Alex
“What happened?!” shouted Conjure the Idiot. At least, he seemed an idiot. Everypony seemed like an idiot.
“Don’t tell him, Alexandria.” I said. “He doesn’t need to know.”
“But wouldn’t that be lying?” she asked stupidly. I was beginning to dislike her more and more with every sentence.
“Yes, stupid, it would be lying, but we have to lie to cover our asses!” I exclaimed in anger.
“One more time: What happened?” asked Conjure the Loser.
“Alex and I used to be one and the same, but then we had a chat with that nice unicorn.”
“What unicorn?”
“She’s talking about Lord Sombra.” I said. No point in hiding it any more. “I… we spoke to him and he used his magic to split us in two. I got the more badass, dragon parts, and I assume she got the useless, good-for-nothing unicorn parts.”
“Lord Sombra?” snickered Robert the Retard.
“What else do you want me to call him? He’s my king, my creator, my savior, and my god. I think ‘Lord Sombra’ is an appropriate title.” I said.
“Why did you do that?” asked Robert. Dear Sombra, he’s an idiot.
“Why do you think, moron? The unicorn part of us wanted to be a unicorn and the dragon part wanted to be a dragon. He let us be what we wanted.”
“That was quite nice of him. I should write him a thank-you letter!” exclaimed my dim-wit second half.
“Please, get her out of here. I’m getting ready to eat her kidneys if she says something stupid like that again.”
“Isaiah? What do we do?” asked Robert.
When he lets me out, I’ll slice off Conjure’s horn. Then, I’ll burn Robert and, if I’m lucky, I can make it back to the cell before anypony notices, I thought to myself.
“That will never work.” said Alexandria. “Mr. Conjure would be able to block you before you could even think about attacking him.”
“Did you hear me?” I asked, utterly perplexed. “I didn’t say that out loud, did I?”
“I don’t think so. I just heard you speaking in my head. See if you hear this.” she said, closing her eyes.
“Hello, Alex. Don’t try to escape. They just want to know how this happened. When we tell them, I’m sure they’ll respect our decision.” echoed a voice in my head. Not just any voice. Alexandria’s voice.
“It seems we have some sort of telepathy. Wonder how handy that’ll be.” said Alexandria.
“Not very.” I whispered. “It’s probably just going to be a huge pain in the flank.”
“Let me get this straight:” said Conjure. “You are little Alexandria, the daughter of Spike and Rarity, except that you asked Sombra to split you into two parts, a dragon and a unicorn?”
“Yes.” we said together.
“Are you going to be doing that often?”
“Yes.” we said, again in perfect harmony.
“Delightfully creepy.” said Robert. “Isaiah, we have something very dangerous to do, and I think we should flip a coin to do it.”
“I agree.” said Conjure, pulling out a bit. “Call it.”
“Heads.” said Robert.
“Okay.” he said, flipping the coin. It fell onto the back of his palm, heads facing up.
“Yes!” shouted Robert.
“Damn it! Best two out of three?”
“Nope! You have to tell Rarity! Sweet mother of Luna, that was close.”
“What do you even want me to say?”
“Just say that there was an accident and something happened to Alex. Let her know that she’s okay and we’ll fix it.”
“What if she wants to see Alex for herself?”
“Tell her… it’s dangerous! That’s not a lie, right? You guys are dangerous, aren’t you?”
“Very.” I said. I grabbed the bars of my cage and yanked them, snapping them off. I stepped out and walked to Robert. I reached into his pocket and grabbed the bag of rubies. I popped one in my mouth and sat on the ground. “Fetch me some lava, will ya? I’m really thirsty.”
“On second thought, I’ll tell Rarity.” said Robert headed towards the door.
“Oh no you don’t! You won the coin toss, fair and square. Later.” said Conjure. He illuminated his stupid little horn and…
POP!
He was gone, leaving me alone with an idiot and a big, strong idiot. Ugh.
“How about that lava?” I asked smugly.
“Bite me.” he answered.
“With pleasure.” I answered, baring my teeth. “I love to play rough.”
“You’re super creepy.”
“Aren’t we all?”
Alexandria
“Aren’t we all?” asked Alex sarcastically. I watched her silently, reading her movements. She was inching her way closer and closer to the door. Not so fast.
“Alex, my dear, I think it would be quite rude to sneak out on our gracious hosts.” I said. “They’re only trying to help us.”
“You don’t shut up, do you?” she asked rudely. “Do you really think they’re going to let us stay separate? They’re going to try their damndest to recombine us. You don’t want that, do you?”
