//------------------------------//
// JAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN CEEEEEEEEENAAAAAAA 
// Story: Celestia Finds A Champion To Train Oak. And His Name Is... John Cena! 
// by ShadowDragon6 
//------------------------------//

Twilight Sparkle and the other mares, and Oak, showed up in Princess Celestia's castle, in her throne room.
Twilight felt nervous, her shaken body overcome with uncertain feelings. She didn't know what was going to happen next, and she wondered why Princess Celestia called all six of them and Oak to talk to her. And her, alone. Princesses Luna and Cadence were nowhere to be seen, and that made Twilight more nervous.
Oak, on the other hand, was eating a pie.
"Where did you get that?" Rainbow Dash asked.
"Pinkie Pie taught me how to do this!" Oak said with a super-big smile, pulling another pie out of nowhere. He took a big bite, getting grey stuff everywhere. "It's the only way I can get meat pies here, since y'all made eating animals illegal."
"Ponies aren't supposed to eat meat." Rarity said, rolling her eyes. Oak frowned, because that made him angry. He ate meat, and he didn't like being reminded he wasn't a real pony like everypony else, just a Shadow Dragon that had lost his memories (possibly on purpose, if the dreams he got from the old him were right) and disguised himself as a pony with his shapeshifter ability. Rarity was his least-favourite ever of his six mare friend. But she was really pretty. But not as pretty as Rainbow Dash. Not even close. Nopony else did.
Oak distracted himself by summoning another pie and eating it.
"I don't know what's scarier, how quickly you learned her weird powers, or how you actually can learn them." Rainbow said.
"He's the first pony ever to pull it off! Besides me." Pinkie said happily.
"I'm not a pony." Oak the Shadow Dragon said sadly. He hated being reminded that he didn't fit in.
"Sure you are! You're a pony in every way that matters." Applejack said, rubbing her head on his, and he got so happy he burst into tears and hugged her too tightly, picking her up. The others laughed, and he eventually let go.
"Anyway. Plus, this means yer a lot easier to look after now!" Applejack said happily, smiling because she was happy, and because she wouldn't have to make a huge amount of food every meal for him AND their family. He could just pull food out of nowhere, which he was also using to cure world hunger by secretly asking Twilight to teleport a huge box of food to poor countries every night.
"I'm glad I finally have someone to do this with!" Pinkie said, pulling a cherry pie out of nowhere and eating it, getting it all over her face. Oak licked it off suddenly, to their surprise. Pinkie laughed, and Rainbow Dash started telling Oak he wasn't supposed to do that to mares without warning if he wasn't married to them. Oak would have asked if that was something you eat, but Rainbow had already told him what marriage was, so he knew what it was.
Twilight was super nervous, so she didn't notice everypony being such filthy casuals about Princess Celestia asking them to arrive.
"Would you mind cleaning that up, my little pony?" Princess Celestia asked the black purple-maned pony.
Twilight turned around and gasped when she saw how many pies Oak had messily eaten. "OAK!" She yelled.
"I'll clean that up." Oak said, purple flames burning around his hooves. The fire spread out and burned away the gravy and meat -and nothing else- into nothingness.
"You just used one of your strongest attacks to clean up food." Twilight said. "I can almost hear your people screaming about their technique being misused."
"Good! Buck them. I don't like my people. They're mean." Oak said firmly, nodding. He was still angry about Manehattan. And Ponyville.
"Oak! You can't say buck in front of Princess Celestia!" Twilight yelled.
"You can't say buck! You can't say buck, you bucking fatflank!" Rainbow said in a dumb-sounding voice, and everypony except Twilight laughed, getting the reference.
"Princess! You laughed!" Twilight gasped in horror. "You watch that show?"
"Of course I do, Twilight. And I like it. Why else do you think it's still allowed?" Princess Celestia asked.
"Ok. So, Princess... Why were we all gathered here?" Twilight asked.
Princess Celestia dramatically closed her eyes.
Everypony leaned towards her.
"I called you here, regarding... The one you call Oak." Princess Celestia said dramatically.
Everypony gasped, except Oak.
"I call me Oak too." Oak said happily, ruining the drama, and his friends fell over.
Twilight got up. "Oak, focus! This is serious!"
"With the Shadow Dragon threat approaching Equestria, I have decided that your current training schedule is not enough."
"But I'm already training with everypony you asked to help, and when I'm not doing that, I'm training at ten times Equestria's gravity for a hundred hours a day in the Hyperfalling Slime Danger!" Oak said.
Twilight slapped her own face. "Hyperbolic. Time. Chamber." She said angrily.
"That!" Oak said. "And I'm training with the best warriors and mages in the realm, so I can use my Shadow Dragon powers without turning evil or blowing up or whatever."
