//------------------------------// // Interlude Part 3: Upping the Unethical // Story: Dan Vs. The Magic of Friendship(Season 1) // by Barrobroadcaster //------------------------------// Back at the Golden Oaks Library, Twilight and the rest of the gang were just getting home after visiting the mayor. They were all carrying supplies, food, water, ammo for the house's security system and other materials and goodies for the war. As they entered the door, still talking amongst themselves and heard the screams of Gust Grasp from the kitchen. "AAAAAHHH! AAAAAHHH!! AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!" "Sounds like Dan and Phoenix are having fun," Chrys said. "Yeah, sounds like they might be having some trouble getting him to cooperate," Twilight commented. "Are we worried about Gust?" Shining asked, carrying in supplies. "AAAAHAHH!! IT'S SOO COLD OHMAIGAWD! IT'S LIKE A THOUSAND BRAINFREEZES AT ONCE SOMEPONY HELP ME!!!!" "Nah," Twilight replied. "I trust Dan and Phoenix. They'll be fine." "PLEASE SOMEPONY THIS IS INHUMAN!" They entered the kitchen and began putting away the supplies. "Hey Dan, hey Phoenix," Twilight and Chrys both said. "Oh, hey guys!" Dan said, happy to see them. "Hey guys," the lawyer said, busy holding the still-tied up griffon in a sink full of ice. Gust Grasp's head was half submerged in the sink, forced against the ice. "So, how've things been with Gust?" Twilight asked, casually opening the fridge to store things. "Oh please, please purple pony, help me! Your friends are-AAAAHHH!!" Gust screamed as Phoenix dunked him again. "Going good," Dan answered, also casual. "We're asking him where our friends are now, what happened to the princesses and the others." "Oh, that's a good idea," Twilight remarked. "I've been worried about them ever since we left for the Crystal Empire," she said, sounding remorseful. "I know," Dan said. He patted her on the shoulder. "We'll get 'em back. We'll get 'em all back, and then, we'll teach Vice Grip a lesson. Together." Twilight smiled as he ruffled her mane in a big brother way. "A lesson he won't ever forget?" Dan grinned back in his traditional mixture of crazy and cunning supportiveness, insdanity. "A lesson nopony will ever forget. Because it'll be that violent. And also because we'll take snapshots." "Do they make an instagram for revenge? Revengstagram?" Chrys asked. "We could make one right now," Dan said happily, taking out his camera to take a quick picture of Phoenix and Gust. The lawyer was now holding the chair by its middle, dipping the captive head-first into the ice. "PLEASE STOP- THIS IS SO UNETHICAL!!!" Twilight shrugged. "I trust you enough not to question your methods, Dan, but this is kind of unethical." "It can be more unethical," Dan replied, still happy. He went to the sink and turned the garbage disposal on. The moment the ice started grinding, Gust screamed and didn't stop until Dan shoved a zap apple into his mouth. From the fridge, he tossed in some strawberries, diced pineapple, mango, lime into the ice. "Uh, Dan?" Phoenix said, "I'm just trying to give him a brain freeze, not make him into a griffon milkshake." "Smoothie, Nicky. Griffon smoothie. There's no milk or ice cream in there so it's just a nice, healthy fruit smoothie," Dan remarked. He leaned in close to Gust and added, "with a shot of protein." "Dan, come on," Chryssie moved over to him. "Don't you think this is unethical enough already?" The human rubbed his chin. "I can top it." Twilight giggled. "With kiwi, I bet." Dan slipped beside Phoenix's legs and pulled open the cabinet under the sink. He removed the pipe connecting the sink and opened his mouth under it, awaiting smoothie. "Thppp! Thppp! Thppp! Thppp!" Fluffle began chanting, which translated to: CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! "Hahaha," Chrys laughed. She turned to the audience. "Ain't hey a riot, folks?" She walked over and opened the kitchen door. "And now, for the musical portion of our interlude, here's Colress from Team Plasma in a tribute to Corey Hart's 1984 hit, "Sunglasses At Night." Enjoy!" Black Glasses At Night(Sunglasses At Night Poke-Parody) Performed by Colress and The Shadow Triad I equip my Black Glasses at Night So I can, so I can Power up Dark moves like Crunch and Bite I equip my Black Glasses at Night So I can, So I can Increase the strength of all of my Dark-types!! Why, she used Teeter Dance on me It's a move that confuses me so I eat a Prism Berry I U-Turn to her and say: Don't use Leaf Blade on a Masquerain, oh no Don't use Thunder Wave on the guy in shades, oh no~ He'll Synchronize it Cause