"No, Applejack. End of discussion."
"I'm just saying, Twilight, Cheerilee–"
"Has classes of her own to teach right now."
"And Celestia–"
"Is far too busy to help us with something as tedious as teaching school children. Besides, she wouldn't have asked us to do this if–"
Seven fillies and colts rounded a corner to see Twilight and Applejack in conversation. Upon seeing them, the teachers' words came to a halt and they both gave wide, strained grins. Twilight gave Applejack one last look through her plastered-on smile before leaving.
"Ahem!" Applejack coughed, letting her smile fall back to normal proportions. "As you know, we're shaking things up a little bit this afternoon, and I'll be your first teacher for your after-lunch classes!"
Her students stared at her wordlessly. Applejack grimaced and waved her hoof a few times.
"...Y'all can have a seat now."
Seven students took their now-usual spots in the room. A few looked happier with food fresh in their bellies, while others looked like they were recovering from an emotional breakdown.
Having broken up a few of the fights over lunch, Applejack thought about asking how everyone was doing, but decided against it.
"Alright, y'all," Applejack began, pacing, "so as you know, we'll be starting with our more hooves-on activities here now that we've, uh..." She swallowed. "...covered the basics this morning."
Tootie raised a hoof. "Miss Applejack, do we get pie now?" A few others murmured with anticipation.
Applejack's eyebrows furrowed. "No, no pie," she told them. Disappointed eyes looked back down at their desks. "Now, as I was telling you earlier today," Applejack said, turning to her chalkboard. She paused after seeing her drawing from that morning on its surface, then erased it and began writing. "Honesty can be hard." Applejack underlined the only point written on the board. Satisfied, she put the chalk down and dusted her hoof on a nearby mat. "To demonstrate this, I'm gonna need a volunteer."
"Ooh! Me!" called Street Smarts. Happy to see a student actually responding for once, Applejack smiled and motioned him to come up in front of the class. Once there, Street grinned at his classmates as though he won a contest.
Applejack reached out and gently turned his head back toward her. She then put two hooves on either of Street's shoulders.
"Now, Street," Applejack said, "do you have a sister?"
"What? No," Street replied. "Was I supposed to have one before class?"
A few of Street's classmates giggled. He snapped around, glaring, daring someone to laugh while he was looking.
Applejack couldn't help but chuckle herself, and once again brought Street's attention back around. "No, it's quite alright," she told him, "and it might be best if you don't for this exercise."
Street tilted his head, but said nothing.
"Now, what we're gonna do," Applejack said, addressing the class, "is pretend that Street here has a sister. Now, his sister has made some bad friends, and I'm worried about her, and I'm worried about her around him. I have to let Street know I'm worried, but in a way he understands that I just want what's best."
"Why?" asked a voice from the back. Applejack stretched her neck to see Sullen Stare.
"Well, look who else found their voice!" Applejack joked. "Well, Sullen, I gotta tell him because it's the honest thing to do."
Sullen squinted, but Applejack's focus was back on Street.
"Alright, now, Street," she said to him, her tone turning somber, "I need to be honest with you. I've seen the friends your sister has been hanging out with." She gave his shoulders a gentle squeeze. "They're not good ponies, Street, and I'm worried that she might start acting like them. And I'm worried that you might start acting like her."
Street's eyes dashed between Applejack's. "I... won't...?"
"There!" Applejack said, beaming. She stood taller so the class could hear her better. "Now, does everypony see what I just did there?"
"Yeah!" Tootie leaned over her desk. "Hey, Street! Your sister is a terrible pony, and you should stop hanging out with her!"
Applejack took a step back, "No, that's not what–"
"Shut up!" Street shouted at Tootie, rounding on her. "You don't even know my sister!"
"You don't even have a sister, dummy!" Vroom retorted.
"Yeah! No sister!" Roly added.
"Shut up!" Street's green face was quickly adopting a new shade of red.
"Alright, now that's enough!" Applejack said with a stamp. Her students flinched. Tootie sank back into her seat. "Street, thank you for volunteering," she said to the colt. "You can take your seat again now."
Street trotted back to his desk in a huff. Tootie snickered.
"Now. Who would like to be next?" Applejack asked. Once sank into his seat. Whoopsie gave a content hiccup.
"Now, remember what y'all learned today," Applejack reminded her students. "There's a test after recess!"
Seven fillies and colts shuffled out of her room, grumbling at her reminder. She watched as each left, with Sullen and Tootie bringing up the rear.
"Tootie, can you hold up a minute?" asked Applejack.
"Um... okay?" Tootie replied.
Sullen also stopped and looked between the two of them. Applejack gave him a wave.
"Go on, now," she said to him. "You don't want to be late for Twilight's next lesson."
Sullen shrugged and continued wordlessly down the hall. Tootie turned to Applejack, who leaned in close.
"I didn't want to tell ya in front of all your friends," Applejack began, "but I think you mighta sat in some mud during lunch."
"WHAT?!" Tootie screeched. Applejack's head shot straight back up again, hoof digging into her ear. Tootie ran in circles, trying to get a better look at her flank.
"Shhhh!" hushed Applejack, half soothing and half quieting. "It's alright, really! Just go on to the bathroom and wash up. I'll let Twilight know why you're late, and get your seat cleaned in the classroom. Alright?"
"Promise you won't tell anypony!" Tootie exclaimed, her spinning coming to a halt.
Applejack smiled and said, "Cross my heart, hope to fly."
Tootie nodded and sprinted for the fillies' room. Applejack sighed as she left. She turned to reenter her classroom only to find a colt blocking her way.
"Why?" Sullen asked simply.
"You mean like why aren't you in Twilight's class?" answered Applejack, scolding.
"Why did you let her know?" Sullen clarified. He adjusted his weight. "About the mud. You really embarrassed her. I sat in the back, so I could see, but I didn't say anything. Now she's freaking out about it."
Applejack shook her head. "She woulda found out eventually," she said, "And then she woulda wondered why nopony ever said anything."
Sullen raised an eyebrow. "And now you're just going to pretend it never happened?" he asked. "Isn't that, like, lying?"
Applejack studied the youth with curiosity. "As far as we know, the three of us are the only ones who noticed, and she's the only one who coulda gotten hurt." Applejack waved a hoof. "Besides, I also promised her I wouldn't tell anypony. If I broke that promise, wouldn't that also be a lie?"
