//------------------------------//
// The Arrival  
// Story: The Creatures that Came to Ponyville 
// by knives4cash 
//------------------------------//

          “You can see Canterlot coming up on the horizon!” the guard called back to Fluttershy.

She stretched her neck to look over the guard. Sure enough, the golden towers and scenic waterfalls had come into view. “Oh, uh, thank you!” said Fluttershy. 

“We’ll be landing shortly!”

Fluttershy returned to her sitting position. She casually glanced to her left. Another carriage was coming in as well. “Um, mister guard, sir? There’s another carriage coming!”

The guard called back, “Yeah! That’s probably Applejack!”

She looked back at the carriage. Sure enough, an orange mare, wearing a brown hat, was sitting in the carriage. Apple Jack saw her and gave a friendly smile and waved. Smiling, herself, Fluttershy waved back. Apple Jack’s carriage lagged behind Fluttershy as they flew around to the opposite side of the mountain that Canterlot was resting on. The opposing mountain side revealed itself to be partially hollowed out with a grey colored platform stretching from side to side.

Fluttershy’s carriage speed forward and descended upon the abnormally large, steel docking bay. She didn’t remember seeing it last time she was here, or even being informed of its existence. “Um, excuse me, mister guard?”

The guard unhooked himself from the carriage harness. “Yes?”

“Was this docking bay always here?”

“No, miss Fluttershy. It was constructed about six months ago.”

“What purpose does it serve?” She got off the carriage and look around. “Surely it has greater purpose than acting as a landing pad for carriages.” 

“I don’t know, miss Fluttershy. I was just told to use it for your deliverance.”

“Ah, okay, thank you.” She turned around to see Applejack’s carriage coming in to land. 

“Howdy thar, Fluttershy!” Applejack called out as her respective carriage came to a halt on the pavement. She jumped out of the carriage and trotted up to Fluttershy. “And how’re yah doin’?”

“Oh, um,” she lowered her head and averted her gaze from Applejack, “I’m fine.”

Applejack’s expression saddened, seeing through the transparent lie. “Fluttershy, please be honest with me. What’s wrong?” She leveled her head with Fluttershy’s. “Is it the nightmares? Are yah still havin’ ‘em?”

Fluttershy gave a slight nod. 

Applejack sighed. “Ah’m sorry to hear that, sugar cube. Maybe we could-”

Fluttershy’s guard coughed. Both mares looked at him. “I apologize, mares, but you both must enter the castle and meet with Princess Celestia and your other friends.” 

Applejack said, “Right, sorry ‘bout that.” She turned back to Fluttershy and joking finished, “C’mon, Fluttershy. Let’s go see why her majesty had to pull me ‘way from mah farm.”

Fluttershy smiled. “Right.” 







Pinkie Pie, and Rarity were sitting around a circular table of a brown tinted wood. Rainbow Dash was pacing around said table. The double doors opened, revealing Fluttershy and Apple Jack. 

“Hi, Fluttershy! Hi, Applejack!” Pinkie Pie bounced over to them, as they entered a conference room. 

“Hello, Pinkie Pie,” responded Fluttershy.

“Howdy, Pinkie.”

Rainbow Dash said, “Hey, Applejack! Didn’t think you’d see me again so soon, did you?”

Applejack smirked. “Well ah’m sure our princess is REALLY low on staff, if she’s got YER lazy flank here.” 

Rarity spoke up. “Now now, girls, let’s not get TOO sidetracked.” She looked to Fluttershy and asked with sincerity, “How are you doing, dear?”

“Um, well, just some nightmares. That’s all.”

“If you need ANY kind of help, Fluttershy-” Rarity began.

“-We’re here for you,” Finished Rainbow Dash.

“Yeah! I can even throw you a party right now, if you want!” Chimed Pinkie Pie.

Applejack remarked, “Now might not be the best time, Pinkie.”

Fluttershy said, “Thank you, girls, I really appreciate your support.” She looked around the room. “But, um, weren’t we suppose to be meeting with Princess Celestia? Where is she?”

The alicorn’s voice whispered, “Right behind you.”

Fluttershy spun around. Princess Celestia and a blue, female earth pony with a short, black mane and a yellow and black ‘N’ cutie mark stood before her. “P-p-princess Celestia!” She quickly bowed. “Please forgive me, princess, I didn’t know that-”

Princess Celestia chuckled. “You needn’t apologize, Fluttershy. Please, have a seat.” She looked at the other four ponies. Her tone became serious. “Thank you all for coming on such short notice. I can assure you, it’s very important.”

