//------------------------------// // Errands // Story: Equestrian Life // by StapleCactus //------------------------------// I woke up to the smell of breakfast. It wasn't the greasy smell of meat cooking, but there were eggs. I was up and heading towards the smell in an instant. I didn't get far before smacking my foot right into the corner of the couch. As I lifted my foot, I lost my balance and flopped back onto the seat. Ack! How is it that I get by yesterday without running into something and hit something today? I really need to get some glasses. After massaging my toes, I got up again and gave the couch a wide berth. It surprised me that Twilight's blanket was still holding, but when I passed by a window I had a better question. If it's morning now, and it had to have been near morning yesterday, how long is an Equestrian day? Did time go by quickly and I woke up later than I thought or are there really less hours in a day here? I studied the library's foyer, hoping to find some sort of timepiece. All right, this is a library. Surely there's a clock or something! Against all logic, I could not find one. Then again, it didn’t help that I couldn’t see more than a foot in front of me anyway. I put the thought of time behind me for the moment as breakfast called to me like a siren and there was no way I could refuse. I should have known, then, that the food would not be what I was hoping for. After stumbling my way towards the kitchen nook, I saw Spike manning a small gas stove. What brought a chuckle to my face was the fact that he was using a stool to reach it. Luckily, he didn't catch it and waved me to the table. "Mornin’," I said as I sat down. "What you cookin’?" "Eggs and pancakes. Figured I should make something other than our usual breakfast of oats. You do eat them, right?" "The eggs and pancakes, or the oats? Either way, yeah, I do. I only have one question: what did you put in the pancakes?" The table in front of me had a plate stacked with pancakes and another with over-easy eggs. I had to applaud Spike for being able to make eggs like that; they always broke on me. Although the eggs looked great, the pancakes had a different color than I was used to. Maybe they use whole wheat? Oh no, if they use hay... "Just the usual. Hay, water..." I tuned him out. Hay... It had to be hay. Why can't they make flour pancakes? Do I try one or just tell him I can't? "Uh, Spike?" "Yeah?" "Humans can't eat hay. I can try one, but I'm not sure what would happen. Do you make pancakes with flour?" "Well, yeah, I can. I'm sorry, I thought you could eat anything we could." "It's fine, Spike. Don't trouble yourself with making those pancakes for me. I'll try one of these and I'll definitely enjoy the eggs." "That's good. I don't have much left to make more. Twilight should be down shortly." Spike must’ve been psychic, because, not five seconds after he spoke, Twilight walked in. "Morning, Spike. Morning, Dex. Pancakes and eggs today, huh?" "Morning, Twilight. With our guest here, I thought we'd go a little overboard." Unlike with me, Spike turned to greet Twilight. I couldn't think of anything as to why he was acting so stiff towards me. "Morning, Twilight. What’s on the agenda?" Being in another’s home was keeping me on edge, not that I wanted to be, as I would naturally keep myself from relaxing. "There's a lot to do, so let’s review to save time," Twilight said as she levitated a few pancakes and eggs to her plate. "I'll leave the planning up to you, if that's okay, Twilight. I always fail at planning around time." I gave a brief chuckle and reached for a pancake. Spike seated himself and watched me. Either he's keeping an eye on me or he wants to know what I think of the pancake. Either way, that's creepy... "Well, right now we need to get you some clothes, a pair of glasses, and then talk to the princess. What else is needed?" From the looks of things, Twilight was trying to hurry through her meal. I guess I shouldn't take my time. "That’s all I can think of." I took a bite of my eggs, relishing in the taste. "I think we can handle everything, then. Depending on how things go with Rarity, we'll stop by the hospital before or after lunch." Hospital? "Why the hospital? Are all your doctors in one building?" "For the most part, yes. There are a few specialists, but they are in the cities. Is it not the same where you come from?" "For us, the hospital is normally for critical patients. A few specialists that need the hospital equipment work there, but we'd normally go to a different building for each type of doctor." "That doesn't seem very efficient." "It is and it isn't. Although we could talk more about this, I'd like to continue with planning the day." By this point, Twilight was nearly done. I finally mustered the courage to try a pancake. It was... interesting. "About time you tried it!" Spike said, finally putting a word in. "What now? Dex, do you not eat pancakes?" Twilight looked concerned that I may have just poisoned myself. Ugh... okay, don't spit it out. The syrup is definitely helping. The hay! Jeez, even when ground up I can taste it. I choked the bite down and drank what water there was from my glass before speaking. "It's okay, Twilight. Humans just don't eat hay. At least I tried, right?” I said, trying to give a smile. “And Spike? Definitely going with flour next time." "Yeah! At least you tried it. You still got eggs at least." Spike was trying to stifle his laughter. "...Right. Well. What else did you need?" Twilight didn't follow, but she did lead the conversation back on track. "Um... Oh yeah, where do I clean my clothes? Is it a washboard or something?" "I'm