//------------------------------// // Chapter Eleven: Bronco Hates Pie // Story: Llamas: A Drama // by SkelePone //------------------------------// LLAMAS a drama CHAPTER ELEVEN: BRONCO HATES PIE by SkelePone Bronco wished for nothing more than to crush the skull of the small rabbit in his fighting teeth. It was a warrior’s instinct to use the six curved fags hidden in his mouth, ready for the first glimmer of deadly conflict. Of course, true warriors would wield daggers, bows, spears, and macuahuitls. But Bronco felt that nothing could beat the satisfaction of using his bare teeth to tear that smug grin off the mouth of Angel Bunny, who was leering over at Bronco from across the dinner table. Fluttershy had invited Bronco for dinner at her cottage, but the last thing Bronco wanted was to share a meal with that bratty fluffball and with a dangerous draconequus. Discord was also a dinner guest. In llama culture, Discord has always been known as ‘Supay’, the dark lord of all things evil and chaotic. The only one challenging the being was Mictlantecuhtli, the spirit of death and destruction. But when the Sister Princesses froze Supay and banished Mictlantecuhtli to Tartarus, the worship of the two deities was halted. Learning that the Master of Chaos himself was going to make an appearance, Bronco hadn’t taken a moment to reconsider his acceptance of Fluttershy’s invitation. Until, of course, he learned that Angel Bunny was going to be present throughout the affair. His one chance to meet an ancient being who had shaped llama history forever… ruining by a bunny rabbit. Bronco was brought out of his somber grumpy state by Fluttershy, who left the dining room but for less than a minute in order to collect a pie that had been baking in the oven. Instantly, the rabbit began to misbehave to no foreseeable end. Angel Bunny tossed a hunk of carrot at The Chaos Lord Supay’s long nose as it stuck out from the teacup he had been sipping. Bronco’s jaw dropped, and he assumed instantly that Discord would turn the rabbit’s skin inside out and make it do the tango or something equally terrifying. But instead the draconequus scowled and started a conversation with Bronco. “So, ‘Bronco’. How long have you known Fluttershy?” “Errr… Maybe a week or two.” “One or two?” “Yes.” “No,” Discord hissed impatiently, “I’m asking: one week or two weeks?” “Um. One. And a few days.” Bronco was nervous. He was speaking to a spirit so feared in llama culture that many back at the mountains would cower upon hearing his name. And the spirit seemed angry with him… for knowing Fluttershy? The rabbit sniggered as a chewed up chunk of carrot smacked Bronco in the muzzle. Bronco and Discord together glared at the bunny. Than their expressions shifted to warm smiles as Fluttershy flew gracefully into the room, carrying a large pumpkin pie in her hooves. “Pumpkin pie? My, Fluttershy, is it getting to be that time already?” Discord, Suqay, whatever his name was, purred. Bronco felt like the draconequus was quite the suck-up. “What is pumpkin pie?” Bronco asked. He immediately felt stupid as three pairs of eyes stared at him incredulously. But Bronco honestly didn’t know what the strange orange pastry sitting before them was. He knew what pumpkins were. He had seen them often in the cold season of the mountains, on display at Fort Fresh Hooves. But he had never thought the giant things were actually eaten. “Pumpkin pie is only the most delicious of autumn foods!” Discord announced. Angel Bunny squeaked in agreement. Bronco only looked at the pie with a slight air of distrust. Could llamas eat pumpkin? He didn’t know. And he wasn’t too sure if he wanted to find out. Fluttershy gave each dinner guest a slice, Discord and Angel immediately swallowing their portions with relish. Fluttershy herself politely laid a napkin before her and gently used a fork and knife to cut and lift the pastry. The llama took a moment to wonder how she could pick up utensils with hooves like his. Maybe it was some pony magic thing going on. Bronco sniffed his slice. He glanced sideways across the maroon lace tablecloth at Angel. The bunny’s belly was already bulging grotesquely. Possibly an allergic reaction? Bronco looked to the other side, at Discord. The draconequus snapped a pair of talons and a second slice appeared before the spirit. Bronco stared straight ahead at Fluttershy, who met his gaze. She blushed and went straight back to eating. Bronco groaned inwardly. He had bested manticores, chimera, and Timber Wolves in combat. Why couldn’t he manage to take a single bite of pie? Unnaturally orange pie. With a sleek shine of sticky something on it. And strange flakes of unidentifiable spices. Gross… He wished Churro was here. The chef could tell him if it was safe to eat with nothing but a single glance. The fat llama would probably eat the slice himself. The greasy bastard. Bronco snorted uncomfortably. He felt like he was being forced to eat the despicable creation resting before him. Then he remembered the mare who had baked it. Fluttershy. Thinking about the pegasus, he recalled with ease his first day in Ponyville. ABOUT TWO MONTHS PRIOR He had been ordered to wait outside of the crystal castle. Bronco had only been sitting outside for a few moments before an Earth pony stallion with a tan coat and a black mane smashed into him. And that was how he met his first pony friend, Carnegie Porter. “Sorry ‘bout tha’ mate…” The drunk slurred as he rubbed his head with a hoof. Than the stallion looked up in awe at Bronco’s sheer size. “Blimey, yer a biggen’ aintcha?” Bronco had only grunted. He extended a large cloven hoof to help up the drunken pony. The pony took it and rose up with a groan. Than the stallion stood on his hind legs and cracked his back loudly, gazing at the llama guard with a single cracked eye. “So wha’ tha’ bloody ‘ell are you ‘posed ta be? A sheep? A pony? A shepony? Is that even a thing…?” “I’m a llama.” Bronco answered flatly to the offensive stallion. “Shepony, llama, what’s tha bloody difference. We