"Yes, blowing up would be... unfortunate." Princess Celestia said, trying not to laugh. But then she got serious. "But... I have found something. I have observed many worlds, and found the perfect champion to train you."
"Goku?" Oak asked happily.
"He's already training you." Twilight pointed out.
"Oh, right." Oak said, embarassed. "Um... Is it Applejack?"
"Am also already training ya, sugarcube." Applejack said, laughing. "And A aint even from another world!"
"Pinkie Pie?" Oak guessed.
"Also already training you!" Pinkie said with a smile, because she smiled a lot. She also felt happy, too.
"Oh. Is it Ashmodeus, who's come back to life and really is a good guy for realsies this time?" Oak asked.
"NO!" Twilight asked. "Ashmodeus was a monster, and he is not, nor is he EVER coming back!" Twilight said angrily, because she really hated Ashmodeus a lot. Which was understandable, since he was a monster. Unlike the pure and kind-hearted but childish Oak, who still wasn't entirely over Ashmodeus's death.
"I will tell you." Princess Celestia said. "He is a champion unlike any other, strong in heart and body. He spends his time granting the wishes of children, especially the sick and helpless ones that cannot have their wishes granted anywhere else."
"He has magic?" Oak gasped.
"No. He does not need magic, his power is sufficient to lift over 700 pounds." Princess Celestia stated. "He once lifted two of his planet's strongest fighters at the same time, without the aid of magic."
"Wow!" Oak gasped more, stars in his eyes.
"He has won many of his world's greatest and toughest tournaments, proving time and time again that he will never give up. He refuses to give up, believing it would set a bad example for the millions of children that watch his matches every night, especially the sick ones that must fight their own illnesses daily to survive. Even when the odds are stacked against him, even when his opponents try their hardest to bring out darkness within him, he rises above the hate. Speaking of hate, he is hated by thousands, if not millions of his own kind, but he does not let that get to him. He is a being of hustle, loyalty, and above all, respect. He fights to entertain, and uses his fame and money to help the children of his world." Princess Celestia said. "He is a champion unlike any other, and he once spent time as a somewhat darker character. He would be the perfect teacher for you. And he is also sometimes a cyborg."
"Huh?" Twilight wondered.
"THAT IS SO COOL!" Oak squeed.
"He is a champion of champions. And his name is..."
"JOHN CENAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Princess Celestia shouted in her Royal Canterlot Voice, which was twice as loud as Princess Luna's, and the beautiful and glorious champion of humanity himself burst through the window, the Canterlot Orchestra appearing and playing his song, mostly trumpets. But they were AWESOME trumpets, and like Pokemon, he made trumpets cool.
Oak screamed like a teenage girl that finally got to see Justin Bieber, only louder, because Justin Bieber sucked and John Cena was awesome.
"BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR APPLEDOUGH!" 
The awesomest human alive -the author of this fic included, because that's how cool he was, even cooler than me- walked to the Princesses, and bowed to her, because he showed that respect can be cool, too. And then he bowed to Twilight, too. And when he was done, he got up, and smiled awesomely.
"OOOOOOHmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmyGOSSSSSHHHH!" Oak screamed, happydancing because he was happy, and he felt happy feelings inside him.
Rainbow would have commented on his fanboying, which would have been really funny because she fangirled over the Wonderbolts, but she was looking at his awesome muscles and awesomeness. "So awesome!" She yelled, doing the awesomefaic.
"Wow, fancolt much?" Twilight said instead to both of them.
"Says the mare that loves Star Swirl The Bearded." Applejack said with her appletroll face on. Twilight grumped angrily.
Oak threw himself down at John Cena's awesome feet. His face and body was cooler, though. "Please, John Cena! Train me, so I can rise above the hate, and the darkness within me! Train me so I can protect Ponyville, and all of Equestria!"
John Cena smiled, and it one-upped Jesus Christ's smile by a factor of ten million. "I hear a lot of good things about you, kid. I hear you've got promise. ...Sure. Just promise me you won't pull a Randy Orton on me."
"I don't know what this 'Randy Orton' is, but it sounds disappointing." Oak said. Princess Celestia closed her eyes and quietly chuckled to herself like an old lady, even though she wasn't one. Except she kinda was, except she still looked beautiful thanks to how she lived forever.
"He means, he will train you, as long as you promise not to turn on him, and promise to always do your best in training and always try your hardest in the arena, and never give up." Princess Celestia said.
"And never give ANYONE another Randy Orton excuse." John Cena said, because Randy Orton sucked.
"Ok!" Oak said happily. "Train me, master!"
"Alright! First, I'm gonna teach you the Eff-" John Cena said, and then Princess Celestia glanced at him with a frown. "I mean, the Attitude Adjustment."
"Awesome!" Oak said happily, hugging his idol. He liked hugging his idol, and it made him feel happy.