sure Spike can handle it, right Spike?" She turned to look at Spike and his expression was unreadable. "No!" My outburst startled them. "No, I'd like to do it. I'd like to get my boxers cleaned before we head out." "Boxers? What are those?" "Um~ they~ are like shorts, that you wear under your normal clothes." "All right. If that's all that needs to be done, we can get started." Twilight accepted it without issue and we finished up our meal. Spike led me to the washroom while Twilight set up a plan and whatever else she does in the morning. I managed to get my boxers washed and dried with the help of the little dragon. It's a good thing he can make fire. Drying these would've taken too long. After getting dressed, in a sense, Twilight and I headed out. Spike said he'd handle the library while we took care of everything and it was about that time that I thought of payment. Twilight caught on before I could say a word. She assured me that it would be taken care of and not to worry. This, of course, made me worry anyway. Now I have to pay her back as well. Food, shelter, clothes, and glasses? It's too much. Thankfully, my thoughts weren't written on my face that time. I thanked her and we went on our way to Carousel Boutique. With Twilight leading the way, we made it to the boutique in short time. Again, just like the show, the building looked identical as far as I could tell. This is just uncanny. It's like someone was here before and then went back to make the show! We entered and a bell rang from above the door. As I attempted to look around, Rarity emerged from a back room. Now that I had washed off and was in something that wasn't covered in dirt, Rarity seemed much happier to see me. After a little conversation and some quick measurements, Twilight and I were on our way. Rarity assured me something would be ready by lunch. As surprising as it was for her to work that fast, I summed it up to magic. Ah, a place where I can actually say, 'It's magic, I ain't gotta explain shit!' Too bad I can't say that about myself. It was still early in the day when we left Rarity's. If this was going with the plan or not, Twilight didn't show it. "All right Dex, let's get you some glasses," she said. "Awesome. I can't wait to actually see everything. Speaking of which, what was with everyone yesterday?" She fidgeted, as if she knew what I was leading into. “What do you mean?" "I mentioned this yesterday as well. Y'all've never seen a human before, but everyone acted pretty calm once introductions were over.” Twilight stopped and sighed. When she looked at me it was like she was seeing someone else. “A while ago, we met a zebra in town and the others immediately judged her by appearances. When we followed her into the woods she lives in, we were unaware of being poisoned with a plant. After a few incidents, we ended up at her house claiming she had cursed us. Eventually, we managed to settle everypony’s differences and get cured. Now, they give everyone a chance to prove themselves before making any serious judgements.” Except Rainbow Dash it seems. We continued towards the hospital when she was done and I didn't say anything more about their reactions. It took the rest of the morning for me to see an eye doctor and get glasses. Surprisingly enough, my eyes weren't that different from a pony's; they even had glasses that fit my head for some reason. Payment was processed and we stepped outside. Everything was clear. I could see that Twilight came up to the bottom of my chest, with her head at chest height. If I thought the library and boutique were uncanny, I had no words for what I saw now. Everything, from the buildings to the ponies, were identical to the show. If I needed anything to prove I was in a coma and dreaming this up, what I saw then would definitely be in the 'for' column. After admiring the view for a while longer, Twilight and I ended up back at the Carousel Boutique. I'm not sure how, but just from the few measurements she took, Rarity somehow knew I'd like loose fitting clothes. In the three hours we were gone, she managed to make me two shirts, a pair of jeans, and another pair of boxers, much to my dismay. Although I needed them, there was a huge difference between getting them from a store and seeing the person that made them. It was like they knew. I went behind a screen and put on the clothes. The shirt felt like pure cotton and the jeans were definitely denim. I get the cotton, but how did she get denim? I don't recall ever seeing it in the show. No matter. I can see how she did this so fast though. She knew I needed them so she went with function only. Thank God for that. I stepped back around the screen and walked over to Rarity. “Rarity, I really need to thank you. If there’s anything I can do to repay you, just let me know. These clothes are wonderful.” She smiled. “Think nothing of it, darling. I said I would make you something and I did. If you really want to repay me, though, come back sometime so I can make you some real, fashionable clothing.” To keep my conscience clean, I told her I would. After saying our goodbyes, Twilight and I headed to Sugarcube Corner. "Twilight, I really can't thank you enough for all this. I will pay you back somehow, and I won't take no for an answer." "Who said you wouldn't pay me back?" Twilight turned to me with a smirk. It felt like one of those smirks that meant I was going to regret it. "You still haven't told me everything about you and your world. Maybe a few experiments will be enough." Oh God no! I ran. I knew I couldn't hide from Twilight, but I could get some time! I hurried into Sugarcube Corner and went into the kitchen. As