//------------------------------// // The Alicorn With Too Much Spare Time // Story: The Alicorn that Time Forgot // by JamBurglar //------------------------------// "Spike can you take a note, please?" "I'll do my best Twi, but no promises." Spike's dragon claws were now almost too big to hold the paper and quill. Several ripped pieces of parchment and many minutes of trying to grab the quill later, he managed to successfully get a piece on the table. "Dear Princess Celestia, I have a few misgivings about still being the Princess of Friendship all these years later, what with having considerably less friends now. With the Elements of Harmony now useless, I think a new candidate should be considered for my position." "You're calling it quits, eh?" Spike thought about setting the quill down on the table, but then decided against it. It took all of his dexterity not to tear this piece of parchment as well. "Not necessarily. But the alicorn princesses won't be around forever, Spike. They'll have to be replaced someday. I mean, I assume they will. We could all be immortal for all I know." Spike thought for a moment then shrugged his shoulders. He didn't know the typical lifespan of dragons either. He made a mental note to ask Dragon Lord Ember about it next time he visited the dragon lands. "Moving right along, I feel it is in Equestria's best interests to crown a new princess more capable and less prone to bouts of depression than myself. It would behoove you to seriously consider replacing me, for the good of the country." She snickered to herself "Behoove, horse humor..." "Anything else?" "Yes actually. At the end put 'Please confirm receipt of this email.' You and I both know how busy Celestia can get these days." Spike finished scribbling on the parchment and finally set down the quill. He decided to forego rolling the parchment up, instead opting to simply breathe on the letter on the table, sending it away in a flash of green fire. "And now we play the waiting game." A little while later Spike belched out a scroll with the royal seal. He carefully caught it in his claw, before extending it to Twilight. "I'll leave unfurling it up to you." Twilight levitated the scroll over and opened it. Curiously, it contained only a single line. lol get twilight to do it "That's just lovely," Twilight said. Suddenly Spike belched out another letter, again adorned with the royal seal. Twilight read it to herself. Dear Princess Twilight, Please disregard that last letter, it was intended for somepony else. I'm afraid I had a bit of a brainfart and sent it to you by mistake. Regardless, I know how you must feel right now. I didn't feel fit to rule Equestria by myself after Princess Luna's banishment either. While our circumstances are not exactly the same, I know from experience that you might find what you're looking for through deep introspection. You're a more capable Princess of Friendship than you realize, I promise. If you ever need somepony to talk to, just send me a letter. I'll reply as soon as my schedule allows. Sincerely yours, Princess Celestia "What did she say?" "Lol, get Twilight to do it." Twilight gazed absent-mindedly out at the frozen tundra from the window of her train car. She couldn't help but find her thoughts drifting to King Sombra of all ponies. She thought of the two or three times they defeated him, of the time he was good for some reason, but most of all about his booby-trapped inner sanctum in the Crystal Castle. With all the hindsight that came with having lived many full lifetimes, Twilight realized that being shunned by a trusted authority figure was no longer her greatest fear. No, she felt being a friendless hasbeen with no prospects of her own more appropriately fit the bill. She decided that this visit with her extended family would go one of two ways; either cheer her up or make her more depressed. "Twilight, are you listening to me?" "Sorry Spike, my mind was somewhere else. What did you say?" "I said I'm going to the dining car and asked if you wanted anything." Purpose in my life. My friends to come back from the dead. A hug. "Just get me a cucumber sandwich and a rosewater, please." "Got it, be back in a jif." He made to leave for the dining car, taking care to duck as his frame was almost too big to fit through the doors. He got about halfway there, when he noticed the stairs leading to the observation deck. He glanced over his shoulder in Twilight's general direction, then decided to treat himself to this detour. The doors and now the cramped spiral staircase served as apt reminders that Spike wasn't getting any smaller. In the open air of the observation deck he was able to feel less claustrophobic. He made a mental note to himself that he should enjoy the luxury of indoors while he still had the chance. Removing his backpack and carefully digging through it with his claws, Spike fished out a pair of oven mitts that Twilight had enchanted with a durability spell. After putting them on he pulled out a pack of cigarettes and silently thanked Celestia for the observation deck's many windscreens. Smirking at the irony of a dragon smoking cigarettes, he took one out and breathed fire on it, and stuck it between his lips. Gazing out over the endless white expanse he couldn't help but think of all the times he and Rarity would smoke together and share