he's got it made with his Giga Drain, oh no I equip my Black Glasses at night For the STAB, for the STAB And to one-shot all those low level Ghost-types I equip my Black Glasses at night For the STAB, for the STAB! Just hope they don't use Future Sight! Why, she used Zen Headbutt on me I flinch and lose a turn easily but I have Steadfast ability My Speed raises and I say~ Don't try to use Bonemerang on a Masquerain, oh no Don't use Night Daze on the guy in shades, oh no It's not very effective You think you can train like the guy in shades, oh no But maybe you'd like to Link Trade for the guy in shade's Ho-Oh? I say, I equip my Black Glasses at night I equip my Black Glasses each fight I equip my Black at night! I Fly to you! I equip my Black Glasses at night I equip my Black Glasses each fight I equip my Black Glasses at night The gang applauded Colress and his band from inside the house. The blond scientist himself smiled and gave them a polite bow, as did the Shadow Triad before vanishing into obscurity once again. The musical number was apparently all Gust Grasp could stand. He spat out the zap apple. "I'LL TALK! I'LL TALK! PLEASE MAKE THIS STOP!!!" "That's all I wanted to hear." Phoenix pulled the griffon out before the ice cubes shifted and the first fruits hit the disposal blades. Gust was never in any real danger; the sink was too small for anything bigger than one of the ice cubes. The lawyer set him back on the ground. "So, where are our friends? Where are princesses Celestia and Luna?" "I don't know for sure," Gust said, still catching his breath. "But my griffons, my crews, they hear things. And Vice, he's been experimenting with the Elements of Harmony." "Eeep," Twilight piped. She was responsible for the Elements, especially now with her friends missing. "Relax," Dan calmed her. "They're still in the closet." Gust nodded. His feathers ruffled as he tried to cool himself down and dry off. "The-the purple guy, Lightning something, and the red guy, he was experimenting on them with synthetic harmony magic. He wants to make his own Elements of Harmony or something." Twilight shook her head. "That's not possible. There's no other magic like the Elements of Harmony." Dan held up his hand. "We have to remember that we're dealing with a crazy idiot in a lab coat. Just because there's something he CAN'T do doesn't mean he won't try." "What does this have to do with where our friends are?" Phoenix asked. "Is it somehow related?" Gust grinned. "Oh yeah. In a big way." Twilight's eyes widened as the realization hit her first. The thought of it being impossible was overwhelmed by the sheer complexities of how it worked. So much so that Twilight could only ask, "How?" Chrys was the second to catch on, gasping. "No, not there. They couldn't do that. Not without-" "Uh, excuse me?" Dan raised his arm, "where exactly is it you're talking about?" They followed his arm up and stared somewhere at a point above it, as if they could see where they were in the stars. "The moon." Dan's face went blank. Gust nodded, nearly giggling. "It makes sense, doesn't it? I mean, if you hated the princesses, you'd want them in the only place that you knew could keep them locked up. Now, I don't know for sure if they're on the moon but Vice pretty much has got most spells figured out. He's cracking the code on every magical thing there is and the Elements of Harmony are on the list. The Lightning guy, I knew how they were looking at him- like a guinea pig. Probably why he had the horn. They want to figure out how the Elements of Harmony work, so they're making their own versions." They were all quiet for several long moments. The sun and moon continued to rise and fall on their own, despite that Celestia was missing. Who was responsible for it was not known. Despite that they were all together and that there were so many of them, they felt alone. Lost in a battle between giants. Again, Twilight was the first of them to pick their heads up out of contemplation. "Why does Vice hate the princesses?" That was a question they all wanted an answer to. They all turned to the proverbial stool pigeon strapped to a kitchen chair. He grinned. "Well, that I actually can tell you all about. You see, he told me, Zen Zeal and the sea ponies all at the same time." "What did he tell you?" The Sky Marshal leaned forward to divulge. "Well, it was during the Director's conference, like, back in the Crystal Empire…," he said, cuing the flashback. Crystal Palace, Northern Equestria During the Director's Conference, Like, Back in the Crystal Empire So, Vice was all like, "Yo. The princesses' been keeping