//------------------------------// // Chapter Sixteen - Ponyville's Crazy! // Story: Moving On // by Manitive //------------------------------// What a beautiful day. The bacon birds are singing a beautiful tune about meat, soaring through the sky without a care in the world. A slight breeze is carrying the sweet smell of bacon being fried in a pan, blowing through the ham-trees in the far distance. I laid myself down onto my back, relishing the feeling of salami slices caressing my naked back. I stretched on hand out, trying to grab the huge meatball above me that was the sun, but instead a bacon bird landed upon it. I smiled gently at the fleshy creature before lifting my other hand up and trapping the little thing in it. It didn't resist in the slightest as I led it down to my open mouth, taking bite after bit out of it until the little bird was no more. I chewed thoroughly, trying to enjoy the awesome taste as long as I could before having to swallow... "Hey Will, Squirt! Wake up!" A voice called, forcefully pulling me out of my beautiful dream. "Mhhhhnooo." I mumbled into the pillow, trying to shoo the motherfucker who destroyed my wonderful dream away with one of my hands. "Goawayyyyy..." Whoever woke me up had to be the worst being on the whole planet. Living for little over two months without eating any kind of meat made me have some really weird dreams, like the one above, but that doesn't mean that I didn't like them! "But Will, today's the day." The creature said again, shaking my shoulders forcefully with one of its appendages. I opened my eyes unwillingly, blinking up at none other than Rainbow Dash. "*yawn* You can wake me up when the world's made out of bacon." I told her sleepily, closing my tired eyes again and letting my body fall back down onto the mattress. Now that I was back in the world of the living (kind of) I discovered that, much to my relief, I had my boxers on. I didn't even know who dressed me, but I wasn't complaining. At least I wasn't totally naked anymore, that's what mattered. "What is a bacon?" "Eh, nothing special, only the best thing mankind ever invented." I told her, snuggling myself back into the bed and tugging at the blanket with one hand. A content smiled tugged at the corner of my lips when I found a comfortable position. "And now go, I wanna sleep." "But...!" "No buts, sleep." I said, cutting her off, pressing one finger to her lips to silence her. Then she bit into said finger. You know, even though ponies don't have a single sharp tooth, getting your finger bitten by one still hurts immensely. I jumped up with a totally manly shriek of pain, throwing the blanket off of me in the process. "OW! ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT, I'M AWAKE!!" "Hehe, good job Rainbow!" A new voice which turned out to be Scootaloo's said, giggling cutely from under the blanket which apparently landed on her. She threw the blanket off of her, doing a quick hoof bump with Rainbow. I almost forgot that she praised Rainbow for hurting me because of how cute she looked. "So that's how it is, Scoots? Allying with the enemy?" I asked her, putting on a mock-hurt face as I looked down to her. I lifted my hurt finger right into her face, showing her the deep wound Rainbow inflicted. "She hurt me, Scoots!" Scootaloo's giggling turned into full-blown laughter and Rainbow instantly joined, both of them rolling around on the bed, occasionally bumping against each other. Okay, maybe it was just a teeth mark, alright? It was painful, though! "Wow, you girls are really mean, you know that?" I lifted my hurt finger away from Scootaloo, giving her the best glare I could muster at that moment. She, of course, didn't see that. She and Rainbow continued laughing, much to my growing annoyance. There was only one way for me to teach them that no one makes fun of me. A mischievous grin tugged at the corner of my lips. In an act of perfect agility I threw myself at Rainbow, quickly pinning her down onto her back, holding both of her forelegs down by the sides of her head. She gasped, looking at me with big eyes, trying desperately to push me off with her hindlegs, but I was far too large and heavy. It was time for some revenge. Scootaloo had also stopped laughing, watching Rainbow and me intently with her two big magenta orbs. I knew that that mare wasn't going to give up without a fight, so as soon as she began struggling again I crossed her forelegs over her chest and held them in place with one hand, now completely shattering her hopes to get away from me. She was completely at my mercy, and she knew that. Boy did that feel good. I brought my hand that wasn't occupied over to her face, making a menacing claw motion with my fingers. Rainbow's eyes became even bigger, her expression turning into one of complete horror. She started chuckling nervously. "Ehehe, uhm, peace?" I