Sullen shrugged.
Applejack shook her head. "You really need to be getting to Twilight's class. I'll send Tootie when she's ready. If you still think I did something wrong, you can talk to me about it during recess, okay?"
Sullen shrugged again, then turned and walked away.
To herself, Applejack murmured, "Now these confound kids have got me wondering if I even know what honesty is..."
Twilight found the bright sunlight calming as she looked around at her students, each of them stretched across the grass. She watched as Sullen came sprinting from the school's entrance.
"Sullen, there you are!" she called.
"Sorry," he said as he got closer. "I had a question for Miss Applejack. So did Tootie."
"That's quite alright," Twilight told him. She motioned toward a nearby basket. "Please take an apple. It's important for our next lesson."
Sullen gave her an inquisitive look, but did as she asked. He walked and settled in a spot just a bit further than most of his classmates.
"Now, an apple is a very common tool that unicorns use to practice magic spells on," she told her class. She paced and let blades of grass tickle her hooves, soothing a deeply hidden part of herself. "It has cells like a living being, but we don't have to worry as much about accidentally hurting it. Plus, you can find one in almost every lunch box in Equestria. Convenient, right?"
A few students looked from their apples to her, then back again.
"Originally I was going to have us try to levitate or move the apples, but considering–" Twilight looked around at her class again. "Well, considering, we're going to pretend like we feel a magical connection to the apple, and work on understanding what it's like to use that connection to change the apple's properties!"
Sullen dropped his apple and stared at Twilight. Vroom closed her eyes and put her apple against her forehead. Street set his down carefully and started waving his hooves around it. Once curled over so that only he could see his apple. Whoopsie stared at his own with wide eyes, a drop of drool clinging to his lips.
"Miss Sparkle?" The pony addressed felt a tug on her mane. Twilight turned to see Roly standing next to her, an apple core in his mouth. "Can I have another?" he asked.
Twilight sighed. "You weren't supposed to eat it, Roly."
"Well I know that now!" Roly replied defensively.
Twilight rolled her eyes and levitated another from the basket. "Don't eat this one, alright?" she asked her student. "I only have one left, and we're still waiting for Tootie to join us."
Roly nodded and took his new apple from Twilight's aura. "I'm sorry, Miss Sparkle, I couldn't help it. These are a lot tastier than the ones in Canterlot!"
Twilight nodded. "I remember. It takes a long time for apples to get to Canterlot from the farm. They're fresher here though, as we're a lot closer to the where they come from. See?" Twilight pointed a hoof toward the horizon, where dozens of red-speckled trees stood tall.
"Oh, yeah!" said Roly, eyes squinted. He absent-mindedly moved his apple toward his mouth, then stopped himself. He looked back up at his teacher. "Um, Miss Sparkle? Can I ask you something?"
Twilight couldn't help but smile at the youth's innocence. "Of course, Roly. That's why I'm here!"
"Earlier today, you said..." Roly scratched his head, dislodging his memory. "You said all ponies have magic, right?"
Twilight nodded. "That's right. Pegasi use it to fly, and earth ponies have a stronger connection to the earth through it. Unfortunately, without a horn–"
"Do other animals have magic too?"
Blinking a few times, Twilight paused before answering. "Follow me, Roly. I want to show you something." Twilight walked toward the nearby forest, and Roly fell into place behind her. The other students watched with casual interest.
"Do you see this?" Twilight asked, pointing to a low-hanging branch at the forest's edge. A silvery cocoon clung to its surface. Roly stretched his neck toward it and nodded. "I noticed this butterfly's cocoon about two weeks ago," said Twilight. "If my calculations are correct, we should be about to see–"
A small crisp cracking interrupted Twilight. Roly watched in amazement as a regal creature emerged from its unassuming shell. Twilight instead watched the colt's face, amused and pleased with his reaction.
"There's magic all around us," Twilight said to her student. "Sometimes not in the places we expect it, and not in the way we traditionally think about it, but it happens every day. Both in big moments and in small ones."
Roly watched the fresh butterfly take flight and gave a soft, "Cooool..."
Twilight sighed and smiled. For the first time since that morning, she felt like she was actually going to make a difference in someone's education.
"Miss Spaaaaarklllle!" called Tootie from afar. "Do you have any more apples? These things are tasty!"
Twilight groaned. "And we're back," she muttered to herself.
Rainbow Dash stood expectantly near a goal net as she watched Twilight and her class appear over a ridge.
"About time!" Rainbow called out to them. She stood at the bottom of a hill, a playing field stretch out beneath her. As the fillies and colts saw the surplus of rubber balls surrounding Rainbow, they bounded down the hill to play. Rainbow gave their amusement a smug smile as she approached Twilight.
"Hey, Twi, thanks for letting me give the hooves-on thing another chance," Rainbow said.
Twilight sighed. "I really think you should have done a lecture," Twilight said to her, "but at this point I just want to stick to schedule and have some sort of control over all of this."
Rainbow chuckled and flicked a hoof. "Don't worry, I got this." Then, after a stern look from Twilight, "What? I do!"
Twilight shook her head. "Anyway, I'll be hanging onto Whoopsie a little bit longer, if that's alright."
"Whoopsie?" Rainbow asked, tilting her head. "What did he do?" Then, quieter, "Wait, you got him to do something?"
"Kind of?" Twilight answered. "He turned his apple blue."
"Wait, what?" Rainbow lowered an eyelid. She looked at Whoopsie-Daisy, who was balancing himself (poorly) on a ball, then back to Twilight. "He doesn't have a–"
"I know!" Twilight hissed.
"Then how did he–?"
"I don't know!" Twilight answered. She raised a hoof to her temple. "I was showing a cocoon to Roly, and when I turned around–"
"You were showing a cocoon to Roly?" Rainbow asked with an eyebrow raised. "Why?"
"Why?" repeated Twilight, incredulously. "Because... You see... Magic... Look, don't question my teaching methods, alright?"
Rainbow chuckled. "Alright, but you can't judge mine either!"
Twilight opened her mouth to give a hot retort, then shook her head. "Never mind. Whoopsie! I need you to follow me. We're going to work on, uh, extra credit!"
The short, squat colt happily tore off in Twilight's direction. The two of them walked back toward the school together.
"Hey!" said Street, his ball rolling away from him, "How come he gets extra credit?"
