Opening theme-music is a thing, right?
“These are the diplomats you summoned?” The Queen looked incredulously at Discord.
“Well” the Draconequus rolled his eyes, “They ARE a bit rough around the edges, I’ll admit…”
“The pink one was clearly trying to eat the human,” the Queen replied flatly.
“Seriously, Diane,” Ki gave his companion a look, “We are going to have a serious talk about boundaries later.”
“I swear, we were just making out!” the pink monstrosity flashed her friendliest smile… which was much less than helpful.
“A very long talk,” the human buried his face in his hand and sighed.
“Ki, Pinkie Pie #7, meet Madame Butterfly, Queen Regent of the Fillydelphia hive,” the Draconequus smiled at the couple, “Madame Butterfly, meet Kiki Charles Steen, and Pinkie Pie #7.”
“Are you a changeling?” Madame Butterfly examined Diane carefully, unsure what to make of the creature.
“There were 13 Pinkie Pies in the invasion,” Diane’s eyes lost focus, “Chrysalis had raised us all from birth to be perfect copies of the original. My best friends were Rainbow Dash #3 and my baby sister Pinkie Pie #13. We thought we were ready…”
“It’s okay Diane,” Ki laid an arm around her neck and pulled her close, then gave the changeling queen a harsh look.
“I.. see,” the queen shook her head sadly, “I thought all of the Elements of Deception had all died during the invasion. I’m so sorry.”
“The worst was my little sister,” the pink changeling was sobbing openly, “I told her to stay close. I told her I would keep her safe. But nothing was safe against that unspeakable pinkness. She wielded a unicorn like some kind of death machine, I don’t even have a word for it. #13 died in my hooves, her body was full of the wrong kind of holes. That monster had filled her with holes that leaked, and all my sister’s life just leaked out right there on the street. And the pink beast never stopped laughing the whole time.”
“Our hive was founded by changelings who escaped during the invasion,” Madame Butterfly stepped back and bowed her head, “I was a brood queen in Chrysalis’ hive, captured from my own hive and forced to lay eggs to increase the mad queen’s army. The Elements of Deception were my children. They were infiltration drones, not soldiers. Force grown and indoctrinated in a matter of weeks, they were really only foals. Chrysalis only ever intended them to be a distraction, she threw their lives away so carelessly… I’m glad at least one of my daughters survived.”
“I was hatched by Queen Lepidopteria on my world,” Pinkie Pie #7 cocked her head curiously.
“Oh,” Discord floated upside down between the two changelings, “Now would probably be a good time to point out that neither of them are from this world. Ki of course is from the human world via the parallel dream-universe that gave birth to this lovely little monster.”
Discord patted the pink mare on the head, when there was a sudden snapping sound leaving the mismatched chaos spirit drawing back a bloody nub.
“All right, no petting, sheesh,” he rolled his eyes and quickly reformed the missing limb, then turned to the changeling queen, “Nevertheless, you asked for a human diplomat, and I summoned one.”
“Wait,” Ki laughed out loud, running a free hand through his mohawk, “You want ME to be diplomat? Jeezac of Prozation, and the doctors said I was crazy...”
“Non-sense!” Discord laughed good naturedly, “You’ll be perfect for the job. And I’m not saying that just because I think it would be hilarious watching you negotiate with Ambassador Watch. I also have other very sound reasons.”
“I have my doubts as well,” the queen arced a single eyebrow strategically, “But you kept our hive safe during the Tyrek invasion, and so I will trust you in this.”
“Uh,” Ki raise his free hand to ask a question, “Do I get any say in this at all?”
“Do you ever?” Diane asked cheerfully.
“Actually,” Discord grinned widely, “By equestrian law, if you save a human’s life, you get to turn them into a pony and they have to serve you. Luna does it all the time. Just pay attention to how many bat-themed ponies are running around when you get to Canterlot. There used to be a lot less, trust me. And since I orchestrated breaking you out of the Comaverse…”
“Goddammit,” Ki swore and shook his head, “Is this a Tuesday? Because this feels like some Tuesday shit.”
“Oh, don’t be like that,” the Lord of Chaos draped a forelimb over the human’s shoulder casually, “Look on the bright side, your proclivity for not wearing pants will seem much less weird from now on.”