“So, what was the whole Discord Fiasco about?” The Emperor asked. Twilight sighed.
“A few years ago, the Spirit of Chaos, Discord, broke free of his stone imprisonment, and wreaked havoc upon Equestria. Cotton Candy clouds that rained chocolate milk, night turning into day at random, Cola Storms, floating buildings, and worse, such as ponies being turned into their opposites.” Twilight explained, thinking back to that dreadful day.
“What about flooding?” The Emperor asked, causing Twilight to snap back to reality.
“Flooding?” She asked. Magnus groaned.
“The moon controls the tides of the ocean. If it switched places with the sun at random, then the tides would have risen, causing flooding.” Magnus explained, and Twilight scratched her head in confusion.
“I...didn't know that. However, there were no reports of flooding in any of the coastal cities. My friends and I, after going through a maze and becoming our opposites due to Discord's lies and traps, we eventually found the Elements of Harmony-” Twilight explained.
“Deus Ex Machina.” The Emperor grumbled.
“Deus Ex...wha?” Twilight asked, utterly confused.
“A Deus Ex Machina is a sort of item that makes sure that a spot in a story or event goes through without problem, or in this case, it fixes everything.” Magnus explained, facehoofing. “Don't you equines ever read?”
Twilight snorted. “Of course we do! We are one of the most advanced and intelligent species in the planet!” She bragged.
“What was the last invention?” The Emperor asked. Twilight nearly tripped.
“What?” She asked.
“What was the last invention?” The Emperor asked again.
“The last invention was…. The Steam Engine.” She answered proudly.
“How long ago was that?” The Emperor asked. Even Magnus was smirking now.
“Fifty years ago…” Twilight answered, unsure of the two’s intentions. Magnus burst out in laughter, followed by the Emperor. “W-What's so funny?!” Twilight snorted, stamping her hoof into the ground.
“Our species, The Human Race, developed the Steam Engine back in the eighteenth century. Every few years, a new invention came out. Your race is so magic dependant that it has stopped inventing, and pretty soon your country will be far outclassed in the Technology department, and then where will your magic be?” Magnus explained.
“Anyways, after you found the Deus Ex Machina set, what happened next?” The Emperor asked, trying to get back on topic.
“Well, we used the Elements of Harmony, but..they didn't work. My friends had been split by Discord's tricks, and our connection to the Elements weakened.” Twilight shook her head.
“So you're Deus Ex Machina failed? That's what you get for being so damn dependant on them.” The Emperor chuckled.
“Well, after Celestia sent me a bunch of my old friendship reports, I remembered what my friends were really like, and using a memory spell, returned them to normal. We used the Elements again, and returned him to stone.” Twilight smirked.
“Still dependant on them.” The Emperor sighed.
“Afterwards, Celestia instructed my friend Fluttershy with reforming him. We set him free, and after a few mishaps, she managed to successfully reform him.” Twilight added. The sound of an invisible facepalm could be heard reverberating across the room.
“Fucking ponies and their damn friendship.” The Emperor cursed.
“So, who was talking about me?” Discord said, sitting next to the Emperor.
“What in the fuck are you?” The Emperor asked.
“That would be my question to you! After all, you just radiate Order. It's really messing up my groove.” Discord said, a red robe encompassing him, and a half circle headpiece adjoining his head.
“Magnus, do you know what this is, or how it got in here?” The Emperor asked, and Magnus sighed before examining Discord.
“Well, Father, he seems to be completely made up of Warp Energy, much like a Daemon. However, it seems….different. Like if he was some sort of Daemon separate from the Warp… but that should be impossible.” Magnus said, hand cupping his chin.
“Oh please, I hate those guys. I separated from the Warp eons ago. Those Chaos Gods were really grumpy all the time.” Discord replied, shaking his lion paw.
“How in Tzeentch's name did you manage to do that?!” Magnus asked, astonished.
“That's my little secret~” Discord taunted.
“No one but me messes with my son. Who in the fuck are you anyway? Malal?” The Emperor asked.
“Oh please, as if I could ever be related to that nonexistent little guy. I'm Discord, Spirit of Chaos and Disharmony!” The Draconequus introduced himself, grinning as he heard the cries of rage from a certain universe.
“So, what you're saying is that you are a separate entity from the Warp, but are still filled with Warp Energy?” The Emperor asked. Discord nodded. “I find that hard to believe.”
“I find it hard to believe that you are a living skeleton sitting on a throne, but I'm not questioning it.” Discord countered.
“Touchè.” The Emperor replied. “So, what exactly are you doing in my throne room?”
“Well, I felt a massive wave of Order Energy all but explode from the mountain a few days ago, and it took me a while to suit myself up in my anti-Order suit.” Discord replied from within a radiation suit with the word Order with a block sign covering it. “Seriously, is there no wonder why Celestia decided to place her castle upon the mountain that is radiating Order energy?”
Magnus looked at him. “What do you mean, radiating Order energy?” He asked, confused.
Discord chuckled. “The Ponies of this world use a, how do you say, cleaner version of Warp Energy for all of their magic. I consider it a different type of Energy entirely, Order Energy. It probably flowed out of this mountain since the birth of the planet, and sparked an evolution in the ponies, filling them with it. Later, they labeled it ‘magic’ and now use it for everything.” Discord explained.
Twilight scratched her head. “But that doesn't make sense. We moved from another land to this country.” She countered, but Discord just chuckled.
“Oh Twilight, what fun is there in making sense? However, did you ever think that Equestrians might have lived somewhere else before the whole Hearthswarming fiasco? Ponies lived here first, then migrated to that area, then rediscovered their old homeland a few centuries after.” Discord replied, polishing one of his claws.