"Because he needs it," Rainbow replied in a low tone. "Alright, fillies and colts!" Rainbow shouted with a wave. The young ponies followed her over to a small box set beside one of the field's nets. "We're going to play a little hoofball!"
All the ponies except for Once cheered.
"Now, I've got some red and blue bandanas in this box," Rainbow told them. She pulled out a red one and tied it around her neck. "I want you to wear one like this so we know who's on whose team. Sound good?"
After a few enthusiastic hums of understanding, the students huddled around the box and dug through it. One by one, they each tied a bandana around their necks like Rainbow showed them.
"Uh, Vroom," Rainbow said to the filly, "We need to be able to see your bandana. Can you take off your blan– er, cape?"
"NO!" Vroom screeched. The other youths stared. Rainbow flinched, then chuckled.
"Okay, okay, you don't have to take it off," said Rainbow. "But since it's blue, that means you're on the blue team, okay?" Vroom nodded vigorously. Rainbow smiled and turned to the rest of her students. "Now, before we begin– ...Roly, red team already has three members."
Roly looked up at Rainbow. "...Okay?"
Rainbow shook her head. "Can you switch to blue so we have even teams? Please?"
Roly hesitantly removed his bandana and exchanged it for a blue one.
"Right," Rainbow said with a nod. "So sports are a great way to learn about loyalty." She started pacing and her students sat in a line in front of her. "Sometimes a team can represent your school, or your town, or even your whole country. Showing your team your support is showing how proud you are of where you come from!"
Street raised a hoof. "My dad says cheering for a team is pointless, and that ponies should just watch to enjoy the game."
"Well, your dad is wrong!" Rainbow said at an elevated level. Street flinched and Rainbow coughed. "Uh, I mean..." She cleared her throat. "What I mean is that while your dad likes to do things his way, having a team to root for and watching them win is an experience unlike anything else!"
Rainbow resumed her pace.
"Now, the only thing better than watching your team win," she told them, "is helping your team win!" Rainbow switched directions. "And winning comes from working together with your teammates, and never giving up." Rainbow stopped her pace. "So: who's ready to play some hoofball?!"
"YEAH!"
Twilight stepped into her room and turned on a light. Whoopsie was only a few paces behind her, a blue apple in his mouth.
"Have a seat, Whoopsie," Twilight said to the colt. Whoopsie squat himself into the nearest desk and dropped his apple on its surface. It started to roll, and Twilight grabbed its stem in her mouth before it hit the tile floor.
"Be careful!" Twilight said through grit teeth. She placed the apple upright back on the desk. "We have to study this carefully, and we don't want anything happening to it!"
Whoopsie said nothing, but lowered his head to gaze at the apple, wide eyes inches away from its blue exterior. Twilight sighed and turned to her desk.
Purple magic opened a drawer as Twilight extracted a few strange instruments. "Now, Whoopsie," she said with her back turned, "I need you to tell me exactly what you–"
A rolling sound cut Twilight off, and she once again caught the odd-colored apple, this time with her magic. "Whoopsie, please!" she scolded. She replaced the apple upright again. "I told you, we need to–"
The apple flopped over and began another descent. Whoopsie watched, entranced. Twilight caught the apple in her aura yet again, and floated it in front of her eyes. She rotated it to get a good look at its underside. In the middle of a few lumps of blue stretched a long, thin stem. The kind of stem that, seconds ago, stood at the top of the apple.
"...How?" Twilight whispered.
The hoofball game was intense. Well, intense if you count fillies and colts missing goals only a yard in front of them, constant time-outs to "heal" grass-stains, and occasional distractions from passing butterflies. That said, the score stayed neck-and-neck for most of the game. Street and Vroom both proved to be natural athletes. Once Bitten showed a lot of promise in his aim, but cowered whenever Sullen came too close; he played aggressively, and found a weakness in Once's fear of him. Roly kept accidentally passing to the other team, and Tootie had a hard time keeping up with the action.
Dash kept tabs on the school's clocktower, and ten minutes before the end of her class she called, "Alright, guys! Next goal wins it!"
Roly, distracted by the statement, immediately lost his ball to Sullen.
"Over here!" Tootie called, huffing and puffing with no blue bandanas in sight.
"No, here!" countered Street, only a few paces from the goal.
Sullen narrowed his eyes and charged forward. Vroom lunged at him, and he just barely managed to slip her. Growling at Once managed to get his final opponent to back down. Now clear of rivals, Sullen took the game-winning goal.
Rainbow blew a whistle from the sidelines.
"Nice job, Sullen!" she called. "Alright, everypony, huddle up!"
Six young ponies in varying degrees of exhaustion plopped onto the grass in front of their instructor.
"Now, what did we learn?" Rainbow asked.
"That Sullen is a ball-hog," Tootie growled, a low glare in his direction.
"At least I can make a goal!" Sullen retorted.
Street snorted and ripped up some grass. "So can I, you know."
"You made almost all of them on our team!"
Rainbow blew her whistle a few times to get her students' attention again. "Alright, alright, calm down," she said. "Let's not forget this was a team effort. It took all three of you to win!"
"So..." Once sniffled and circled a hoof through the grass. "So blue team wasn't a good team then?"
"What?" asked Rainbow incredulously. "Of course you were! Good teams sometimes lose, you know, but you can't let that get you down!"
Roly pawed at the grass in front of him. "Miss Rainbow," he began, "can I be on the other team next time?"
"What?" Rainbow shook her head. "Why?"
"Well, they won," Roly said matter-of-factly.
"That's not the point!" Rainbow replied, throwing her front hooves into the air. "You guys are supposed to be learning about teamwork, and sportsmanship, and loyal–!"
The bells in the distant clocktower echoed across the field. Those in the grass looked toward the school and saw Fluttershy walking toward them. Not wanting to be late for class, the fillies and colts got to their hooves and began their trek to their next teacher.
On his way up, Street Smarts remarked to Tootie, "I hope she figured out how to use all of her words again." Tootie giggled and raced ahead of him. Street took two gallops forward, then promptly fell back onto his flank. Wincing, he looked back to see a large blue hoof on his tail.
"One sec, Shy," Rainbow said to her counterpart. "This won't take long."
Even from their distance, Rainbow could see the small tilt in Fluttershy's head.
Street looked up toward Rainbow's face. "What did I do?" he asked.