the latest gossip they'd heard. He sighed. Spike felt incredibly grateful he and Rarity could become more candid with one another over the years, and was glad to have been there at the end. And though he'd be lying if he claimed he didn't miss Rarity or any of his other friends, the comfort he took from having known them outweighed any sadness he might've felt about it. So while he looked up at the aurora borealis lighting up the night sky, Spike released his negativity as a puff of cigarette smoke, and flicked his cigarette butt into the unending snow. Once back inside, he gave a cursory glance back up the train and continued to the dining car. "Twilight, Twilight, Twilight. What am I going to do with you?" The duo were greeted on the train platform by Cadance, who gave the best half-hearted smile she could muster. She and Twilight did their "sunshine, sunshine, ladybugs awake" routine, which for them had all but taken the place of hoofshakes and hugs. Twilight enjoyed it, if only because she failed to notice the emptiness behind Cadance's eyes. Spike held his tongue the whole time. If Twilight was prone to bouts of depression from time to time, then Cadance was a basket case. And while Spike had tried to place himself in her horseshoes, and could admit that being the Princess of Love and losing the one pony you've chosen to love unconditionally would suck, he simply couldn't fathom Cadance losing herself in the sadness as she had. After a walk that was too long for Spike's liking, they reached the Crystal Castle. Flurry Heart was lounging on one of the many couches that decorated the foyer. "I was beginning to think the Frozen North had disappeared again when I wasn't looking. It's the only plausible explanation for why you haven't visited in so long, Auntie." Twilight grinned. "I've missed you too, Flurry." They shared an extra-tight hug before Flurry flew over to Spike. "Well if it isn't the Hero of the Crystal Empire. You're even bigger and more muscley than the last time I saw you, Mr. Hero." She playfully swatted him on the ass as he blushed profusely. "F-Flurry, I uh..." She burst out laughing. 'I'm just teasing you Uncle Spike! Sheesh, lighten up a little!" She didn't stop laughing as she flew around and hugged him from the front. Cadance allowed herself a rare giggle. "So Flurry, what have the twins been up to?" Twilight asked in reference to Flurry's adult grandkids, Solar Storm and Midnight Requiem. "Well Solar finally mastered his heat signature incantation and Midnight just published her thesis on nyctophilia." "It's good to hear the twins are taking their studies so seriously." "They are indeed. In fact they've probably got their noses shoved into books as we speak, like they always do. They're both massive eggheads like you Auntie. No offense..." "No, that's fair." Twilight could definitely see how Flurry took after her Aunt Rainbow Dash. It was honestly kind of refreshing. Growing up, Flurry had always been exposed to politics of the royal and militaristic varieties, courtesy of her parents. But she'd always had an adventurous spirit that Twilight had done everything in her power to foster. In her opinion it had made Flurry more worldly as a result. "Well, I'd better go round those two eggheads up for dinner. Make yourselves at home!" Flurry flew up to the castle's higher levels leaving Twilight and Spike alone with Cadance. 'She reminds me so much of her father." Oh great, Spike thought. Here we go again. "I'm glad that even after a few hundred years, the world hasn't come crashing down on her. I'm just afraid it will someday, Twilight. It always does." "I know sis," Twilight said. "I miss Shining Armor just as much as you do. But we both need to be strong, for Flurry's sake. If only to delay that world crashing down just a little bit longer." "I suppose you're right..." And they continued to the dining hall wordlessly. Once everypony was seated at the table (and the twins' snouts pried from their books by Flurry Heart) the first course of the meal was served. Cadance gazed longingly at the other end of the table as she ate. Flurry Heart spearheaded the conversation in order to combat her mother's silent wistfulness she was all too familiar with. "So, you kids do anything interesting outdoors lately?" The two grown ponies exchanged looks with one another. "Not especially." Solar Storm said. "Well, I walked to the library to get more books yesterday. Does that count?" Midnight asked hopefully. "It does not." "Then no, I didn't." Flurry facehoofed. "Twi, can ya back me up here?" Twilight, whose mouth was full, looked at Flurry sheepishly before grabbing a napkin. "I'm afraid your grandmother's right kids," she said. "Far be it from me to ever discourage reading of any kind, but there are simply some things you can't learn in a book. Celestia knows I had to learn that lesson the hard way when I was younger." "I suppose I could invest in a few books on outd-" "You do that, and I'll take a match to the entire library!" Flurry Heart's gaze shot daggers at Solar Storm. "I'll do it, too. I'm an alicorn, that means I'm above the law!" "It most certainly does not mean that!" Twilight said. "And if you want to burn any books, you'll have to go through me to do it!" "Whaddaya say, Uncle Spike? Wanna help me go burn some books?" "Spike, if you so much as singe a