//------------------------------// // A Day In Court // Story: My New Life // by YoshiBrony6 //------------------------------// "Celly, I'm HOOOME!" I yelled as I slammed the door to the throne room open. The noble inside was protesting about me interrupting him as I walked past him. Celestia looked down at me with a frown, but I could tell that she was happy for me taking over day court for her. "Andrew, you know what to do." She said before she left with a flash of light. "Huh, just assumes I know exactly what to do." I said to myself as I walked up to the throne and sat down on it. The noble immediately shut up with wide eyes. "She's lucky that I know what to do." I finished. The noble visibly relaxed. "Now then, what's your name and state your business." I said. "Gold Platter. I have come for the bits Her Majesty promised me for my new pool." He said in the most uptight and snobbish voice I have ever heard. Trying to get me to give him bits, eh? Let's see how that turns out. I snapped my fingers and brought up a list. "Let's see here... Aha! 'Gold Platter: Requesting bits from the royal treasury to knock down the schoolhouse next door to build a new swimming pool to add onto his total amount of 3 swimming pools.' Hmm, The List says that you're lying." I said, with a straight face. News to all, my poker face is even more impressive than Celestia's. Suck on that! Gold Platter started sweating nervously under my gaze. "Well, uh, that's, ahem, odd. I mean, I know what I, uh, came here for so, uh that paper you're reading is obviously lying." He said with quite a lot of stutters. I stared down at him and he shrank back from my gaze. "The List. Never. Lies." I said darkly before my mood did a full 360. "Off with his head!" I said with glee. "WHAT?! You can't do that! It's against the law!" He yelled in shock. "Okay, first of all I would never do that. Second of all, I helped establish the original laws of Canterlot, so don't tell me what's against the law. Oh, and I'm also badass like that so the law ignores me." I added the last bit just to scare him. "WHAT?!" And it seemed to have worked. "Just joking. Now, seeing as you lied to me, the stand -in ruler for today, and tried to demolish a schoolhouse, I deem your request... ... ... DENIED!" As I said that last word, I smashed a button that appeared in the arm of the throne and the floor beneath him opened up. Like in cartoons, he looked down and back up before falling. I made this system so that any time I got to do day court, I could eject the nobles that wasted my time. 10 seconds later and I heard an "Oof!" from outside the throne room. "Okay, let's see what we have here. Next up is Wheat Picker." I muttered before slamming down on a button on the opposite arm making a buzzing sound. "Next!" I called out after the buzzer finished. A pale yellow earth pony stallion walked in. He had a straw hat on with a stalk of wheat in his mouth. His cutie mark was two wheat stalks crossing over each other. "'ello! 'ow may I 'elp ya?" I asked with one of my silliest accents I could come up with. The stallion laughed which got me to smile. It's fun making ponies in court laugh. Makes it seem like there are some normal problems out in the world. "Greetings, Mr..." He trailed off. "Andrew, and none of the 'mister' titles. Makes me feel young." I said. "Well then, Andrew, I am here... Did you just say 'makes me feel young'?" Wheat Picker asked. "When you get to be over one thousand years old, you try thinking of 'mister' being old." I said with a laugh. "Yes I suppose it would be like that." He muttered before regaining his focus. "Anyway, I am here to request some more rainfall for our farm, just east of Manehatten." I picked up The List. Wheat Picker: Needs more rainfall for extra crops. I read to myself. "Yep, all checks out. How many extra crops do you have?" I asked. "How did you know we had extra crops?" I waved The List around. "The List knows all." I said in a mysterious tone. Wheat Picker looked unsure but continued. "We have one new hooftare of land. We usually plant 250 seeds for each hooftare. In total we have 3 hooftares of land, meaning we have 750 crops instead of our old 500." I nodded and made a piece of paper appear. I wrote down on it instructions for the amount of rain around Wheat Picker's farm to increase. "Here ya go. Just give this to whoever's in charge