smirked at her, flexing my fingers in a threatening manner. In one swift motion I brought my hands down onto the sensitive belly, digging my fingers deep into her soft cyan coat, tickling her without mercy. Rainbow tried to contain her laughter, clenching her teeth, but failed miserably at that as she soon broke out into a fit of laughter, trying everything to escape my assaulting hand and the unbreakable hold I had her in. The hooves of her hind legs scratched at my back, trying to kick me off with no success. Tears started to form at the corners of her eyes as I kept assaulting her vulnerable belly, tickling several different spots and testing her for her reaction to each one of them. While I'm already at it, why not find out where the weak spots of my enemy were? Maybe it'd prove out to be important later, who knows? I continued tickling her for at least two minutes, her laughter slowly dying. Scootaloo even joined me at some point, helping me at tickling the soul out of her small body with her hooves, even though that turned out to be kinda hard. Hooves aren't exactly good for tickling, they're too flat for that. Though I guess poking works just fine. But all good things have to come to an end at some point, as did this one by a certain someone who cleared her throat, making me stop mid assault. It was none other than Princess Celestia, looking at the three of us with a slightly amused expression on her face. I imagine it must've been quite the sight to behold. A half-naked human pinning down one of her subjects, tickling it to death? The mental image does look kinda silly, but I got my revenge, and that was all that mattered! "Having fun?" Celestia asked, raising and eyebrow at the three of us. "I guess you could call it that." I answered, nodding my head. "I think I'm dying..." Rainbow muttered, breathing heavily under me. I shook my head, a silly smile growing on my face, rolling off of her. "So, what's up Celestia?" I asked nonchalantly, sitting at the edge of the bed casually, seemingly unfazed by the fact that the ruler of a whole nation was standing in front of me. "Nothing at all, William. I wanted to ask you how you are feeling today." She said with a gentle smile. "I'm good. Well, I was feeling good until someone-" I shot the still heavily breathing Rainbow a glare, which she returned to her best abilities. "-decided to bite into my finger." I stood up from the bed, shrugging my shoulders. "Though I got my revenge for that, as you just saw." "Indeed." She said, that smile never leaving her face. I walked over to the chair (Have I told you guys yet that their chairs are freakin' small?) and picked up the clothes I was wearing yesterday, putting them on as fast as I could. I admit that I was a bit nervous standing half-naked in front of a princess. "How you doin'?" I asked her in return, trying to be polite. I pulled on the last piece of cloth and stretched myself, enjoying the feeling of my joints popping. "Oh, I'm feeling quite fine, thanks for asking. Though I'm afraid that the consequences of your arrival will soon change my mood quite a bit." She sighed. "The nobles will demand an explanation on why you're here and what you are, maybe even order me to send you away." Yeah, getting sent away after just arriving a day ago didn't really sound that good to me, especially since my future was in Equestria. "Will you?" I asked, uneasiness creeping itself into my tone. I held my breath, unbeknownst to me, as did Rainbow and Scootaloo, and my body went tense all of a sudden. "No, I won't." She assured me. "You did far too much for Twilight and her friends, so I definitely won't send you away because some snobby noble orders me to. You have my word." "Thank god..." I exhaled audibly, relaxing my tense body. Celestia gave me another comforting smile before turning her head to her left, frowning at the clock on the wall. She looked back at me, a slightly sad smile on her face. "I'm afraid that I have to leave now, duty calls." "It was nice meeting you, William, and I hope we can meet sometime again." She said, lightening up her horn. "If you need anything, just ask Twilight to sent me a letter. Me and my sister will do anything to help you start your new life." I nodded at her in a silent thank you. A moment later a bright white light appeared at the tip of her horn, and in an equally bright flash she was gone, leaving Rainbow, Scootaloo and an incredibly helpless me back in the hospital room. "Sooooo..." I started weirdly, breaking the awkward silence that reigned after the princess left. "What do we do now?" "Uh..." Scootaloo answered smartly, both her and Rainbow looking up at me with a equally helpless expressions. * * * * I hate getting stared at. That something I quickly learned about myself after I left the hospital room. I was on my way to the reception, with Rainbow and Scootaloo