//------------------------------// // 10 - Home // Story: Metamorphosis // by PaintSplotch //------------------------------// "Gotta have opposites—dark and light, light and dark—in painting. It’s like in life. Gotta have a little sadness once in a while so you know when the good times come. I’m waiting on the good times now." —Bob Ross Well, turns out that not all plans work out. I woke up in so much pain that it hurt to breathe. My body felt stiff and locked up all over, like I was already in rigor mortis. The sun was bright and higher in the sky, telling me it was later in the day. I must have slept well into the afternoon. Silly me, I forgot that most injuries don't start hurting badly until the day after. I was pretty much paralyzed in a stranger's bed while I tried my best to not start sobbing. I gingerly began to try to move, struggling to work out the stiffness out of my muscles and joints. It was agony. I was glad I kept the bottle of aspirin next to me while I slept. I chewed up as many as I dared too. The last thing I wanted was to add the delightful sensation of your stomach melting on top of the pain I was already in. Luckily, Yuri escaped serious injury, but it looked as if he was still sore, and his movements were peppered with small whines and yelps. Poor guy, but at least he was mobile enough where he could get off of the bed easily enough. Me, I had to do my best to wiggle out slowly, my three uninjured legs locked up and useless. I had to carefully tip myself over the bed, throwing pillows and blankets over the edge to try and cushion my fall. Oh God, it didn't work. Hitting the ground was enough to knock out my breath and cover my vision in large black dots. I honestly take back what I said about it not being the worst pain I've ever been in. This was pure unadulterated agony. Crawling to the bathroom was even worse, but, thankfully, the aspirin kicked in enough to dull some of the pain, otherwise, I’m not even sure if I could’ve moved any further than an inch, if even that. I managed to do my business and crack open the faucet in the sink. For that, I had to stand on my hind legs, which pulled at the injuries on my side and back. It was worth it for the few precious mouthfuls of water, even if it tasted stale and metallic. Ugh. There was no way I was going to be walking anywhere today. Goddammit. After making it to the bathroom and back, I was done. There was no more moving around for me that day. Moving around caused some of my wounds to start bleeding again, so then came the wonderful task of changing bandages. There were no more commercial bandages to be found, but ripping up a bed-sheet with my sharp horn made for a quick, but inferior, replacement. Half crazy with pain, I pretty much made peace that I was going to forever live on the floor. The carpet was my home now; there was no way I was going to crawl my way back unto the mattress. So there I lay on my least injured side, trying my best to get movement back into three of my limbs. Yuri walked around, stiff legged, as he investigated parts of the house. He tried bringing me a loaf of extremely moldy bread. The smell of it caused me to go into a gagging fit, threatening to expel the precious water I managed to drink. I don't think I was going to be eating much of anything for a while. He ate it, though, messily, which made my stomach tie up in knots. It was late into the evening when I finally loosened up enough to be able to walk. Walking was a very generous way to put it. It was more like a slow three legged shuffle. A pillow case made for a good sling to keep my broken foreleg from having pressure putting into it. It took me a good half hour of shuffling and taking it slow to get from the bedroom to the kitchen. There I found something that increased our chances of getting out of here alive. Honey. There was a bottle of pure honey in the pantry. Not the fake boiled sugar type of honey, but the real stuff made by bee’s goodness. I gingerly used it and a clean washcloth to put some on both our wounds. Honey, in case you didn't know, is both an antibacterial and an antimicrobial. It has been used for thousands of years to preserve food, treat wounds, and used as a sort of super food. Hell, there have been stories of dead bodies thousands of years old being preserved in honey. It was only useful on cuts and scrapes so I didn't dare try packing any into the empty wing socket of mine. It was just too deep of a wound. I did, however, carefully spread some on the surface of my broken leg. It'll do in a pinch until I felt well enough to actually get some antibiotics. I also ate some of the honey to get a bit of energy back. It's good when you're sick, and I sure as hell didn't feel great enough to try a big meal or anything solid. All I could really do was try and get some rest. Yuri joined me under the covers, making everything feel snug and cozy. I fell into a fitful, dreamless sleep as my body worked to repair itself. The next day, I still felt like crap. I felt hot and shaky. I checked my wounds and didn't find any trace of pus or anything to