//------------------------------// // O Strong Dead March // Story: The Equestrian Omni-Knight // by Azure5555 //------------------------------// The Everfree was a jungle! A jungle made worse by the unending horde of undead popping up out of nowhere. The skeletal ponies didn't take much to break, a swing of the ole Requiem and the bones were ready to be buried. The real problem came from the zom-ponies and armored skeletals, single swipes just weren't enough and that meant magical expenditure. Magical expenditure meant increased heart rate and that either meant passing out or dying. It wasn't until having bust through my fourth armored that a memory swam by... -1502 Years ago- It was probably a week since the town caravan-ed the hell out of old Canter, but it was enough to lower morale a bit. Endless water and crops just didn't mean what it used to when your main beat-stick was carnivorous. *Snap* "Hey guys, wanna see something cool?" "It can't be worse than watching you eat that poor bovine we met whole." Said the caravans prominent nay-sayer. "Okay, watch closely everyon-I mean everypony." The caravan stopped, watching with anticipation. Reaching deep inside my essence, I began to pull a charge of spiritual energy and held it aloft. "Ho...Gadoken!" The small projectile moved at a snail pace and dissipated after seconds. I gave a small grin with my tongue out, hoping I still had their attention. Honey Pot's laughter was enough to keep me going. This time I actually focused my energy with purpose. Gathering a bolt of spiritual energy, I focused the orb into both hands, pulled back, and launched it upwards. "Shinku...Hadoken!" This time the crowd had gone wild. I wanted to see if I could utilize the other hado variants and decided to experiment: The Satsui No variant was quite possibly the second most difficult with Sean's Burst variant being so complex it required a spell to be woven in with any of the versions. (Thankfully, this meant I could abuse Hibiki's horrible but powerful Saikyo version.) This new-found knowledge made the trail that much easier to traverse, and it didn't stop at hadoken either: Kikoken, tatsu, shoryu, moves from completely unrelated fighting games I had managed to get comfy with. 'Yeah, things'll be fun, even if we are being hunted...' -Present- "SHINRYUKEN!" The metal and rotting flesh melted into each other, encasing a mass group of undead into a manageable clump. Wings unfurled, I aim downwards. "Corkscrew Blow!" The mass of undead scatter, bones locked by molten flesh-metal. 'They ain't re-dead, but least they ain't movin.' "Now onwards, to Zecora's!" -Zecora's (?)- I had found myself lost in the ever growing forest. The only signs of life were re-animated corpses and I had passed the same patch of Poison Joke at least five times now. I was getting antsy. 'Okay, Maybe Pinkie knows or something.' I pick up a bushel of Joke and grab my amulet. *Riiiiiin~ riiiiiiiiiin~ riiiii-click* 'Master Azure! Have you found who you were looking for?' "Not yet Twi, POWER GEYSER! (Scratch three dead heads.) Can you get-KIKOSHO! (This is just ridiculous.) Pinkie on the-SON OF A WHORE! TATSU! GEKI KEN!" 'Is this a bad time?' "These undead are relentless, but I think I'm good for now. How are things on your end?" 'Well, Angel and Spike have managed to take out the stragglers that are getting past the forest, the royal guard are being as useless as ever, and everypony else is guarding the hospital.' "Sounds good. You guys keep up, I'll be there shortly. Do you think you can get Pinkie on the line though? Real quick." 'Of course, I think I see her- Hellooo~ this thing on?' "Pinks! You uh...you feelin any better?" 'Pfft, are you?' "More or less, look I need to find Zecora and you know everypony in a twenty mile radius. Can you help me?" 'I DO know everypony, but I don't think I know a Zecora *GASP* Is she some kind of forest pony!? I've never met a forest pony!' "What, no, she's a zebra. She should have popped up in Ponyville periodically for potion regents. She would wear a brown cloak which hid everything but her shining golden eyes." 'Nuh uh. Sounds waaay to creepy to forget. Try your merc garb. If she's here, you'll find her. Good luck Azzy!' *clic* And so a dead end was hit. Armor change! The suit wrapped itself over me, it's intense nigh-omnipotent powers overwhelming me with- 'OH HEY A SQUIRREL!!' 