Rainbow's eyebrows furrowed. "What you said about Miss Fluttershy wasn't very nice," she explained.
"What wasn't?" Street said innocently.
"You know what," said Rainbow, her expression hardening. "I admit, she can have a hard time saying stuff, but she's trying really hard to be a good teacher to you right now." Rainbow lowered her stern gaze closer to Street and gave him a not-so-gentle prod. "You need to show a little respect. You're still her student, and she's one of the nicest ponies you'll ever meet in your life."
"Okay, jeez, I'm sorry," said Street, leaning away from Rainbow's gaze. Rainbow removed her hoof from his tail, and he stood up and brushed himself off. "It's not like I said anything bad about you, you know."
"You may as well have," Rainbow said, her tone still rock-solid. "She and I are close." Rainbow gave Street another prod in the chest. "Really close. And even if we weren't, that wouldn't change the fact that she's still one of the best ponies in Equestria. I don't care if you can't see it. Don't talk about her that way, got it?"
Street gave a quick nod. Satisfied, Rainbow waved him in Fluttershy's direction, and the colt tore off.
Rainbow sighed. "I really hope her class goes well."
Twilight placed a metal bowl with a few wires extending from it onto Whoopsie's head.
"Ting, Miss Sparkle?" Whoopsie asked.
"What?" Twilight shook her head. "It's just to take some measurements," she answered. She raised individual wires as she spoke. "This is to help test your magical output in conjunction with leyline crossings, giving us an optimal reading for–" Twilight stopped after glimpsing Whoopsie's blank stare. "Um... it's technical," she finished.
"You ting me, Miss Sparkle," answered Whoopsie.
"...Right." Twilight hopped down from a stool and walked toward a machine attached to the same wires as Whoopsie's strange hat. "Now then, once I turn this machine on, I want you to–"
She turned around to see Whoopsie still staring at her blankly, but missing something of some importance.
"...Whoopsie," said Twilight with apprehension, "Where is the apple?"
Whoopsie's expression did not change as he pointed straight up. There, upside-down, hung a blue apple, its bottom-stem firmly attached to the ceiling.
Twilight winced. "Why?" she asked.
Fluttershy led her students back into her classroom. She looked toward her clock and took a deep breath.
"Okay, class!" Fluttershy turned and gave her students a bright smile. "So because we had such a hard time figuring out what Kindness is this morning, I thought this afternoon we might try talking about what it isn't!"
She gazed around the classroom, and her expression dropped.
"Three, four..." Fluttershy's hoof shot to her mouth. "Oh, no!" she exclaimed, "I left somepony outside!"
"Whoopsie stayed with Miss Sparkle!" Tootie called.
"Really?" Fluttershy asked, "Why's that?"
Then, from down the hall: "HOW DID YOU MAKE THE INSIDE ORANGE?"
"I ting, Miss Sparkle!"
"Um..." Fluttershy let the moment rest before shaking her head. "Okay, so who wants to go first?"
Vroom raised her hoof.
"Yes! Vroom!" Fluttershy exclaimed, clapping two hooves together. "What's an example of something that's not nice?"
"Oh, not that," said Vroom. Fluttershy lowered herself back to the ground. "It's just... aren't we supposed to be doing an activity this afternoon?"
"This is the activity!" Fluttershy said with a smile.
"...Oh." Vroom slunk back into her seat.
"Um..." Fluttershy took a hesitant step forward. "Do you... Do you want to share something not nice anyway?"
"No, I'm okay," Vroom said, not meeting Fluttershy's eyes.
"Oh..." Fluttershy's head lowered. "Um..." She looked around the room. "Tootie! What about you?"
Tootie snorted and said, "When ponies don't share the ball."
"Hey!" Sullen shouted, his tone causing Fluttershy to step back, "I already told you–!" He cut himself off and turned toward Fluttershy. "You know what's not nice?" he asked her. "When ponies just won't let stuff go!"
"Okay, now, um," Fluttershy's hoof hovered in front of her. "That's... Neither of those are nice, yes, but–"
"I think it's not nice when your teammates don't carry their own weight!" Vroom said. Once sank deep into his seat.
"Or when ponies don't share snacks!" Roly added. Tootie rounded on him.
"You know what?!"
"And I think it's not nice when we don't get to do a real activity!" Vroom shouted over the cacophony.
The room went dead silent, save for a few giggles. Fluttershy's lip quivered. Tootie turned to Street with an expectant grin. Street opened and closed his mouth, then found something more interesting out the window.
"Um..." Fluttershy's voice could have been mistaken for a mouse with a sore throat. "That's... right... Those aren't very nice things."
Fluttershy took a few steps backward as six necks stretched to see and hear her better.
"I'm..." Fluttershy swallowed. "I'm... going to the bathroom... You..." She swallowed again as she neared the door. "You just... keep practicing... being not nice."
Like a whip, the Kindness teacher turned and rushed from the room. The fillies and colts left inside exchanged glances.
Finally, Vroom spoke. "So do we just wait here, or... or what?"
"Well, that was pointless." Twilight powered off her complicated machine and groaned. Whoopsie tilted his head, causing the tin on his lid to go lop-sided. The apple of Twilight's discontent sat at a separate table, pinned down with parts of it dissected and labeled. Twilight sighed and moved to take the contraption from Whoopsie's head.
"Clearly we need a different method to study you," Twilight said, more to herself than to Whoopsie. "Every time my back is turned, you do something to that apple." She leaned into Whoopsie's unwavering smile and glowered. "I am going to figure this out. Just you wait." She took a few steps back toward her desk and tossed the metal cap into the bin. Twilight leaned into her desk, closed her eyes, and rubbed her temple.
The room was silent.
"...Ting, Miss Sparkle?" asked Whoopsie.
"I'm fine," Twilight insisted. She sighed and placed her hooves back on the ground. "I'm going to use the bathroom," she told Whoopsie. She turned to him with a stern gaze. "While I'm gone, I want you to stay put, and–"
Twilight paused as the sound of galloping hooves and galloping sobs doppler'd past her door.
"Was that... Fluttershy?" Twilight asked. She took a step out the door, but before she could go any further, something tickled her nose. Twilight gave a light sneeze as something came to rest on her snout. She scrunched her nose and grabbed the object with her magic, then held it at a distance. She squinted at the green feather.