Applejack took a seat, as did Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash. “So do we get to find out just what in tha’ hay’s goin’ on, princess?”

Princess Celestia walked around to the head of the table, mysterious blue pony staying by her side. “Yes, you do, Applejack. But what is about to be discussed cannot leave this room.”

Rarity muttered, “Oh dear.”

Pinkie Pie said, “You can trust us, princess! Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye!”

Rainbow Dash nodded. 

“Thank you for the confirmation,” Celestia continued, “Now then, I shall start at the very beginning. As you all know, Equestria has been getting most of its coal from the zebras. Unbeknownst to the majority of Equestria, our relationship with the zebras has grown," she shifted in her seat, searching for an appropriate term for the present company, "Rocky, over the past year."

The mane five nodded in response.

"A month in, I feared that an energy crisis might have been at hoof, and so we went looking for alternative sources of energy. We thought that we had found the solution to the problem, but then the Creature that came to Ponyville interrupted us.”

Ears drooped, Fluttershy lowered her head in shame.

Gritting her teeth, Applejack muttered, “Yer majesty, please.”

Princess Celestia acknowledged the earth pony’s plea. “Ah, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean- Never mind. The point is: About a month before the incident, my younger sister revealed a possible solution.”

The mane five perked up at that statement.

“It’s true,” Princess Celestia continued, “This is going to get complicated, and I had hoped that Luna would be able to explained it herself, but she really does need her-”

A flash of lightning and star-lit smoke materialized in the room, startling everypony except the blue earth pony. Dark blue wings expanded, a night-time aura glowed around a dark blue horn, the smoke was encased in the aura and vanished as quickly as it had formed, revealing the Goddess of the Night, herself. 

“Oh oh oh! It’s Princess Luna!” announced Pinkie Pie, “Hi, Princess Luna!”

Princess Luna nodded to Pinkie Pie. “Good day, Pinkie Pie.” She looked to everypony else. “And good morning to you all as well.”

“G-good morning, your majesty,” Fluttershy meekly greeted. 

“Howdy-do, yer highness,” Applejack said.

“Your mane is looking as beautiful as ever,” commented Rarity.

Rainbow Dash gawked, “So… awesome!” 

“What gives, sister?” Celestia asked out of sincerity. “Shouldn’t you be resting? You did have a long night, preparing the Su-”

“YOU NEEDN’T CONCERN YOURSELF, SISTER. WE-” she gave a slight blush, followed by an awkward cough, “I mean, I just thought I’d be here to explain certain parts that I am most familiar in.”

“It’s not too sensitive a subject to discuss?”

Princess Luna shook her head. “It is fine, sister. I am comfortable discussing it.”

Princess Celestia nodded. “Very well, I was just telling them that you had found a solution to Equestria’s possible energy crisis.”

Princess Luna said, “Ah yes. Well,” she turned to the mane five, “I would have suggested it sooner, but my lack of knowledge in modern-day energy delayed my assistance. Basically, when I found out what exactly coal was, how it functioned, etcetera, I recalled that a similar substance was more than abundant on the moon.”

The mane five gasped. Fluttershy meekly questioned, “On the moon?”

Princess Luna answered, “Yes, the moon.” She gave a small sigh. “It was during our imprisonment.”

Applejack said, “I thought the moon was nothin’ but a cold, dark, desolate rock.”

For a brief second, Luna’s expression grimaced but returned to normal as she continued, “Oh I can assure you, it’s far from what you were brought up to believe.”

Pinkie Pie gasped in anticipation. “Ooooooh, the plot thickens!” 

“So, to clarify,” Rarity asked, “What we were taught as fillies is not the truth?”

Princess Luna answered, “Not the whole truth. If you’ll lend me your ears, and the time to spare, I shall tell you the whole story.”

Upon receiving an approving nod from the mane five, Princess Luna began, “In the very beginning, when Equestria was still steadying herself as a nation, Celestia and I had a disagreement.” 

“You didn’t like ponies sleeping through your nights, but they played in her days.” Rainbow Dash concluded. 

“No.” Princess Luna said with a hint of coldness. “That’s just a cover up, something simple for the little fillies to learn with ease. It was FAR more complicated than a mere case of jealousy.” 

