//------------------------------//
// Re: Cutie Marks and New Friendship Student 
// Story: Letters from an Irritated Princess 
// by Tired Old Man 
//------------------------------//

Dear Princess Twilight,

Goodness, you’ve gone through quite the harrowing ordeal, haven’t you? Visiting alternate worlds where villains of all names and colors ruling and ravaging the lands must have been terrifying to bear witness to--Gods know I’ve wondered exactly what my status was in such horrifying times. Although... there’s been some other issues that took place while you were busy.

I mean, I had just penned up a letter asking where in Equestria you were concerning a few unusual wormholes by the time you wrote to me saying you’ve taken a new student under your wing who had once plotted to alter the timeline. Of course, you’ll still receive that letter, but for now let’s discuss your predicament.

Now, while I’d love to indict your curiously-named student (Starlight Glimmer? Really? You’re pulling my leg on this, right? Or am I going to hear about somepony else called Moonlit Glitter in a month?) on the grounds of theft and the misuse of magical artifacts, not to mention the greater crime of time tomfoolery, I can’t do any of that now because Starswirl’s scroll is gone. No evidence of tampering existing might as well mean she never committed a crime at all in this timeline. Well, until she confessed to you, at least.

Anyway, the bigger point is this ordeal isn’t in my jurisdiction. You’re the Princess in charge over there, so clearly you’ve thought long and hard about her proper punishment, and made a choice that absolutely everyone is satisfied with. And that choice, for some reason, wasn’t immediate imprisonment in Tartarus for the crimes she had confessed to. Even for a month or two, at least. 

But I’m sure you know what you’re doing, letting this obsessive stalking mare off with a slap on the hoof after almost nearly redirecting our happy little timeline. Taking her on as your protege and simultaneously putting her on probation probably was a sound decision compared to just throwing her in Tartarus. After all, we have one permanent resident in there. Even though the last thing he’d want is a friend, a fellow cellmate would improve his chances to not be an irredeemable prick…

Mental note: Discuss with the Warden new cellmate candidates.

Ahem. I do see this new relationship with Glimmer as a net positive, however. Especially after I tracked down that Unicorn friend that abandoned her to attend my school. Would you believe me if I said he’s worse than my nephew, and that she’s MUCH better off without him?

Would you believe me if I said he was ten times worse considering he spoke so highly of himself he stands on a pedestal higher than royalty? 

Pay attention to tomorrow’s Canterlot Courier newspaper, Twilight. That pedestal’s going to fall, and I may or may not be the one to give it a little push.

Best of luck,

Princess Celestia

Sunny?! Why are you crying, dear?

Somepony… ate your hubbycake?! No! Who would do such a thing?!

Don’t worry, Sunny. Your husband will be avenged.

…A private investigator? Well, if you wish, I do have one in mind, but I’d rather not get her involved unless you really want--

If you insist. I’ll contact her right away. Just be prepared; she can be quite… unorthodox.

Hm? Oh, those are cookie crumbs on my desk. Don’t get paranoid, Sunny. I wouldn’t want your husband dead and eaten.