indicate infection setting in. That was good sign, but I still had to deal with the trauma aspect of getting mauled. I knew I was going to get sick from this, but just how sick I didn't know. For now, I was grateful I could move around a little better. I still felt nauseous, so I ate honey again for breakfast. I waited a little bit for it to settle, and when I was confident I wasn't going to hurl everywhere, we set off. I didn't need my map anymore. I knew where to go from here: it was just a matter of following the signs and roads. I wish I felt well enough to just go in a straight line, but I wasn't going to tangle with woodland without one working leg. Yuri didn't show it as much, but I could tell he was still tired and sore too. He had only some scratches and minor bites, but he was slammed around a lot. He was probably horribly bruised under all the fur. I wanted to leave as soon as possible. I waited until at least the sun was out enough to warm the area before leaving the house. I was sure the chilly feeling I had was due to some blood loss. Unfortunately, there wasn't really much I can do about that. I doubt any stored blood would have survived the power outage. Even then, could I even take human blood? I bled red, so at least I still had iron and oxygen based blood, but there was probably bigger differences in mine now. I took it one single step at a time, bag of medicine in my jaws. It was maddeningly slow. One clip-clop at a time down the paved roads. I was slow enough that I could look around in the light of the rising sun. Vines and spreading flowers from gardens were growing out of control, spilling out onto sidewalks and climbing up empty buildings. Still no signs of intelligent life. It was just as empty as any other city. I had to close my eyes, as focusing on empty buildings drew valuable attention away from keeping my legs moving and steady. What should have been a few hours tops turned into a full day. I was afraid to stop walking, lest I never got back up again, but I was forced to. Actually, it was more like my own body forced it. My legs would give out from under me, and I would have to lay there and rest enough to be able to stand up and walk again. At some points, Yuri carried the medicine bag for me, giving my sore jaws a break. He would also walk close to me on the side of my broken leg, offering support to keep me from tipping over and breaking something else. We were both silent as our exodus took us through Shippensburg into the back roads of Chambersburg. There was a brief strip of woodland and farms before hitting the actual city portion of my hometown, and there, in the fading light, I could see several freed cows and even a few horses grazing on the overgrown lawns and pastures. They raised their heads and watched me as I struggled my way past. Most likely they were examining me for threats. There wasn't anything Yuri and I could do, as once again we were forced into a rest as our bodies disagreed with how much stress we were putting on them. I watched as a single horse and cow approached. I've worked with such animals before. I just laid there with Yuri, watching as they approached. The cow got there first, and she looked us both over. She was a typical Jersey Cow, covered in soft, brown fur with large, expressive eyes. She whooshed with her nostrils as she gave us a good sniff. The horse approached from the back, a very pretty bay mare. She gave me a good sniff all over, the hairs on her nose tickling as she moved. She pulled her head up and gave a hearty sneeze. Yuri stayed still as well, panting good-naturedly and softly wagging his tail. The cow gave him a few licks on his head, which he took like a champ. To my surprise, the mare and the cow looked at each other and then back to me. “Hello,” I said softly, my voice cracking. They flicked their ears at me, but seemed satisfied with something. After a brief moment of staring at us, they turned and lumbered away back to their respective herds. Once rejoined, they all once again put their heads to the sweet smelling grass and resumed their endless grazing. That was hella weird, but I was glad the local farm life is doing all right. At least for the cows and horses. I watched them as I rested. Since I was deemed to not be a threat, they grazed without fear. They continued to move away as a group as they ate the grass, moving away to better grazing land. I was able to get back up at the time and resume my journey. Yuri took his place at my side and in the fading twilight, we walked. I knew we were close to home. We just needed to get there before we lay down and can't get up again. I followed the back roads until the pavement gave way to dirt and gravel. The moon has since risen and cast its light through the thick woodland. Houses were getting more and more scarce as we traveled further and further into the backwoods. Eventually, we arrived. Tucked in a quiet clearing was a single, one story house, perhaps as old as the hills themselves. The painted white shingles nearly glowed in the light of the moon, and the cheerful pink shutters were