//------------------------------// // I am Empty, mostly // Story: Everything I am // by BallotBox //------------------------------// Entry 3 Once more the sun has begun its decent, allowing me a few moments to record my thoughts upon waking. I made a mistake. I lost my temper at the guardspony Sunny Flare and afterward, once I reached the prison sanctuary that is my room, I felt nothing. I was no longer angry or embarrassed or anxious. The wave of emotion that had crashed over me disappeared as quickly as it appeared and it made me realize that I am empty without the Nightmare. Without the spirit here to pour determination and fury into me, I float along without a guide. Even as I woke to the moon's seductive call, I found no drive to attend my lessons or court. I wish to lay here and rot as I have for a thousand years. Yet I know that I can not. Even as my body fell into disuse on the moon my mind was work plotting and scheming turning my hatred over and over in my head until it was all that filled me. Anger and hatred leave little room for friendship or forgiveness in one's heart and now that what I had has been torn from my soul I find myself longing for something to fill myself with. Anything. The moon's pull grows stronger as the sun reaches it trough and I must attend to my duties, lest I begin to frighten the populous once more. Yet I find myself, not wanting to move. The call pains me to ignore but the moon, my purpose, my power is my prison. The surface I once found unbearably beautiful strikes fear into my very soul I can not help but look away from her heavy gaze. Even now in this room I feel her weight at the base of my horn causing me to wish to simply bow my head and let her crush me. Luna closed the book and put it away before standing up to stretch. As if on cue a quiet knock disturb the silence of the room. Quickly making herself presentable. "Enter." She spoke quietly but with authority, turning to watch the door open thought it did so slowly. In the doorway stood a single mare with a periwinkle blue coat that was commented by her periwinkle pink and white mane. The mare had bright green eyes and a forced smile on her face. "We... I wilt not harm thee, I am Princess Luna and thee art ?" Luna painted a polite if distant smile across her own face and spoke softly in an attempt to comfort the pony. "I-I'm P-P-Peri Blossom, ma'am. P-P-Princess Celestia sent me to a-a-ttend you tonight." The mare stumbled over her words and kept her eyes on the ground, refusing to meet Luna's gaze. Luna lost her smile and nodded. "I must thank mine sister for sending such needed assistance ." With that Luna turned and exited the room. "Peri Blossom, where are we meant to meet my sister this night?" "Her high-ness is waiting in the th-throne room ma'am." Peri Blossom hurried along to lead the way, hardly checking to be sure Luna followed. The mare walked quickly, doing her best to remain at least ten hoofsteps in front of Luna at all times as if being near the princess would kill her. Luna did her best to keep up though her eyes were most often on the ground, she occasionally looked up to meet the gaze of a servant or noblepony. Even when she did not look up, the eyes on her caused Luna great distress and she sped up, in turn causing Peri to speed up. The entered the throne room at a quick trot, Peri scampering across to stand near the wall as Luna entered. "Lulu." Celestia smiled brightly and stepped off the throne, moving to the center of the room. Luna moved toward her, inclining her head politely. "Sister." The two ponies met in the center of the room and embraced each other before turning to face opposite windows. Celestia lit her horn and reared up, slamming her hooves against the ground before bowing her head. The sun slowly moved below the horizon, leaving the sky empty. Luna's actions seemed to be the opposite, bowing and lifting her head before rearing up. The moon rose slowly, beginning its path across the sky. Luna's horn remained lit and she closed her eyes, imagining her night sky. Without opening her eyes she tilted her head this way and that, painting the familiar sight from memory. So enraptured in her art, Luna did not notice the sound of hoofsteps moving toward the door. She painted quickly and the true night sky was soon a work of beauty unseen for a thousand years. She opened her eyes with a small smile, hoping to find a positive reaction to her work, only to find the room nearly empty of life. The only pony who remained inside the throne room was Peri Blossom who'd kept her eyes solidly on the ground. Luna's head bowed and she continued her path toward the throne, seating herself and lifting her chin. "We doth declare this Midnight court is in session. Send in the first petitioner!" The large throne room doors did open, quickly, as a throng of reporters rushed in with cameras flashing. Luna flinched back in shock from all the sudden bright lights, wrapping her wings about herself as a shield. This blocked her eyes, but not her ears. " Luna! Is it true that you became NightmareMoon because you know Princess Celestia is a better ruler?" Luna's wings twitched and closed more tightly around her as she practically buried her face in