A group of twenty five pathetic mortals stabbed, slashed, shot, and cast spells at a giant being made of fire. “He’s almost done!” One of the mortals yelled.
To Ragnaros, they all looked alike.
Probably because he was nearly fifty feet tall, and they ranged from two to six and a half feet.
He wasn’t sure since they’d interrupted his marathon of General Hospital.
“Too soon…” Ragnaros said weakly as he sank back down into lava.
“No, fiend!” A powerful voice yelled. The demigod, Cenarius, cast off a spell that reached into the lava. To his side was Malfurion Stormrage, a Night Elf who figured it’d be a good idea to sleep for a thousand years. He too cast off a spell. Together, they somehow pulled a being made of fire out of lava.
Ragnaros swung Sulfuras at the group and stormed out of the lava, revealing that he’d never skipped leg day.
“Damn, he works out,” a dwarf said as he swung a comically large axe at the giant elemental lord.
The group of heroes eventually defeated Ragnaros, who sunk below the lava as though he was flushed down a fiery toilet.
“Yay!” The group of heroes all said.
A human male went up to Sulfuras and kneeled down next to it. “Roll for the mount!” he of them said.
The heroes all proceeded to argue when the one guy who did nothing for ninety percent of the fight won it.
---
Meanwhile, Ragnaros awoke in a desert. To his right lay Sulfuras, which followed him everywhere he went like a sad puppy. “Those mortals may have defeated me today,” the elemental lord of fire growled to himself as he sat up, “but they will pay dearly when I find my way back!”
As Ragnaros stood up, he spotted a small, black, four legged insect-like creature. It stared at him with a blank expression as he walked over, each step shaking the ground. “You!” he bellowed. “Where am I?”
The Changeling stared up blankly at the elemental lord, who looked down at him angrily. “You’re at the Changeling hive in Equestria,” the Changeling said. “Now may I ask what you are?”
“I am Ragnaros! Elemental Lord of Fire! Wielder of Sulfuras,” the elemental lord proudly boasted as fanfare played in the background. “Now, where on Azeroth am I?”
“Azeroth?” The Changeling asked. “You’re on Equus.”
Ragnaros’ eyes lit up—even more so than they already were since his entire body was comprised of fire and a bit of armor that was engulfed by the fire—and he glared angrily at the Changeling. “Equus? Is that what you call Azeroth?”
“No, that’s the name of the planet,”, the nameless Changeling said. “Now, is there a way to dial down your fire?” He asked. “You’ve ignited the nearby cacti.”
Ragnaros looked around. Sure enough, every cactus within several hundred feet was on fire. “Reminds me of home,” he said. “Okay, insect-”
“I’m a Changeling.”
“I don’t care,” Ragnaros snapped. “Now, you’re going to help me get home,” he said. “If you can’t do that, I will destroy your entire race!”
“Well, our queen is off in Canterlot,” the Changeling said, ignoring the threat. “And I don’t think her magic is strong enough to send back a near fifty foot tall being made of fire.”
“What do you mean ‘not strong enough?’” Ragnaros asked. “What sort of pathetic excuse for magic do you have here?”
“I mean: I don’t think our queen can send back the likes of you to ‘Azeroth’,” the Changeling said.
“If a pathetic dwarf could summon me from my home plane of the Firelands, a single bug-horse thing-”
“I’m a Changeling!”
“I don’t care if you’re an Old God!” Ragnaros roared. “Now, if you interrupt me again, you will meet the full fury of Sulfuras first hand!”
The Changeling flinched as Ragnaros’ flames roared violently. “Okay, bud.”
“Good!” Ragnaros said. “Now, when will your queen be back?”
“I, uh, don’t know,” the Changeling said. “She went off to conquer Canterlot by infiltrating the Crystal Empire.”
“So, a few days?” Ragnaros asked.
“No, more like a few weeks,” the Changeling replied. “Or months.”
“Weeks or months?!” Ragnaros yelled. “Your queen must have a worse army than Al’Akir!” he snapped as the faint sound of sobbing could be heard in the air.
“Who?”
“He likes to swat insects,” Ragnaros said. “It isn’t important. What is important is I get home now.”
“Well, too bad,” the Changeling said. “You’re stuck here.”
Ragnaros let out a sigh. “You’re worse than Executus.”
“You keep mentioning names that I don’t know,” he said. “Is he a friend or something?”
“No, he was my majordomo before he summoned me too soon.”
“Oh… did you fire him?”
“No, I killed him.”
The Changeling’s eyes widened. “Oh,” he said. “Well, I’m sorry that I can’t do anything. Is there anything else I can do for you?”
“Are there any other magical beings that can maybe teleport me home?”
“Maybe one of the Alicorn princesses could.”
“Where do they reside?”
“Well, our queen is impersonating one of them,” the Changeling said. “They’re about three days away if you simply walk.”
Ragnaros slammed Sulfuras onto the ground, which sent out three waves of fire, and roared. “Are you serious, insect?!”
“Yes, I am,” the Changeling said. “And if you call me an insect one more time, I swear I’ll leave you here to wander aimlessly.”
“You wouldn’t dare.”
“I would dare.”
“You wouldn’t!”
The Changeling began to walk away with a smirk.
Ragnaros gasped like a Night Elf school girl. “You brute!” he said.
“I won’t stop!”
“You get back here, insect!” Ragnaros bellowed. He raised his Sulfuras up high and leaped towards the Changeling.
The Changeling leaped out of the way as the massive mace—not to mention gigantic elemental lord—slammed onto the ground, which shattered it and sent out three large waves of fire.
Ragnaros raised his mace again when suddenly, his leg day legs vanished. “W-What is going on?!” he cried out. “What is the meaning of this, insect?!”
“I’m not doing anything!” the Changeling said as he watched the elemental lord’s body continue to vanish into thin air.
“YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS, INSECT!” Ragnaros yelled as he finally vanished entirely.
The Changeling blinked a few times. He stared blankly at where Ragnaros had once stood. The ground below—along with the surrounding area—was burnt to a crisp. “That was weird,” he said before he walked off back towards the hive. “Thank Chrysalis for that flame retardant spell though.”
---
Meanwhile, Ragnaros rose back up in his home plane of the Firelands. In front of him stood twenty five beings of various races.
“I hope he drops his mace this week!” a dwarf with a large axe yelled out. “I hate waiting for raids to reset.” With that, the group charged at the elemental lord and attacked him.
I miss that Changeling.