//------------------------------// // Act Three: "The End of Ponies" // Story: The Humanification Bureau // by Ezn //------------------------------// Act Three: "The End of Ponies" "But it was not, as some had predicted, the end of the world. Instead, the apocalypse was simply the prologue for another bloody chapter in pony history." – Kkat, Fallout: Equestria "Hey! Who are you? How long have you been here?!" The foyer of the Greater Canterlot Humanification Bureau was a mess. Magazines were strewn everywhere – on the couches, on the floor, on the receptionist's counter, and even on the still blades of the ceiling fan. A bleary-eyed Monochrome looked up from one of the ones lying on the carpet as he noticed a human-shaped shadow fall on him. "Did you know?" he asked, ignoring the question. The shadow-bearer looked angry and somewhat perplexed; Monochrome felt a little upset that their first meeting was such a negative one. Rarity's purple hair hadn't given away her identity immediately, but there could be no mistaking the woman in the room, with her multi-coloured locks and cyan tracksuit, for anyone other than Rainbow Dash. "Did I know what? That you entered this building when we were closed?! No, not until now. Duh!" Monochrome sighed. "Look, the door was open. Well, that is, it wasn't locked. I just wanted to look at some magazines." "A likely story!" Dash retorted. "Rarity told me a pony matching your description came in here earlier with a humanification candidate! She said you didn't want to get humanified! You guys had an argument about it and everything!" "That is true." "Are you a spy? Are you from the PLF?" "What's the PLF?" "Pony Liberation Front. You know, the sickos who tried to kill everypony during the speeches!" "Oh, so now I'm a terrorist just because I have some reservations about completely altering my species and identity? Is that how it is?" "Well..." Dash's mouth went dry. "You know what? I don't even care anymore." Monochrome picked up the magazine he had been reading in his mouth and brought it to Dash, spitting it out before her white running shoes. "Pick that up with your fancy human hands," he sneered. "Pick that up and page through it with those dexterous human fingers that magazines and books are obviously designed to be used by." Dash knelt down to retrieve the magazine and did as she was instructed. She saw some pretty pictures of humans and buildings and things. They were nice, but Dash couldn't quite see the point Monochrome was making. "Bowling balls. Saddles. Writing quills. Chairs and benches and beds. They were all designed for humans – even the ones in Equestria." Dash raised an eyebrow. "And your point?" Monochrome chuckled dangerously, and his left eye twitched nervously. "At first, I thought it was a trick. Some weird technology thing – humans planting magazines in their waiting rooms that made them appear relatable to ponies." The ceiling fan came to life, dropping magazines on the floor and table as its blades slowly began whirring. "But then I read some more, and I really got to thinking about it. Why do our bowling balls have finger holes? And while I was reading, I noticed how much of a pain it was turn pages without unicorn magic... or hands. 'Why's that?' I wondered. How does that make sense?" The crazy look in Monochrome's eyes was starting to scare Dash a little, and she took a few steps backwards, slowly edging towards the door. "We're just a copy – a simplification. Humans have ponies in their world – they're just dumb beasts, like dogs or rabbits. We're a copy of them – a shallow copy devoid of depth or meaning. I used to be proud to be a pony, and that pride was what kept me going. But now..." Monochrome paused, shooting Dash a few deranged glares, which made her inch further backwards. "Now I don't even have that. Ponies don't matter. We're nothing." With that, Monochrome slumped into a sad heap on the floor, his anger and insane energy leaving him like the air from a deflating balloon. Dash stared blankly at the grey and black heap in front of her for a moment, until she could contain herself no longer. "BWAHAHAHAHA!" she laughed. "Oh dude, dude, what? What?" Monochrome perked up slightly. This was not the reaction he had been expecting. "Talk about overthinking! You should meet my friend Twilight – you guys would get along great!" Dash keeled over on the ground, her body racked with laughter, and her fist pounding the floor. "But-" "Yeah, dummy," said Dash, wiping a tear from her eye, "of course there are going to be similarities! We're all smart, we all talk, and we all read books and stuff! And as for bowling balls: they just look cooler with holes." Monochrome sighed. She didn't get it, and she probably never would. Not everyone had his analytical mind. In fact, very few people did. He would be lucky to find anyone who could sympathise. "I guess you're probably right," he lied, pulling himself up off the floor. "Maybe I do overthink things every once in awhile." "No doubt!" Dash replied, picking herself off the ground and smoothing out her tracksuit. "I'm sorry for intruding. I just needed to do some research on humans, really. I had no malevolent intentions." "'S'alright... I've decided I quite like you, kid. That act if yours is gonna keep me smilin' all day." "I'm... glad I could be useful." Monochrome headed for the door, with Dash waving after him. "Don't forget to come back later, when you're ready to get humanified!" "I won't." *** "Sign here, and initial here, and you're done!" "I'm glad." "Thank you, Mister Orange." "Please, keep calling me Monochrome." A week had passed since Monochrome's last trip to the Bureau, and in that time he had done a good deal of thinking. It had taken an enormous measure of determination to finally leave his shack and go to the Bureau to get humanified, but he had put his head down and done it, not looking back for a second. "I'd like to make a special request, if possible," he asked Rarity, just before nosing the form across the counter to her. "I'm sure we can set you up in a room near Rachel's, don't you wo–" "No, it's not that." Definitely not that. "Then what is it? I'm afraid I can't let you customize your human form; that sort of thing is outside of the scope of this service." "It's not that either. I just want... could you... I'd like it if..." "Yes?" "I want you to erase my memory. When I'm human, I don't want to remember being a pony. I want to believe that I was born a human." Rarity ummed and ahhed for a moment. "Can't you do it?" "No, no, of course we can. It's actually a more common request than you might expect." "So you've done it before?" "Yes... a few times." "So then that's fine. Sign me up!" "Are you absolutely sure, though? After you lose your memories, you can never get them back." "Yes, I'm quite sure." Rarity looked into the pony's dark brown eyes, searching for any speck of doubt or uncertainty. She could find none in his blank, almost lifeless stare. "Well, alright then. We'll erase your memory on humanification." Monochrome smiled, thanked Rarity, and trotted towards the back room door. Before he opened it, Rarity called after him. "I'm glad you made this choice. The choice to get humanified, before it's too late." The pony stared back at the human. "There was no choice. I was never a pony." Before Rarity could reply, Monochrome had disappeared through the door and into the darkness beyond. Pushing her bewilderment to one side of her mind, Rarity reached for the nail file beneath her counter, and started filing the nails of her left hand. She was becoming rather good at it. [Afterword]