a BIG secret from all y'all for like EVER, man." And Zen's like stone cold, man and so is the sea pony guy. They're just sitting there like, "We can hear your song, brohemian rhapsody, but that doesn't mean we can dig the tune just yet." Nodding there heads and shiz. All the while, Lightning's sitting there and he's playing Pokemon OmegaRuby like nothing's going on. And he doesn't say a word to help Vice, which I thought was kinda funny. So then Vice is sweating because he knows he's SOL if he doesn't convince. Then, he says, "Okay, so I want you guys to take out the princesses. And I've got these sweet Magic Gears to make it easy for you guys, all you dudes have to do is use them." Umm, question? Yeah, babe? Don't call me babe. Only Dan is allowed to call me babe. Uh… okay? Heheh, why is Dan the only one that- My question is, why does this flashback sound like Drunk History? I'm pretty sure Vice never said "dudes" ever. I'm paraphrasing, gorgeous, just roll with it, okay? Uh huh. Keep it going. Thanks. So, anyway, Vice says, "Look, I know where the princesses are gonna be. And Ima lure Twilight, Dan and the bruise cruise crew to the Crystal Empire while you guys take out the princesses and their other friends. After that, you guys hit Ponyville together and we control Equestria then. You guys will split everything three ways AND you can keep the Magic Gears." And we all looked at each other, super mob-boss style and I can tell Zen Zeal is still not convinced. The dude's made of stone and he just looks back at Vice and says, "You haven't told us your angle, Vice-i Vidi Vici. What do you get outta this?" Vice is still trying to be coy and I'm thinking to myself, he's hiding something. He tells us he wants to get us all a sweet deal when he conquers Earth and he needs us to take care of things on Equestria. By the numbers, Vice has one army but he's trying to conquer two planets. So he needs two really huge armies. Enter the three of us- we take out the princesses and ponies and shiz for him, then he takes out Earth. Not a bad plan, right? So then, the Director shows up to seal the deal and… that guy is a monster. I'm not even gonna mess around, man, that guy's like an actual monster. There's these things called the Faceless that feed on like bad vibes and fear and stuff and this… thing is like the last one of them. I hope, anyway. I've only heard about 'em in stories and they like, attack you when you're alone and drain you of life until there's nothing left. And they say, when you're drained, you lose like, all your features until you're just like the base model they use for ponies on the show. Then, the shadows take that model and it becomes another one of them. Faceless are the ones that weren't drawn with anything… they're what's left behind. Anywho, it was just a story and the Director didn't appear hostile… or hungry. So we were all like, "Yeah, that sounds great. We'll pick up your Gears and then go coup de tat the pones." And then the Director and Vice leave and we helped out Lightning with OmegaRuby because the guy hasn't played Pokemon in a while. Nice kid though. And I asked Lightning, after everybody else left, "So hey, why does Vice hate the princesses so much?" And Lightning says, "Oh, well about a thousand years ago, Vice's dad had a plan to get to Earth but the princess and the pegasus general at the time stabbed him in the back and took over Equestria." So I'm like, "Wow, it's a revenge plan a millennia in the making. Cool." So I thanked the kid and walked out. His horn's real by the way. The flashback ended. Twilight's mouth hung open, "A thousand years…?" "Lotta stuff happened back then," Chrys nodded, remembering back. "I'd kinda know. But I didn't hang around Ponyville, you know, what with the leading a love-sucking horde across the country. Thinking back now, I probably should've paid attention to politics a little more closely." "But, Vice is a regular earth pony," Blast Fuse pointed out. "How can he be a thousand years old?" "Unless he invented a time machine," Blast Powder said, thinking. "Would explain all of his goofball inventions." "No, he's an idiot, that explains all his goofball inventions," Dan stated adamantly. "Wherever he's from, we know what he's out for now- revenge. Which explains why he kept saying we were so alike…" the human paused to ponder. Vice's dad was planning on invading Earth? Could any of this be possible? If it was, it might've been Equestria that made contact with Earth so long ago, before Dan was even born. If Dan was in Vice's shoes, would he be doing the same thing? "Uh, Dan?" Phoenix poked him. "You were