I leaned against one of the walls, I thought about what I just did. Okay, I'm an idiot. We were already headed here and one of her friends works her. I even ran into the kitchen! Only employees are supposed to be back here! Yeah, I'm going to get in trouble. "Hey Dex-Wex!" Oh joy~. "What are you doing in the kitchen? Did you want to help me make some yum yum yummy confections?!" Oookay. Kinda surprised she knew that word. And hell, why not. "Sure thing, Pinkie. Oh, and if Twilight shows up, can you say I'm not here?" "Why would you do that?” She gasped in what I could only imagine was mock realization. “Are you playing hide and seek?" Yeah, let's go with that. "Not exactly, Pinkie. She said something about experiments." Really?! Mouth, seriously, stop it. "Oh, I know what you mean. Twilight can get so caught up in her experiments. Don't you worry, Auntie Pinkie Pie has your back! Well, not really, because that woul-" Okay, I'll just stay back here for a bit and help make cakes and cookies. Just as long as Twilight doesn't come back here to ask Pi- "Pinkie! Have you seen Dex around?" As soon as she said this, her head popped through the kitchen doorway. She saw me next to Pinkie and frowned. "Dex! What are you doing back here? I was joking!" "Eheh, yeah, joking. I knew that. I'm, ahhh, going to help Pinkie bake. To~ help pay for lunch! Yeah!" She is not going to believe me. "I told you, it's fine. Get out here so we can eat. If you really want to do that, you can after lunch. I still have to write that letter to Celestia anyway." I agreed and followed her out. During the conversation, Pinkie was still on her rant about... something. As soon as the doors swung back, Pinkie yelled out. "Okay! I'll see you after lunch, Dex!" She's just so carefree ain't she? Lunch wasn't all that healthy. The closest thing they had was a strawberry filled croissant thing. There were so many sugar-based foods that it was a good thing I didn't care about my health right then. Twilight and I didn't talk about much and ended up back on the subject of space. "Now that we have some time, what was that about Sol and galaxies?" Is it sad that's pretty much all I know? "I don't know much more about it, honestly. My planet, and others, revolve around the sun. That group of planets, with the sun, revolves around a black hole that created a galaxy called the Milky Way." "The planet revolves around the sun? When I told you the princess controls the sun, you didn't say anything." Crapcrapcrapcrapcrap! "Uh, well, just because my planet revolves around the sun doesn't mean yours does. Sure, it goes against basic physics, but you guys have magic. Anything is possible." Aw man, I just had to throw that physics line in there. "You seem very open minded about this." Twilight's suspicious tone switched to one of curiosity suddenly. "What was that you said about physics?" Bail out! "I know some basic laws of physics, but I'm not an expert. We could talk all day about science, but I think I should go help Pinkie." I glanced towards the kitchen, hoping she’d drop the subject. She sighed. "Yes, you're right. I have to let Celestia know about you as well. I'm heading back. Do you know the way?" "Sure do. With my eyesight normal again, I won't have any problems. I'll see you in a few hours, okay?" Twilight stood and walked to the door. "Okay, have fun paying for lunch!" With that, she ran out giggling. I have no idea why, but I get the feeling that it won't be as easy as I'd hoped. The universe hates me. Baking with Pinkie really wasn't as easy as I had thought. By the time I left Sugarcube Corner, I was covered in flour, dough, and cake batter. Pinkie had somehow managed to make a biscuit-cake. It truly was an abomination. You'd think biscuit-cake would mean a muffin, but nooo. It was a cake, inside a biscuit. How she did it I’d never know as when I tried to copy it, the thing exploded as soon as I opened the oven to check it. Other than that fiasco, I had spent the past hour and a half making cupcakes, cookies, and other assorted baked goods. When I returned to the library, I saw Twilight reading. I told her I was going to get cleaned up and she responded with an 'uh huh' without looking away from her book. Another quick shower and clean clothes later, I looked in the mirror. I didn't look that much different from normal. My beard was still growing in, just as red tinted as always, and my hair was as thin and dark blonde as before. The higher color contrast did make my eyes more blue than silver, however. Satisfied that I hadn't changed, I headed back to Twilight. She didn't look good. She was holding a scroll in her magic and she turned to me when she heard me coming. It looked like some color had drained from her face and a look of slight shock was etched upon it. "What's up? You look like you've seen a ghost,” I said as I ran my hand through my hair in an attempt to comb it back. Twilight snapped out of whatever she was thinking about and hid the scroll behind her back. "Oh, uh, nothing. Everything's fine. No worries." She was stammering through her speech. "Okay~. Was that from Celestia? Does she know what's going on?" If it is, this isn't looking good for me. "Um, yeah. She uh, she wants to see you. She is sending another letter and a chariot when she is available." I couldn't tell what she was hiding from me. Her mannerisms did say there was more to it, but I didn't want to push too much. "...All right. Did she say anything about how long it would be?" "Right now, I would say." Twilight and I spun around to the new voice. On the upstairs loft of the library, stood Celestia. "Princess Celestia?!" we said in unison.