her feathers. "NightmareMoon! Is it true you tried to seal Princess Celestia in the sun?" "Luna! Is the Nightmare really gone? And if so what are you now?" " We haven't needed you for a thousand years Luna! What made you stay?" At this Luna's wings flared open, rage filling her like to much water poured into a glass. She stood up from the throne and descended the steps, rearing up as she neared a pony. The silver of her shoes glinted in the moonlight as she slammed her hooves down. "Silence! Why do you speak so loudly and rapidly asking questions I do not intend to answer?" Her voice grew in volume with her anger, the royal Canterlot voice ripping through her vocal cords. "Be gone from this place and do not return!" As reporters fled her wrath the guards stepped inside, wary eyes trained more on her than on the exiting photographers. Again stunned by her sudden rage, Luna sat quickly where she was, staring at her own hooves in horror. "What is wrong with us...We will take no more petitioners this night. We declare this court adjourned....." Luna stood and walked slowly toward the door, her eyes wide. She left the throne room and walked. She walked and walked and walked, murmuring to herself all the while. Luna came to a halt in the Canterlot gardens, sitting across from the statue of Discord. She stared at it with unseeing eyes until a set of slow steady hoofsteps approached and a larger body sat beside her. Luna did not turn her head to see who had decided to keep her company, simply calling out to the figure. "Sister." "Luna." Celestia's voice was full or concern and sleep, indicating that'd she been woken to deal with her errant little sister. "I heard what happened." Luna's ears folded back, picking up a nonexistent tone of disappointment in Celestia's voice. Luna once again became so enraptured in damning herself that she flinched when a feathery appendage wrapped itself around her. "Luna, first, I'm sorry I couldn't stay to watch you paint the sky tonight." Celestia paused as if to gather her thoughts. "Luna, I believe that we've made a terrible mistake, another terrible mistake." Luna curled in on herself, though her head tilted upwards toward the moon. "Th-Then thou art sending us back there sister? Please we would rather be impaled on our own horn. If we must spend one more moment on that desolate surface we fear we shall go mad! But we are mad already are we not? Is it possible to to become more mad? We believe it is." With wide eyes locked on the cold and lifeless rock that had held her for so many years Luna started to babble, though the tirade was swiftly cut short by Celestia's pained gasp. "Luna. How could you think that? I could...I could never send you back there. To be without you again would break my heart all over again and I could not stand it." Celestia shifted closer to her sister, nuzzling the top of her head and holding her close with both wings. "I just think I made a mistake in expecting you to be alright. So much has changed little sister, and you need time to catch up. Perhaps rather than host the Midnight court, you could attend lessons for a while. You could learn modern Equestrian ways of speaking and behaving...and maybe you could speak with somepony about your.. about what it was like up there." Luna nuzzled her sister taking comfort in the closeness. "Can we not simply speak with you?" Her voice was tiny and ashamed, 'imagine', she thought, the princess of the night quaking at her sister's hooves like a foal. Celestia's foreleg came up to stroke over Luna's as she responded, her voice sure but soothing. "Of course you can Lulu, you can always talk to me. Its just that we have doctors now, who can help with this sort of thing. I am always here to listen to you little sister but I don't know how to help you. What I'm really asking is, will you consider speaking to a professional about your feelings as well as me?" Luna stiffened, thinking of the painful ways the doctors of the mind tried to assist ponies in her youth. "Celestia please, We doth not need to be leeched." Celestia chuckled softly and shook her head, the motion causing her chin to brush softly against the top of Luna's head, just barely missing her horn. "No sister, much has changed in the field of mental medicine there are real ways to help ponies now. Promise me that you will try? At least once? If you don't want to go back I won't make you." Celestia's voice took on a pleading tone, once she knew Luna had never been able to resist. With a heavy sigh, Luna nodded her head and submitted to Celestia's wishes. "Yes, sister. We shall seek out this physician of the mind and speak with him, but only if we can remain with thou through this night." She began her sentence at a normal volume and grew quiet toward the end, nearly muffling herself in her sisters chest, hoping in vain that perhaps her sister wouldn't hear. "Of course you can stay with me tonight. You must be tired. There is enough room for both of us in my bed." Celestia stood and opened her wings, stretching them before moving them into a relaxed position. "Are you ready to go inside?" Luna tore her eyes away from the moon and nodded, standing up to follow her sister. "Yes, Tia. Lets go inside."