open. Around the paved walkway and wooden porch were enormous beds of flowers, the blossoms closed up with the coming of night. Tucked in the back, I could see the picket fence surrounding the small vegetable garden. A stone old fashioned well stood proudly while covered in creeping vines and morning glories. The various bird feeders hanging through the trees swayed gently in the breeze. There was a single old, red mailbox that marked the way onto the property. A single old pink Cadillac was parked in the overhang that made for a makeshift garage. Home. We were finally home. My tail wagged by itself as I was overcome with glee. We were home! Finally! Yuri barked and whined, wanting so badly to run ahead. Instead, he stuck with me and helped me walk the final distance between the mailbox and the screen door. “Grrnma!” I called out through a mouth full of plastic. “GRRRRNMA!” My hooves clip-clopped on the wood as we both struggled up the short steps. The house was dark. It's okay. It's late, she is probably asleep. Yuri barked as I painfully reared up to try the door handle. Unlocked! She was probably waiting for me to come home! I struggled with the handle before I got the door open. The interior matched the outside. Accents of pink complimented the rustic feel of the place. Handmade wooden furniture was tastefully arranged, polished, and waxed to be bright and cheerful. Yuri barked loudly and ran ahead into the dark house as I took my time. Oh God, it felt so good to feel plush carpet again. I took a breath. The scents of baby powder, apples, and flowers were strong. It's how home always smelled. I spit out the bag I was carrying. “Grandma! I'm home! I'm home!” I yelled as I painfully walked around the small but cozy house. No response. “Grandma?” I walked down the tight hallway, cluttered with pictures hanging in any available space, heading toward the master bedroom. The door was open. I steeled myself for the worst and peeked in, my eyes nearly glowing in the dim light. It was empty. Empty. No... Yuri was searching the room, nose to the floor as he tried to follow a scent that wasn't there. The covers were crinkled over the form that had vanished. A trashy romance novel lay next to the pillow, the page still open. A dry glass that once held water was on the nightstand. My back legs gave out as I sat roughly down on the carpet. I ignored the sudden jolt of pain. Our travels were for nothing. I was home, but it was missing the thing that made it home. I wanted so badly to black out and escape from this reality. My teeth involuntarily ground together as I shook. Yuri gave up his search to come by my side. He whined. He was missing her too. Should I have just stayed where I was? Was I just an idiot for going on this journey in the first place? I struggled to control my breathing. I was so sure… SO SURE. I didn't even try to stop as hot tears darkened my already black cheeks. I felt helpless and empty. I was sad. I was disappointed. I was angry. I was a maelstrom of negative emotions. Yuri cried along with me in a way only dogs can. What was I going to do now? I waited, refusing to sleep until the sun came up. I was in my own room, my own bed. The ownership of it did nothing to ease the pain of reality. It would have been easy to just let my brain take over and slip away to somewhere else for a bit, but I didn't. I made a promise to myself that I was going to buck up and not let my illness rule me. But it was so hard. When Grandma wasn’t here, it just cemented reality for us. The journey that nearly killed us didn't have a rainbow at the end. I lay in my bed. I promised Yuri that, once home, we would rest and heal. I intended to make good on that promise, but things would be harder without Grandma's decades of wisdom. Grandma had to patch up soldiers while under fire with limited supplies and horrible conditions. If she didn't know how to help us, nobody would. I knew if I gave up then, the ghost of Grandma, wherever she was, would be disappointed. She... was… a strong, tough lady who did her best to pass strength on to me. It was up to me again. I was lucky we had an old fashioned well on our property, so there was fresh water. Drawing the crank with one leg was impossible, so I had to use my own mouth to turn the crank. I did my best to avoid hurting any of the flower blossoms that crawled up the stone, but my flailing hooves knocked a few down. Dammit. Yuri carried the bucket for me. He used to do that when Grandma would water her flowers, carrying buckets to her so she could empty it into a watering can. This place was full of memories, but I was very grateful they were all good ones. Even though Grandma was missing, her presence was still there, and it made me feel slightly better. Grandma was very much on old fashioned lady. She cooked with a wood stove and oven and kept kerosene lamps and other 'old timey' things. She never trusted the electrical or the water grid, telling me stories about being a little girl and having to cut ice to put in the icebox or surviving the terror of the first world war. I was grateful for