leading the way as I didn't exactly know where it was, when shit went crazy. At first everyone (or should I say everpony?) was staring at me with open mouths and wide eyes as soon as they lay eyes on me, stopping whatever they were doing, regardless if they were hospital staff or normal citizens, mares or stallions, fillies or colts. One half was visibly scared by my appearance, their forelegs shaking like they were about to dart away any second, while the other half wasn't scared at all but more...curious? Especially that one mint-green unicorn mare with the lyre tattoo on her butt that I saw in the lobby. Boy was that one scary! Leaving aside the fact that she sat in the chair like a human being would, the way she looked at my hands was enough to send shivers down my spine... I couldn't exactly pinpoint why, but the second I saw her my brain kept shouting at me to run for my life. But maybe my brain was, once again, in the wrong, right? Maybe she was actually really nice, or maybe she was just as curious as some other ponies? So I walked over to the reception to check out, smiling at the white earth pony mare who sat there, which, to my momentarily surprise, returned it in kind. But walking over to the reception (and not being cautious) had one disadvantage, which leads us to lesson number one in starting a new life in a completely alien world. Lesson No. 1: Never turn your back to an enemy, or in this case, a crazy pony. I was about to leave the hospital, Rainbow and Scootaloo in my tow, when something, or should I say someone, collided with my back, throwing me off balance and making me fall down onto the ground. Luckily I was somehow able to catch myself with my hands just in time, barely saving myself from kissing the marble floor with my face and possibly get sent right back to the hospital. I felt something invisible tugging at my body, and in a split second I came face to... uh, butt, with what was, no doubts, a mental ill pony. I blinked once, then twice. I felt my right hand being lifted up by that same invisible force, and before I could even struggle, something wet and warm trailed along my palm, moving its way up to my fingers, making me shudder in a mix of disgust and fright. I clenched my eyes shut and waited for her to start chewing off my hand with her flat teeth, but to my complete amazement, she didn't. She continued licking my right hand for what had to be a whole minute. 'Is she seriously licking my hand?' I asked myself, not sure how to react to what was happening. 'What the fuck is wrong with her?' '... The fuck is wrong with me? Why am I letting her do this? WHY AM I OKAY WITH THIS?' "Ehhhh... Will?" Rainbow's voice snapped me out of my thoughts, which made me realize that I was lying on the ground for quite some time with the unicorn licking my hands. "You...you okay there buddy?" I looked over to her, shaking my head slowly and mouthing the words 'help me'. She took that as her cue to push the crazy mare off of me, which in turn tried her best to stay on me, but after a few strong shoves on my Rainbow's side, was pushed off of me. She landed on the floor besides me, her legs flailing around wildly in an attempt to lodge themselves back onto my body. After that encounter I was sure to leave as soon as possible, leaving behind a drooling mess of a unicorn mare. * * * * Walking through that little town Rainbow and her friends called their home sure was a pain in the ass. Well, as an alien, that is. There were so, so many damn ponies, and it felt like every single one of them was staring at me. Actually, I'm pretty damn sure that everyone was staring at me. Maybe I would've been a lot calmer about all this if Scootaloo was still around, but she wasn't. She left to meet up with her friends, telling me something about crusading for their butt tattoos, or 'cutie marks', as they called them. Butt tattoos does sound a lot better, though. "Ehm, Rainbow? Can we please get away from the streets?" I asked the cyan mare, taking quick glances to my left and right in a nervous manner. "All these ponies are making me kinda nervous..." "Will, this is like the fourth time you asked me this! C'mon, it can't be that bad!" Rainbow exclaimed in frustration, stopping and turning herself around, giving me a frustrated look. "Yeah, I guess you're right, I only got attacked twice and nearly killed once so far." I sarcastically remarked, rolling my eyes. I pointed behind me with my thumb at the mass of ponies that started gathering there, whispering among themselves quietly. "What is that thing?" "I don't know, but it looks scary." "Maybe it's trying to eat one of us?" "Yeah, maybe it's dangerous!" "I just want to fit in!" I raised my eyebrow at Rainbow, still pointing behind me, waiting for her to answer. She shook her head, motioning for me to start moving again with one hoof, which I did as soon