"A political disagreement," Princess Celestia specified.

Rainbow Dash sank a little further into her chair.

Princess Luna continued, “Celestia believed that, since we were- are superior entities, compared to the earth ponies, unicorns, and pegasi, we should ‘guide’ them through their mortal existence.”

“But Luna believed that we had no right to interfere with such creatures,” said Princess Celestia. “She believed that the ponies should govern themselves and that we should give up our authority in Equestria completely.”

“Correct,” said Princess Luna, “Over the years, our disagreement escalated into a cold hatred, and eventually a war. I rallied the ponies that agreed with my ideology…”

Princess Celestia finished, “And I assembled the ponies that opposed the idea of such a dramatic change and sided with me.”

“Um, pardon mah askin’, yer majesties, but exactly how long did tha’ whole thing last?”

“Thousands of years, Apple Jack,” Princess Celestia answered. “We’re immortal; time was not something we were in short supply of.”

Applejack nodded. 

Princess Luna lowered her head. “There was the final battle. It started at noon, and ended at midnight. Throughout the course of our war, millions had dwindled to mere thousands. We almost wiped ourselves out.”

Princess Celestia lowered her head as well. “We both should have sought peace. About eight hours into the fighting, I pulled my forces back to where Canterlot is now, and ordered my remaining troops to bunker down and defend the artillery at all costs. We almost lost. Luna’s attack was relentless.” 

Tears began to form in Princess Luna’s eyes. “I sent wave after wave of ponies to their deaths, trying to break her defense line. We had suffered great losses, but I was so sure that one more push was all that was needed to win the battle.” Her gaze drifted off into space as the tears began to fall. “They were as determined as I was; they were so proud of themselves, of me. They said that it was an honor serving with me.”  She clenched her eyes shut. “In the final hour, I assembled the majority of the remains of my forces that still breathed, and lead an ‘all or nothing’ charge. Celestia’s unicorn-powered artillery was still going strong, anti-pegasi guns included. So I ordered all of my ponies to charge on hoof, myself included. We made it about half way up, when... when…” Luna broke down.

Princess Celestia’s own tears began to fall. “When I ordered every heavy weapon be fired directly at them.”

Princess Luna choked in between sobs, “I saw the cannons coming down on us. I- I knew I had made a tactical error that had just cost us our lives. My ponies… Damn it! They knew it, too! But they kept charging anyway.  I was going to order them all to break off and evade, but then… but then a pegasus  took flight and flew ahead, shouting, ‘For Luna!’ She was picked off by a sniper, immediately, but they… they all cheered. Hell, I cheered. I should have put up a barrier. Damn it, I should have done something! But we charged. And… and…”

Princess Celestia quietly finished, between sobs of her own, “And we slaughtered you.”

Princess Luna sobbed. “The cannons sent us flying. The next thing I know, I’m in agony, I can’t move, and I can see Celestia’s troops marching towards us. One earth pony was crawling towards a rifle. His battle saddle was missing, along with his hind leg, but he didn’t even notice. He… he grabbed it in his teeth and rolled onto his back, aiming it at them. The damn thing broke, when he pulled the trigger, but he just spat it out and switched to his pistol like it was just a damned inconvenience! Then… then he got shot. He fell back, pistol still in his mouth. He looked at me and… and he tossed it towards me. He whispered, ‘Seven shots. Make ‘em count, okay?’ And then he… he just fell back, dead.”

Princess Celestia whispered, “But you turned the gun on yourself.”

“Almost did,” a small smile appearing amidst Princess Luna’s tears, “You wouldn’t let me take the easy way out.”

Princess Celestia dried her tears and smiled. “Of course not, you’re my sister. Sisters are supposed to look out for each other, not kill each other OR our fellow creatures.” 

Princess Luna lowered her head. “I was ungrateful; even after all of that, I still hated you. I even swore that we would return to avenge the fallen, when you informed us that you would banish me and my remaining ponies to the moon.” She emitted small laugh. “And that one pony said that they’d put us down again if we tried.”

Princess Celestia muttered, “That was uncalled for. I made sure he was punished accordingly.”

“But that’s exactly what happened. We survived on the moon. Hell, we thrived. We built a palace and everything!”

It was Princess Celestia’s turn to laugh. “And in a thousand years, you completed the first vessel capable of traveling though space.” 