that, for it made lighting the house and cooking easier. Everything was self contained, and if you knew where to look, there was plenty of supplies. There was a pile of wood waiting to be used, a good pile of it in fact. Grandma was getting too old to use an axe, so she often bought her wood from the local sawmill. I was just lucky she already stocked up a big pile of it before I left on my ill fated trip. I was able to heat up buckets of water with help from the wood stove, pouring it into the bathtub to have our first hot bath in a long time. Now armed with hot water and soap, I cleaned us both again and re-bandaged everything. I was satisfied that running soapy water through the hole in my wing socket only brought out water again. No pus, no more bleeding, no odors, nothing to indicate any deep infections in the both of us. Seems we escaped such a fate. That was something to be grateful about. As for medicine, Grandma kept a large tin of bag balm, which I applied to our wounds. Again, there wasn't much I could do about my wing socket, but I did manage to give it a good clean. It started itching like hell and burning. I was going to have to get out and get better medicine. I still didn't feel like eating anything solid, but a cup of tea was welcome. I sipped it slowly, wrapped in a warm blanket near the wood stove. I was getting chilly, which was not surprising seeing I still needed to get blood back. It was time to rest. I looked over to see Yuri sprawled out on the floor, snoring quietly as he slept off an enormous meal of canned dog food. Things were peaceful under the warmth of the stove and the gentle glow of a kerosene lamp. Despite the bitter disappointment, maybe things will be all right? I closed my eyes, hoping to dream of better times. I was outside. The air was fresh and fragrant, full of the scent of thousands of flower blossoms. The sun was warm and heated my clean and unblemished chitin. I was no longer in pain, no longer utterly broken. I was whole again. Before me was a large tree stump, set with an enormous spread of tea cakes and sandwiches. I had a tea cup and saucer before me, which was currently being filled with steaming herbal tea. I smiled. What made it lovely was not the tea being poured, but who was pouring it. “Thank you, Grandma.” My smile was bittersweet. The woman before me looked every bit of her age. In her nineties, her olive skin was wrinkled and her white hair frizzed outward, contained only with a straw sunhat. Her pale, brown eyes crinkled as she smiled back, and her elegant sundress fluttered in the gentle breeze. What used to be solid muscle has withered away into bones; the ravages of time were not kind to her. But she was still strong. Stronger than I was. There were no flickers in her, just a solidness. It was like she was really there, having tea with me. She said nothing. She only smiled and radiated warmth and love as she sat and poured herself a cup of tea. The contents of the actual tea set switched colors occasionally, some things fading in and out of existence as I stopped looking at them. They weren't important. I fiddled with my teacup and saucer in my hooves. A few tears slipped out despite myself. I wanted to try and enjoy this. I wanted to just stay here forever and feel warm again. “I miss you a lot.” I finally spoke, my voice was soft and delicate, like it could shatter into a million pieces. She nodded back at me. “I don't know… what I'm going to do now. “ I used a foreleg to wipe at my eyes. Years of instruction of proper tea handling prevented me from spilling a drop of tea in my sadness. Even in my dreams, it’s hard to shake habit. She looked at me for a moment, her expression one of love and compassion. She opened her mouth and spoke. “Why, you shall continue to live, of course.” I froze. Oh no. Oh nonononono. Grandma changed. She seemed to stretch outwards, her kindly eyes glowing white as her skin turned blue. Dark wings like an angel spread outward, her sun hat flying away in the breeze. NO. Where once my kindly grandmother sat, was her. Princess Luna put down the tea cup she was holding, her expression unreadable. I was up in an instant, my dreamworld shaking as my temper took over. “PUT HER BACK!” I screamed at the Princess, royalty be damned. I was livid. She only gave me a glance in return, not reacting at all at my burst of anger. “PUT HER BACK RIGHT NOW!” my voice echoed, louder and louder as the dam that held back my grief and pain broke. The once gentle warm breeze was becoming a hurricane of cold. How dare her! How dare her! Princess Luna, my most coherent hallucination, sat still, unaffected by my rage. My pain. “Be still,” she finally said, and, at that, the wind stopped. I was still angry. “WHY?” “Because you need not torture yourself like this.”  “What?” I narrowed my eyes. “You do not need to do this to yourself,” she clarified. “Your loving grandmother shall return in time, you must have faith.” “I don't believe you,” I snarled back at her. She tilted her head at me. “I have to admit, you are the most coherent dream hallucination I've ever had! I've argued with you, talked with you...” I swallowed. “I think you're just here to keep me from going completely insane. Yeah… just keep hoping Grandma comes back, right? What a riot!” I laughed. I already sounded absolutely insane. She drew herself up. “I am no hallucination.” “Even if you aren't, can you blame me? I'm not well!” The sunny field was vanishing. The stump and tea set began to slowly crumble away into the ever present breeze. “You've encouraged me, and you’ve gave me an explanation to things, that's exactly what my mind has done for years! It's a mechanism to keep me from doing something stupid, like cutting my own goddamn wrists open again!” “I am sorry that I cannot convince you otherwise.” She seemed very regretful. “I cannot force you to believe what I say, but I can only hope you would listen. Believe it or not, I care.” I gave her a funny look. Well, as far as hallucinations go, she did do nothing but try to give some comfort. Even during that weird Star Trek dream. “Say your peace and, then, get out.” I was tired of being strung along like this. I was just so tired. I wanted to have a pleasant dream and just pretend for a little while that things were okay. “You are not alone,” she said. “There are others if you choose to seek them.” That got my interest. “Where.” “Out east from here.” She raised her head. “There are others who dream.” “East isn't very specific.” I frowned. “East, where there was a great battle. The bones of thousands of men rest under fields and graves, scattered about. I saw as such in dreams.” Well there was really only one place in Pennsylvania that matched that description. “Gettysburg? You want me to go there?” “Yes,” was her simple reply. I thought for a moment. Regardless if this was a real person talking to me or not, it makes some sense. I can't stay at my house forever. It was able to sustain itself for a little while, but what happens if I run out of food? The garden is only supplemental. Eventually, the game will move out, leaving Yuri and I with no protein. There was barely any medicine or any disaster supplies. Eventually, I'd run out of my medication, and I didn't want that. Sooner or later, I would have to leave. I couldn't stay there and risk starving or dying of some disease. Not only for my sake, but also for Yuri’s. There wasn't any veterinary supplies close by. I wouldn't know what I'd do if something happened to Yuri. I studied the Blue Godhorse before me. If she was pointing to Gettysburg, it would make a little sense. It wasn't too far away. It had a hospital. It had several orchards and wide scale farms. Streams stocked with fish and state game land. We wouldn't starve. If there were generators I could hook up, we'd have light and heat. It made sense, but it's hard to contemplate leaving home, not when we just got here. But I thought again. I knew my own illness well. Staying here was probably a bad idea. I would drive myself crazy with grief, no matter how much I tried to guard myself from it. I would have to grow up yet again and leave home. I looked over at Luna, her mane and tail sparkling with nebulae and stars. The scenery has faded away during my inner contemplation, leaving behind a dark, soft void. The only solid thing was a bed, plush and oversized. I was so tired, and the soreness was creeping back into my subconscious. “I am sorry,” the being apologized, sounding actually sincere. “You have gone through so much in such a short time. But please, do not lose sight of hope. I promise that all will be well.” Automatically, I climbed into bed and sank deep into the warmth and softness. “It's all right, I guess,” I replied. Could I stay angry at a hallucination? It was only a reflection of myself, wasn't it? Like a mother tucking in a child, a blue glow grabbed the comforter and pulled it to my chin. “Sleep well.” There was only blackness. I jerked awake with a start. The early morning sunlight streamed in from the open windows. There were the sounds of birds’ songs and early morning insects alighting the air. I had to think for a second and try to remember where I was. I took a sniff of the air as my mind cleared. Oh. I was home. I looked over to see Yuri still asleep, a puddle of drool under his maw. Occasionally, a paw would twitch in his sleep. I looked down at myself. I was still semi mauled. My stomach still hurt. Everything still hurt. Did I even have one last journey still in me? In us? Could I even tear myself away from the comforts of home to take a huge risk? Even if the reward might be a cure to slowly going insane from isolation? I was fucking crazy if I was going to listen to a magic horse spawned out of my subconscious. But did I really have a choice? My foreleg ached as I quietly opened the wood stove and put another piece of wood on the cooling coals. Some still glowed a bright orange, much to my relief. I blew on it gently until a spark struck the wood and alighted it. Soon, there was a cheery fire, warming my cold body. I didn't know what would be right to do, or what I was even capable of doing now. But I better figure it out soon.