as I heard the whispering growing louder. "Soooo... Where are we going anyways?" I asked, taking an occasional glance behind me and Rainbow to see if anyone was following us. I didn't actually need to do that; of course we were being followed by a mass of ponies. Who would've thought that? Rainbow didn't answer. She kept on walking, even speeding up a little. "Rainbow?" I called, having to jog to keep pace with her as she was getting faster and faster. The little cottages to my left and right started becoming blurs as I was soon sprinting after her, my feet hitting the stone road hard with each step I took. "Hellooo?!?" She didn't answer me, she just continued running through the whole town, with me following closely behind her. At least that meant that we could get away from that huge group of ponies. * * * * We were running for what had to be at least five minutes when I took notice of the sudden change in my environment. We were leaving behind the town of Ponyville (there was a 'Welcome to Ponyville' sign when we exited town), entering an area with big open fields to my left and right, an occasional tree placed here and there. Another five or ten minutes later of us sprinting wordlessly through the world, we arrived at wherever Rainbow was leading me to. She suddenly screeched to a halt, making me nearly trip over her small body. I barely dodged her, coming to a stop right to her side. After a long time of only sitting around, not doing any kind of sport, such a little ten minute sprint can take a toll on you. I was trying to catch my breath, inhaling and exhaling audibly, my heart pumping blood through my veins at an alarming rate. I doubled over in exhaustion, my hands placed onto my knees. I gulped heavily once before straightening myself back up. We were standing right in front of a big, shiny something, which, after my eyes adjusted themselves to the bright light that was reflected by the building, turned out to be a giant, strange looking castle made out of crystals, or something like that. Although it wasn't the first strange building I had seen in that crazy town since I arrived there, it certainly was the strangest one. Yes, even stranger than the bakery that looked like a huge gingerbread house. Rainbow walked up to the huge double door, lifting one hoof up and knocking on it twice before pushing one of the doors open. I was led through corridor after corridor, and after what felt like hours, me and my guide arrived in a big circular room. In the center of said room stood a big shiny table surrounded by seven... chairs, also made out of crystal. Basically like every other god damn thing in this castle. I looked to my left, then to my right, but spotted no one else in the room. "Okay...So, why am I here? And what is this place?" I asked Rainbow, speaking up for the first time since we exited town. My eyes trailed around, taking in every detail of the admittedly beautiful room. "It's the Castle of Friendship! Pretty awesome, isn't it?" She boasted, puffing out her chest. "We've got it because we're so awesome!" "Uh, okay, that still doesn't answer my other question." I said, looking at her confused. "... Actually, that doesn't answer either of my questions." She sighed. "It's the Castle of Friendship, we got it because we basically blasted that bucker Tirek away into Tartarus. It's the place where me and my friends do our jobs, you know, solving friendship problems and all that. As to why we're here... I don't know myself, Twilight told me to get you here." "..." "Yeah, she should be here any sec-" "We're here!" Twilight cut in, choosing exactly that moment to enter the room, her other four friends and a really cool looking lizard thingy in her tow. 'Wait...' I asked myself, my eyes fixating themselves onto one particular pony that looked strangely familiar. 'Pink coat... Pink poofy mane... Smile that is unnaturally big...' CLICK. "OH C'MON, I HAD ENOUGH CRAZINESS FOR TODAY!" I screamed, jumping behind Rainbow to cover myself. "Will!" "GET HER AWAY! I JUST WANT TO LIVE A NORMAL LIFE, AND NOW SHE WANTS TO KILL ME?!" I asked, pointing at the pink pony in question. "I ASK YOU, PINK DEMON, WHAT HAVE I DONE TO YOU TO DESERVE THIS CRUELTY??" "Will!!" "YOU KNOW WHAT, PINK DEMON?! I WON'T GO DOWN WITHOUT A FIGHT! I WONT LET YOU USE MY BOD-" "WILLIAM!!" Twilight, now visibly and audibly pissed off, screamed, making me go death silent at an instant. Lesson No. 2: A pissed off Twilight is a scary Twilight. Seeing that I was silent, she closed her eyes and took a deep and long breath, trying to relax herself. She opened her eyes again, looking straight at my face with a smile that came from seemingly nowhere. "William, I think that I speak for all of us when I say that I'm glad that you're healthy. Now, you're probably wondering why I told Rainbow to get you here as soon as possible." "Well, first off I wanted to get you away from the public as soon as possible, so that they wouldn't fall into panic over the strange new creature or something like that. Uh, no offense!" "None taken." I simply said, my eyes leaving Twilight's face and locking onto the pink menace to watch her every move. "Now, second of all, I wanted to give Pinkie Pie a chance to apologize for what she did. She didn't want to shoot one hundred twelve pound bowling balls at your face, as she surely already tried to tell you. She wanted to throw you a... What was it again, Pinkie?" "A 'Welcome To Ponyville, Creature From Another Dimension, Let's Not Freak Out Because Of Your Looks And All Be Best Friends Instead!' party." 