all got hooves, don’ we.” “Mine are cloven.” “Was tha’ matter? Still hooves.” Bronco hadn’t answered. The crazy pony was right, in a way; there was no need to be so xenophobic. They were all intelligent creatures with hooves. Bronco smiled at the drunk for the first time. “There we go, mate! Loosen up a bi’. M’name’s Porter. Carnegie Porter. Wha’s yours?” “I am Bronco.” “Well, Bronco, lemme buy ya a drink. Intra-duce ya ta some of me best mates.” NOW Bronco took a tentative nibble of the orange triangle on his plate. He noticed Fluttershy looking to him with concern on her face. Bronco couldn’t let her think he didn’t like the pie! Bronco took a nice, hearty bite of the pie, chewing it noisily. Oh Quetzalcoatl, he hated pie. The textures were all so wrong. The crunchy, tasteless outside. The almost meaty inside that tasted overwhelmingly like raw vegetables. Not like what a pastry SHOULD taste like. And Bronco had sampled plenty of Churro’s delicacies to know what a proper pastry should taste like. With a forced swallow, Bronco grinned feebly at Fluttershy. She beamed at him and began to talk with Discord. Once she had focused her attention elsewhere, Bronco whirled around and quietly spat the pie into a potted plant. He returned to his pie to see Angel Bunny standing beside his plate, glaring. Uh oh. Never before had Bronco enjoyed the amber nectar of bliss that ponies called ‘alcohol’. Within seconds of taking his first sip of butter whiskey (recommended by Carnegie Porter, of course), Bronco was already slurring and making friends with anypony who looked in his general direction. “Cor blimey, mate! I’ve never met somepo- er, somellama as lightweight as you!” Carnegie cackled. His marefriend, a feisty red-mane with a name that had something to do with roses, had joined them soon after they entered the bar, and she too was laughing away at Bronco’s tipsy shenanigans. And of course somepony had to ruin the fun. “PORTER! ROSE! You two should know better than to give a llama alcohol! Don’t you know they have a low tolerance for that sort of thing?!” A yellow pegasus practically shrieked for all to hear. Carnegie and Rose-whatever-the-rest-of-her-name-was winced as the flying mare swooped down on them, scowling. Meanwhile, Bronco was lying on his back; he was in an entirely different world. “I see… a horse skeleton… writing a story… and he’s...” “Aw hell naw,” the skeleton horse growled, “just because you’re drunk, that doesn’t give you an excuse to break the fourth wall.” “Woah.” Bronco breathed. Then he had passed out. SkelePone doesn’t appreciate interruptions while he is writing. “So Bronco tell me more about yourself,” the draconequus said to the llama. Bronco was taken aback, but he knew better than to not answer to the demands of Supay. “I come from the Alpaca Mountains, south of Appleloosa-” “Bored. Nevermind, tell me how you know Fluttershy.” “She basically saved me from alcohol poisoning.” “Really? It is to be expected.” Discord squinted his eyes suspiciously at Bronco. The llama gulped. “Anyways, I’d almost expect Pinkie Pie to save you from something like that. And I can assume the one who encouraged your drinking was none other than Carnegie Porter.” “I don’t even know who Pinkie Pie is. And, yeah. It was Porter. But he didn’t know any better.” “Continue your story.” Bronco woke up in a bed. His first instinct was to find and keep on protecting his herd, but his brain and body were screaming at his instinct to go buck itself with a cactus. His everything hurt. And the last thing Bronco wanted was to report to Poncho, and inform his superior about his actions. Actions that he could only hazily recall as he stood up from the bed, shakily making his way across the room. Where was he? This couldn't possibly be the castle. “Oh no no no… You have to lie back down!” A gentle hoof (not a cloven one, Bronco noticed) guided him back to the bed. Bronco gratefully smashed his muzzle back into the many overstuffed pillows piled at the head of the bed. When Bronco wiggled about to face the kind mare who was helping him get tucked in, he felt his jaw drop. It was an angel. Llamas mostly interacted with unicorns and Earth ponies. So meeting a pegasus for the first time left Bronco thinking he had somehow passed into the afterlife. “A-Am I dead?” Bronco croaked. His temples tensed up and he choked down a howl of pain. Why did his head hurt so much? The mare giggled. “Why do you think you’re dead?” “Because you’re an angel.” Bronco said matter-of-factly. A rabbit appeared out of nowhere and landed on his stomach. Bronco noticed with mild amusement that the rabbit had a scowl on it’s tiny, cute features. It twitched its nose and let out an angry squeak. The mare chuckled and blushed slightly as she scooped up the rabbit, still floating just above the ground. She snuggled the rabbit for a minute before dropping the bunny to the floor. “I’m not an angel, silly. I’m just a pegasus. My name is Fluttershy; what’s your name?” “My name is Bronco. I am a llama, and a guardian of my herd.” When Fluttershy returned to the dining room, Discord and Angel stopped their harassment of Bronco and the three males smiled broadly at the mare as she sat down gracefully. She looked up to see them staring at her. She blushed and hid her face in her low-hanging pink mane. “Is there something on my face?” “Just your mane,” Discord noted bluntly. Angel squeaked in agreement. “I see nothing but beauty.” Bronco had absolutely no idea what had compelled him to make that remark. Maybe it was his aggravation with the other two. Maybe it was a genuine attraction for her. Maybe he was just a really good friend. It could’ve been the pie. Bronco knew that he shouldn’t have trusted the pie. And he shouldn’t have told Fluttershy she was beautiful. Not only did the mare’s face turn the same shade as the hair in her mane, but the other males were glaring once more at the llama. He smiled sheepishly as Fluttershy let out a feeble meep. Bronco felt like the dinner party was suddenly very interesting.