'GET......a grip,' 'Okay, fourth wall time.' Channeling the suit's power, a screen appeared before me with a vast map of the Everfree. "Locate Zecora." [Data not found "Right, right, lets try again. Locate Zebra by the name of Zecora. [Data not found] "Increase radius All. Locate. Zecora." [Subject found] "Bitchin'! Where is she?" [Canterlot Castle] "Yeah, very funny. Where is she?" [Canterlot, hidden facility, good luck] "FFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!" Walking back felt harrowing. Not that it was difficult, my life signs told me I had more SP than I knew what to do with so heart attack wasn't a risk, but not having Zecora was just...really disheartening. That's when it hit me. More specifically, I hit *it*. *It* came in the form of a large twenty foot bone. Large twenty foot bone came in the form of a dragon. Dragon came in the form of-no you know what? I hit a dracolich. That's what I hit. It's roar was obscene, every step it took created another undead abomination, and it was just really damn ugly. I had only one option in a situation like this. "AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" I ran like hell. The dragon moved at a snails pace, but the armored and unarmored skeletals ran like the go-ram wind. I had to start using magic just to keep em off my tail! Literally, one of them caught my tail. I summoned blades of light, I switched armors constantly using everything from flooding waves to holy hand grenades. I was halfway out the forest when I realized I wasn't on my legs anymore and I had a golden ax in my teeth. Tripping in on myself, I slammed into Angel, who collapsed on Spike, knocking over three solar infantry-colts. 'Oh crap baskets.' The ax, thus delivered it's payload straight into the face of one dragon. The blinding light subsided and the guard was on me like white on rice. "Guards! Seize him!" The three soldiers I had toppled had all gotten up and grabbed both my forelegs. 'Oh thank fuck it worked.' *ahem* "On what char-" *SMACK* "Silence! On counts of treason, illegal use of magic, as well as hindering royal investigation you are hereby under arrest by the authority of Grand Princess Celestia!" Cried an armored unicorn. "Yeah that's cut- *SMACK* Will you stop hitting me!?" "You should drop him, he isn't who you're after." Said Angel, now a tall red bunny. "The only reason you and that abhorrent dragon haven't been thrown in a holding cell is that you both are protected by a wielder of the Elements. As for this "criminal", he shall be dealt with as is appropriate for felonious filth." 'You don't want to kill him, you don't want to kill him, you really really do not want to kill him.' I mentally repeated. "Commander Gold, you are to release that pony immediately!" Said an all too familiar voice. "Shiny! You came to rescue me!" I cried with half mock half genuine happiness. "Captain Armor, may I remind you that I am under orders by the Princess herself to deal with the cause of this...'event' by any means necessary." Retorted 'Gold'. "I outrank you." Replied Shining Armor. "And yet only a Princess may over-rule my given duty." "You mean me right? He means me right?" Mí Amoré Cadenza, my knight in shin-......Yeah I'm not gonna finish that. Cadence had overheard the squabble and decided to intervene. Normally I'd be scared shitless, but this was Cadence. Of course I'd be safe. "Let him go Commander." Ordered Cadence. "Your highness! This vagabond emerged from the Everfree with a dangerous explosive, attacked my men, and he smells of filth and foul disease!" "I am right here ya know! I take offense to-*KerSMACK* You hit like a mar-*WHAM* Cadence help!!" It's not like being hit repeatedly by a hoof hurt, as I'm quite sure my scales hurt him more than me, but this is ridiculous. "You shall refer to her royal Highness as Princess Mi Amore Cadenza! Vile filth." Said Gold with much disgust. "One, you're saying it wrong! Two, I've been friends with her and Captain Armor for years." "It's true, so let him go. That's an order." Said Cadence. Not wanting to face a demotion or worse, the soldiers let me go. Their Commander giving me the dirtiest of looks. "I will see you behind bars someday blank flank." 