Princess Luna’s expression saddened. “But you and your guards attacked and boarded it as soon as we entered the stratosphere.”

“You got to wreak havoc on Ponyville while your ponies kept us busy, didn’t you?”

“No, I didn’t. Twilight Sparkle and her friends stopped me. As soon as I saw that you had returned, I knew that the last of my followers had fallen.”

“They fought valiantly.”

Princess Luna gave a small chuckle. “Those stubborn foals.”

Princess Celestia chuckled in response. “They got it from their leader.”

Princess Celestia rose from the table. The two embraced one another and finished crying. Fluttershy cried; Rarity cried; Pinkie Pie flat out bawled; Applejack sniffled; Rainbow Dash attempted to hold back the tears, but promptly said, “Ah buck it!” and broke down herself. The blue earth pony remained still, observing the scene that had unfolded before her, displaying absolutely zero emotion.

“I’m terribly sorry that you all had to see that,” hiccupped Princess Celestia as she returned to her seat.

“It’s such a terrible tale.” Fluttershy said softly, wiping away her tears with her left hoof. “But… why didn’t you just go your separate ways?”

“Celestia settle for less than everything? Not likely.” Princess Luna gave a small chuckle. “She’s more stubborn than a mule.” She turned to the Mule. “No offense.”

The Mule said, “None taken,” and exited the room.

Luna turned back to the mane five. “And I was even worse. I thought I could change an entire government!”

“You did convince me to modify it.” Princess Celestia said. “I relented most of my control, allowing them to govern themselves, while still remaining as their ruler.”

“We could have just done that from the beginning,” Princess Luna remarked, “And we wouldn’t have lost so many lives.”

Princess Celestia smiled. “I think we’ve recovered. And we’re ruling in harmony now.”

“Oh, look at us,” Princess Luna sighed, “We’ve gone completely off topic.”

“Beg pardon, yer highnesses,” Applejack asked, “But what was that about a ship flyin’ through space?”

Princess Luna cleared her throat. “The Sulacolt, Applejack. It is the name of my ship. My own build, my own design. You see, by myself, I could have escaped my imprisonment in a few weeks, but my mortal followers lacked teleporting powers such as mine. We required a means of transporting our numbers from the moon to Equestria. And thus, after nine-hundred and fifty-seven years, the Sulacolt was built.”

“What did you use for building materials?” asked Rarity.

“My own matter," answered Princess Luna.

The mane five became confused.

Princess Luna explained, “I broke the law of conservation of mass for over nine-hundred years, creating steel beams, plating, grating, electrical wiring, glass, etcetera, in order to create the Sulacolt. That is one of the reasons why it took so long. I was literally building a ship by myself. It was physically taxing beyond belief, but in the beginning of our colonization, we found a glowing, blue mineral that was in enough supply to fuel a vessel of such magnitude. We later found out that it had similar properties to that of what Equestria has adapted as coal and oil in our absence.”

Apple Jack asked, “You and yer followers found energy?”	

“Caverns of it, Apple Jack,” Princess Luna responded, “A highly flammable, thick, glowing, blue mineral that we tested to be over four times as efficient as coal and oil. We named it ‘Energon’.” 

Applejack gave a whistle. 

“So to clarify,” Rarity said in disbelief, “You found limitless supplies of a magical source of energy that could revolutionize Equestria’s economy.”

Princess Luna gave a slight nod. “I had forgotten, what I believed to be, such a minute detail to our banishment and focused my attention to seeing that my followers were given the proper post-mortem respects. I spent most of my time afterwards catching up on the one-thousand years of development that Equestria made in my absence.” 

“So why are we sitting around talking?” asked Rainbow Dash. “Shouldn’t you guys be, ya’ know, getting this magic ener-something back to base and stuff?”

“Now hold on a minute, Rainbow,” Applejack turned to the princesses, looking them dead in the eyes, “Yer highnesses, is this why you called Twilight back to Canterlot?”

Princess Celestia slowly answered, “Partially.”

Princess Luna finished, “When I informed Celestia about the properties of energon, she and I eventually organized a group of one-hundred and fifty-eight ponies to send to the moon.”

The eyes of the mane five bulged in shock. 

Apple Jack rose to protest, but Princess Luna cut her off. “We did not send them there for banishment, Applejack!”

When Applejack reluctantly returned to her chair, Princess Luna continued, “We sent them there to establish a mining colony so that they could begin extracting the energon.”  