'The fuck?' Twilight nodded her head at Pinkie, looking slightly perplexed. "... What she said." "Okay, so let's say that this is the truth... Why would you even use a cannon to start a party?" I asked suspiciously, looking at the pink mare with a raised eyebrow. "Pff, so that I can get the party set up quickly, silly!" She answered, waving a foreleg in a manner that said 'Why of course, what else?'. "But... A cannon?" I inquired. "Yeah, of course, what else? A gun? A rocket launcher? Maybe a tank?" The mare asked, looking at me with a questioning face. "Nah, you can't use those things, they are either way too powerful, too small or not handy enough." "No, noth- Wait, how the fuck do you know the names of those things, let alone how strong they are?" I asked her in return, looking at her confused and uneasy. "Uhm... internet?" She answered questioningly, an uneasy smile on my face. "T-The fuck?! How do you know about that? Twilight, you didn't tell her anything, did you?" To my complete horror, Twilight shook her head at my question. Luckily the unicorn with the white coat, Rarity if I remembered correctly, stepped up to my side and came to my rescue, saving me from a possible mental breakdown. "Dear, it's just Pinkie Pie being Pinkie Pie. You don't want a headache, do you?" I shook my head at the gently smiling, white mare. "Then, for the sake of your brain, don't ask questions like that. Actually, never ask questions when it comes to something Pinkie's done." "Fine, You know what, Pinkie Pie? Explain yourself." I told the pink mare from behind Rainbow, curious of what she was going to tell me. Her smile widened. Pinkie Pie opened her mouth, inhaled deeply and started speaking. "Okay! Soiwastryingtothrowyouapartywhichiswhyi-" Rarity cleared her throat, interrupting Pinkie Pie. "Pinkie, could you maybe speak a little slower? I don't think that Mr. William here really understands anything you're trying to tell him." It was true. I had no clue what she was even saying, or if she was even speaking my language, for that matter. "Okay! So, as I already said, I was trying to throw you a party, which is why I brought my party cannon with me. Anyways, so I thought I still had the cannon loaded up with confetti and balloons, but I forgot that I wanted to throw a bowling party the day you arrived, but then you arrived, and that means I had to cancel it, which in turn means that it was still loaded with twelve pound bowling balls! I'm super duper sorry for nearly killing you, Willy!!" "I... I don't know where to start, really." I said, both of my eyebrows raised unnaturally high. "Why do... Wait, I don't even want to know." "Dear, just accept her apology." Rarity whispered into my ear - how is beyond me. Probably some kind of magic. I gulped once, straining to get the next words out. "Apology accepted." I forced my eyes shut, waiting for her to unleash another torrent of words, or even worse, another barrage of bowling balls, at me. But even after a minute of waiting with my eyes closed, nothing happened. I slowly opened my eyes again, only to see that Pinkie Pie was standing still standing at the same spot with that same 'ol smile on her face. "Huh, I'm still alive? Awesome." I said in surprise while checking my body for any missing limbs. All the others rolled her eyes at that and groaned, except for Pinkie Pie of course. I left the safe zone behind Rainbow, moving up to her side. "What?" I questioned, raising an eyebrow at them. "I'm surprised, that's all." "So, now that that's done, William, the others you don't know should maybe introduce themselves to you." Twilight said, speaking up from behind her hoof that was firmly pressed against her face. She trotted over to my right side, as did Applejack. Rarity walked over to the others, forming a line in front of me with the ponies (and lizard) that were yet unknown to me. The first one who decided to walk up was the purple and green lizard thing, "Ey dude, name's Spike, I'm a dragon and Twilight's loyal assistant." He said, trying to be casual by holding one of his claws out and forming a fist with it. 