned in close to Applejack.

“… I can’t. Everypony is watching,” Lugnut whispered. Applejack looked around, realizing for herself what she had said in front of so many ponies. She blushed and turned back to Lugnut, pushing the crowd of stallions into the back of her mind.

“Hey! I said it in front of everypony, so it’s only fair if you do too!” Applejack had Big Lugnut cornered. Lugnut decided it would be best to just come out and say it.

“I love you,” he divulged. Applejack smiled smugly.

“Was that so hard?”

“Yes.” Lugnut nodded, taking a sigh of relief. “But it’s true.”

“I don’t doubt that. You do know that you could have pushed the rock and we would’ve gotten married, right?” Applejack asked once more. Big Lugnut could finally see where she was going. “So what’s the matter, don’t want to get married?”

“No, I do. I just didn’t want you to marry me just because I pushed some dumb rock,” Lugnut confessed. There was a collective “Aww” from the crowd as Applejack’s smile ran away from her face. Her anger, confusion, and sadness melted away. All that remained was the realization she could go back home with the pony she loved, the pony who loved her back. Applejack realized all eyes were on her, waiting for the next question. There were no questions remaining. All that remained was to go home and give the story a happy ending.

“Mr. Mulch… I quit. I’m going to go collect my things,” Applejack stated as she headed back towards the house. She looked back and beckoned for Lugnut to follow her. Lugnut grinned, happy to comply. As the pair departed, Mulch and the other stallions cheered and stomped, all the stallions except one.

Boulderbuck wandered up to the remains of the rock Lugnut had effectively wasted. He remorsefully prodded one of the smaller pieces of rubble with his hoof. He picked up the rock and brought it close to his face.

“Adieu, mon amour.”

___________________

“An’ that’s the last thing y’all remember before you woke up all hairy instead of metal-ly?” The train continued to rumble down the tracks towards Ponyville. Applejack and Big Lugnut sat across from one another in the comfort of their train car. The last of Celestia’s sun was setting outside their window as the scenery rushed by.

“Yep, it was pretty crazy. I thought I was having some sort of weird dream at first, but then Rainbow Dash hit me in the head with a bedpan.”

“Why did she go an’ do that?” Applejack chuckled, imagining the scene that had unfolded in the hospital room.

“I was panicking… more than I should have. Anyway, after coming to terms with my new body, the doctors made me hang around for a while to see if I was healthy.”

“Were you?”

“Well… sorta. I wasn’t sick, but I wasn’t normal,” Lugnut reluctantly admitted. He didn’t want to divulge the details of his five days in the hospital, but the look an Applejack’s face said she would love to hear the story. “Well, after I regained my voice I started sneezing up shards of metal. Now that my mouth and throat were uncovered, I started… throwing up metal.” Applejack winced at the thought.

“That sounds unpleasant.” It was needless to say, but she wanted to try and empathize.

“That’s only the beginning. I threw up metal, coughed up metal… got metal out of me… in other… ways.” Lugnut stopped there, allowing Applejack to use her imagination. Applejack took a moment to thank Celestia for her own health.

“Sorry, I should’ve been there for ya.” She wished she had been.

“That whole time in the hospital, everypony was coming to visit me and telling me how they missed me while I was gone. When I left Ponyville, I hadn’t given much thought to who’d be missing me.”

“You were always nice to everypony Big Lug,” Applejack reminded him. “Of course they missed you.”

“They’ve missed you too Applejack, and I know for a fact I missed you too.” Applejack smiled, fending off a tear or two at the thought of her friends being thrown off by her sudden disappearance. “When we heard where you were and what was happening, everypony said I had to go and get you back, so I did.”

“You did well Big Lug.” Applejack smiled and Lugnut smiled back. There was no more distance between them, physical or mental. They were of one mind.

“So, after all the searchin’ in the ruins and such, they still don’t know why Twilight was able to break that spell on ya?”

“I think that’ll remain a mystery until the end of time,” Lugnut admitted, even though he was a bit sore about it. He’d like to know exactly what had started him on the path to sentience.