kinda lost in thought there for a minute." "No… nah, I'm all right. Okay, so we know what he wants and what this is about," Dan said, pacing again. "Vice wants to finish dear old dad's plan from a thousand-plus years ago and he's got new toys to boot. So, where do we hit him?" "He's got bases all along the railroad tracks," Gust blabbed without needing encouragement this time. "We saw them from the air. The bottom line is, Vice doesn't have the Gears, literally, to fight both you guys and Earth at the same time. You attack his bases, he'll be forced to defend them. Work your way up the food chain and then take him out." They all agreed it was a sound plan. "Not bad, Tweety," Dan said. "Thanks," the griffon said, smiling. "So, can I go now?" "What we need now," Dan said, abruptly turning away, "is something to hit these bases with. Something they're not expecting." "Like what?" Twilight asked. "They're going to be expecting, well, us. And they've seen how we deal with their Magic Gears, too. They'll probably upgrade them or something with new stuff to counter how we beat them before." "Hmmm," Dan rubbed his chin. Chrys rubbed the human's shoulders. "I love it when you're plotting." "Hmmm…" Dan continued. "I take it back. We hit them with exactly what they're expecting but more of it. A LOT more of it, more than they can handle. And I think I have an idea of what that is." "What's that?" Twilight asked. Dan gestured with his arms to them to form a huddle. He grabbed Phoenix and Twilight by the shoulder, with Chrys still massaging his and poking her head over his own shoulder. "So I was thinking about that ship, the one that almost zapped the treehouse," he looked across at Shining and Cadence. "What did you say that was?" The closet-nerd couple looked back at him excitedly. "The Reliant," Cadence said. "It's a Miranda-class light cruiser, a spaceship from Star Trek." "From Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan," Shining added. "I dunno what it's doing here but… I mean, it's just amazing that actually exists." "Didn't it blow up in that movie?" Dan asked. "At the end? And then, somehow it combined with the nebular or something and made a… new planet?" "Yeah!" Cadence said, her excitement bordering on Pinkie Pie-level exuberance. "The Genesis Planet! And then that planet blew up because David used proto-matter in the matrix for the-" "Okay, calm down," Dan said. "Whatever movie it's from, it's in our backyard now," his voice became a very low whisper. "And you know what else is in our backyard?" They leaned in closer. "What?" He looked around, shifty-eyed. "Blueblood's Magic Gear. What's left of it, anyway. And you know what that means." "Yeah," Chrys said, nodding and shaking Dan's head. "It means the author's using an overlapping Moby Dick-revenge metaphor because both machines were involved in revenge plots by selfish idiots out for their own gain, including when Gust tried to destroy the library. But only when Blueblood actually used his device selflessly did it actually work and save the day. So it kinda like, doubles-back three times in different themes of revenge finally ending with sacrifice by the guy everybody wanted to get revenge on, redeeming him and casting his character in a whole new light. It's pretty awesome." Dan turned his head and looked right at her. "Did you just make up a bunch of stuff to justify why the guy writing this would have a spaceship fight a giant robot? Because I think he just did that because he wanted to have a spaceship fight a giant robot." Chrys shrugged. "Little of column A, little of column B." "Right, well, we're going to use A column to fix B column." "What do you mean?" Twilight asked. "The Magic Gear, Blueblood used it to fix stuff, right?" "Yeah…" "And it's sitting right next to your Maria-cruiser, right?" "Miranda-class," Shining and Cadence said simultaneously. "Yeah, that. So, we use the Gear to fix the Miranda-ship. Sound good?" Dan asked. They all went suddenly silent as he waited for an answer. "That's a pretty good idea, Dan," Twilight said. "And I think I have books that can help!" she exclaimed. The Blast Sisters exchanged a mischievous glance. "This might be a good opportunity for some upgrades." "All right, let's get to it!" Dan said, leading them all out the door. "Let's start by getting those two engine thingies that fell off of it out of the street." As a group, they all began walking towards the door. "HEY!!" Gust yelled. "What about me?!" Phoenix ran back to grab him and put him on Fluffle Puff's back, still tied to the chair. As they walked out, the door to the library opened. Derpy