single page I'll kick you out of the castle forever!" "I'm not getting involved in this," he said while poking at his gemstone salad. "It's settled then," Flurry said. "I'm just going to have to kidnap you two and force you outside with my damn bare hooves!" "You can't kidnap us!" Midnight protested. "What would mom and dad say about that?" "Your parents would probably thank me for finally getting their bookish children outside for some fresh air!" Spike was certain this argument would've come to blows if not for an unexpected intervention coming from the head of the table. Everypony present stopped shouting and turned their heads to find Cadance laughing uncontrollably. She'd shoved her plate aside to lay her head down, and was banging her hoof on the table. To say the dinner attendees were surprised would be the understatement of the century. After a few moments of her laughing stupor she lifted her head and wiped her eyes with a wingtip. "I want you all to promise me not to change in the slightest. That was hilarious..." The dinner guests looked at one another as small smiles crept onto their faces. "Kids, touching grass isn't going to kill you. I promise. And Flurry if you resort to burning books, then that makes you no better than the Neighzi's." This earned a round of chuckles from everypony. "Now let's enjoy this meal and forget about our troubles, eh?" Everypony resumed eating, finding themselves in much better moods than when they began. Even if it's only for a little bit. Much later in the evening after some catching up (and more thinly-veiled threats to kidnap the twins from Flurry Heart) everypony retired to their rooms for the night. Cadance's bed was too big for her; it hadn't been when she'd bought it. She crossed the room to her personal shrine to Shining Armor and gazed at his portrait wistfully. "Tonight was a good night, my love." She ran a hoof along the edge of the painting. "Flurry is as feisty as she ever was, and your great grandkids are content in their research. I just wish you could've been here to see it." She withdrew her hoof and turned away from the shrine. "If I can admit something to you, darling, it's that I'm terrified. I'm terrified this unforgiving world will take my loved ones' happiness and crush it. And that I will be powerless to stop it." Cadance didn't bother trying to stop the tears from rolling down her cheeks. "This insidious world always finds a way to break even the most emotionally-resolute of ponies. It's only a matter of time." She wiped her face with a foreleg and turned to face Shining Armor's portrait again. "Or maybe I'm just a bitter old mare whose heart is too big for her own good. For their sake, I hope it's true." Cadance blew out the candles on Shining Armor's shrine and climbed into her bed, embracing the unfeeling sheets. "Good night, my dear." Elsewhere in the castle, Twilight was pacing the length of her bedroom. A detailed list obscured her vision, and she mumbled nonsense as she walked. She ticked off one final box on her list and made to sit at a small writing desk opposite her bed. "Flurry definitely displayed several amicable qualities tonight. She's outgoing, passionate, and isn't afraid to be brutally honest with those she cares about. I wonder how she'd feel about a job in politics..." Despite what it may seem, Equestrian royal designations were mostly just formalities at this point in history. Technically speaking, Twilight was the last princess to have her title qualified by what she was princess of. Flurry Heart's son, Prince Snowblind, was known for his diplomatic work overseas and spent very little time in Equestria, and his two children couldn't really be considered the rulers of anything (unless you count reading books of course.) The fact of the matter was that ever since Cadance and Shining Armor reintroduced the alicorn gene to Equestrian blood, they'd simply run out of things to make this surplus of alicorns rulers of. However, if Twilight were indeed to vacate her position as Princess of Friendship, it would create a power vacuum and be a big hassle for everypony involved. Hence her dire need for a replacement. "I highly suspect a verbal proposition would be rejected. Flurry's never been the type to want to be tied down by responsibility." Twilight folded her list, blew out the lone candle on her desk, and climbed into her bed. "I think I'll pay a visit to the local library tomorrow." As Twilight walked through the streets of the Crystal Empire, she couldn't help but notice the morning sun reflecting off the crystalline buildings. She'd never paid it any mind before, but now she felt sorry for any photosensitive ponies living in town. She was flanked on either side by Solar Storm and Midnight Requiem, who had only come with her because she was going to the library and they wanted to tag along. "I wanna make a pit stop before we head to the library, okay you guys?" "That's fine with us," said Midnight. "You're the cruise director today, Twi. We're just along for the ride." Twilight navigated her way to a street vendor selling bouquets of flowers, and purchased two of them. She then led the twins to the local cemetery where Starlight Glimmer and Sunburst were buried. "Rest easy you two," Twilight inserted the flowers into the slots and smiled. "I don't know where you guys are right now, or even