“Wooow,” Pinkie Pie asked, “So Twilight and Spike got to go to the moon?”

Princess Celestia’s expression darkened. “I- we’re not sure anymore.”  

Apple Jack’s concern came back ten-fold. “What do you mean ‘you’re not sure’?”

Princess Luna sighed. “Three weeks ago, we lost contact with the colony, and my sister and I cannot teleport to the moon without arousing suspicion of the other nations.” 

Princess Celestia added, “It may just be that the transmission tower is experiencing mechanical malfunction, but we don’t know.”

Rarity asked with concern, “What do you mean?”

“When Scuttles made his appearance,” Princess Celestia began, “My sister and I sensed a shift in the balance of our realm. After dealing with the incident, I was sure that the feeling would dissipate, but it didn’t. It was still there, and two weeks before we lost contact with the colony, that same feeling began to grow stronger.”

Applejack growled, “Shit.”

Rarity put a hoof to her mouth out of realization.

Rainbow Dash slumped back in her chair. “Damn it.”

Pinkie Pie’s expression grew serious, her hair slowly deflating.

Fluttershy sank into her chair. “So… you mean, um, there might be more of those things?”

Princess Celestia said, “I hope not, Fluttershy, but that might be the reason.”

“If ya don’t mind mah askin’, yer highness,” Applejack asked, “If it’s this serious, why are yah talkin’ to us? Shouldn’t you be assemblin’ an army or somethin’?”

Princess Celestia answered, “Because you ponies are five of the six bearers of the elements of harmony.” Closing her eyes, she continued, “I fear for my student's life.” 

Princess Luna continued, “We have already assembled a team of the best soldiers to embark on this mission. We believed that your prior knowledge of dealing with these xenomorphs would be invaluable in this operation.”

Rarity asked, “You want to draft us?”

“The choice is entirely up to you,” Princess Luna answered. “If you wanted, you wouldn’t even have to done a battle saddle, but I would like soldiers with experience in dealing with these things.” She sighed. “These soldiers are the best of the best, but they’ve never fought an alien before, much less an alien as hostile and dangerous as the creatures that came to Ponyville.”

“But how would we be trained?” Rainbow Dash asked, “Doesn’t it take, like, six weeks to train a pony into a soldier?”

“Yeah,” Pinkie Pie added, “And Twilight needs our help now!”

“You would be put into a week-long hyper sleep, while being trained subconsciously,” answered Princess Celestia.

Applejack sat dumbfounded. “What?”

“We call them ‘memory orbs,'" answered Princess Luna. “It allows ponies to experience the memories that we’ve extracted from a subject. Of course, this is all being said in confidence. It’s been tested, but it’s still top-secret information.”

As the mane five nodded their heads in understanding, she continued, “In your case, you all would be put through a six-week training regime, along with memories of the most hazardous missions that our subject has provided. In reality, you would be sleeping for a week.”

“Now hold on,” Rainbow Dash asked, “Why’s it gonna take a week to get there?”

“The Sulacolt can travel at a maximum speed of .74 light years,” Princess Luna answered, “Equestria’s moon is thirty-six million miles away. If one does the math, they shall find that the time it takes to travel from here to the moon is about one week.”

There was a brief silence. 

“I aint never worn a battle saddle before, “Applejack began, “But if those things are back, and mah friend’s at the mercy of ‘em-” her expression grew into horror as she recalled the fate that Dollars for Donuts had experienced. Her expression changed to determination. “Count me in.”

Rainbow Dash nodded. “Me too.”

Pinkie Pie added, “Me three.”

Rarity said, “I’m going, too.”

Fluttershy began to quiver. “I- I don’t know. I- I really don’t want-”

“Fluttershy,” Applejack interrupted, “We all understand yer scared. And you don’t have to go if you don’t think you can handle it. But I want you to know that we understand, and we will bear no ill-will against you, if yah say ‘no’.” She turned to Princess Celestia. “When do we have to leave?”

Princess Celestia turned to Princess Luna. “Sister, do you know how much longer it will take for them to prepare the Sulacolt?”

Princess Luna answered, “They told me two more days, yesterday.”

Fluttershy whispered, “One day…”

“They’d better have it ready to go, then,” Princess Celestia grimaced, “The sooner the better.”

