//------------------------------// // Deleted Scenes and Rejected ideas 1'st addition // Story: MLP: The Last Mage // by WorldWalker128 //------------------------------// As I've written this there were several times that I've removed parts that didn't feel right or I just didn't like. Here I will place some of those scenes for your viewing enjoyment. There are some spoilers at the end for the next chapter, however because they were deleted I do not believe that it will really ruin anything. This also contains the reasons as to why I removed it. So, without further ado, ----- Rejected Portions of MLP: Last Mage Rejected scene 3: --== As with the previous two sections (which aren't here because I did not have this idea until much later, this was a scene that I deleted from the rest of the story and re-wrote because it just didn't 'feel right'. Something odd though: when I turned off the computer on Nov 16, 2011, I felt this incredible 'wrongness' feeling. That by leaving the section in I was committing some horrible action. That even leaving it in place until the next day was a bad idea. I've never felt that way concerning any of the fan-fics I've written, but then again, none of my previous fics involved as much editing and research as the others. --== As I finished one of the guards off duty totted over to me. "Hey. You." He poked me with a hoof. He didn't sound happy. "Not now, please." I just finished a tasty meal and I'd rather not have the nice feeling of a no-longer-grumbling-stomach ruined by a guard looking for something to prove. I reached for the mug of water a server that had been walking about getting drinks for the diners had offered. The guard knocked it off the table. The water inside splashed onto the bench on the other side and the floor. The mug bounced a bit, then came to a stop against another bench. "Oops." he said sarcastically. Not looking at the guard, I stood up and walked around to the other side of the table and retrieved the mug. A little water was still in it, so I drank it and carried both it and my plate back to the kitchen where I placed it in a dish sink. The guard followed me and put his hooves up on the serving counter below a window that allowed the cooks to refill and trays of food that were placed on the counter during any mealtime rush. He looked at the two remaining cooks in the kitchen, then looked back at me. "You know, judging by the one of them that ran out of here screaming for water earlier, it looks like your food left the same taste in her mouth that you left in mine out in the training yard earlier." "Oh, you mean I burned you up?" I finally replied. "I guess that's not too hard to imagine when you left the princess completely unguarded and open to attack. I'd hate to imagine what would have happened if a real assassin had decided to strike then and there." His confident-jerk face became angry. "Now, if you'll excuse me I need to prepare for tomorrow's agenda. Good night." I left the kitchen and was on my way across the eating area when two more guards that i remembered from the group of spectators stepped in my way. "Please move. I have no quarrel with you or the pony attempting to bore holes in the back of my head with his eyes." "Well we have a quarrel with you, Two-leg." One of them said, sounding outright hostile. I did not want to fight them for two reasons: One, I had left both horns in my room and had only been in two serious fights back in high school and both of those times I had help, and two, I doubted it would win me any influence points with the other guards. "I don't care what Celestia says, I saw the look in your eyes when you held that spear above her eye, and I am not just going to allow you a second shot at it later." "If I wanted Celestia dead, she would be dead. Just as if I had wanted all of you dead back on that field, you would be dead, and we would not be having this conversation. My loyalty is first to my friends, and I count princess Celestia and princess Luna among my friends." "Hey fellas!" The pony from before called from behind me said. "Want to know what one of the servants told me about where his power comes from?" The other two looked around me with interest. "From Unicorn horns. This Two-leg steals his power from Unicorns." The two in front of the door narrowed their eyes and looked at me again. "I did not steal any of the horns that I've used. They were all given to me." "Oh really? By whom?" "The first was passed down through many of my people's generations. The second was given to me by a nurse in Ponyville. You can even ask her if you like. Her last name is Heartblood. The third was given to me by Celestia herself." "Third?! Again, it was the pony behind me that spoke. "One wasn't enough for you?! You had to have two more?!" "The first was ancient and crumbled to dust not long after I came to your world. The second and third are being used for a project that your rulers have given me permission to pursue." === The second I pasted that section here and removed it from the fic the 'Wrongess' feeling went away like when you take something that doesn't belong to you and then return it. I find it a little disconcerting. I mean, it's only a story, right? what's the big deal? Maybe I'm just going crazy... Rejected scene 4 ---= I was originally going to have Jacob try to sneak out of a passage in one of the windowless bedrooms, but I again got that feeling of wrongness the further along I typed, so I cut it out as well. ---= I gathered my things up and began asking the servants that I passed where the bedrooms without windows were. Most of them gave me funny looks and asked me what I wanted with a room without windows, but I told them it was royal business and that seemed to be enough. Eventually one of them knew and led me to one. Ironically enough, it was directly across from my own bedroom. I thanked the servant