if you are, but I hope you're both okay. And Sunburst..." Her smile faded ever so slightly as she looked at his grave. "I wish we'd gotten to know each other better. You seemed like a pretty nice guy." The twins looked at each other but said nothing. "Hey, you wanna know something crazy?" Twilight aimed a hoof at Starlight's grave. "When I met this one, she was running a cult." The twins faces lit up in unison. "Shut up," Solar Storm said. "A cult?" "An honest-to-goodness cult. Stealing ponies' cutie marks and everything." The twins smiled incredulously at one another. "She even tried to change the past to take over the future and rebuild Equestria in her image. Came pretty damn close to doing it too." "Well that's a fine how-do-you-do," Midnight said. "And you know something? She was one of the closest friends I ever had." "How's that?" "It's true Starlight made many egregious mistakes when I first got to know her. But she owned up to them, and in time learned valuable lessons from them." Twilight wrapped her wings around the twins. "And my friendship with her taught me important things about myself as well." "We'd read about your first student of friendship, but we had no idea she had such juicy dirty laundry!" 'Yeah, they tend to leave her tenure as a cult leader and megalomaniacal super villain out of the history books. Water under the bridge and all that." Twilight released the twins from her feathery embrace. "It just goes to show the profundity of the magic of friendship. Part of it is letting bygones be bygones." The three began walking back through the cemetery to the exit. "I've dedicated my whole life to spreading the magic of friendship. Along with the...elements," Twilight's smile vanished from her face as she kept walking. "C'mon you two, let's head to the library." Am I wrong for thinking Friendship deserves a better representative than a has-been like me? It was a bit too early in the day for the Crystal Empire Public Library to be teeming with ponies as it normally was, just the way Twilight liked it. Call her old-fashioned, but Twilight still pined for the privacy of her Golden Oak Library that had been demolished many hundreds of years ago. This library's early morning vacancy would have to suffice, as later it would become quite busy (the Crystal Empire hadn't been blessed with a Barnes & Neighbles yet). While the twins went their separate ways, Twilight headed to the spell archive she had become intimately familiar with over the past several hundred years. She made sure no one was looking, then flew up to the top shelf of a particularly tall bookcase and scooted some books aside, revealing a nameless, dusty tome whose bindings still miraculously held firm. Rather than simply keeping the book for herself, Twilight opted to hide it within the library (her last overdue library book had caused her a mental breakdown). Twilight had read the whole thing cover to cover, and was fairly certain most of the spells in the book would be considered magical barbarism by today's standards. She carefully flipped through the pages until she found the spell she had in mind, then reread its entry to herself. Praeceptum ex Cornu - "The Spell of Infernal Suggestion". A latent mind control spell that remains dormant in the victim until invoked by the caster. By uttering the preceding incantation, the spell will implant in the target until activated through use of a trigger phrase of the caster’s choosing. Guaranteed to turn even the stupidest of earth ponies into a sleeper agent for the unicorn cause. She neglected to reread the following paragraph that claimed earth ponies and pegasi were "inferior races that deserved to have the unicorns' superior will imposed upon them." Instead she focused on the trigger phrase she'd jokingly chosen (Would you kindly?) She felt like she'd heard it somewhere before, but she couldn't put her hoof on where. Then she stopped for a moment and thought about what exactly she was doing (or intending to do). If Flurry threatening to burn books made her no better than a Neighzi, then Twilight using mind control made her no better than any super villain from Spike's comics. Unfortunately, reasoning tends to be lost on a mind wracked with anxiety. Once again, Twilight's insecurity about being an unsuitable Princess of Friendship had gotten the better of her. As Twilight massaged her temples, she failed to notice the figure looming over her. "Finally dabbling in dark magicks, are we?" Twilight looked up to see Discord standing there. He was pushing a cart of books, and had on a gray wig done up in a bun, a white dress shirt, a black skirt with black leggings, and high heel shoes. He even had on fake breasts. "D-Discord! What are you doing here," Twilight blushed. "And what on earth are you wearing!?" "Oh, have you not had the pleasure of seeing my "sexy older librarian" costume yet?" He ripped open his dress shirt to reveal a black, lacy bra in addition to the fact that his breasts were undeniably real. "I daresay I look rather fetching as a woman. I just wish these sweater puppies didn't hurt my back so much. Oh well..." Twilight put a hoof to her muzzle and realized her nose was bleeding. "WILL YOU STOP STRIPPING IN FRONT OF ME!?" she said in a very loud whisper. "Oh, you're no fun anymore..." Discord snapped his fingers and his costume (all the