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// Woes of a Tyrant's Target... and Probably the Tyrant Too 
// Story: Letters from an Irritated Princess 
// by Tired Old Man 
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Dear Diary of Forgetting,

I invoke the terms of the magic concealed within these pages to aid me in scrubbing away some memories I wish to forget immediately. And specifically sections of this memory ONLY--forgetting my own birthday was stupidly cruel just because I mentioned one particular birthday and forgot to mention I wanted to keep that general knowledge. Tighten the reins, you callous book!

Ahem. Everything began just a few days ago, when Tirek burst out of Tartarus. Raiding the cities for the magic of my dear ponies, he had grown to a substantial threat that could stand on par with alicorns, and naturally overtake us should he succeed in his plot to steal all magic from Equestria. Worse, Discord joined and expedited his conquest, cutting our options short and leaving us strapped for time.

The plan to handle this was simple, in theory. Runny Nose, our recently crowned Princess of So Many Nasal Allergies I Bit My Tongue Trying to Pronounce Them All So I Came Up With This Long-winded Title Instead… why did I even give her that title? How drunk was I when she got her wings? I need to remember to correct this as soon as possible, preferably changing it to something short and sweet. Princess of… Tissues? Snot Shots? Allergies? Maybe allergies.

Anyway, we had pooled all of our magic into her. The idea was to keep her in hiding, our treasured pony magic safely stashed away from Tirek. This silent operation backfired almost immediately when we learned that our magic… ‘amplified’ her sneezes. Upon her first sneeze, she had left a blob of green ooze so viscous and sticky I would mistake it for Smooze had I not known the source.

She also stuck us to the back wall of the throne room with it. Not that we had planned on going anywhere after transferring our magic, but we really didn’t feel like sticking around in a literal sense. But those were the cards we were dealt, and we had to play accordingly.

Runny ran away to safety away from Canterlot, and soon, Tirek came to take what he believed was his to rob. His face, however, quickly changed from teeth-bearing glee to disgusted confusion. “Why are they pinned to the wall like this, Discord?!” he bellowed with equal parts horror and rage.

Discord shrugged. “I don't know, but ‘snot me.” 

Oh, the grimace on Tirek’s face was truly priceless. I would have recorded it for playback… if I had magic. But as it stood, he was fuming, and sent us down to Tartarus with due haste. Our giggle fits probably hastened the ordeal, but we didn’t care. He’d chained us up and left us devoid of access to the arcane.

We were surely doomed.

And then, just a few hours later, we were saved. Runny’s phlegm, unbelievably, saved us all.

 

Despite the unusually filthy circumstances, Tirek was quite desperate to claim the alicorn power. So desperate, in fact, he was apparently willing to swallow... gallons upon gallons of--hurk… Runny’s mucous.

And according to her, he went at it for at least ten minutes before sucking her nose and magic dry. I’m not quite sure how Tirek managed it, but he did. And for a time, he’d completely attained all the magic Equestria had to offer. Scarring our land with reckless abandon, he trekked across the valley and blasted the earth like a destructive child in a sandbox. 

All hope seemed lost… for about five minutes. Tirek’s stomach caught up with his revolting act, and by a miracle the likes of which I wish to forget, Tirek purged our magic out of him. Runny spent so much time outlining the graphic nature of his purge I required three empty buckets just to listen to this other half of something I wished I never heard in the first place.

Tirek’s back in Tartarus, and if Runny’s right, I don’t believe he’ll break out again lest he deal with her… unique nose. 

And that’s the summation of the events that happened over the past few days. I request that anything involving Runny Nose in this memory be purged so that I won’t gag thinking about it ever again. In case I’m not clear, I want ONLY what was mentioned in this memory erased--I don’t want to forget her admittedly nasty ascension where she broke out of a well-spun booger cocoon at the end. That’s at least tolerable, understand?

…Hah! I don’t feel sick thinking about this anymore! Thank you, Forgetting Diary. Now then, time to make sure the Princess of So… so little? Many? What WAS her title?

…Ponyfeathers, not again!