and then went inside. Using the wand to create a light, I began searchign the room for one of the secret passages that Luna had mentioned. I kept searching for more than ten minutes when there suddenly was a knock at the door. It was Dominic. "I know you're in there, Human, the servants told me." I quickly pointed the wand at the door and locked it. Dominic heard the lock click too and pounded on the door. "I know what you're planning to do, and both the princesses suspected long before this hour. They've forbidden you to leave without an escort into the forest. Now come out of there. The passage you're looking for is too well hidden for you to hope to locate anyway." Is that a challenge?I thought in response, and redoubled my efforts. Eventually I found it in the bathroom in a towel closet. The middle shelf was loose, and when I tried to pull it out the back wall behind it popped out as well. I grinned and climbed in, shutting the door and pulling the wall back in behind me. Dominic banged on the door again, and I started walking. The passage was dark, damp, covered with cobwebs, and cold. Using the wand I made the webs burst into a shower of dust (bad idea) and sent myself into a coughing fit. I ran forward, trying to get out of the dust cloud I'd created and turned a corner to a split. I stopped and looked both ways. One way led down, and another led up. Wanting to work my way to ground level I went down. The passage I took split off several more times and then I finally reached === And that was as far as I got before I changed my mind. Rejected scene 5 ---= This one was moving along too fast. I felt like I was rushing the scene. This one happened when Jacob, Fluttershy, and Twilight were going along the path to Zecora's house. ---= "-It's a predator, and its stalking us. How much farther is Zecora's place?" "We're almost there," Twilight assured me. "It should be right around the bend." "Let's pick up the pace." The two ponies heartily agreed and we jogged and cantered the rest of the way there. I didn't feel the gaze again, but that didn't stop me from feeling nervous at every sound the wildlife made. When we arrived at the door Twilight knocked several times before Zecora answered. When she did all three of us gasped. Where her eyes should have been white, they were black, and where there should have been color, they were red like the eyes I saw earlier. "Everybody back!!!" I yelled and yanked a lighter out of my pocket. "She's one of them!" "Come to this place, you should have not, For Bloody Hooves, want what you've got." "Wait, Jacob!" She wrapped her limbs around my wand arm and pulled it away from Zecora. "Bl- Bl- Bloody Hooves?!" Fluttershy stuttered. "They're real?!" Zecora looked at Fluttershy. "Yes indeed, sweet Fluttershy. If you don't leave, then you shall die! For tonight they hunt, they hunt for prey. Be here after dark, and forever you shall stay." Zecora turned her gaze on me. "One is here whom walks on two legs! They'll kill you too, even if you begs!" Changing the subject, I asked her if she had ever seen an Alicorn in these woods. She stared at me until I broke eye contact. "An Alicorn in here there be, but this being, pray you never see. For he has become a God to them, and no other creature does he call friend." Fluttershy was pulling on me now too. "Ja-Ja- Jacob?" I looked away from Zecora. "What is it Fluttershy?" She pointed at the trees surrounding the clearing. I looked where she was pointing and suddenly felt the staring feeling again, but worse than it had been before. Much worse. All around us pairs of red eyes gazed out from the foliage. "Leave now you must while daylight still shines, lest the path lose its power, and on you they dine!" Zecora warned. "You two get out of here." I said. "I'm not leaving without Thanatos' help, or his horn." "Are you crazy?!" Twilight said loudly to me, her gaze darting form me to the still-gathering crowd. "There's far too many of them to fight!" "I'm not going to fight them. They're going to lead me to Thanatos." Twililght and Fluttershy gave me a look that I had just proven I was insane. I looked at Zecora. "You said that Thanatos had become as a God to them. That means he's still alive. How do I find him?" "If death is your desire, then light his worshipers on fire. To him they shall cry out, and it is him that shall soon be about. But death is not kept away by the path, so do not think to escape his wrath!" "Can you keep these two safe in your house?" I pointed at Twilight and Fluttershy. Zecora shook her head. "Though harm me they shall not, my house is no sacred spot. Break down my door they shall, and feast on these two as well." "Twilight, how much time left until night falls?" Twilight looked up at the sky. "It's hard to tell in here. ==== rejected scene idea 6 ---= At one time I was going to have Jacob issue a challenge to Thanatos by speaking to one of the Bloody Hooves, but again it just didn't feel quite right. It was only two sentences long, so I didn't bother posting it here. === Deleted scene 1 ---= This part took place after Fluttershy said she wanted help standing on her hind legs when Jacob, Twilight, and Fluttershy were staying in the hotel on Earth. I didn't really find anything wrong with it and actually liked the idea of Fluttershy learning Human dancing, but it did not really contribute much to the the overall story, and I myself know nothing about how to dance, so I cut it out. ---= We stood like that motionless for awhile. "Alright. I'm going to start moving backwards. Follow me." We did so until I reached the back wall. By the time we reached it her back legs were quivering. "This was only a few steps, Fluttershy. If your back legs are going to support your full body weight you're going to need to use them more often that your front. And of course, find a way to balance yourself." She nodded. "We