components of it) disappeared. "Now what are you doing here?" "Well, I was taking a well-deserved break from doing nothing all day when my chaos-sense detected dark magic. I simply had to discover its source, so I followed its scent and the trail led me here. Let me just say you're absolutely the last pony I expected to find here." Discord scooped up the book and held it sideways. An extra flap came down from the side of the page. "Ooh, this is a good one. I have a copy of this sitting on my coffee table at home. Of course, the copy I have is alive..." Discord began skimming over the spell as his cheeks progressively grew redder with every sentence. By the time he was finished he was a veritable draconequus-shaped tomato. "Goodness, Twilight. I had no idea you could be so...insidious." He coiled his serpentine body around her and ran a claw up her cheek. "Where was this side of you when I was busy mind-controlling all your friends?" "It isn't like that and you know it, mister!" Twilight said in a volume that would be considered impolite for a public library. The sexy older librarian Discord appeared from around a bookshelf to shush her. "The only reason I'm studying these texts in the first place is because Equestrian magic law is so conservative when it comes to free will." Discord folded his arms and made the Jim face at a camera Twilight couldn't perceive. "Right...which is why you're nosing through spells that were favorites of my ex-boyfriend Amygdala the Mind-Flayer." "Oh sure, toss eldritch abominations into the mix and anything sounds bad. Twilight sighed and laid her head down on the table. "I mean it's not like I can just up and quit my job either. Because Equestrian politics-" "Yes yes, the power vacuums. I already read that part." Discord sat down on nothing next to Twilight and put a claw around her shoulder. "Have you considered simply sitting down with Flurry Heart and having an honest-to-goodness conversation with her?" "How did you know th-" "I read that part too." Twilight facehoofed. "Look, you know Flurry Heart well enough. As if she would ever give up a life of adventure for boring Princess of Friendship duties." "Is there any reason it has to be her specifically?" "Based on my extensivce research she far exceeds all the necessary qualifications. That, and I get the feeling Snowblind is banking on the twins replacing Celestia and Luna when the time comes." "Couldn't you just as easily hold Princess of Friendship tryouts?" "Unfortunately it's not that simple. Equestrian royalty have to be alicorns, without exception." "Ugh, all this bureaucracy is giving me a headache." Discord grabbed either side of his head in mock anguish. "Remind me to systemically dismantle the Equestrian government." Twilight giggled. "Hey, don't start without me." Discord got up from his seat that wasn't there and turned to face Twilight. "Well Twilight, as much as I like the idea of you embracing dark magicks, you should know Amygdala had a somehow even-unfriendlier sounding name for the spell than "infernal suggestion." He called it the rape spell." A chill ran down Twilight's spine. "And turning creatures into mindless zombie slaves was his favorite pastime. Quite unbecoming for the Princess of Friendship, wouldn't you say?" Discord plucked a book off the shelf and turned to a random page. "Well if you ever have any questions regarding dark magicks, don't hesitate to ask. Toodles for now..." His whole body was sucked into the book and the cover snapped shut behind him. Twilight was left alone to quietly ponder the weight of her actions. At once she got a vision of an incomprehensible eldritch horror turning a poor pony's brain into putty. The vision shifted and suddenly Twilight was the abomination and the innocent pony was her own flesh-and-blood niece. She felt instantly nauseous. Closing the spellbook, she shakily flew it back up to its hiding spot on the top shelf. And it was there in the emptier-than-usual library Princess Twilight Sparkle decided once and for all the issue of being the Princess of Friendship was her cross to bear, and hers alone. She ambled back out into the library to find the twins. Inside the Crystal Castle Twilight found herself once again pacing the length of her bedchamber, mentally preparing herself for what she knew had to come next. She went over to the mirror as her horn lit up with a spell matrix. "Praeceptum ex Cornu." A glowing purple orb flew out of her horn and hovered briefly before embedding itself in her chest. Twilight flinched and looked herself dead in the eyes. "Would you kindly be the best Princess of Friendship you can be?" Twilight grit her teeth as her body seized up. Auto-casting was not unheard of in the magic community, but was usually reserved for spells of the less diabolical variety. In the midst of her spasms, Twilight felt something like a light switch going off in her head. She was overcome with an intense feeling of needing to accomplish what the spell specified. That she wouldn't let anything or anypony stand in her way anymore. Least of all herself. By the time she stopped convulsing, Twilight's body was so exhausted she barely managed to drag herself into bed before swiftly falling asleep. And as she slept she knew in her heart of hearts that doing the right thing for the wrong reason, is still doing the right thing.