"Fluttershy's feathers aren't green," she said to herself. She peered at the object inquisitively. "No pony's is here. So whose–"
Twilight's eyes widened as she turned around to see Whoopsie sitting on the dissection desk. Pins littered the floor beneath him, and his eyes traced something near the ceiling. Twilight looked up. Every degree her neck cranked back was another her jaw dropped, and another pitch higher for the guttural noise emanating from the orifice.
"Come in, come in!" Rarity said, greeting her students back into her room. "Four, five... Where's Whoopsie?"
"He's doing extra credit with Miss Sparkle," Street explained.
Rarity opened her mouth and raised an eyebrow, but was cut off by a distant, "HOW DOES IT HAVE WINGS?! FUNCTIONAL. WINGS. HOW?!"
The corners of Rarity's mouth drooped. "You know what, perhaps it's best I don't know." She waved a hoof in front of her face and adopted a sophisticated smile. "Okay, class," she said, turning to face her students, "I'm sure you've noticed, but I placed a piece of candy on each of your desks."
"Aha!" Vroom exclaimed, taking Rarity aback. "So Generosity is Kindness!"
"Er... No," Rarity answered.
Vroom lowered her chin to her desk and placed her front hooves on top of her head. Eyes wide, she murmured, "I am so confused."
Bewildered herself, Rarity stood from her desk and winced at the sound of a low growl. She gave an embarrassed giggle and patted her stomach. Vroom looked up from her desk.
"Now," Rarity said, pretending no strange sounds were just made, "when I was explaining the core of Generosity to you all earlier this morning, I mentioned that it's about giving. For this activity, I want each of you to pick up your piece of candy and give it to a neighbor."
The students did as Rarity said, if at a slow and awkward pace. Satisfied with their work, the students turned their attention back to Rarity. Once Bitten held his candy close, looking quickly between his classmates. He frowned and slumped into his seat.
"Excellent!" Rarity said to her class. "Now, what have we learned?"
"That... Tootie's candy is bigger than mine was?" Roly offered.
"Hey! No fair!" said Tootie. She reached toward Roly as he leaned away from her. "Give mine back!"
"Tootie, sit down," Rarity said sternly. The filly did as she was told, though with a pout. Rarity hummed and rubbed her chin. "Maybe we need to try something with more sentiment," she suggested to herself. She looked around the room and zeroed-in on Vroom. "Vroom, can I ask you a favor?"
Vroom looked up, befuddled, but nodded.
"Good," Rarity said with a smile. "We're going to play pretend, okay?"
Vroom blinked but said nothing.
"...Alright." Rarity took a few steps closer to Vroom. "Now, let's pretend that you happen upon somepony who is freezing cold, with no fire or garments to warm them. What do you do?"
"I..." Vroom looked to be straining her mind. "I... tell him... that stinks?"
Rarity shook her head. "No, as a generous pony, what do you do?"
"...Give him a piece of candy?"
Rarity sighed and shook her head again. "No, Vroom." A few of the other students snickered, and Vroom glared at them. Rarity pointed to the cloth around Vroom's neck. "Why don't you give them your blanket?" she asked.
"No way!" Vroom said defensively, wrapping the blanket around her tight. "I'm not giving some strange pony my cape!"
"But–"
"No!"
"Vroom–"
"NO!"
Rarity groaned a rubbed a temple. When next she spoke, she said, "Alright, fine. We'll just have to go back to the candy." She returned to the front of the room. "Class, I want you to trade candies again, and–"
"Tootie already ate hers!" declared Street. Tootie shot him a dirty look. He continued, "I'm not trading with anypony if I'm not going to get one back!"
"Actually," Rarity said with a small smile, "in the Generosity community, we have this phrase called 'Pay it Forward', which means–"
"Now Roly ate his!" said Street. Roly's eyes darted around the room.
"Why do they get to eat theirs?!" Vroom asked, sitting up in her desk. "Tootie's already been eating snacks all day!"
"Have not!" Tootie retorted, marking the beginning of a truly sophisticated and respectable debate.
"Have too!" Vroom rounded back, providing a rather stunning counter-point.
"Girls, please!" Rarity said, stepping between them. The two fillies lowered themselves back into their seats, but their glares never parted. Rarity sighed. "Tootie, I know I said this morning that you should not eat in class, but perhaps you could share with your friends?"
"I DON'T HAVE ANY SNACKS!"
Twilight and Whoopsie sat opposite one another in a dimly-lit room. Twilight's pupils were minuscule, and bags stretched themselves out beneath her eyes. She stared unwavering at the student in front of her. Whoopsie gazed back with a sunny expression, as though no other situation could be as pleasant as this one.
"You ting, Miss Sparkle?" Whoopsie asked.
Twilight didn't move a hair. "I'm not going to let you beat me," she uttered. Her horn glowed as a leather sack floated into view. It overturned, and out fell a blue apple with green wings strapped to its sides. It hit the desk between the ponies with a thud and gave what sounded like a squeal of pain from where a slice had been cut from it. "You are going to tell me how you did this, you are going to replicate it in a sterile environment, and you are going to sign the release waivers granting me full recognition for the discovery. Do you understand these terms, Ting?"
Whoopsie tilted his head and frowned. "I ting, Miss Sparkle?"
"Yes, you ting, Ting," Twilight answered. She pushed the apple monstrosity toward Whoopsie without removing her eyes from him. The apple squirmed uncomfortably. Twilight slowly drew her hoof back and resumed her previous position.
"Do it," Twilight commanded. Her tone was not loud, but it carried weight. "Do your magic."
Whoopsie tilted his head back to his other shoulder. He looked down at the apple, leaned in to sniff it, then looked back to Twilight.
Twilight stamped two hooves on the desk between them and stood up as tall as her body allowed. She glared down at Whoopsie, heaving, teeth bared. For the first time that day, Whoopsie flinched at the sight of her and whimpered. Something clicked in Twilight. A tear came to her eye. She looked at the distressed colt in front of her: an impossibly young pony by comparison, both scared and confused. Twilight closed her eyes and let out a deep sigh as she lowered herself back into her seat.
"I'm sorry, Whoopsie," she said. "I'm sorry I've put you through all this. It's really not fair to you, and–"
Twilight opened her eyes to connect with the colt, and when she did, she couldn't help but notice what he was holding: a perfectly ordinary red apple. The fruit of her nightmares was nowhere to be seen.