“So what you are saying is that my being here, stuck in this Throne, and accidentally caused them to evolve with parts of my own power?” The Emperor asked, surprised and slightly disturbed.
“Yep! Of course, when Celestia and Luna were born, they drained most of the surrounding area of about….” Discord put a claw to his chin. “Five miles, of the Order Energy. They ended up killing some ponies, their parents included. In the end, they had absorbed enough to be close to your current power level. Somewhere over nine thousand, according to my sources.” Discord said.
“So my Father helped a species evolve into Warp Energy using ponies… I don't know how to respond to that.” Magnus scratched his head.
“So. In a way...these horses are all my children…” The Emperor said.
“Essentially.” Discord replied.
×××××
Meanwhile, in a separate reality….
“I need you to hold him off while I prepare the Spirit Bomb.” A spiky haired man said to a green alien.
“That doesn't seem too bad.” He replied.
“For five minutes. And considering how much he kicked my ass…..ah, I'm sure you will be fine.” The spiky haired guy added.
“Did..you just hold a grudge?” The alien asked. He glanced up. “Aaannd why is the sky like that?”
Spiky looked up. “I have no idea. Oh look there's Freiza!” He nodded towards the ocean. Instead of the thing they were fighting, a blood red portal opened up, and a sea of red Bloodletters charged out.
×××××××××
“I think I just sent ten Warp Storms to another reality… Ah well, I'm certain that it didn't do anything.” The Emperor said, disregarding the thought.
“Well, now that I've explained all of that, Mr. Emperor, I must be off. Also, a quick heads up: Your salvation is coming soon.” Discord said before disappearing.
“What did he mean by that?” The Emperor asked, confused.
“I don't know. Oh look, more questions!” Magnus said as he picked up a few letters.
“Let's see...the first one reads as such:
My Lord Emperor, I wish to know two things, one, what do you know of the Damned Legionnaires such as my self? The flaming Space Marines who charge into combat without a sound? And seem to disappear without a trace? Also, what do you think of Cypher the Fallen Angel? They say he has the power to save or destroy the Imperium! What do you think?" Sincerely, a Damned Legionnaire.”
“Ahh, yes I have indeed heard of those awesome fuckers! They have my approval. As for the other one… I honestly don't know what to say to that. He might be, by reviving my other self in the original universe, but I don't know. Next.” The Emperor replied, disregarding the previous conversation until later. Questions are important.
“Let's see…. Spartan889 asks:
Emperor, I bring great news to you. Recently on my journey to the badlands I have seen sightings and found solid evidence of the Reasonable Marines existence here in Equestria. They seem to have stationed themselves at the North-side of the badlands where the changeling hives resides. It could be possible they integrated the changelings into their society. Will you truly take command and lead them into a new age of prosperity?”
“They are? Well, I might have to send a message to them telling them to get their asses over here! And I don't care whether they are with Changelings at the moment. I just want another human to talk to!” The Emperor said.
“I’m here Father!” Magnus argued.
“Besides Magnus.” The Emperor added. “Next.”
“Fine….” Magnus grumbled. Let's see here… Amethyst Blade asks:
My Emperor. What are your thoughts on the Protoss? Many have said that they are a weaker rip off of eldar but I simply can't see it.
Their idea of peace and happiness is not massive galaxy-wide crazy orgie but the peak of technological advancement and evolution.
They don't have the look and the biology of the eldar. They don't use the Warp anywhere in their techs and powers. Also, their FTL travel is a lot better than the many Terran factions and that many Terran factions have better FTL travel than the Imperium. Huh...I almost going on a tangent again.
Hope I didn't start a flame war.”
“I feel I've heard that description before…..” The Emperor said, thinking about it.
“You mean the Tau?” Magnus asked helpfully.
“Yes..those fuckers….ah well, I'm sure it's just a coincidence. I've never met one of these ‘Protoss’ but they sound more like Tau to me. Though, I won't judge them based on the sole fact that they sound exactly like the cowardly piece of shit ugly ass vagina headed Tau. I would need to see one to be certain.” The Emperor answered. “Next.”
“Alright…. What a weird name… oh well.
ww1990ww asks:
Oh great False Corps God Asshole of Mankind I ask you..... is it true that Primarhs are effect of bet beetwen you and Chaos Gods?
So if you would be a true Corpse of Man Emperor of Mankind and you could reverse time. Would you try to be a "better" father. Since you know now you don't get mug for Best Father of the Year.”
The Emperor sat there for a moment, saying nothing. A few moments later, he spoke.
“Well, now that that little ‘present’ is sent, I will answer this Chaos Worshipper’s questions. One, I will neither agree nor deny that question.” The Emperor said.
“I don't think that's how the expression goes….” Magnus said.
“Well, it is now. As for the second question, probably. Next.” The Emperor snapped.
“Should have known that's how you would reply….anyways, let's see here…” Magnus said, shuffling through the letters. “Ah, here's one! Casual Reader asks:
Oh great and powerful Man-Emperor of Mankind
Because you were on Equestria since it's beginning, alone, was there a time you considered to "relief" your carnal compulsions with the ponies?
After all, you are the Motherfucking Emperor!”
Magnus stared at the letter for a moment, before slowly turning towards The Emperor. Twilight did too, a blush evident on her face.
“First of all, how in My Name would I have done that?! One, I'm a decaying skeleton. Have been for a while, actually. Two, this sanctum has been sealed since the creation of the planet. Until recently, no living creature has ever entered this room. So no, I have not done anything like that. Next.” The Emperor said.
“Alright, Father….” Magnus said slowly, before digging through the pile of letters. “That appears to be all of them.” He declared, standing back up.
“Good. Anyways, what were we talking about again?” The Emperor asked.
Meanwhile, in another universe….
“Orks Orks orks!”