Fanta stared into the small fire pit she had dug out. They had been trekking across the Badlands for two days and it was starting to take its toll. Looking up, she saw the moon and stars were out. She idly wondered if that lazy, good-for-nothing moon princess could see her. She looked over at their tent. Snuggle Feather was happily occupied, playing with some tiny plastic toy cats. Fanta inwardly cringed.
--------------------
Many miles away, down a dark corridor, a tall figure was slowly walking. The figure suddenly stopped, as the shadows around them started to creep towards them.
"How are the plans proceeding?" asked a ghostly voice, emanating from the shadows themselves.
"They are going fine - the little complication is being taken care of, as we speak. I... still do not see why I could not solve the problem myse-"
"Silence." The shadows seemed frustrated. "You are needed here. Let the dogs take care of the trespasser."
"O-of course, Master." The tall figure nodded, and the shadows seemed to retreat. The figure unhurriedly continued down the corridor as if nothing had happened.
---------------
Back in the Badlands, Feather was sleeping peacefully. Fanta, meanwhile, was being kept awake by Feather's admittedly cute snores. She sighed and crept out of the tent.
Looking up at the stars, she wondered how she was going to beat this Cat Scratching Pole or whatever his name was. She'd had to listen to her companion natter on about the books, her stalking the author, and the details of each trap. She sighed again. The trip had been a torment, but at least she had something to occupy herself with. The journey was long, but she had been considerably less grumpy. She shook her head and grabbed a carrot from her pack, trotting back to the tent.
The next morning, Feather woke up with a carrot inserted into her mouth. She sleepily ate it, then turned to check on her bed-mate. She saw her companion outside, beating the living daylight out of a changeling. Feather nodded, guessed that she had a few more precious minutes to rest, and rolled over in her sleeping bag. Her nap was quickly cut short as an unconscious changeling crashed into the tent, knocking Feather out the other side. She squeaked, fumbling for her glasses and, upon locating them, barely had time to register the changeling warrior speeding towards her. With another squeak she instinctively ducked and the warrior tripped, sailing over her and crashing into what used to be a tent. After a few more minutes of pained yelling, buzzing, and cracking of carapaces, the changelings fled the war machine that was Fanta.
Feather peeked out from under her hooves, to see Fanta standing over her with a blank expression. Feather giggled nervously and stood up.
"Are they all gone?"
"Yep."
"Phew!" She stood up.
"Should we continue? I mean, those changelings were stopping us for some rea-" she looked round to see Fanta already packing the rucksacks.
"Are you even listening to me?"
"Nope."
"But-"
"Help me pack, or I'll leave you to the bugs."
"Ugh, fiiiiine. You're so mean, Fanta."
"Yep. Learn to love it, kid. Learn to love it."
"Don't call me a kid!"
The next morning, they arrived without incident at the borders of the jungle. Feather looked up at the dense foliage of trees and exotic plants.
"Do we reeeaaally have to go in there?"
"Yes, Feather. We do. You said so yourself, this is where Ahuizotl's little fort is, so that's where we're headed."
"What if I told you that his fortress was actually underneath Ponyville?"
"I'd tie you up and leave you here because, if that was the case, we'd have come all this way for nothing." Fanta rolled her eye to look at Feather. "Where's his fort, Feather?"
Feather grumbled and pointed at the heaving green jungle.
"Good. Then let's go." Fanta slipped into the bushes.
"Vamanos, Dora!" Feather muttered under her breath, before following the white mare into the tropical maze.
The jungle was thick and valiant, trying its best to force the pair out of its domain. Fanta, however, didn't care in the slightest and pushed on anyway. Feather was following Fanta, not sure if the jungle or the unicorn were more terrifying. After hours of fighting the waves of humid air and legions of angry vegetation, Feather spoke up.
"Errr, Fanta?"
"Yeah?"
"What're we looking for? You've been staring at the floor this entire time, and not going in any particular direction. It feels like you're looking for something."
"I'm looking for a trap, Feather."
"A trap?"
"A trap."
"Aren't we supposed to avoid those?"
"Mhm. Not this time."
"W-what DO YOU MEAN, 'NOT THIS TIME'!?"
"I mean in this instance, we're looking for- ah. Come stand on this tripwire."
"You're out of your mind!"
"Absolutely. Now, the tripwire?" Feather growled in frustration, stomped over to Fanta and slammed her foot on the tripwire.
"Are you happy, you whacko?!"