Twilight smiled all the way back to her ears and every wrinkle on her face made themselves apparent. Without a word, she put all four hooves on the ground and stumbled from the room.
Whoopsie leaned forward and yelled out the doorway. "Ting, Miss Sparkle?" he called.
"Hi, everypony!" Pinkie greeted her class with the widest smile possible. Each student likewise gave her a sincere grin as they scampered into her room. As the sixth youth took their seat, Pinkie motioned to close the door, but hesitated.
"Where's Whoopsie?" she asked.
"ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!" screeched Twilight from down the hall. "HOW?! HOW?! HOW?!"
"Uh..."
"Whoopsie's with Miss Sparkle, Miss Pinkie," said Street.
"Oh! Okay!" Pinkie closed the door without a second thought. She propped up a microphone stand at the front of the class. "Now who's ready to learn some more about Laughter?" she asked.
Pinkie's students cheered and leaned forward in anticipation.
"There are lots of ways a pony can use laughter," Pinkie said, removing the microphone from its stand and pacing with it. "For example, it's a great way to break ice!" She pulled out a cube of frozen water from parts unknown. "Unlike this tail here!" To demonstrate, Pinkie quickly swung the ice chunk at her hind hair, which was rather uneventful save for a small "Fwoomp!" as her tail swayed from the impact.
The class laughed at Pinkie's antics, Tootie perhaps a bit too enthusiastically.
"Yeah, your tail's dumb!" the filly claimed.
Pinkie's expression instantly went stern. "Okay, we're going to skip the self-depreciating humor activity." She placed her cube of ice onto her tail, where it sank until it was no longer visible. She then paced to the other side of the room. "Now, for this next bit, I'm going to need a volunteer!"
Most of the students in the class raised their hooves eagerly. Pinkie pointed to one who did not.
"Once!" she called, waving him forward. "You haven't had much to do in this story! Come on up!"
Once's eyes went wide as he dipped his snout under his desk, eyes still above and fixed on Pinkie. She gave him a few more waves and a big smile, and the colt gradually left his desk and made his way toward her. Pinkie clicked her microphone off and placed it back on its stand.
"Now," Pinkie said, reaching out and pulling the colt the rest of the way forward, "we're going to learn about one of the best things a pony can do with laughter. Help cheer somepony up!"
The seated students looked at Pinkie with curious expressions. Once Bitten looked at the floor.
"Okay, Once." Once Bitten looked up, and Pinkie leaned in close, blocking out the other students from Once's view. "We're going to play a little pretend, okay?"
Once tried to look at Street and Vroom, but a pink foreleg still blocked his vision. "O... okay."
"Okay!" Pinkie repeated, though far more chipper. She stood herself back up so that the rest of the class could see Once again. "Now, class," Pinkie said, turning to them, "Once is feeling pretty sad today." Pinkie winked and nudged Once. "Aren't you, Once?"
"Yes," said Once without hesitation.
"Miss Pinkie!" Tootie's hoof waved as high as she could stretch it. "Why is Once sad?"
"Good question!" answered Pinkie with a sway of her hoof. "Before we can cheer a pony up, we have to know why they're sad!" She opened a foreleg toward Once. "Today, Once just found out that his mom is very, very sick, and might never wake up!"
Once Bitten's head snapped in Pinkie's direction. "W-what?!" he stammered.
"Who has a joke?!" Pinkie asked, oblivious to Once's reaction.
"Ooh!" Street's hoof shot into the air, and Pinkie gave him a gesture to speak. "If your mom's as good at being sick as you are at hoofball, I bet she'll be okay!"
Tootie giggled. Once's eyes welled up. Pinkie shook her head. "No, Street, that wasn't very nice, or very funny."
"I thought it was funny!" said Tootie.
"But Once is the one who has to laugh!" explained Pinkie. "We're trying to cheer him up!"
"I'll tell you what's 'up'," said Sullen from over top his propped-up hooves. "Your chances of never seeing your mom again."
Several tears dropped down Once's face, but he made no noise.
"Quit it!" Pinkie commanded. Her seated students flinched backward at her tone. Pinkie glared at them, her next words inbound, but a soft tug on her mane turned her attention downward.
"Miss Pinkie," said Once in what little voice he could muster. "Is... is my mom... is she going to be okay?"
"What? Of course she's okay!" Pinkie exclaimed. "We're only pretending, remember?"
"Oh," said Once with a sniffle. "Oh yeah..."
"Hey," Pinkie cooed, leaning closer to Once. He looked up into her bright, blue eyes. Without warning, she smashed her face into the same shape she showed him earlier that day. Once's expression did not change. Undeterred, Pinkie rotated her hooves and concocted a new facial abomination. Once adopted a macaroni-sized smile and gave a small giggle. Content, Pinkie stood taller and said to him, "Okay, Once, thank you for coming up here. You can go back to your seat now."
Once nodded and began a slow trot back to his desk. He didn't make eye contact with anyone on the way there.
"Miss Pinkie?" asked Vroom, "Are we going to do another activity?"
"Yes!" Pinkie said, getting a few smiles from her students. "Just... just one second, okay?" Pinkie pulled out a clipboard from her mane and poured over it, her eyes an inch from its surface. The fillies and colts in her room stretched to try to catch a glimpse of what was written on it. "There's got to be some kind of joke here that can't be made mean," she muttered to herself, voiced tinted with desperation.
"First it was blue. I could have just left it. I could have gone on with my life, that being just one more mystery and never gone any further, but I just had to know–"
Pinkie entered the teacher's lounge to find her friends already inside. Twilight once again sat at her table, muttering to herself. Rarity sat next to a shuddering Fluttershy, who looked like she was getting over a bad cold. They sat against the wall opposite the windows. Rainbow paced in front of the windows, her gaze shifting between the floor and the playground outside. Applejack stood next to Twilight, hoof hovering near her shoulder. Applejack looked up as Pinkie walked in.
"Howdy, Pinkie Pie!" the farm pony said to her. "How, er... How did your class go?"
Pinkie adopted a pained grin, but before she could speak, Twilight interrupted her.
"It's like studying light!" Twilight exclaimed. Pinkie trotted toward Twilight, mouth open to speak again, but before she could, Twilight grabbed Pinkie's cheeks and pulled their faces inches from one another. "You ever try studying light?!" demanded Twilight. She released her captive before Pinkie could answer. "It's like it doesn't want to be studied!"