'Well that wasn't very-oh hey I don't have a tramp stamp! Winning!' Of course taking a second look, revealed that I did in fact have a Cutie Mark plastered over my newly formed flanks, but it was covered by a mound of dirty beatnik werewolf fur. "Ah ah ah! Before you leave cretin, how am I saying it wrong?" Asked Commander Gold. "Okay, follow my words carefully. Mí. Ah-mo-ré. Cah-den-zsah. It's origins are Spaneish, and it will be pronounced as it was meant to be. 'Cretín'." I could literally see the steam blowing from his nose. "Report!" Shouted Shining, it was about time too. *Ahem* "Well, I was minding my own-" "Horsefeathers." Said Shining. "I waaaas." "Okay, what happened when you were 'Minding your own business'?" "Well I was chillaxing in the Everfree like a ballah, when I got sidebarred by undead ponies. They wanted my sweet sweet brains, but I told them and I quote: "I'm not your mother last night!" They took offense to that." "And?" "Aaaand. I killed aaall but one of them." "What happened to the last one?" "Turns out, they're all being created by a giant undead dragon so I went and pussed out like a [FORE!] 'That don't seem right.' "Hah, his testimony is so absurd it just screams for him to be imprisoned!" Cried Gold. He really doesn't like me. "I'd love to chat, but a small horde is on it's way here. I need to be gone and back before the big bad shows up. Angel?" "Me and Spike will take care of the small fry. After he gets back up." "I heard that...sodding bunny reflexes..." 'Oh yeah...the golden ax blew up in his face.' "Shiny! You, Cadence and- *SLAM* You enjoy this too much Goldy." "How dare you bark orders at your superiors, you...you...you filthy commoner!" "Permission to break his leg." I ask Shining. "Granted." Commander Gold's face contorted rather comically, but the best part was when Cadence chimed in. "Can you do that thing where you shout out that word? What's the word?" "Princess Cadenza I must beg your-" "SUPLEX!" Before he knew it, I slammed his right hoof, breaking the knee cap, grabbed him from the bottom up and brought the Commander down on his back. Heavy armor and all. "Right, well, as I was saying...-*ROAR* -[snarf]! 'Well that REALLY don't seem right...' New plan hit it with everything you've got!" Every step was another wave. Spike and Angel took turns against ground forces and the dracolich, Cadence and Armor focused solely on the dracolich, and that left me to either keep the guard from dying or entering the fray. "Curse my insipid kindness..." Yeah, I think I've lost enough for one life time. ... Dragging the unconscious Gold to safety would have gone smoother had the other three guards actually helped instead of running off like pansies. Seriously, who vets these cowards!? Not even half way across town and three zom-ponies had managed to catch me. Not wanting to take chances, I waited for the first to lunge. Ducking my head and raising it up under its chin staggered it, but the other two decided to go in from the sides. Spinning on my new forehooves, my hind legs bashed my opponents into each other from left to right. The first rising back up with one less bottom jaw tried to bite down on my head, saliva and rotting flesh falling down my noggin. 'Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew.' Gonna need a bath after that one. Regretfully, I noticed too late that Commander Gold had a sword at his side. Taking it and swinging upwards, I cleaved through to the zom-ponys brain. Thankfully, one of the townsfolk saw the fight and rushed to my aid. "Shouldn't you be in a hospital bed?" I ask the bandaged pony. "Shouldn't you be in a bathtub?" "Touché, get this guy off my hands yeah?" "You mean hooves right?" "No I mean hands." Bandages as I refer to him, had increasingly wide eyes. "Sir! Anything else?" "Where's Pinkie? We have a dragon problem and I need our best pastry chef." "She said she would be waiting for you in Sugarcube Corner. Do you two have a plan?" "We're going to be baking a cake.-" Looking side to side and back and forth I spirit out of the air two Golden Axes and three Holy Hand Grenades and toss em to Bandages. "-Don't you even think about dying on me." With one last look at Bandages and his charge, I high tail it to my next destination.