A net shot up from under their hooves, scooping them up and leaving them suspended from a tree. Feather awkwardly twisted her head to give Fanta a dark look. Fanta grinned in return, and patted Feather on the head. If Fanta didn't know better, she'd have sworn she heard Feather purr.
A few hours later, Fanta and her accomplice were brought before Ahuizotl. Feather was simultaneously in both the middle of a fangirl moment and a heart attack, and Fanta didn't give a monkey’s about the whole situation. Ahuizotl was having a great time and Daring Do was humming the recent Crystal Empire music hit, 'The Spike-Spangled Banner'.
"Muuuahahahahaa! So, foolish mares, you dared to trespass on my property, and now, you shall pay the price!" Ahuizotl broke into another fit of laughter, suddenly interrupted by a small voice.
"Did you... Um... Mumble mumble..." Fanta looked over at Feather, who was trembling with fright.
"What did you say, little pony?" Ahuizotl leaned in, his eyes narrowed to slits.
"I... I said... I-is this really your property? Like, we weren't aware that this land was owned by any party other than the Crowns, do we didn't know we were trespassing." Feather looked up at Ahuizotl, who was too stunned to speak.
"What do you mean, is this my property? Of course it's my property! I'm the king of the jungle!"
"A-actually, the lion is the king of the jungle." Upon hearing this, the lion (who also happened to have a PHD in business and law) in the corner started to sweat, and slowly backed away.
"Enough of this! Throw them in the dungeon, and throw Miss Do with them!"
'Miss Do' meanwhile, had been thoroughly enjoying Feather's little outburst, stifling her giggles as hard as she could as she was untied and dragged unceremoniously to the dungeon.
"So." Daring picked herself up, and stretched. "Who are you two? I hope you're not more devoted fans."
"I-I'm a fan of your books! But... That's not why we're here." Feather spoke up, then looked at Fanta. "Should you tell her, or should I?"
As Feather recounted their tale, Fanta looked back over their adventure. Feather had grown up so much in the last few days, and Fanta herself had perked up a bit, leaning more on sarcasm than grumpiness. She looked up at Feather and Daring, who were occasionally looking over at Fanta and giggling to themselves, talking in hushed, excited whispers.
She tried not to think about it.
Her single eye trailed over the dungeon walls. She couldn't see any loose tiles, and the door was solid steel. To make matters worse, the guards had confiscated her frying pan.
"Fanta?" She looked round, to see Feather sitting next to her. "Can I ask a question?"
"Sure, why not."
"Why did you let us get captured?"
"So that we could be taken to their base without searching for it."
"Ah."
The dungeon was silent.
"Fanta?"
"What now?"
"Why are you doing this?"
Fanta raised an eyebrow at Feather.
"How do you mean?"
"I mean, why're you going on this whole adventure? You could've easily moved to Canterlot or Fillydelphia, away from those cat-ponies, but instead you try to save Ponyville. Why?"
Fanta looked at Feather with an odd expression. "You sure you wanna know why, kid?"
"Yeah, that's why I asked."
"Oh, right. Um..." Fanta hoofed at the ground.
"I like Ponyville. Well, I don't LIKE like Ponyville, I just dislike it less than everywhere else. Like, Canterlot is full of snobs, and so is pretty much everywhere else. In Ponyville, you can live pretty much anonymously, it's not expensive to live there, and it's pretty stress-free. Except, of course, for that hot pink abomination."
"Did you just say Pinkie was hot?"
"Yeah. I mean, no! NO!!"
Feather wiggled and squealed, rolling around on the dungeon floor.
"Pinkie and Fanta, sitting in a tree! K-I-S-S-I-N-mmmph!" Feather's mouth was suddenly full of Fanta hoof.
"I MEANT HOT PINK AS IN THE COLOUR, YOU DUMB BLUE HORSE!!" Fanta was going a rather hot shade of pink herself. "How could anyone think that Pinkie is attractive? Who could love those bright blue eyes, that joyfully poofy mane, that always-happy manner that you just can't help but fall in love wi-...." Fanta decided to be quiet, while Feather winked at her.
"Have you two quite finished?" They looked up at Daring, who was tinkering with the door's lock using a chip of marble she had found, probably fallen off the ornate designs on the walls. The door clicked open, and Daring looked at them.
"Do you two want to make out and get it over with, or shall we go?" The pair stood up, one blushing in seething fury, the other gleefully planning a blind date for her companion and her sugary crush.
