//------------------------------// // 6. The Masochism Tango // Story: Your Own Worst Enemy // by Distaff Pope //------------------------------//         I trotted in place, one hoof just inches from the door to my Mom’s room. It was no big deal. I just should’ve told her earlier, but had instead spent most of the day with Scootaloo or with Scootaloo and Mom. Maybe I could’ve mentioned it then but… I didn’t think of it. It wasn’t super important anyways. Well, no, it was. It was what I wanted to do with my life. That was pretty important, but it could wait, right? She didn’t need to know I wanted to get back to singing now. Actually… Yeah, I hadn’t even done those exercises Luna suggested, the writing and being sincere stuff. What if I still couldn’t sing even after that? Then I’d just have wasted everypony’s time. I turned to head back to my room when I heard a creak from behind.         “Sweetie?” Mom asked, head sticking out of the door. “What are you doing out here? I thought you were in bed, or…” I noticed her mane was slightly messed up. Hopefully, I hadn’t interrupted anything. “Is something the matter?”         “Nope,” I said, shaking my head and smiling at her. “I just had something I wanted to tell you, but it can wait until later. I don’t even know if it’s worth talking about now.”         “It absolutely is,” Mom said, coming out of the door and shutting it behind her. Before she did, I caught a glimpse of Twilight reading in bed, a stack of books on either side of her. Maybe I hadn’t interrupted anything. “Come now,” she said, trotting to the couch. “Tell me what’s on your mind.”         “Just… I kind of miss singing, you know?” I said, moving to sit next to her on the couch. “Not like it’s the end of the world, but I miss being on stage. Of course, it’d probably help if I could just sing in private first, but… I don’t know, is there any way I can do a few shows? They don’t have to be anything big, even if it’s just singing in a bar somewhere, that’s fine with me. Or maybe not a bar, but like, a coffeehouse or something,” I added hastily before Mom could say anything about “jeopardizing my recovery” again. Sweetie and a room full of alcohol don’t mix. Really? Since when?  Shut up.         Mom nodded her head. “I think I could help arrange that – but first, it might be beneficial if we dealt with the media storm still surrounding you. You haven’t appeared in public since the scandal broke. The tabloids have had something of a field day, and I think it would be best if we worked on some image control before you start going out and performing again.” She frowned. “Unless you want to risk being picketed, or having some other disruption to the show. Truthfully, it will still be a risk either way, but at least we can try to minimize it.”         “Plus, I still have to be able to actually, like, sing,” I said, feeling the tingling of my throat tightening at the mention of singing. Great.         “You know, Sweetie, I had a lovely dream that you featured in last night, and it made me feel immensely better. I only mention this because the turning point for it was when you sang me a version of our little lullaby,” Rarity said. “And it made me think that perhaps you should start singing your own works, instead of parroting other ponies’ songs.”         “Really?” I asked, trying not to laugh. “I’ll definitely think about it. Maybe I should try being a bit more like your dream me.”         Mom shook her head. “No, Sweetie, the only mare you have to be like is yourself. Never try to fit into somepony’s else conception of you.” A flash of orange went through my mind.         “Even if…” I shook my head. If I hinted at it, she’d know, and then she’d probably mess with Scootaloo and me, and then the two most important mares in my life would be fighting and… No. We couldn’t have that. I couldn’t choose between them. “Alright.”         Silence ticked on while Mom stared at me, looking at me like I was one of her creations, which… I kind of was, actually. I giggled at that, even as her eyes traced over where I’d come apart at the seams and where she’d stitched me back together. Satisfied that her hoofwork was still holding together, she gave a nod. “And if somepony does try to get you to change yourself, let me know, and I’ll have words with them.” She managed to make ‘have words with them’ sound like ‘tie them to the bedposts and flog them till their back was red.’ Definitely couldn’t tell her about Scootaloo then. It was a good relationship, I just had to play a bit assertive and – I groaned at the word, it really wasn’t fair to them – stallion-ey until Scootaloo got used to being with a mare. Maybe once I showed her all the things I could do with a bolt of silk, she’d come around. Who wouldn’t?         “Okay, Mom,” I said, a happy annoyance blossoming in my chest. Maybe having a parent constantly doting on me and sheltering me would get annoying eventually, but not now. Even when she was being super obnoxious about my recovery, it all still made me feel loved. I smiled and leaned in to give her a hug. “Thank you.”         Mom smiled. “You’re… very welcome, Sweetie. I have to admit, I didn’t expect such a positive reaction from you.”         “Well, I just… It’s nice, you know? Having you here for me,” I said. “But anyways, what were you talking about with the news?”         “The works, Sweetie,” Mom said. “First, we’ll give a blitz of interviews with journalists who might have some sympathy for you. We’ll sell the narrative of you going clean and trying to atone, we’ll share your side of the story, and once that’s wrapped up, Twilight and I will give them another story to chase.” She tilted her head and smiled. “I think a royal engagement would fit the ticket, don’t you?”         “Wait, you’re not just getting married for me, are you? Like, you actually want to get married, right?” I said.         “Yes, Sweetie. It’s something we’ve wanted to do for a while, but I wanted to make sure you were okay, first,” Mom said. “That was my highest priority, and now that that’s taken care of, I feel…” She gazed off over to her room and smiled. “The day wedding bells ring can’t come soon enough. However, there is one tiny detail I should probably discuss with you first.”         “Why?” I asked, tilting my head and looking with her at the door to Twilight’s room, imagining the two of them dressed up, one of them walking down the aisle, while the other… Wait, who would walk down the aisle? I’d never thought about it before, but… if I was marrying Scootaloo, she’d probably want to stay at the altar, and then I’d walk down the aisle, but… No, she liked me being stallioney with her, so would I have to be at the altar while she got to dress in white and walk down the aisle? Could we both walk down the aisle together?         “Sweetie? Sweeetieee?” I looked up at my si– mom. She was staring down at me, lines of concern worrying her face. “Did you hear anything I said?”         I shook my head. “Sorry, I was kind of thinking about which one of you would be walking down the aisle,” I said, blushing in embarrassment as I smiled at her as apology. She smiled back.         “If you must know, we decided I’d walk down the aisle. Well, I asked and she agreed. She doesn’t see the point of a big elaborate ceremony, while I’m rather…” She laughed. “Married to the idea. But that’s not important, Sweetie, what is important is that we discuss some issues of heritage, before the media might discover them while covering the wedding.”         “Ugh, who cares about that?” I groaned. I found out I had the best mom in the world, and now we had to talk about grandparents who didn’t even want me? “You’re my mom, and that’s what’s important, right?”         Mom smiled and her eyes misted for a second. “Yes, absolutely, but… Are you familiar with Princess Platinum’s five daughters?”         “Since I stepped hoof in a classroom at some point in my life, yeah, I am,” I said. “And I also know that her dynasty all died out, so I really don’t get what that has to do with me and my ancestry.”         “Well, Sweetie, Twilight discovered that Platinum actually had six daughters, and… well, I suppose I have a story to tell.” ♪♪♪         She definitely had a story to tell me, one about a lost heir to a family being exiled until she or her descendents learned the value of self-sacrifice and generosity. And then, there were about a thousand years of nothing as her family forgot their history until my mom dated a librarian-turned-princess who decided to follow a connection between my mom’s element and the royal peytral and chased it down to an old castle in the north.         “So… you’re a princess?” I asked, looking up at my mom. “Does that mean…”         “No,” Mom said, shaking her head. “Not until I die. Until then, you’re a princess-in-waiting.”         I nodded and glanced at the clock. Somehow, her story had taken an almost hour, and the night was now in danger of becoming morning. I yawned. “I can live with being a princess-in-waiting, then,” I said. “Besides, being a princess was your dream, not mine.”         “Then what is your dream?” Mom asked. “If you don’t mind me asking.”         “Well, it was to be a big famous Bridleway actress and loved by everypony in Equestria, but… we both know how that worked out.” I frowned, thinking about what I wanted most in Equestria. “Honestly, right now, just being okay would be a dream come true. Like, I feel better now… a lot better, actually, but I still don’t feel okay. It would be nice if I could sing without having my throat go tight and having an anxiety attack and not have so many hallucinations, but other than that I think I’ve been pretty good since I got out of the hospital. Of course, it’s only been two days, so…” I shook my head. “I don’t know, sorry, I’m rambling.”         “It’s fine,” Mom said, her smile flagging for a second. She probably thought I wouldn’t notice, but I knew smiles, especially false ones. Why did they even try to false smile at me? “And you’ll get there one day, but… there has to be something more you yearn for.”         “Not really,” I said. “I’d like to be able to sing, and I’d like to be in a healthy relationship.”         Mom’s eyes lit up at that. “Oh? Well, unless I missed my mark completely, you and Scootaloo are… if not yet romantically involved, certainly heading in that direction.” Her mouth twitched back into a real smile. “You know, Sweetie, I couldn’t have picked a better paramour for you if I’d tried. The two of you have my total approval, if that’s what you want.”         “Thanks,” I said, breathing out a sigh of relief. For a moment, I’d worried she’d go off onto a rant about ‘jeopardizing my recovery,’ but approval was good too. “So… we kind of kissed in my room earlier today.”         “Well…” Mom nodded her head slowly. “Yes, what you two want to do in the privacy of your room is fine with me. You’re a grown mare, and it’s not like I’m suffering under illusions of fillial innocence. No, the papers quite dispelled those notions – and there’s nothing wrong with most of those things, either, I’d just advise... moderation.”         “Yeah,” I said, rubbing the back of my head. “I’m kind of bad at moderation, aren’t I?”         Mom tightened her lips for a minute. “It’s a learned skill, one you didn’t have much opportunity to practice in Ponyville. Perhaps that’s my own fault, but–”         “You promised,” I said, cutting her off. “No more beating ourselves up, right?”         There was a sigh and a nod. “You’re right, of course, Sweetie. Thank you for reminding me of that. Anyways, yes, I’m quite happy for you and Scootaloo, and…” She blinked. “How did we get on this again? I was telling you about our ancestry, and then somehow we got to talking about your love life, which I’ll try not to pry into.”         