"Calm down, sugarcube," Applejack said, finally letting her hovering hoof pat Twilight's back. "It's recess now, and you could both use the break."
"Oh, Ting doesn't get a break!" said Twilight, crazed. "Ting is staying in my room until he can explain how he disobeys the laws of nature every time my back is turned!"
"Er, 'Ting'?" asked Applejack.
"You didn't give Whoopsie recess?!" said Pinkie, hoof rising to her heart.
"Ting is an anomaly," answered Twilight, her eyes piercing Pinkie's soul. "Anomalies don't get recess."
Pinkie motioned to argue, but was interrupted for a third time by the sudden presence of Spike.
"Howdy, Spike!" greeted Applejack as he wandered in. Then, after seeing his face, "Uh... something happen?"
"Tootie threw a dog treat at me," Spike explained, rubbing his cheek. "She said I was a 'teacher's pet'."
Pinkie's head tilted. "But you're not even in any of the classes!"
Spike shook his head. "I don't think that's what she meant," he said, looking at the ground.
Pinkie and Applejack looked toward Twilight, but their headmistress was busy drawing triangles. On the table. With her hooves. Wood shavings drifted around her. Fluttershy looked up, and Rarity whispered something unheard to her.
"Wait, why does she even have dog treats?" asked Applejack.
"Are you kidding?" answered Spike. He threw his claws in the air and said, "She's been munching on them all day!"
"Did I hear you correctly?" said Rarity, joining the conversation. "Did you say Tootie is eating... dog treats?"
Spike nodded. Rarity shuddered. "She's been throwing them at everypony, really," Spike continued. "I don't think she realizes that it's not generosity if they have escape velocity."
"I'll talk to her," Fluttershy said, walking into the discussion as well.
Rarity shook her head. "Fluttershy, darling, really, that's quite alright. You are–"
"Fine," Fluttershy insisted. Rarity looked concerned, but Fluttershy assured her, "Really, Rarity, thank you, but I can do this. Please, try to help Twilight if you can."
Rarity looked over her shoulder toward her distracted friend.
"All the triangles make a square," Twilight whispered as she placed two hooves at the edges of the desk and drug them inward.
"Er..." emitted Rarity.
"Come on, Spike," Fluttershy said, stepping toward the door.
"I... I didn't think..."
"And you made that very apparent when you said such hurtful things to Spike," Fluttershy said, motioning to the baby dragon. Spike said nothing and looked at his feet each time Tootie glimpsed in his direction. Fluttershy continued, "Just think how you would feel if somepony called you names, or threw things at you."
"I..." Tootie swallowed and avoided Fluttershy's gaze. "I wouldn't like that..."
Fluttershy nodded and said, "Good. Now I want the two of you to hug, and promise me that you won't do this again."
"What?!" said Tootie and Spike in unison.
Fluttershy extended a hoof and flicked it. "Hug," she said simply.
Tootie and Spike looked at one another for a moment. Spike blinked and opened his arms. Tootie blinked twice, stepped toward him, and gave him a brief wrap.
"There," Fluttershy said with content. "Now wouldn't the world be a much nicer place if more ponies hugged instead of being mean to one another?"
"I guess," Tootie said, eyes on the grass beneath her.
Fluttershy nodded. "Okay, Tootie. You can go back and play now."
"Thank you, Miss Fluttershy." Tootie wasted little time in getting back to the playground.
Fluttershy turned to Spike. "I'm going back inside to check on the others," she told him. "Are you going to be okay out here?"
"Yeah, I think I've got it," he said to her. "There's still a few arguments here and there, but it's nothing I can't handle."
Fluttershy waited a moment before nodding and re-entering the school.
Back in the teacher's lounge, four ponies stood around Twilight, pleading with her. Fluttershy stepped in carefully, hoping no one would notice her.
"I'm telling you, no!" Twilight said to no one in particular.
"Twilight, please," said Applejack. "Things are a mess right now, and there's no way we can get these kids back on track for a graduation today!"
Twilight shook her head. "No!"
"Twilight," Rarity said gingerly, extending a soft hoof. "Celestia–"
"Is busy!" Twilight reminded them. "And already trusted us with this! We are not sending her a letter!"
The argument came to a halt when they all heard what sounded like a bucket of water being upturned. Everyone in the room turned toward Pinkie, who was now standing in a large puddle.
"...Okay, that is not what it looks like!" Pinkie claimed, pointing at the wet mess beneath her.
"...Twilight," Rainbow said, bringing the conversation back around. "It's hit the fan. We need help."
The alicorn princess sighed for a full minute. Pinkie timed it.
"Fine," Twilight said curtly, her face on the table. The others sighed with relief. "Spike, take a letter."
Twilight's friends looked around the room. "Um," said Fluttershy, reintroducing sound and grabbing everyone's attention, "Spike is outside again. Watching the students." Then, as an afterthought, "Um... like we asked him to."
Twilight shot a hoof in Rarity's direction, who made the mistake of standing too close.
"You're Spike now," Twilight said.
Rarity rubbed a new bruise on her cheek as she spoke. "I beg your–" A quick glimpse of her friends' expressions and waving hooves cut Rarity's sentence short. "I mean, uh..." Applejack pushed a paper and quill in Rarity's direction, and she picked them up in her magic. "What, um..." Rarity adopted a husky voice. "What are going to say to the Princess, Twilight?"
"Big circle," answered Twilight with a wave of her hoof. Her eyes were still inches from the table's surface. The others looked at her, then one another, then Rarity.
"Er..." Rarity coughed. "Big... circle..."
"You did it wrong!"
"I'm doing exactly as you said!" answered Rarity hotly. Twilight's face snapped in her direction, bones popping. Rarity flinched.
"I can hear your quill strokes," Twilight hissed. She slowly sat herself taller and prodded a hoof in Rarity's direction. "Big. Circle."
"Er..." Rarity looked around the room for guidance. Rainbow shrugged. Applejack blinked a few times. Fluttershy shook her head from behind two hooves, and Pinkie stood at the ready with a stopwatch, staring at Twilight. Rarity cleared her throat. "Big..." She placed the quill on the parchment's surface. "Circle..." She made one massive stroke around the parchment's edges.