came flying in, carrying a mailbox. Or, wearing one; it was difficult to tell. "Derpy!" they all exclaimed. "Hai guys," the blonde mare said. "Derpster! What's with the fashion statement?" Dan asked. He looked closely at the mailbox complete with mail post slung around her side. It was clipped to her along with a mailbag. How she was flying with all this was another mystery. "You know, you could use that mailbox as a pretty big battle hammer if you wanted to." "Oh! Uh, thanks, Dan," she said, looking at it. "Yeah, it's mine. My house got blown up when Cloudsdale was destroyed so I don't really have any place to put it." It was just then they noticed the name Derpy Hooves printed on the side of it. "Oh… we're sorry, Derpy," Twilight said. They all looked at it, what it represented. None of them really knew what to say. Derpy was carrying everything she owned. "It's okay," she said, relentlessly optimistic. "The temporary Cloudsdale's coming along really nicely. We'll find where they took the real one real soon, I bet." "I'm sure we will, Derpy," Chrys said, reassuringly. The changeling almost had a tear in her eye. "That's the right attitude, post master," Dan said confidently. "We'll get things fixed and back to the way they were in no time." "Yep, and that's what I wanted to talk to you guys about," Derpy said. She pointed out the door. "We're running low on supplies and stuff. Fixing the town is taking a lot and we need more materials, food and everything else." Twilight rubbed her chin. "That's another problem. It's not going to be easy with the Enclave controlling the railroads." They all stepped outside together. ""We inform greater Equestria about Vice Grip and the Enclave, warn ponies about what's transpired." "Good idea, Nicky," Dan said. "We'll put the word out. Tell ponies everywhere, all over Equestria that we're striking back and we need supplies. We'll take volunteers, donations, anypony willing to lend a hoof." "That's the plan, Dan!" Twilight said. "Alright everypony, let's get to it!" Dan smiled. "Couldn't have said it better myself!" he said, chasing after her as they all rushed out to rebuild the town and the U.S.S Reliant-R. Despite the daunting task ahead of them, they all took it as just another challenge they were going to meet together. And so, the call went out. From all over Equestria, from Appleloosa to Phillydelphia, from Manehattan to Dodge Junction and every place in between, Ponyville made the declaration: they were fighting back. Wherever it was received, whoever received it, when Ponyville called, Equestria answered. Some ponies didn't have phones or even cell phones, a few had telegraphs and the fewest remote places had to have mail delivered by what few pegasi were left. But every response came back the same: help is on the way. With Vice Grip's grip tightening across Equestria, the railroads could not be used. Effectively, transportation was relegated to wagon, chariot, segway and hoof wherever it applied. Volunteers came from all over. Ponies like Braeburn, Cherry Jubilee, Granny Smith and even Hoity Toity stepped up to lead massive wagon trains and caravans across the now-untamed wilds of Equestria. The terrain was difficult and travel was slow but many of the ponies were rugged frontiersman who were used to such transportation. The few veterans educated the masses with Dan teaching classes on basic and advanced self-defense and preparation while the rest of Twilight and the gang handled the enormous logistics. The supplies began coming in slowly and the rebuilding of Ponyville was back on track. Near Appleloosa, a major staging area for supplies became organized just outside of the town. In order to avoid the train tracks and potential contact with the enemy, Braeburn lead the toughest and longest of all wagon trains along with Cherry Jubilee. They traveled through the deep canyons to Ponyville with food, ore and other supplies vital to the reconstruction. The crevice, painted white at the bottom and brown on their tops were known as Palomino Canyon. Because of the length of the particular route, it became known as the Palomino Run, a critical supply artery from the outer territories to Ponyville. Within two weeks, the supply routes were established. Dan was able to rebuild a portion of the Reliant, with the ship being rechristened the Danfiant. They were on track to turn things around and take the fight to the enemy to finally reclaim Equestria's future. It was a breathtaking display of teamwork and cooperation on an unprecedented scale as everypony in Equestria signed up to aid. Naturally, it was not meant to last.