“Got any wild guesses?” Applejack questioned. Lugnut pondered it for a moment.

“Nothing comes to mind. You got anything?” Applejack answered immediately.

“You saw me an’ fell in love with me.” She gave Lugnut the eyes and a smug smile. Lugnut didn’t look so certain of that.

“Do you even remember the first time we met?” Lugnut referred to the time he showed up on her doorstep. It was not a particularly fond memory for either party.

“Well if that wasn’t it, when did you decide you loved me?” Applejack prodded.

“Canterlot,” Big Lugnut revealed.

“Canterlot? My, didn’t take you long, did it?” Applejack chuckled. Big Lugnut wasn’t too keen of her making light of his decision.

“Well, what about you?” Big Lugnut questioned, hoping to get some revenge.

“I’d say shortly after y’all came back from hittin’ yer head.”

“Ah, so you only like stallions who hit their heads!” Lugnut thought he was on to something, but the look on Applejack’s face told him otherwise. They shared a laugh. After that passed, it got quiet. Only the rumbling of the train remained. The two ponies were left to just stare at one another, causing a question to arise in Big Lugnut’s head.

“How did you recognize me?”

“The eyes.”

“… That’s it?” Lugnut inquired.

“Thaaaat’s it,” Applejack confirmed. “The eye color tipped me off. What? Were you hoping I was going to say something different?”

“Well…”

“Yes, I just saw y’all comin’ up that line an’ I just knew it was you. My girlish heart swooned an’ everythin’,” she joked. Lugnut was embarrassed that he even considered the prospect. “Speakin’ of such, y’all need to ask me properly.”

“Ask you what properly?”

“Ask me to marry you,” Applejack explained, her frankness surprising Lugnut. “You didn’t think I was lettin’ ya git away without asking me properly, did you?”

“Did I even ask you improperly?” Applejack glared at him, telling him that wasn’t the issue at hand. “Well, don’t I need a ring or so-*hack*!” Lugnut stopped mid-sentence as he made a few bodily noises, causing Applejack a good deal of concern. When he was done, he reached into his mouth.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, just choking up this.” Lugnut held out his hoof and Applejack examined the contents.

“A lugnut?” Applejack looked at the spittle covered piece of hardware thoughtfully. “Seems appropriate. Ask me with that.” Lugnut stared at her for a moment.

“Seriously?” Applejack took another look at it.

“Yer right. Clean it off first,” Applejack suggested. That wasn’t what Big Lugnut meant, but he complied and rubbed the disgustingness off the makeshift ring. The fact remained that it used to be inside him.

“Why this?” Lugnut asked as he cleaned it off a bit more thoroughly. “I heard from Big Macintosh that mares prefer something a bit more… shiny.”

“Fancy baubles and gems are nice to look at, but that there has sentimental value,” Applejack explained. “It was a part of you once.” Lugnut understood, but he couldn’t help but feel it was still pretty weird. It was like Macintosh proposing to Fluttershy with his severed ear.

Lugnut wasn’t about to argue against it though. It wasn’t an ear, it was a piece of metal that kept him safe. He didn’t need it anymore, so if Applejack wanted it she could have it. He held it out to her and cleared his throat.

“Applejack, will you marry me?”

“That’ll do.” Applejack nodded and snatched up the nut, leaving Lugnut stunned.

“Uh… ‘that’ll do’… is that a yes or a no?” Applejack made a weird face at Lugnut, and then busied herself with examining her “ring”.

“I’m awful tired. I’m going to sleep,” Applejack announced.

“Can you answer the question first?” Applejack did not answer the question first. She reached over and turned off the lights in the cabin. “Uh… Applejack? I’m serious, can I get a-ack!” Something jumped on top of Lugnut. After a few moments of struggling, he discovered it was somepony.

“Applejack, what’re you-“

“Is there somethin’ you need?”

“W-what?”

“Need somethin’ pard’ner?”

“… No I’m fine.”

“Then be quiet.” Nothing further was said.