“I’m sure that if we talk to them, they’ll understand.” I said. “Why don’t we ask them nicely to leave us be?”
“Fine, I’ll try it.” she said. “Hey, Robert! Let us stay separate, you fat tub-o-lard!”
“This is bizarre.” said Mr. Robert. “Listen, Alex, Alexandria. I understand that you want to stay apart, but there’s no telling the consequences of allowing you to do so. For all we know, this might kill you.”
“Ha! As if! Lord Sombra would never do anything to harm us. We’re perfectly safe.” she laughed confidently.
“How can you be so sure? Sombra is a slick little bastard. Maybe he’s trying to manipulate you.”
“Watch your mouth! Lord Sombra loves me and only has my best interests at heart.”
“Sure about that? Because Sombra once made it seem like he had Silver Rift’s best interests at heart. He almost ended up dead.”
“I am not stupid Silver Rift. I am Alex the Great, Princess of Darkness. When Lord Sombra returns, he will punish you oh so severely. I suggest you begin your apology letters.”
“Alex.” I said softly. “Calm down. I’m sure Mr. Robert meant no disrespect towards King Sombra.”
“Lord Sombra!” she said exasperated.
“Sorry. Lord Sombra. Mr. Robert is just worried about us.”
“There is no us. As soon as I find a way to get out, I’m leaving you here, all alone to play perfect little princess with the humans and Twilight Sparkle.”
“Humans?” I asked. “What are humans?”
“Why are you so stupid?” asked Alex. “I’m pretty sure I wasn’t that dim when we were combined.”
“I am a human.” said Mr. Robert.
“Is that like a different species?” I asked curiously.
“Yes. Would you like to see my true form?” I nodded. He closed his eyes and scrunched his face up in concentration. A faint silver light enveloped him, and his skin began to melt and re-shape. His coat receded, and his skin was very pale. His eyes shifted from blood-red to bright blue and his mane shrunk down to be flat-top and blonde. He also shrunk down about a foot.
POP!
Conjure reappeared suddenly before us, holding his cheek in pain. He looked back and forth between Alex and Mr. Robert, in shock.
“Did I miss something?” he asked.
“Mr. Robert was just showing us that he was a human. It’s quite interesting. What happened to you?”
“Your mother slapped me across the face. Not that I can blame her. Can both of you gather here so I can test something?” he asked, gesturing towards the middle of the room. I happily trotted over to where he was pointing, while Mr. Robert had to drag Alex. Conjure closed his eyes and muttered a strange incantation. His horn began to glow, sparking and spewing green light. Two thin beams flew from his horn, hitting me and Alex in the chest. A ball of white light, about the size of a basketball, grew inside Alex’s chest. The light faded from bright white to dark grey, eventually turning jet-black. I looked down at my chest, where a black ball of light faded into light grey, brightening to white. Her light protruded from her chest, mine doing the same. They drew together slowly, sending tendrils of energy at each other. They sparked and sputtered, melding together slowly, dragging me and Alex towards one another. My right hand swerved forward, pointing directly at Alex, while her left did the same. Our hands grew closer together and when they met…
BOOM!
I flew backwards, slamming against the wall. The white light flew towards me, hitting me in the stomach. A bright light blinded me temporarily. It slowly faded, returning my vision. I blinked hard, trying to make out what was happening. Across from me, pinned to the wall, was a unicorn with a bright white coat, a white and grey mane, pale grey eyes, and a slightly curved horn. Who was that? A large spike of pain shot through my head, causing me to grimace. I closed my eyes tight, blinking hard. When I opened my eyes, I was looking back at Alex.
“Sweet Sombra, did you do that too?” she asked, dropping to her knees.
“Yes. That was interesting to say the least.” I replied, falling on my flank.
“What happened?” asked Conjure.
“”I saw out of Alex’s eyes…” I began.
“And I was able to see out of her’s.” she finished. “Oh, and I would like to ask you what the hell was that?”
“You are a filly, watch your mouth.” said Conjure evasively.
“That may be true, but she does bring up a valid question. What did just happen?” I asked curiously. “That really did hurt, you know.”
“Er… I did a spell to try to fuse you back together. It clearly didn’t work. This magic is off the charts! Your soul is split in two!”
“Not to be rude, Conjure, sir, but why would you do that? We are serious, you know. We have no desire to return to normal. Can’t you honor our decision?”