I tapped a hoof and looked down at the carpet, thinking. “Ooh! I was saying I was okay being a princess-in-waiting and said that being a princess was always your dream, not mine, and then we kind of got to talking about my dreams and… Right, you were telling me about your plan to help me deal with the media.”         “Indeed,” Mom said, nodding and giving me a smile. “Thank you for that reminder as well. Right, so the first thing we need to worry about is getting some positive stories about you in the press. I’ve identified a short list of journalists who might write favorably about you, and if you say the word, I’ll write them and request an interview on your behalf. I’d like it if we could set it up at your old penthouse while we still have it, but I also understand why you might not want to go back there. Whatever you decide works for me.”         I shivered at her mention of the penthouse. Not going back there would be… better. “Could we… could we not do it there? Please?”         Mom stroked my mane and hummed a few bars of our lullaby. “Of course. I’m sorry, Sweetie, I just thought it might be good if we could avoid having the bottom feeders outside the Plaza.” She gave me a quick little hug. “No, Sweetie, I promise you won’t have to go back there if you don’t want to. I shouldn’t have even mentioned it.” She closed her eyes and hmmed. “We’ll find some way to make do, though. So, should I fetch my list?”         “Write Thinking,” I said.         “Uhmm… Sweetie, my goal was to have you interview writers who might be sympathetic towards you, not serve you up to your harshest critic,” Mom said, eyes bulging in her head for a quick second. “No… What good could that possibly accomplish?”         I smiled and hopped off the couch, turning to face her. “You said it yourself, she’s my harshest critic. If she sees how nice and harmless and sorry I am, and how much I suffered, then maybe she’ll apologize in the paper and everypony else will move on to something else. I’m nice, right?” Mom nodded. “And you know how sorry I am, right?”         “You certainly apologized enough,” Mom said before creasing her lips in a frown. “Not that I can complain, considering…” Yeah, maybe beating ourselves up ran in the family. Well, probably not.  Mom– Grandma– Crumble– didn’t seem to feel guilty about anything.         “Right,” I said, shaking off the thought. “And you know how much all the dumb stuff I did wound up hurting me, right?”         Mom gave me another nod, clenching her jaw like there was something else she wanted to say.         “Great, then if I can just show her all that, she won’t need to be angry with me anymore and she can tell everypony how I’m totally not the monster she said I was.” Yes you are. Shut up! Could the voices in my head not give me one day of feeling mostly good about myself?         Not until you deserve it. I buried down a growl so Mom didn’t hear it. Me talking to myself really freaked her out.         “That…” Mom nodded. “That idea certainly has some merit, but I worry that Miss Thinking might be hard to persuade. Some ponies have a hard time seeing the flaws in their world view until it completely shatters around them.”         “Really?” I asked, rolling my eyes. “You don’t say.”         Mom looked away, remembering who she was talking to. She might be a princess, but I was the former queen of deluding yourself. You still are. Shut up! Why did the voices in my head have to be so awful?         We’re all the same voice, Sweetie. Alright, fine, why did the voice in my head have to be so awful?         “I’ve wondered the same thing,” Bright Lights said, popping out of the couch next to my Mom where a pillow used to be. “Perhaps it’s the way your mother raised you.” She didn’t have time to smirk before I was on top of her, teeth sinking into her and ripping out a mouthful of something fuzzy. Huh, I never expected horseflesh to be fuzzy. I screamed through my mouthful of Bright Lights. “I said ‘shut up!” I shouted, spitting out her flesh and watching as bits of fuzz and fabric fell off the edge of the couch. I looked down at ‘Bright Lights’ to see nothing but torn-up upholstery. “Oh, right,” I said, sinking down into my victim and looking at Mom who was completely frozen, shock and horror painted on her face in broad strokes with too-wide eyes and lips parted in preparation for a scream of her own. “Sorry,” I said, looking up at her. “She said something bad about you, and I can take them yelling at me, but… not you.” Or Scootaloo. Or any of the ponies who still loved me after everything, which was a pretty short list. Speaking of short lists. “So… that interview.” Mom swallowed down her horror and gave me a smile. “I think it might be best if we spend a few more days… or weeks… or however long you wish focusing on your recovery. We–” “If you say ‘jeopardize my recovery’ again, I’m going to find a way to go even crazier,” I said. “Which I don’t know if that’s actually possible, but keep saying that, and I’ll find a way.” There was a long pause as Mom looked at me, still collapsed on a torn up pillow. “We just want what’s best for you, and if that means spending a few more days in seclusion while you heal, that’s just a price we’ll pay.” “But I don’t want to spend a few more days cooped up anywhere. I want to be free and outside and doing stuff. I miss having a life.” If it wasn’t for her and Scootaloo, you wouldn’t have a life. I sighed and shook my head. “Fine, I’ll wait.” How long could a few days be? ♪♪♪         A few days could last forever. Like, I’m not even sure how. Maybe I got stuck in some weird version of a time loop where instead of just living the same day over and over again, every second felt like a day. I squirmed around on the couch. “Mom, Scootaloo, I’m booored. Can we please do something today?” They were supposed to be bringing in some albums for me to listen to soon, but… right now, it was just waiting.         “I’m here too, you know,” Twilight said from her little desk in the corner where she was stamping papers and taking care of royal business.         “Sorry,” I said. “Still bored, though.”         “Well, we could always play a board game,” Twilight said, abandoning the desk and ducking into her room to fish out whatever game she thought looked good.         “If I have to play one more board game, I’m going to ki–” Bad word choice. Really bad word choice. “Sorry,” I said before anyone could react. “I wasn’t thinking, but could we please not do a board game? I’d like it if we could…” I rolled to sit myself up on the couch. “What if we went outside? Maybe to the park, or Poney Island?” My ears perked up. “Yes! Could we please do Poney Island? I always wanted to go, but…” I batted my eyes at Scootaloo. Pleeeeaaaaase?         She looked to Mom, they both nodded. “Yes!” I shouted, sprinting forward to give Scootaloo a hug and a quick kiss on the cheek, trying not to notice how stiff she got when my lips touched skin. “Thank you so much!”         Scootaloo gave me a smile as she pulled away. “Glad to see you’re happy.” She looked to Mom. “You want to get her disguise stuff?”         Mom nodded. “A wonderful idea, Scootaloo. Sweetie, how do you feel about the big floppy hat and sunglasses?”         “I feel like that would just make me more noticable. Nopony pays attention to you until you’re trying to hide something from them,” I said, heading back to the couch before stopping in my tracks, an idea in my head. “Hey, Mom, maybe Scootaloo can come and help me pick something out. Is that okay with you?”         “Of course, Sweetie. I trust the two of you,” she said, closing her eyes and seeing all the clothes we brought with us.         “You know I could just cast a disguise spell on you, right?” Twilight asked, trotting back into the room..         “Oh, right,” I said. “Well… I’d still like to see all the clothes I have before we do anything.”         She sighed. “You are your mother’s daughter.”         “I know!” I said, my smile filling up so big I think I might have floated up into the air for a second. Either that, or I just bounced on my hooves. “Isn’t it great?”         The three of them smiled before I turned my attention back to Scootaloo. “Now, come on, I want to hear what you think about my stuff – clothes!” I said, catching myself before Mom could give me a lecture about how clothes weren’t ‘stuff’ or she figured out I mostly wasn’t talking about clothes.         Scootaloo nodded and as I led her back to my room, I felt my smile change into a sharp grin. Once I got her alone – I opened the door and walked in, pretending to look through my dresser while she followed me into the trap – she wouldn’t know what hit her. I checked the mirror to see she was all the way in the room and exchanged a knowing glance with the mare in the mirror as we both lit our horns up and slammed the door shut. I spun around and descended on the trapped Scootaloo. Before she could react, my breath was on her neck, and then my lips were against hers, pushing her back against the door. I felt her trapped heat as that stiffness from earlier melted away. She could be as tough as she wanted in public, but in private, she wanted me to be – I gagged on the word – stallioney, and for her, I could.         I exhaled into her, tongue keeping her mouth open. My air rushed in, pushing out all that was hers and filling her lungs with me. My eyes snapped open. It was hard to keep them open when we were kissing, but the next sight was worth it, the way everything in her eyes just melted into surrender, seeing that exact second resistance turned into acceptance. The kiss extended, my spit running down out the corner of her lips. Scootaloo sank lower and I moved above her, forcing her down deeper into surrender. This is what Bright Lights must’ve felt like when she had you under her hoof.         No! I jerked away from Scootaloo like lightning’d struck me. No! It wasn’t anything like that. She wanted this. If I had my way, we’d be nice and sensitive, but she wanted me to be assertive and dominant, so I was. It wasn’t like I was forcing her into anything bad. She wanted everything I gave her. “You liked that, right?” I asked, looking down at my little pegasus, her back leg still quivering.         “H… How are you so good at kissing?” she asked, looking up at me like I was the center of the universe. A shiver went up me, freezing the heat from my kiss. Thinking we were the center of the universe didn’t lead to good things. But you’re the center of her universe, and she loves it.         I smiled at her and gave her another little kiss, this one lasting just a second. “Practice,” I said. She gave a happy little sigh in response. “Now come on and help me pick out something to wear.” I floated a purple headband out and tossed it over to her. “What do you think?”         “Uh… huh…” she said. Geeze, it was just a kiss, you’d think she’d be used to it by now. If I was her, I’d be chomping at the bit for more.         “Great,” I said, picking it up and sliding it on before picking her up with a mix of magic and horsepower and putting her on the bed.         “You know,” I said, hopping on top of her and staying low to make it harder for her to escape. She could still totally slide out from me if she wanted, but at least this way it was slightly less easy. “If you think that felt good, there are some other things I could do that are even better.”         Instead of sliding out, she gave me a shove and sent me tumbling next to her on my bed. “You know I’m not ready for that, Sweetie, so stop asking.”         “But you wanted me to be assertive,” I said, lifting my head up and rolling over to look at her. She hadn’t hopped off the bed yet, so that was a good sign. “Besides, I don’t want to do anything to you a stallion couldn’t. They probably wouldn’t, but they could. You could just close your eyes and pretend it’s a stallion the whole time if you want.”         “You mean that wouldn’t hurt your feelings?” Scootaloo asked, as her eyes finally focused on me.         “Scootaloo, I love you. You saved my life. I want you to enjoy this, and I know we have some things to work through, so if… If imagining I’m a stallion makes it easier for you, I can work with that. It’s a compromise, right? We get to do that stuff… Or I get to do that stuff to you, and in exchange you imagine I’m a stallion. That’s what relationships are about, right? Compromise?”         That was true, right? She was giving up something she wanted, and I was giving up something I wanted so we could make this thing work. Besides, eventually, once she saw how awesome all the stuff I could do was, she’d be okay with being with another mare. “Okay,” Scootaloo finally said. “Not right now, not today, but… Yeah, I’m up for it.”         “Yes!” I shouted, hopping off the bed and to the door. “You’re going to absolutely love it, but… I need to get my toolbag first. It’s still in the penthouse, but I promise you’ll love it and love all the things I can do with it.” I trotted in place for a second before swinging the door open. “Now come on, Mom’s gonna come knocking if we don’t get out there soon.”         “Wait,” Scootaloo said, following me into the hallway, “you have a toolbag?”         “Uh-huh,” I said, nodding my head. “I made it myself, and it’s got everything a mare could want.” I ran through its contents in my head. “Wait, it’s missing rope, but that’s easy enough to get.”         “Why would we need rope?” she asked, moving up to be at my side. I stopped as we reached the door to the living room.         “To tie you up, of course. I guess you could tie me up, but you’re the one who’s really into the surrendering and being all mare-ish and stuff. Actually, to be honest, I’m kind of enjoying being stallioney. I didn’t think I would, but there’s something nice about getting to be in charge. It’s… different,” I said, dropping my voice so Mom and Twilight couldn’t overhear.         She smiled and actually leaned in to kiss me. It was just a quick peck on the cheek, but still, she kissed me. I closed my eyes and hmmmed at the touch. Being stallioney was fine, but I missed being touched. “Yeah, you make a pretty good stallion. I thought you’d just try to make things all...” She shrugged. “I don’t know, I’m glad you could be the stallion in the relationship.”         I tilted my head. “What do you mean?”         “You know, with two mares, one of you acts stallioney, right? Like you were the stallion with Melody, and then Bright Lights was the stallion with you. Uhmm… I’m not sure how it is with Applejack and Rainbow Dash, but…”         I shook my head. Oh no no no, how could she… “That’s completely wrong, Scootaloo. There doesn’t have to be a ‘stallion.’ Back when I had a herd, none of us were ‘stallions,’ we were just mares who… yeah, some of us were a bit bossier than the others, but it’s not like we were stallions. I don’t like stallions, I definitely don’t want to date one.”         She nodded, reaching a hoof for the door. “Got it, so you were always the stallion, that’s probably why you’re so good at it.”         “No!” I said, smacking her hoof away and forgetting why I was trying to be quiet. “There are no stallions. I’m not a stallion. Yes, I’m acting kind of stallioney for you, but that’s for you. Most lesbian relationships don’t have a ‘stallion’, it’s just mares. That’s actually the main point of it.”         “Sweetie?” Mom asked, door swinging open with her pale blue magic. “Are the two of you arguing about something?”         “No,” I said, trotting into the living room. “Scootaloo just thought that because we were dating, one of us had to be the stallion. Are one of you two the stallion?” Maybe Scootaloo was a bit embarrassed by me ratting her out, but maybe she should be a bit embarrassed for having such dumb ideas. Honestly, it’s not like this was her first experience with fillyfoolers. I was a fillyfooler, Apple Bloom was, Rainbow Dash was, my Mom was. Okay, Scootaloo’s parents weren’t, but I’m pretty sure her dad wasn’t the one calling her shots, considering her mom was Spitfire. I looked back at her, and yep, her cheeks were going red. I’d make it up to her tonight. Ooh! There were just so many ways I could say I’m sorry for embarrassing her, and most of them didn’t  have me saying anything at all.         “Uhmm… no,” Twilight said. “We’re both… just  us? Right, Rarity?”         She nodded. “Indeed,” she said, trotting across the room to her marefriend and nuzzling her cheek. “And I wouldn’t have you any other way.”         Scootaloo made a little gag and I trotted back to whisper in her ear. “What’s the matter, I thought you wanted to be all mare-ish, and mares like that stuff.” She glared at me. I just grinned back. “Maybe I’ll teach you to like it.”         “Sweetie, you’re kind of taking it a bit too far now. There’s a difference between–” There wasn’t any time for her to respond before my lips were on hers. Kissing her in front of my mom and Twilight, driving her down into her quivering femininity. That’s what she got for thinking one of us had to be the stallion. That was her punishment. Ooh! You’re punishing your marefriend now? Who else do we know that did that? Totally not fair. Bright Lights… I was only doing stuff Scootaloo wanted.         “Not fair,” I said, whispering into her ear when the kiss finished. “You want me to be stallioney when we’re alone, but then we’re in public, you want to tell me what to do? How’s that fair to me?”         Behind me, I could feel Mom and Twilight staring at me. Yeah, I probably deserved that. “Oh… okay,” Scootaloo said, eyes closed. See, I was just doing what she wanted. I wasn’t being a monster like Bright Lights was. Or you were with Melody. I rolled my eyes. That wasn’t fair at all.         “Sorry,” I said, turning around to smile at Mom and Twilight and resisting the urge to brush Scootaloo’s face with my tail. The two of them might not appreciate that. “We just… we got really carried away. That’s fine, right?”         Mom tapped a hoof. “If it’s fine with the two of you, it’s fine with me. I trust you and Scootaloo.”         “Yeah,” Scootaloo said, shaking off the kiss’s fog. “Hey, Sweetie, can I talk with you for a second?” She tilted her head to the door. I nodded.         “Sure,” I said, following after her. The minute we were back in the hallway, I magically shut the door and raised an eyebrow at my marefriend.         “Okay, what the hay, Sweetie? What’s gotten into you? You’re not acting like you at all,” Scootaloo asked. Really?         “Really?” I said. “I’m just trying to act like you want me to. You wanted me to be stallioney, so I’m being as stallioney as I can. What’s the problem?”         “Well, you’re not acting like… You know, the you I met in Ponyville, the mare who was sweet and kind and all that stuff. You’re not acting like the mare who gave me her scooter.”         I growled. “You’re going to play that card with me? I’m acting stallioney for you. Yes, I’m enjoying it and having fun, but it’s all for you, and now you’re complaining that I’m not acting like the innocent filly you used to know? Choose, Scootaloo! You can’t have it both ways. Do you want kind-of-bossy Sweetie or the Sweetie you knew as a filly? I can’t exactly be both for you at the same time.”         She sighed and shook her head. “I guess kind-of-bossy Sweetie, but… can I be real mare-ish with you and talk about my feelings for a second?”         “Of course,” I said, leaning in to nuzzle her cheek. “That’s why you wanted me to act stallioney, right? So you could feel free to be mare-ish? This is all for you, Scootaloo.”         “Alright,” she said, shaking her head and letting herself lean into me. I savored the tenderness and didn’t move for fear of breaking the moment. “Look, I like you being assertive and all, but… I don’t know, it also feels weird, having you act so completely different from you.”         “But you just said that’s what you want, right?” I asked, pulling away and looking at her, trying to understand what I’d done wrong. I was just giving her what she wanted.         “It is, but… I’d also like a little tenderness. Like, when we kiss, you just pull away when we’re done. Maybe you could linger a little more?”         “That’s… I’d love to do that, but I thought you wouldn’t want me to, because that’s not stallioney. Seriously, can we find a better word than stallioney? A lot of stallions like cuddling and are super sensitive. At least, I think they are. I wouldn’t really know. Maybe we could just say you want me to be dominant and you want to be more submissive?” I said, giving her a little kiss and stroking her mane.         “Uhmm… isn’t that like some weird sex stuff?” she asked, frowning at me.         “BDSM isn’t weird… Well, it isn’t that weird. I heard it can be kind of healthy if you do it right. I don’t think you’ll like the whole lifestyle, like… me dripping hot wax on to you doesn’t strike me as fun for you, but at the same time, you seem to really want a part of that life. You want a chance to just submit and give in to all those feelings you think you’re too awesome for. That’s what you really mean by ‘being mare-ish’, right?” I asked, looking at her. She just blinked at me for a minute.         “Uhmm…” she finally said. “Yeah, I guess…” She nodded. “That kind of makes sense, but how did you know?”         I rolled my eyes. “One, we’ve been best friends for years, and two, I’m really good at sex stuff and know a lot about it. Like… I could probably do you without actually touching you.”         She frowned, forgetting what we were talking about before. “You mean without anything touching me, or just without you directly touching me?”         “Definitely the one, and probably the other,” I said, grinning at her. “Although the other one might require a few more drugs than you’re comfortable with. But that’s not important, what is important is you want to be my submissive, right? Not in the violent ways, so I don’t know if that would make it actual BDSM, but you want me leading our dance, right? To make you act like a mare? Even though I really don’t like the way you’re mixing feminininity–”         “Femininity?” Scootaloo asked, raising an eyebrow.         “Yeah, that,” I said, groaning. “I know what I meant, my tongue just started going faster than my head. Now will you listen to me? I don’t like how you’re mixing femininity with submissiveness, because I’m super feminine and so is Mom, but we’re not exactly submissive. Like, Mom ran her own business and stuff. Plus she helped save the world. And plus, what about stallions who aren’t dominant? They can be just as masculine even if they aren’t bossy and controlling. I think. I don’t actually know that bit.”         “Okay, fine, but I don’t want to say I want to be… you know. I’m too awesome to be that, but being mare-ish is okay, so that’s what I’m calling it. Being mare-ish,” Scootaloo said, looking at the door. I tried not to give another growl at her stubbornness.         “Call it what you want,” I said, rubbing my forehead, “it doesn’t really change what it is.” I stepped forward. “You want to be my subby little mare while I play your idea of a stallion. You want me to tell you what to do – or better yet, you just want me to do, right?”         “Basically,” she said, looking away and pawing at a hoof. She was so timid when I got like this. I loved it. “But… for some things, I’d like it if you would ask permission, and… maybe could you not be so… stallioney–”         “Dominant,” I said, grinning at the correction. “If we’re going to do this, I want to hear you say it. I want to hear you say what you want. I promise nopony else will know.” As I spoke, I felt an old heat bloom to life inside me.         “Fine,” she said, and if it was possible for her to look further away from me, she would’ve.         “In the eyes,” I said, voice crisp and tight.         “Actually, is doing this a good idea?” Scootaloo asked, backing away from me. “You’re recovering and–”         I turned away from her and made a guess. She might hate it, some mares did, but others… others it drove them crazy in a very good way. I flicked my tail in her face. Enough to maybe be an accident, just a little brush, honestly, but enough to get her attention. “If you don’t want to do it, just say so. If you don’t want me to do all those things I know you’ll love, we can go back to being just friends. You know, if you’d rather not risk things.” It wasn’t like before, back when I did this to Melody and Diamond. I wasn’t going to do anything Scootaloo didn’t want, but at the same time, she kind of wanted me to be a little dominant, and I wanted her to be happy. If she just wanted me to cuddle her and nuzzle her all the time, I’d do that instead.         You’re so good at being dominant, too. Remember how you used to boss your friends around? Get them to do what you wanted. Remember all the things you forced Melody and Diamond to do? Maybe it was for the best when Bright Lights controlled you so you couldn’t manipulate your friends anymore. But it’s different this time. She wants it. Keep telling yourself that.         Behind me, Scootaloo took a breath, and I imagined her breathing in my tail’s perfume. “I… I do, like, actually kind of bad, which is weird, but… you’ll be careful, right? You won’t go crazy?”         I beamed and wrapped my forehooves around Scootaloo. “I’m so happy to hear you say that, and of course, I won’t go crazy.” You’re already crazy. “I just want to give you the best relationship possible, and if you like that stuff, then I’ll be happy to do it. But first…” I pulled away and let my grin return. “You have to tell me what you want. And look me in the eyes when you say it.”         Scootaloo closed her eyes and gritted her teeth. For a long second, there was silence, but then her eyes met mine, her pride and yearning fighting in them. Yearning was winning. “I want… I want you to boss me around. Maybe not in public all the time, but–”         “Nope,” I said, cutting her off. “Don’t lie to me, Scootaloo. You love the idea of me just kissing you in public like I do in private, I felt it when I kissed you in front of my Mom and Twilight. Or am I wrong?”         She shook her head. “Fine, that was actually kind of hot, but… when I need to be awesome, could you maybe lay off the whole dominanty thing?” Well, she wasn’t using the word exactly, but it was a form of it. I nodded and she exhaled. “Cool… I can live with that. Actually, I might like it a lot.”         “So what do you want?” I asked, keeping my eyes on her, watching as pride broke ranks and retreated.         “I want to surrender– No, I want you to make me surrender to you. I want you to kiss me like you own me. I just… I want to be your mare. I want you to rub my face in my femininity and mareishness,” she said, breathing heavy. “I really really want that.”         My back legs almost bucked out from under me at hearing that. Maybe I couldn’t do her without touching her at all, but she could almost get me there just by saying what she wanted. I exhaled slowly, waiting for the flush in my cheeks to fade. “Yeah… I can do that. So… so… Last chance to back out, alright?”         She rolled her eyes, and braced herself, firm like a rock breaking against my wave. “You really think I’m going to back out or change my mind? I know what I want, and you better deliver.”         “Quick question,” I said, regaining myself. “How do you feel about physical pain? Like… do you want me to hit you with a riding crop or a cane or whatever when you’re being bad and willful?”         “No!” she said, shaking her head. “Why would you even think that’s okay?”         “Got it,” I said, trotting over to my room and grabbing her mane with my magic, tugging her after me and careful not to be too painful. The trick was to grab a lot of mane so it didn’t hurt as much. Plus, I wasn’t pulling that hard. “Come with me, please.” Ooh, I needed a really mare-ish nickname for her, just for fun. And maybe to embarrass her in public when she needed it.         “What are you doing?” she asked as I led her into my room. “Are you going to kiss me again? I hope that’s it–         I shook my head, grinning like a mad mare. “Silly Scootaloo, I only kiss mares, and right now you’re acting very stallioney. We can’t have that.” I pulled out  a long red gown I’d worn on my last Hearts and Hooves Day. “What do you think?” I wanted to call her sweetie, but that would lead to… confusion. Sweetness? Ooh! “Sweetie’s?” Maybe. Maybe a bit too embarrassing in public, I didn’t want to completely hurt her feelings.         “It looks good, I guess,” Scootaloo said, frowning. “I don’t get how you wearing dresses is going to make you more dominant. Also… Sweetie’s?”         I darted in to steal a kiss from her. “Because your miiiineee.” I grinned, feeling like a shark circling dinner. “And the dress isn’t for me. Like I said, I only kiss mares, and you need to start acting like one.” I floated the dress over to her. “Put it on.”         “But–” She started to say, but I cut her off.         “Mares who don’t wear pretty dresses don’t get my kisses, and if they make a fight about wearing a dress, then they have to style their mane as well. Don’t you want your stallion to kiss you?” I asked, hooking a hoof around her neck and twisting myself so my head was under hers, the only thing keeping me up, the tips of my back hooves and Scootaloo’s strength.         