A thought crossed Applejack’s mind.“Pardon my askin’, yer majesties,” the two alicorns looked to her, “But why aren’t you goin’? As I recall, those creatures were powerless against you and yer magic.”

Princess Celestia’s expression darkened again. She reluctantly answered, “I must continue attending… ‘negotiations’ with the zebras, concerning our business and political relationships with them. If they were to find out that we had been secretly setting up a base on the moon, they might interpret it as an act of aggression.”

Princess Luna added, “A military base on the moon would cause a lot of tension, if not start a war, between the lands. Not so much as the base itself, but the fact that Equestria possesses the technology advanced enough for space travel. Orbital strikes, constant surveillance, and such. We already possess a warship. The results of the other nations finding out would be... problematic.”

Reluctantly, Apple Jack asked, “Alright, I think I understand that, but what about you, Princess Luna? Why can't you go?”

Princess Luna said, “I have be meeting with the griffon king to defuse a situation between them and the zebras.” Upon receiving a questioning stare from Apple Jack, she reluctantly added, “And, maybe, convince them to cut a deal with us concerning resources.”

Applejack turned to Princess Celestia. “Yer highness, what about the rest of the day?”

Princess Celestia responded, “I’ll coax the crew into hastening their preparations. If you can get to the Sulacolt through the cover of Luna’s night, nopony should see you.”

Pinkie Pie asked, “So then the Sulacolt’s already in space?”

Princess Luna nodded. “That is correct, Pinkie Pie.”

Rarity asked, “Might we know who is leading this rescue operation?”

Princess Celestia answered, “Shining Armor has been assigned the task of leading and ensuring the success of the operation.”

Rainbow Dash asked, “And how’s the rest of this operation suppose to play out?”

Princess Luna said, “Under the cover of my night, one of the Sluacolt's dropships will land on the docking bay that you all landed on before. You and the platoon shall board the dropship, fly into orbit and board the Sulacolt. Once on board, you will all enter your stasis pods, and the five of you will be subconsciously trained into formidable marines. The ship will auto pilot itself to the moon and wake you all up. Once prepared, you will be combat dropped onto the surface. You will then secure the colony and find Twilight, along with any of the others.”

Fluttershy looked to Princess Celestia. “Just tell me one thing, Princess Celestia,” she asked quietly, “You’re going out there to destroy them, right? Not to study, not to bring back, but to wipe them out?”

Princess Celestia nodded. “That’s the plan. You have my word on it.”

Fluttershy looked down and whispered, “Alright, I’m in.”






If you liked this, let me know via a thumbs up or comment! Both are welcomed. And if you didn't like it, hey, dislike away. But please have the courtesy to tell me why. As for the whole spin on Luna's "real" reasons for "becoming" Nightmare Moon", I guess I kinda got caught up in the moment. I feel like it would lessen the story, if I were to remove it, so I would prefer to keep it. However, should Friendly Uncle tell me that he does NOT like it, I shall remove it.

UPDATE!!! As of 6/4/12!!!

There appear to be some people who are concerned that this bible cannon sequel is going to be a scene-for-scene translation of Aliens. I can assure you that that is NOT going to be the case. Allow me to give you a list of the references that have been made so far AND are going to be made in the NEXT chapter, The Sulaco, of the story. I'm not going to give you any references to the future chapters to avoid spoilers, because I have two handfuls of plot twists in mind.



1. The Prologue- The nightmare sequence, similar to Ripley's trauma from the death of her crew on the Nostromo

2. The Prologue & The Arrival- Weyland-Yutani, the pony pun version being Neighland-Yutani.

3. The Arrival- "Just tell me one thing, Burke. You're going out there to destroy them... right?  Not to study, not to bring back... but to wipe them out."

4. The Sulacolt- "I only need to know one thing: Where they are!"

5. The Sulacolt- "Hey Ripley, don't worry. Me and my squad of ultimate badasses will protect you! (background, "Yeaaaah!") Check it out, tactical particle beam phalynx! FWAP! Fry half a city with this puppy. We got phased plasma pulse rifles (in 40 watt range). RPGs, sonic electronic ball breakers! We got nukes! We got knives, sharp sticks!"

6. The Sulacolt- "Well whoop-de-fuckin'-do, I'm impressed." 

UPDATE AS OF 6/27/12!!!! I feel like an idiot for not coming up with it sooner, but the Sulaco has now been pony-punned, Sulacolt