As the trio snuck down the hall, they could hear Ahuizotl's maniacal laughter from somewhere up ahead. They peeked into every room, but strangely enough, couldn't find any of his minions. Eventually, they stumbled into the Jungle God's own bedroom. They started to search it immediately, looking for clues on beating the mind-cat menace. Daring was looking through some trinkets on a table, Fanta was skimming through tomes, and Feather was bouncing happily on the bed.
"Wheeee~!"
"Feather come and help- Hey, Fanta. Come look at this."
Fanta dropped the tomes in a heap, and trotted over to Daring.
"Hey, they have those in the bigger cities. I think they're called computers. Why would a jungle god have one?"
"No clue, but it gives me a great idea." Daring grinned as she loaded up Hoofle, and typed something into the search bar. Fanta grinned. Feather bounced and took no notice of the two plotting mares.
--------------
Ahuizotl's day was going from bad, to great, to terrible. His captives had been reported missing three hours ago and his cat minions couldn't find them anywhere. Even his top hunter tiger, Mr Mumbles, hasn't come up with anything. Suddenly, the room darkened. Sweat trickled down his neck as the shadows enveloped him.
"So... You betrayed me." The ghastly voice spoke from the shadows.
"No, wait! My captives have only just escaped, I can find-... Wait, betrayed?"
"Yesss. Betrayed. You were seeking to overthrow me."
"I-I was not!"
"Oh yeah? Look what I found in your browser history." The computer appeared in the darkness, floating towards Ahuizotl.
"You look at my browser history?! How DARE you!"
"Shut up and look at the screen, traitor." Ahuizotl growled and logged into his Hoofmail account, and accessed his search history. He went pale as he looked at the last few searches. 'How to overthrow boss', 'whack your boss 2', and 'coupe d'état for dummies' were the top three, and the list went on down the page, all similar searches to that one.
"I-I didn't search those, I swear!"
"You always were such a poor liar, Ahuizotl."
A dark, evil presence opened behind Ahuizotl, the gates of Tartarus summoned to claim another victim.
"WAIT! IT WASN'T MEE!"
"Even if you're telling the truth, you have proven yourself useless anyway. Goodbye. Oh, and Ahuizotl?"
The Lord of Cats was clinging to his throne, his grip slipping as he stared into the two bright yellow eyes in the shadows.
"Next time, try turning on private browsing."
"NOOOOOOOOOO!!" The doors slammed shut as Ahuixotl disappeared inside them, and faded away. The shadows lingered for a moment, but slowly retreated into their natural positions.
Meanwhile, in the dungeon across from their original cell, the trip relaxed.
"Now that he's taken care of, the mind-cats will be leaderless!" Feather giggled.
"I must say, Miss Shock[MF7] . Your idea to hide in the cell across was a brilliant one. They'd never think to look for us here." Daring praised.
Fanta yawned. "I'm going home."
"Ooh, would you two like to stay the night at my place?" Daring offered. "It's not too far from here."
Fanta shrugged. Feather's face had gone a deep red, and she nodded enthusiastically.
"Okay, I guess that's settled. Follow me."
-------------------
Lyra Heartstrings woke up. She groggily groaned, and rolled over. It took her a few minutes to realise she was outside, on the street. She sleepily stood up, and shook her head. To her surprise, a rather shocked-looking purple cat fell out of her mane. She squeaked and backed away from the traumatised feline. Looking around, she saw other ponies pulling identical cats out of their manes, looking at each other in shock. She sighed. Time for yet another Ponyville clean-up. She grimaced, her mouth tasted of cat food. She saw her best friend.
"Hey, Bon Bon! Come give me a hand with all these cats!"
"Don't you mean hoof?"
"Oh! Um, yeah!"
-------------------
An ivory white pony lay in her soft feather bed. Suddenly, she shot up. Her room was engulfed in dense, sickly shadow, save for the huge silver eye looking down at her. She caught her breath, and calmed herself.
"W-what do you want?"
"Just letting you know your foolish feline-obsessed underling has failed for the last time."
Celestia sighed. "I told you he was unreliable."
"The past is the past." The great eye loomed closer, searching the ivory mare's soul with its unblinking gaze. "Have you given in, my dear? Does your sister know of our... relationship?"
"Luna? No, of course not! A-as long as you leave her alone, she'll never find out."
The darkness rasped and cackled with evil glee. "Oh Celestia, you're so easy to toy with. I'll leave Luna alone. Just hold up your end of the bargain."
Celestia nodded, and the darkness faded back into the shadows. She sighed, and got up. She needed something to take her mind off of her problems. Opening her fridge, she levitated out a bottle of forty-thousand-something year-old red wine.
'Time spells are over-powered.' She thought, as she poured herself a glass.