SODOR
All the engines were meeting at the Search and Rescue Centre after a very excruciating search. They had seen neither buffer nor boiler of the little blue engine. Their faces were so red that James and Norman looked as though they were on fire. To make matters worse, Sir Topham Hatt was getting edgier and edgier.
"If that tank engine is going to be a nuisance, we might as well call off the search. What with him sabotaging the Express lines, throwing flatbeds of rail girders down a cavern, and disposing of the dynamite the way he did. He could've hurt Ryan!"
"Um sir?" This came from Ryan. "I had some bad coal earlier to that time. It caused some sparks to fly from my funnel onto the dynamite. He was just trying to get rid of the cars before anyone got hurt. I was at the wrong place."
Sir Topham Hatt was shocked, but recovered. "Yes well, that still doesn't justify his other misdeeds."
"He told us that he found the pirate ship in the cavern," said Duck.
"And he was provoked into "taking" the Express because Gordon called him a silly little tank engine," added Emily.
("See?" said Duck. "We're agreeing on things. We always did. Even during that so-called replacement spat."
"I never replaced him!" protested Emily. There were complaints about lack of female power."
"GET ON WITH IT!" thundered God.)
Anyway, Sir Topham Hatt was astounded by these new revelations. "I'll still call off the search, but only to give you all a chance to recuperate. We shall resume afterwards. I will speak to Thomas when we find him."
"But sir," protested Stanley, "considering how harsh you were, Ryan and I figured that he might not want to come back."
"We'll just have to try," sighed Sir Topham Hatt.
EQUESTRIA CAROUSEL BOUTIQUE
Thomas had recovered from his bout with the cupcake wrap so Discord asked Sweetie Belle to take them to Rarity. This time Discord was dressed as Eagleton from "Batman: The animated series" (ask John de Lancie) and Thomas was in tacky clothes (I'm a fop when it comes to telling which clothes are tacky or not. Those of you who are will just have to use your imagination. Possibly resembling Woody Allen?)
"So how did you get here, mister?" asked Sweetie Belle. Thomas was again reluctant to explain so Discord spun a half truth about Thomas visiting from somewhere else. What was false was that he claimed that Thomas was from Las Pegasus. "Then why are his clothes so...?" Discord whispered to her that Rarity would want to do something about it. Soon the reached the Carousel Boutique, home and workplace to Rarity and Sweetie Belle. The 3 walked in. "Big sis, we have visitors."
"In a moment." Rarity was at the sewing machine, working on some clothes. She turned to greet them...and gasped. "Why Thomas, what on earth are you wearing?!?" She looked Thomas over, appalled by the clothes he was wearing. "This won't do a tall, darling. What you need is a new suit. I could get one for you, if you want," she added, fluttering her eyes in a flirtatious way.
Thomas blushed and tugged at his collar, Rodney Dangerfield like. "Uh sure. Er, of course you can." ("She's starting to remind me of somebody I know," he thought.) Rarity bundled onto the posing spot, then measured him.
"Honestly my dear, what were you thinking, putting on these...things? Did you think you could bring on the 80s?"
("That era sounds familiar," thought Thomas.)
"Why if I was in that getup, I'd hide in my room."
("Now I know who she reminds me of," thought Thomas, "James.")
"They'd get along smashingly, wouldn't they," mused Discord aloud.
"Yes, they w-" Thomas started to agree, then realized: "Will you get out of my head?"
"Hold still," chided Rarity.
"Sorry."
Eventually, Rarity was working on the suit, and some time later produced a dark blue suit with a thin gold stripe down each side. There was also a red tie to go with it. "Well, what are you waiting for, darling? Put it on." She showed him to the fitting room and he stumbled in. He tried to try it on, but they could hear him having difficulties. But he managed to get it on and soon entered the room, not bad to look at.
"Oh...my," sighed Rarity, "you look stunning." She almost swooned, but Sweetie Belle and Discord caught her.
"My Thomas, you certainly do have a way with the ladies," remarked Discord. This got Rarity's attention.
"Don't you dare..." she started, but Sweetie Belle couldn't hold it in. Seconds later, she was bursting into song.
"Thomas and Rarity, sitting under a tree. K-I-S-S-I-"
"SWEETIE BELLE!" interrupted Rarity, blushing furiously; likewise with Thomas whose face was almost as red as James. Looking around desperately for something that could change the subject, she spotted a bag of books on a counter. "Here, um maybe you could, uh, take these to Twilight for a donation. She's away at the moment, but if you could give them to Spike..."
"I'd be happy to," said Thomas, a little louder than he intended. Rarity draped (if you could call it draping) the satchel on Thomas's shoulders (or back) and he and Discord were gone in a flash. Sweetie Belle lost her giggly persona.
"Um you do know we were planning on throwing those books out right?"
"Oh, shazbot."
FRIENDSHIP CASTLE
Spike was dozing on the table when he was awoken by same flash. He looked around wildly until he saw Thomas and Discord standing in the doorway. There was a difference: Thomas's suit was in one of those big cleaner bags, held by Discord who was in the guise of the Sheriff of Nottingham. As for Thomas, he was in the guise of Robin Hood. He looked at Discord incredulously.
"Ok, I'll bite. Why this? Wasn't the suit Rarity made good enough?"
"Oh, it was, but only for special occasions," said Discord. "I chose these because once again, they seem familiar."
Discord's words flew 'round Thomas's head until it dawned on him. "Oh no. We can't. We couldn't. You wouldn't."
"Hello Thomas," Spike interrupted, "what brings you here? And why are you with Discord?"
"We just came from the Carousel Boutique," said Discord.
"Rarity made me a new suit," said Thomas, "and she had some books to donate."
"Ooh," said Spike, "what kind of books?"
"We don't know, we were...kind of...rushed." said Thomas, "Well let's see what fascinating pubescent treasures are here."
"Now why do those words ring a bell?" murmured Discord.
Thomas had selected a book with a title that consisted of a shed and a number and showed it to Spike. "According to the back cover, this explains how trains can-"
"[Uh oh]," murmured Discord, "[I know why those words sounded familiar.] Uh Thomas-"
"JESUS H. TAP DANCING CHRIST!"
Too late. Thomas rushed out of the room, screaming. He returned later, carrying a stunned Twilight (who for some reason was in the guise of Maid Marian), and leveled her at the book. He began moving her hind legs up and down, omitting blasts from her horn to the book until it was reduced to a pile of ashes. Thomas released Twilight and pointed a hoof angrily at the remnants. "You...can't hurt...anyone...anymore." Discord touched Thomas's head with his lion paw and the poor stallion passed out.
LATER
"What was all that about?" asked Spike.
"He found the part in that story where a clone took the phrase 'screaming fit to burst' all too literally," explained Discord.
Twilight had levitated the unconscious Thomas to her room. Rarity had arrived to stop Twilight, but saw her carrying Thomas. The 2 mares exchanged stories on how Thomas and Discord acquired the books (which got a little heated if you recall Rarity's swooning). After which, the 4 skimmed through the stories; words cannot describe their expressions as they discovered the horrors of the stories that shall not be mentioned here. Twilight destroyed them then went to check on Thomas. The poor boy was awake and very down in the dumps.
"I'm sorry for what I did," he told Twilight, "the one picture was so terrible. The thing looked as though it was going to drag me in." And he began to cry. "This may sound embarrassing, but...can you hold me please?"
Twilight was taken aback by this, but all the same, she wrapped her hooves around him. He buried his face into her, sobbing uncontrollably. "Shh, there there," she whispered, "it's ok. I'm here for you."
"Always?"
"Always."