I awake oddly refreshed. After arising from bed, I stretch, and begin to feel fully awake. I walk to the closet opposite my room, and retrieve my job uniform from my closet. I quickly iron it, and then put it on. I work minimum wage at a fast food restaurant. Aren't I a lucky man? I put on my sneakers, and then head out the door. I own a really trashy car, but it takes me where I need to go. As I approach the vehicle, I spot something out of the corner of my eye.
"Hi!"
I whir around to my right, and see Diane walking along down the street. She was dressed differently, wearing a long-sleeve pink t-shirt, and blue jeans. I then began to notice her rather busty chest, which made me look away.
"Um, hello?" I managed to mutter out.
As I unlocked the driver-side door, I gave one last glance to where Diane was. But she had vanished.
"Where did she go?" I ask aloud, but I received no further answer.
That Afternoon
I arrive home from work in a heap. It had been an absolutely brutal day, and I needed to get some rest. It then dawned on me; I still had to write that letter. I go to my bedroom, change into a tank-top with denim shorts, and go to what I call my "writing station." It easily was the best part of my house, in my opinion, and probably the most expensive item I had. It is located in my closet, which is rather spacious. I pushed passed the mountain of clothes, and at last I arrived to the desk where I dropped off my thoughts. The writing station is a desk which resembled one from a school. Under it was a steel rack, and as I sat down into it, I withdrew some paper and pencil. This is it, the day I make history. I take a deep breath, and put the pencil to the paper.
Dear Hasbro,
I have been a fan of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic for about two months now. I simply must tell you, I can not stand to watch it anymore. The main reason for me writing this mail is due to Pinkie Pie. She has singlehandedly ruined what I initially thought would be a good show. I hate everything about her. Let's start with her speaking voice. Her voice sounds like you're grinding a squirrel's testicles on a cheese grader. And her talking for more than two seconds is just a complete waste of air time. I also hate her singing. Even Nikki Minaj sings better than that pink cunt! And let us not forget the episode where she TRIED to rap! 50 Cent raps better than Pinkie! Her rap was so embarrassing that I had to have a cold shower just to take my mind off it! I also hate Pinkie's hair. Her hair looks like Chewbacca wiped his Gluteus Maximus on her head. I hate how Pinkie just looks! What an eyesore! And her fashion sense is so bad, that it'd make Joan Rivers jump off a five-story balcony. And let's not forget to mention all this retarded shipping with her and any other character. You couldn't PAY me to have sex with her, even if she was in human form. Whoever created this monstrosity must've been disowned by their parents! I wish I could take back my wasted time having to listen to Pinkie Pie talk, sing, or rap.
Have a bad day,
John Smith~
I grin wickedly at my letter, and smooch it. I go to the kitchen, and retrieve an envelope. I carefully fold my letter into it, and on the cover of the envelope, I write.
Please send to this address: 1027 Newport Ave, Pawtucket, RI 02861
I hastily go to my mailbox, and drop it in.
I then feel sickeningly happy. I let out an evil laugh, which goes on for a good five minutes.
"Feel my wrath, Hasbro!"