have a tool that our elderly use to help them walk. I suppose you might be able to use that for this. Alas, I don't have one of those in my possession, but I === Rejected scene 6 ---= I got rid of this one because I didn't want this to turn into a zombie story. Maybe I'll make another one of my 'What If' stories next where this DID happen (and I say 'another' because I've made a 'what if' story for another website based on a different fic I've written) and we'll see where it goes then, but not for this one. This bit took place after Thanatos homed in on Jacob's location. ---= Behind him four more four-legged figures came through the passage. They had watched from the other side the confrontation between Thanatos and his potential prey, but now that it was over, they advanced. They looked about, blinking multiple times in the bright sunlight, and then caught sight of Thanatos galloping away. They followed him. These were followed by more that had also come through the gate, and then still more until they numbered fifty. Most of them followed Thanatos, but some chose instead to go in another direction towards a ranch that they saw in the distance. Finally, with no one standing directly in front of the passageway between the worlds, the gateway closed. === Rejected scene 7 ---= I cut this out because I don't do insane characters very well. This (almost) happened in Chapter 11. ---= Thanatos stopped in mid stride. His horn was suddenly telling him to about-face and go back the way he'd just come., which made perfect sense. The purple one must have used a spell to make me think that I'm going the wrong way. I'll not fall for- what's that? Another of the metal beasts that had been avoiding him ever since he entered the Human dwelling place slowed to a stop in front of him. There had at one time been Humans walking on either side of the road he's been running on but when they saw him they'd screamed and run away or had pointed strange objects at him and tried to blind him. He'd then defended himself and either trampled them or used magic to dispose of them and their magic tokens. The once-hot blood that had run down his horn had no cooled and was in the process of solidifying when this metal creature stopped in front of him. It's eyes glowed as his did and it was wide and constantly growled. Is it defending its territory or is it challenging me? No matter. I don't have time to waste with it. Two Humans got out of its sides and one of them pointed a long silver tube attached to a- he didn't know what at him, but it vaguely resembled the smaller object that other male Human had pointed at him. Thanatos remembered the pain it had caused and the noise that had filled his head after the Human had attacked him and his rage and survival will boiled up. Thanatos whinnied and threw himself at the armed Human, who shouted an explicative at how fast Thanatos moved seconds before Thanatos jumped over the door and bucked the Human into the car's door and broke it off. The Human screamed in pain and then Thanatos turned his attention on the second Human that had gotten out of the car. It looked younger than the first. Younger and terrified. Good! Thanatos thought in triumph as he spread his wings and used them to propel himself over the vehicle and come down in front of the fleeing Human. "What in the Maker's name?!" He said in a panicked voice before Thanatos stood on his hind legs and shoved it backward head over heels. It landed on its back and gripped its chest. Thanatos had broken several ribs with his kick and had disabled this one as well, but he wasn't finished yet. Thanatos lifted the younger Human from the ground with Telekinesis and then brought him up into a standing position. Thanatos stared at the Human a moment, and then broke his neck by spinning his head all the way around once. Thanatos savored the sickening snap and crackle of his neck bones as they broke and dragged on one another before unceremoniously dropping him on the black road. Delightful! No wait...horrible! Why did I do that?! For fun...Yes, that's it! Thanatos leaned from feeling pleased with himself to feeling guilty and then back to pleased again, but still something didn't feel quite right. === Deleted scene 7 1/2 ---= This bit used to be part of the Thanatos confrontation with animal control. This one felt...crooked to me, so I cut it out and wrote in something else. ---= Feeling desperate, the second Human pulled a walkie talkie from his belt and reported that the horse they'd been sent to remove had attacked them and that they needed help and lots of it. Thanatos lifted the walkie from the Human's hand and tossed it to one side. "Foolish." Thanatos said to him, and then turned and continued along the route he had been following before his homing magic told him to turn around. He came across more Humans that pointed at him and flashed more blinding lights at him, and he tore the flashing objects away from them and slammed them either onto the pavement or against a wall or else tossed it over their heads. Stopping to kill each and every one would slow him down so he only performed the bare minimum to continue on his way. The second time when a metal creature stopped in front of him two more stopped behind the first. There were more Humans that got out of them and they had more of those tube-weapons. Thanatos snorted and used Telekinetic magic to take it from them, pulled it back towards himself a short way, then spun them around and threw it back at them. Most of them were hit, but some dodged and then stared at him in disbelief. Clearly they had never fought against somepony with magic before. Thanatos grinned at this, finding it amusing. His grin seemed to terrify some of the Humans and they dove back into their metal beasts- carriages, perhaps? and grabbed a different colored weapon. A few managed to make more thunder-sounds