of the rain around Manehatten and you should get more rain next rainfall. There are instructions on the back in case you forget what to do." Wheat thanked me and left the room with a smile on his face. I slammed the buzzer. "NEXT!" "So you want me to clear a massive area in Canterlot for you?" "Yes." "Why?" "Because I'm the most well-known noble after Fancy Pants." "And you think this is a good reason... because?" "I'm important." "Okay... DENIED!" "And the maid turned the water in my bath 2 degrees too hot. My coat shall be ruined!" "Blueblood..." "Shut up and listen, worm. So we must fire her at once!" "Blueblood.." "Are you paying attention, peasant? Otherwise she may mess up my shampoos!" "Blueblood." "That's Prince Blueblood to you! Next thing you know that horrible excuse for a maid will think she can do whatever and remove my grooming supplies!" "BLUEBLOOD!" "What?!" "Get the fuck out of my sight before I fucking come over there and rip you fucking balls off just to see if your fucking blood is blue and paint the whole fucking castle with it!" *ZOOM!* "Fucking finally." "And so for making Blueblood complain to me, and therefore giving me some entertainment by allowing me to threaten him, I give you a pay rise by 10%." "THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU!" "Are you done?" "THANKYOUTHANKYOU- ahem, sorry. I'll just be leaving." "Have a nice day!" "My mother's got a really bad illness and we don't have the money to go to any hospitals nearby. Could you please give us some?" "Okay, what you've told me is correct, but would you rather the money for hospital bills, or me to come by and fix it for you free of charge?" "But it would mean you would have to leave. And we don't want to have to trouble you." "It's fine. If it's for helping others, I'm all for it." "Really?" "Really." What a nice kid. I sat back down on the throne and prepared myself for the final appointment. "Let's see here... Shining Armour?" "That'd be me." I heard Shining say as he entered. "Ah, and what would the purpose of this visit be, Captain Shiny?" I teased. Shining scowled. "You know I don't like that name." I gave him a shit-eating grin. "That's why I use it." He sighed before straightening himself up. "Sir, I've come to request materials for new armour and new weapons." "Why do you need new armour and weapons?" I asked. "Our current sets are becoming old and unusable, the spears we have now are rotting at the handles, and we don't have any other weaponry." "Okay, first of all, you can have the materials, but a couple of things I would recommend you do with them. One; make better armour. Y'know, stuff that actually protects and covers you. Two; make some fucking swords! Spears ain't going to do shit against an armoured foe. Might as well be throwing paper at them. Or how about a wide variety like a flail, mace, crossbows for long range, tomahawks or even battle axes! Different weapons are key to a good army. You need a couple of different fields to cover all types of attacks." "Yes sir." "Good. Now take this shit and go." I said, holding out a paper with my insignia on the bottom. Shining took it in his magic and headed for the door. "Oh! And before you leave," I called out to him. He pause and looked around at me. "Try and use something like steel instead of gold." Shining nodded before leaving. "Welp," I said, jumping of the seat, "That's that." I snapped my fingers, bringing me to Celesita. "Hiza!" I shouted, sending her flying into the air. "Of course it's you." She said with a deadpan expression after calming down. "Day court's done for today. All ready for you to take back tomorrow." I said. "How did it go?" Celestia asked. "Meh, ups and downs." "Blueblood?" "Eeyep." That name just explained everything. "Well, how about you have dinner here before returning to Ponyville?" Celestia asked. "Sorry, but I've got to get back home and prepare for tomorrow." I said with a smirk. "What's happening tomorrow?" Celestia asked. My smirk changed to an evil grin. "A certain griffon is coming to town." I said with steepled fingers. "But you don't know any griffons." Celestia said with confusion. "Oh, I know one." With that I slowly started to disintegrate and appear back in my house. I stretched before walking to the front door. "Let's go get prepared!" I said with glee. I quickly teleported to my bed and fell asleep instantly.