“It’s not that simple. Rarity is going to want you in one piece. Unfortunately, I won’t be able to do so. Your soul is ripped, but if it was a clean tear I’d be able to fix it ten seconds flat. Too bad for us, it’s frayed, torn and jagged. I can’t join them back together alone. I need your help to do so.”
“Why?”
“Your soul-pieces are hostile towards each other. The only way to fix them is for there to be perfect harmony, which can’t happen unless you two make an effort to recombine.”
“Which means that we’re never going back together!” laughed Alex. “We are never, ever, ever, getting back together!”
“Wonderful! But that begs the question: What do you intend to do now?” I asked.
“I’m doing what I was born to do: Revive Lord Sombra. How about you?”
“I think I want to learn magic. Maybe become a royal alchemist like Mr. Conjure. Well, I guess I will bid you farewell.” I said, walking for the door. Mr. Robert transformed back into pony form and jumped in the doorway, blocking the exit.
“I’m sorry, ma’am, I’m afraid I can’t let you do that.” he said, puffing out his chest. “We can’t allow you two to leave. You two have to recombine, and you’re not leaving until you do.”
“Robert, there’s no point.” said Mr. Conjure. “We may never convince them. Their soul was split in half. One half got the nicer, more happy and proper characteristics of Alex, and the other got the more evil, negative characteristics. They won’t agree. I want to tell you that if you don’t recombine, you’ll die, but that would be a lie. Their soul-halves have restabilized, so there’s no chance of any physical or mental harm. It seems Sombra knew what he was doing.”
“I told you Lord Sombra would never hurt me. He just wanted to help, and now he’s dead. For now. If you would excuse me, I have to go revive my master.” said Alex, making a move for the door.
“No! Even if we can’t recombine you, we have to keep an eye on you.” said Mr. Robert. “Maybe your souls are stable now, but what if Sombra wanted it to be so at first, and later it would explode out of control?!”
“Lord Sombra wouldn’t do that!” shouted Alex, clawing at Mr. Robert. He caught her hand and flipped her over on her back. Still holding her by the wrist, he pressed his hoof against her throat.
“Maybe he didn’t mean to, but Sombra makes mistakes! He is a little too confident in his own abilities and that’s what ultimately led to his downfall! He might have screwed up.” said Mr. Robert. Alex looked at him, mulling over what he had said. Slowly, she opened her mouth. Instead of words, blue flames spewed from her mouth, scorching Mr. Robert’s hoof. Not flinching, he shoved his hand into her mouth, blocking out the flames. Alex seemed to choke a little from holding in her own fire. Her eyes teared up, and she slapped the ground with her palm.
“Thank you.” said Mr. Robert, removing his hand. Alex rolled over on her side, coughing and sputtering. She looked at me, a little greener than usual, then swung her head back down.
“Blaaaargh!” she retched. An acrid smell filled the air, and a hissing came from the spot next to her. She crawled away in pain, reaching for support. I ran over and grabbed her hand, helping her up.
“Are you alright, darling?.” I said. “I think you need a ginger ale.”
“That doesn’t help dragons.” she muttered. “I need melted copper.”
“I’ll clean it up.” groaned Mr. Conjure.
“Be careful with that. Dragon stomach acid is vicious. It will eat away at you til there’s nothing left. Better wear gloves.” she said smugly.
“I’ll keep that in mind when I’m scrubbing the acid off of your new bedroom floor.” said Mr. Conjure.
“What?”
“You two are sleeping here. I just need to summon some beds. Your mother made me promise to keep an eye on you, so keep an eye I will. But first, I’ll lay out some ground rules: Curfew is 10 pm. No fighting. Pay attention to what me and Robert teach you. Got it?”
“Of course.” I said with a smile.
“Hm.” grunted Alex.
“What was that, ma’am?” asked Mr. Robert. “It seems you have something in your throat. Would you like for me to clear it for you?”
“Sorry.” she said quietly. “I’ll listen.”
“Fantastic.” said Mr. Conjure. “First lesson starts at 6 pm. Until then you are not allowed out of the room. I have to let Twi, Luna and Celestia know that I’m going to be busy for a while.” He snapped his fingers, causing the vomit and chairs to disappear. He walked out, closely followed by Mr. Robert. Another snap of the fingers closed and locked the door.
“Nopony’s gonna get me my copper?” asked Alex resentfully. Through the door, I heard another snap. In Alex’s hand appeared a goblet, filled with a thick, bubbling orange liquid. “Thanks. Assholes.”