She stared down at me. I beamed up at her, smile growing the more heat the heat built, and an image flashed in my head of a volcano bursting from me and spewing molten love all over the room. I gave the dress a little shake with my magic. She sighed and reached a hoof over me to grab it, and the second she did, I wrapped myself around her and pressed my lips against hers to give her her reward. ♪♪♪         I trotted into the living room, Scootaloo following after me with her long flowy red dress with pink tail following after. She was still a little flushed after our make out session. She’d been so good putting it on, I had to reward her hard. “Presenting the new and improved Scootaloo,” I said, darting back to give my marefriend a tight spine-crushing hug and another one of my will-breaker kisses. When I pulled away, she was Scootaputty. Or would it be Puttyloo? Puttyloo kept the same syllable count, but Scootaputty sounded better to me. Scootaputty it was. Ooh! That was another good nickname, even if it was longer than her actual name.         “Scootaloo wants me to help her get in touch with her feminine side,” I said, stroking her mane. “We’re both really excited about this.”         Mom nodded. She and Twilight were both wearing short, casual dresses with easily reachable pockets. Definitely better suited for going to an amusement park than Scootaloo’s dress. I giggled at that. “Does this getting in touch with her feminine side include kissing her so forcefully in public?” Mom asked. “For some mares, such affection might be embarrassing.”         “For Scootaloo, yes,” I said, still grinning. “To which question, Sweetie?” Mom asked, frowning at me. By now, my grin was so big, it threatened to eat the world. She wanted this, and I loved it. I needed it. To finally be in control of something… I shivered. “Tell her, Scootaloo,” I said. “I… I want this,” she said, voice still wavering and breathy after our kiss. “I know it seems weird, but… yeah, I’m fine.” “See,” I said, kissing Scootaloo’s cheek. “And I think it’s good that she’s experiencing other parts of herself. Like, she’s still the same Scootaloo, she’s just also getting in touch with her inner soft side. Also, do you think you could make her some dresses? You know some fancy ones and some more casual ones.” “Casual dresses?” Scootaloo asked. I nodded at her. “Yeah, so when you’re just around the house, you have something comfy to wear. Maybe we could even get you a work dress,” I said, laughing. “Please don’t,” she whispered, actual fear in her voice. Alright, that was a line for her and I wouldn’t cross it. I nodded for her. “So, Poney Island,” I said, trotting to the door. “Is everypony ready?” Mom nodded, trotting with me to the door while Twilight followed behind. “We’ve been ready,” Mom said. “We were just waiting for the two of you to finish… whatever you were doing.” “Oh! Sweetie, before we go, I’d like to cast a spell on you,” Twilight said, teleporting between the door and me. “Actually, I want to cast two spells on you.” “Will they get me stuck in a time loop?” I asked, looking up at her, my grin vanishing as I raised an eyebrow. She blushed and shook her head. “No… not unless there’s some–” She caught a look from my Mom. “I promise it won’t.” Her horn lit up, and I felt the tingle of magic running over me. “Are you ready, Rarity?” Mom nodded and trotted up to the door. The two of them brought their horns together and a bolt of blue and purple magic enveloped the door. Once the magic faded, Mom magically twisted the door’s handle and it swung out. “Great,” I said heading out the door and calling for an elevator. “Now, can you tell me what those spells did?” “Oh, uhmm… yes, the first spell is the same spell I cast on myself so ponies who don’t know me won’t recognize me,” Twilight said. “Wait, if they don’t know you, how will they recognize you?” Scootaloo asked. A really good question, but also a direct unfeminine one. Not good for what my Scootaputty wanted. “Scootaloo,” I said, nuzzling her neck. “Be a good mare, if you’re going to interrupt somepony, say ‘excuse me,’ first, alright?” “Really, Sweetie, I don’t think such deference is required for Scootaloo to connect with her ‘feminine’ side,” Mom said, shaking her head. Next to her, Twilight struggled to get into the conversation. “Actually, I’m… I’m okay with it,” Scootaloo said. Mom looked between the two of us. Judging. Evaluating. Her eyes borrowed into mine, drilling deeper into me. “Scootaloo, I trust you, if you think for one second that your relationship is leading Sweetie into a bad direction, you will tell me immediately, alright?” That was fair, I didn’t want to go back to being her. You’re already there, Sweetie. Or do you not feel how your body burns with power? You’re going to clop yourself silly tonight thinking about this. That was… Yeah, that was probably true. Still, that didn’t mean I was back to Old Sweetie or Old Old Sweetie. I cared about Scootaloo. I loved her. I was mostly doing this for her. Was it so wrong of me to enjoy myself again? To not feel constant self-loathing? “But without me, how would you check yourself?” Bright Lights said, appearing over my marefriend. I closed my eyes and banished her away. I was in too good a mood to deal with her. “Anyways…” Twilight said. “What I mean is, if they don’t personally know me, they won’t recognize me, so I can go outside without being swarmed by ponies wanting to meet a princess. I figure it will help you too.” “Thanks,” I said, nodding my head. “So… what’s the other spell?” “Oh,” Twilight said as the elevator door slid open. One mirrored wall was covered in cardboard.  “It’s a tracking spell. If you get lost, I can find you, and if you get really lost, I can just teleport you back to me.” Great, so I couldn’t escape. Not that I wanted to, I liked the hotel, but I at least wanted the option to be able to run away instead of feeling like a total prisoner. At least I was in control of something. I turned to the left of me and saw the pretty mare in her dress. The mare I loved. The mare I’d do anything for. The mare I’d make do anything I wanted.