//------------------------------// // Rules of the Game // Story: Spike's Doom and/or Destiny // by terrycloth //------------------------------// While everypony else had lunch at the tavern, Bon Bon headed to the back room to get her equipment. She emerged a while later wearing a rather nice black coat, tightly buttoned down her chest, and a forest green bandanna around her head wrapping her hair. “Aww, I was hoping for a puffy hat,” Derpy said, finishing off her orange juice. “Apparently, they only sell starter equipment in Castle Town,” Bon Bon said flatly, taking a seat at the table. Moondancer, who was still reading through the pamphlet she’d taken from the armorer, did a sudden double take. “That can’t be right.” As everypony looked at her, she explained, “This section was all about how heroes need to buy their own equipment, and how no one is allowed to help them or give them anything except as payment for a quest. Kind of annoying, but par for the course, you know?” She laid the pamphlet out on the table, and placed a hoof on it, underlining one clause. “But look at this.” The other three leaned over to read it, Spike and Bon Bon reading over her shoulders and Derpy peering down from overhead. “Seriously?” Bon Bon said. “Sweet!” Spike said. “We’re not actually going to do that, are we?” Derpy asked. “We have to,” Moondancer said, grinning. “It’s the law. Come on, let’s go look for unlocked houses.” === “Ahh!” shouted the mare in the kitchen as the four of them burst through her front door. She quickly relaxed. “Oh, it’s the heroes! Are you here to rob me?” “Yes,” Moondancer said. “Want to make it easy for us and hand over all your valuables?” “Sorry,” she said. “I’m not allowed to give you anything. You’ll have to search for yourselves. Um… can you try not to make too much of a mess?” “No promises,” Bon Bon said, heading for a wardrobe near the front door. “Derpy, you get the flowerpots.” Derpy saluted. “Yes ma’am!” Spike headed into the bedroom, and searched the dresser. He quickly located a jewelry box, and rifled through it. “Um… she’s got a bunch of gems here. Is that on the list?” Moondancer ran her eyes down the page. “Only if they’re magical. We can only take things we can use and actual currency.” “They’re not magic,” the mare of the house said, standing in front of the oven with a fake smile plastered on her face as she tried to watch as many of the adventurers as she could see without moving. There was a loud smash as Derpy threw a flowerpot against the wall. “Nothing in this one!” The mare in the kitchen whimpered. === “Well, this was a bust,” Spike said, after they finished searching. All in all, they’d ended up with forty-seven golz and three little boxes of orange juice. There was more food in the fridge, but none of it would keep. Bon Bon stood in the kitchen. “Sorry, ma’am. We’re just trying to do a thorough job.” “I understand,” she said. “I didn’t really like those pots anyway.” Bon Bon smiled. “I don’t suppose we could use your oven? I’d like to bake some muffins for the road.” “Sorry, I’m standing in front of it,” she said. Bon Bon stared at her for a few seconds. “You could move.” “You’re not allowed to move me,” The mare said. “I’m standing in front of it.” “You could move… on your own?” Spike asked. She shook her head. “Forget it,” Moondancer said. “We’ve got plenty of other houses to rob.” === “Another house, another hundred golz,” Spike grumbled. “This is a lot less fun than I thought it would be.” “Well, what did you expect? These people are used to being robbed by heroes,” Derpy said. “Did you see how quickly those guys in the mansion all rushed into place to keep us from getting up the stairs?” “You could have just flown over them,” Bon Bon said. Derpy frowned. “But that’s cheating!” “Hey! This one has an unguarded oven!” said Moondancer from the kitchen. The heroes crowded inside, then made room for Bon Bon to push to the front. “Finally!” she said. “Go get some milk and eggs out of the fridge, and –” she paused, and looked over at the fridge, and at the smug stallion standing in front of it. “Oh come on!” Spike opened a cupboard. “I found the sugar and flour.” Bon Bon stared at the stallion. “I don’t suppose you have a side quest you could do to let us raid your fridge?” “Then I’d have to go get groceries,” he said, shaking his head. “We could go on a sidequest to get his groceries?” Derpy suggested. Bon Bon scowled. “If we leave to get groceries, he’ll stand in front of the oven. I know how these ponies think.” “One of us could go—” Spike started. “Don’t split the party,” said Bon Bon, Moondancer, and Derpy in unison. “Can you make muffins out of just flour, sugar, and water from the sink?” Moondancer asked. Derpy hissed, and bared her teeth. Moondancer shied away. “Nevermind.” Bon Bon gave an evil grin as she had a sudden thought. “You know… I might not be able to bake muffins, but all you really need for candy is sugar.” She glanced at the pony still blocking access to the fridge. “Just think about it… sticky syrup, solidifying on every surface. Rock hard crusts of candy coating your cutlery. Heh heh.” “You’ll wash up afterwards, right?” he asked. “Do I look like a dishwasher?” Bon Bon asked. “Actually –” Spike started, then thought better of it. “I could do the dishes?” “Only if he pays you for it,” Bon Bon said. “Heroes don’t work for free. Now, get me a big sauce pan, and that sugar…” === Two hours later, they left the house with a big bag of hard candy. They’d used up all the sugar, so the stallion was going to have to go to the grocery store after all. Spike sucked on a chunk. “Not bad,” he said. “But will it actually heal us?” “I hope so,” Bon Bon said. “If I’m going to get shoe-horned into a ‘cook’ class, I’d better get something out of it.” “Wish we had some way to test it,” Spike said. “I could stab you?” Bon Bon suggested. Derpy swooped down to stand between them. “Save the stabbing for the monsters! There’s got to be hordes of them lurking just outside of town, right? We can go try it on them.” “Are you sure we’ve done everything we can here?” Moondancer asked. “I don’t want to leave before we’re ready.” “We haven’t searched every nook and cranny, but we’ll be coming back after we rescue the princess,” Bon Bon said. “Maybe sooner than that, depending on how many random monsters we run into on the way.” “Then let’s get this show on the road!” Spike said, lifting his sword. “Onwards, to glory!” “And treasure,” Bon Bon added. Derpy grinned and drew her cutlass. “In the name of the Great Muffin!” Moondancer saluted, with her staff. “Let’s finish this game, and then wring Lyra’s neck.” “Hey!” Bon Bon said, glowering. “Nopony gets to wring Lyra’s neck but me.” “Can I watch?” Moondancer asked. Bon Bon glared for a few more seconds, then shrugged. “Okay, but no helping. I wouldn’t want it to be over too quick.”