"Perfect!" Twilight said, the cheeriness in her voice somehow more unnerving than her previous tone. "Now, write, 'Fix Everything' at the center of it."
Rarity made another noise of confusion as she did as she was told. No sooner did she get the last letter printed did Twilight snatch the parchment from Rarity's magic. The others didn't even see her stand up.
"Wonderful!" Twilight said in her frightening tone, holding the drawing at foreleg's reach. She took a few clunky steps toward a wall, picked up a roll of tape with her magic, and attached the drawing where all could see. She took a step back from her accomplishment, turned to her friends, and pointed.
"This is our new 'Fix Everything Button'!" Twilight explained through worried glances. "It works like this!"
In an instant, Twilight's head smacked directly onto the circle and she stopped moving, jolting the others backward. After a few seconds, her friends made a few hesitant steps toward her, then she unhooked her horn from the wall and gave her best impression of a woodpecker.
Fluttershy's wings shot open and she made to lunge at Twilight, but Applejack shot a hoof out to stop her. "It might be best to just let her finish," she said.
Fluttershy opened her mouth to argue, but Spike once again entered the scene and prevented more dialogue.
"Twilight!" he squealed. He was sweating and his chest was heaving. The others raised their hooves to explain their situation, but found no words. Spike paid them no mind and continued, "You have to come outside!"
Twilight stopped removing drywall. She turned toward Spike with a bored look on her face. "What is it now, Spike?" she asked. "Can't one of the others handle it? I'm busy."
"No!" Spike shouted. "We need all of you! Come quick!"
The ponies only had time for a quick, worried glance before dashing out the front door.
The scene was something only a work of fiction could come up with.
Street was wearing Vroom's cape, running and hiding under any piece of schoolyard equipment he could find. Vroom, meanwhile, was tearing up said schoolyard, dive-bombing the colt at every turn in an attempt to get her coveted blanket back. Both ponies were oblivious to the tribulations of their classmates. Roly was running on his hind-legs, fore-legs outstretched with an egg between them. Behind him flew two angry phoenixes who didn't seem to care where their bursts of fire landed, so long as it was in his direction. "No!" he shouted at them. "There's magic inside! You have to let me get the magic out!" Whether or not they understood him, their attacks did increase in intensity. Tootie, meanwhile, was desperately trying to escape the pursuit of two timberwolf pups. She screamed and changed direction as often as she could while the pups playfully nipped at her tail, stopping only to happily gobble up treats that managed to slip from her hold. Sullen was ducked underneath one of the slides, yelling at everyone in a voice that could not be understood, both due to his lack of vocal use and pre-pubescence. One can imagine it involved a series of insults and threats. Once Bitten sat in the middle of the playground, crying.
Spike rushed forward and changed direction several times, trying to figure out which pony needed his help the most. Five ponies watched the chaos with their jaws dropped. Twilight wore a small smile and pupils like pin pricks.
"I didn't know we had this class," Twilight said simply.
"Twilight!" shouted Applejack, rounding on her friend. "This is no time for jokes! We gotta help these kids!"
"On it!" said Rainbow, zooming toward the nearest student. Fluttershy and Applejack likewise took off in the most helpful direction they could.
"Er, Twilight..." Rarity swallowed, hesitant to follow the others. "Do you think perhaps we could send a letter to Princess Celestia now?"
Twilight's head popped in Rarity's direction. "Rarity, I know things look bad, but I think we're still perfectly capable of–"
The deafening sound of a crumbling building came from behind them. Where their school once proudly stood, a horrible two-story-tall concoction of fruit and animal parts slithered its way onto the playground. On what could be considered its head, a small, squat colt stood waving.
"MISS SPAAAAARKLLLLLE!" came Whoopsie's voice, "I MADE A TIIIIING!"
Even the wild animals stopped to watch in horror as the creature made its way into the nightmare.
Twilight's expression, however, remained unchanged. "I just had a thought," she said as casually as ordering ice cream. "We should write to Princess Celestia. Spike!"
"WHAT?!" the baby dragon screamed while avoiding a giant oozing... something.
"Take a letter!"
"ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!" Spike dodged a fireball as he made his way toward Twilight and Rarity. "NOW?!" he asked.
Twilight nodded, her lifeless eyes still wide. She motioned for Rarity and Spike to join her in the remnants of their school. The two gave one last look at the mayhem behind them before following Twilight away from it.
In what was left of the teachers' lounge, Twilight found a stack of parchment and a functional quill. Spike took them and squatted down with disdain. Rarity kept looking over her shoulder, checking on the others.
"Dear Princess Celestia..."
After an eternity of particular word choice and diligent spelling and grammar checks, Spike took a deep breath and engulfed the scroll in flame, its embers instantly making their way toward Canterlot.
"There," said Twilight, satisfied. "Now, with any luck, we should be hearing back from her any–"
"Helloooo, my little ponies!"
Twilight's eyes grew so wide that they took up the entire real estate of her face.
"No," she whispered. "Not him."
A maniacal cackle cracked through the air as hula hoops, dancing lemurs, and giant buckets of hoof clippings appeared for no reason at all. Above the chaos that was now their reality materialized the one being who could find enjoyment in such a fiasco.
"Oh, you got the party started without me!" said Discord, looking down at everyone beneath him. He waved a piece of parchment with Spike's claw-writing on its surface. "And here I thought I got my invitation early!"
Rarity and Spike gawked at the newest addition to the worst day of their lives. They turned to what sounded like a high-speed camera catching every detail; Twilight was blinking rapidly while she processed what had just transpired.
"I need to send Celestia another letter," Twilight said simply, ending her rhythmic eyelashes.
"Uh... okay..." Spike sifted through the rubble in the teachers lounge. "Just let me find a new piece of parchment, and–"
"Oh, no, no, no, no, no, Spike!" Twilight said at a quick pace. She walked toward him and Rarity and ushered them out. "This letter I need to write myself, as it's going to include a lot of language that baby dragons shouldn't hear!"
Once where the teachers' lounge door formerly stood, Twilight closed a non-existing door behind Spike and Rarity. She then dusted off a seat, sat, and levitated a (mostly) fresh piece of parchment toward her, quill in tow.
"Dear Princess Celestia..."
Rarity wordlessly covered Spike's ears.
"Ahem." Twilight began her composition. "WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FLYING–"