'A dragon, huh?' I bumped his fist with one of my own. "Hey, I'm William, the strange alien from another dimension." "Yeah, Twilight told me a lot about'cha. Like, a lot." He said, chuckling and shaking his head. I joined him. "Yeah, that's Twilight for ya." "Dude, you don't even know the half of it. I've been living with her since I was a little hatchling. You should see her when she has to organize something. It's the worst!" Twilight expressed her disapproval about the conversation we were having with a loud harrumph, lifting Spike up in her magic and placing him on her back, who wasn't even resisting in the slightest. He just gave me a 'see ya later' look, waving a claw at me. The next one to introduce herself was the white unicorn with the purple, well-kempt mane, which I already knew the name of. "Hello dear, my name is Rarity. It's a pleasure to meet you." She outstretched one of her forelegs, and considering the altitude she had - which wasn't unpleasant at all, dare I say - I kneeled myself down, took her hoof into my hand and kissed her hoof. "Oh, such a gentlehuman." She said, fluttering her long eyelashes at me. 'The fuck did I just do?' I thought as I uprighted myself again, blinking my eyes twice. 'I think the bowling ball accident may have made me a bit retarded.' Next was the pony they called Pinkie Pie. She moved to Rarity, shoved her aside and stretched her foreleg out. My eyes darted from her face to her hoof and back to her face, leaving me confused of what to do. She frowned, moving her foreleg closer to my hand before grabbing it with her hoof. Don't ask me how she grabbed my hand with her hoof, I seriously have no clue. Then she shook it up and down, gently to my complete surprise. A simple hand...hoof...whatever-shake, that was all she wanted. She smiled up at me. "My name's Pinkie Pie, but Pinkie's totally-dotally fine!" She said energetically. "So, yeah, you already know me, I guess." I said weirdly, not sure on how to proceed with the conversation. Fortunately she bounced to my side quickly after giving me one last huge grin, leaving only one last pony to introduce herself - the yellow pegasus. But instead of moving up to me to greet me, like the other three did, she just continued standing there. And standing there... And standing there... Finally she made a move! She slowly, very slowly moved up to me, her nervousness clearly visible. She got closer and closer, and when she was just one meter away from me, she peeked out from behind her mane she was hiding behind the whole time, giving me a nervous look. I cocked my head at her, curious of what was going on with her. It was either me being too scary, or her being too nervous to meet new people. She opened her mouth, but closed it quickly with an 'eeep', hiding back behind her long, pink mane. Seeing that she wasn't going to say anything soon, I kneeled myself down onto one knee. I thought that making myself a bit smaller would help her speak to me. She slowly peeked back out, still looking incredibly nervous and anxious. 'We're making progress!' I gave her a small smile. "I'm William, and what's your name?" I asked gently. She swallowed once. "F-F-Fluttershy "Can you repeat that, please? I didn't quite hear you." "Flu-Fluttershy." "Flutterguy?" I asked gently, raising an eyebrow. 'Huh, she doesn't really look like a guy.' "Okay, It's nice to meet you, Flutterguy. I'm William, but you can call me Will." "N-no, it's Fluttershy." "I'm sorry, didn't I say Flutterguy?" I asked her. I heard some quite giggling behind me, and as I turned around, I saw that Rainbow and Applejack were giggling into their hooves like little schoolgirls. "The fuck's wrong with you two?" Rainbow lifted her hoof away, her giggling turning louder without the hoof covering her mouth. "Dude, it's Fluttershy! You totally called her a guy not only once, but three times!" Now Spike, the little dragon, joined them, also trying to hide his giggles behind his claw, but failing miserably at that. 'That...that makes sense.' I rubbed the back of my head nervously, facing Fluttershy again, who was blushing like crazy. "I'm really sorry Fluttershy." "Oh no, it's n-no p-problem." She said, giving me a noticeable forced smile while rubbing her right front hoof on her left foreleg. Me and Fluttershy stared each other for what had to be at least two minutes, neither of us knowing how to proceed with our conversation, the only sound that could be heard being the collective giggles of Rainbow and Applejack. It was really, really fucking weird. Fortunately, Twilight came to our rescue. "Okay, so now that we have the introductions done...-" She started, levitating a roll of parchment and a quill out of nowhere, scribbling something down on the parchment. "-let's show William our surprise!" The group of ponies (and the dragon) cheered at that, some louder than others. What I was thinking? 'Oh boy, please not that kind of surprise...'