Dear Moondancer:
I think I should warn you: Twilight has a rare form of alicorn STD which has no known cure. Have fun!
~Princess Celestia.
P.S.: I’ve currently found myself with a surplus of romance novels, and thus I have decided to give the ones I can spare to you. Once again, have fun!
Dear Twilight Sparkle:
On second thought, I’m perfectly happy living my life as a friendless loser. You know, like somepony I know.
And besides, that book trick you showed me can keep me happy for as long as I live. Especially with all those smutty books the Princess just gave me.
~Moondancer.
P.S.: Flash Sentry and your brother both agree that I’m hotter than you.
Dear Minuette:
Twilight fired me a week ago. I’m just messing with people now.
~Spike.
Dear Lyra:
Why would I want to invite you? You’re a sicko with a human fetish.
~Twilight.
Dear Twilight:
Oh yeah, and what about you and your mirror world adventures? Yeah, I know about them, and I’ve seen what you’ve been doing with Sunset Shimmer. And you call me a sicko?!
~Lyra Heartstrings
Dear Sunset Shimmer:
Do you mind if I drop off a friend dangerous terrorist in your world? I’m certain that your world is more than capable of handling anything she can do against you.
~Princess Twilight Sparkle
Dear Starlight Glimmer:
I know you want to bang my sexy plot, but you’re a wanted criminal. Why are you spending so much time hanging out in the open like that? Get a better disguise!
~Princess Twilight Sparkle
P.S.: I should warn you that if you get caught, I shall make sure that justice is served. Sweet, sweet justice. And I can guarantee that I will make you scream. Oh yes, you will scream.