//------------------------------// // Chapter 2: Turn Your Head And Cough // Story: Two Birds of a Feather // by Onyx Star //------------------------------// Two Birds of a Feather -- By Onyx Star Chapter 2 Turn Your Head and Cough The waiting room in the medical centre seemed quaint; scattered with ponies all with a different reason to see a doctor, or an apothecary, or some form of specialist. There were all manner of ponies sitting about the room, ranging from unicorns to earth ponies; even some Thestrals were confined to a corner, but after closer inspection of the room and its inhabitants I realised that Lunar and Solar guards alike were keeping to themselves; sitting opposite to each other with similar cuts and bruises adorning faces on both sides of the room. I slowly entered the room doing my best not to break the silence. All eyes were on me and I could feel every pair looking me up and down as I made my way to an empty seat but to my dismay the only empty seat was among the group of Solar Guards; letting out a deep sigh I hesitantly took my seat, I could tell I was not welcome. ''You lost rookie?'' a large, grey pegasus growled putting a hoof on my shoulder, turning me so we were face to face. I could see that he was missing a few teeth and still had blood dripping from his muzzle. He got up from his seat, he towered over me but I could feel his emotions, there was an immense sense of insecurity and fear within him, possibly from whatever caused his injuries. ''Well this is the medical centre so no I'm not lost and I suggest you return to your seat before I give you a real reason to be here'' I said through my teeth just loudly enough for only him to hear. ''Sounds like you've just made your second mistake here rook!'' he he yelled as he raised a hoof in the air, preparing to bring it down on my face hard, ''when I'm done with you you'll be in Intensive Care!'' he said with a devious smile. I stood up rapidly and raised my own hoof ready to strike, ''Just try it!'' I yelled; there was much tension in the air but it was cut short by the interjection of a female voice, both our heads turned at once, it was one of the Lunar Guards, she had an auburn mane with streaks of red and appeared to be the most beat up of the group. ''Now, now Cuffs, leave the newbie alone before you get hurt'' her voice was sarcastic and smug but obviously she didn't seem the type to be trifled with. I figured she was the ringleader behind the previous fight by the way the other guards tensed up in their seats when she got up as if they knew something could go down with her. ''Stay out of this you little slut, we've all heard the rumours about you'' he shot her a look of disgust as he spat at the ground in her direction, ''why don't you run on back to the commander; I'm sure he'll take real good care of you'' he said with a grin as the rest of his buddies chuckled. I could see that he touched a nerve with her but she managed to maintain her composure as he slowly walked over to him and put a hoof on his arm ''Now Cuffs, you know how I feel about those rumours and especially that word in particular'' she said in a tone that was somewhere between maniacal and gloomy but in that instant she brought her hoof down upon his already bloodied muzzle with a force hard enough to break his bones. He reared back, blood now gushing from his face; she gave him no respite, she shoved him onto the ground and proceeded to beat him senseless, ''YOU. WILL. NEVER. USE. THAT. WORD. AGAIN!!!'' she practically screaming at this point, hitting harder and harder with each word. It took four guards to pull her off of him and hold her back, the other solar guards picked up their pal, he was in a sorry state now, barely able to stand ''keep that crazy bitch away from me!'' he cried, he was delusional at this point; his fellow guards rushed him into the intensive care ward. All that remained were the Lunar Guards in the room who had erupted in laughter as Cuffs was dragged out of the room. ''You did good newbie, you can come sit with us'' she said calm and demure as if nothing had happened, she had an evil grin as she licked the blood off her hoof. Bloodlust was frowned upon but not uncommon, there was something satisfying about it but I tend to avoid it whenever possible, it's a nasty habit to get into. ''Hmm?'' I said still bewildered by what I'd just seen, it took me a moment to collect myself, ''Thanks... I guess'' I mumbled as I made my way over to a seat next to the clearly deranged mare. On the outside she seemed perfectly fine, a complete stranger would be none the wiser to what was really going through her head. ''Oh don't mention it newbie'' she said putting a still blood-soaked hoof on my face, ''somepony just overstepped their bounds and needed to learn their place'' she giggled as she turned my head inspecting my face ''don't worry newbie, you'll get it soon enough but there's something off about you... something different'' her tone was inquisitive. ''You think there's something off about me?'' I couldn't believe she'd just said that, if I'm the off one around here then I'd hate to see the norm of this place. I managed to remove her blood soaked hoof from my face, it left a rather discomforting bloodstain on coat. ''Well yeah, I wouldn't have said anything if I didn't think there was, but like I said you'll come around'' she finally cleaned the rest of the blood from her hooves ''the name's Red by the way, and it isn't from the red in my mane in case you didn't pick up on that'' she winked at me ''so is there a name behind that face and those mysterious purple eyes?'' she gave me a cheeky smile. ''Brigand'' I replied. ''Interesting name; is that what you're going with?'' she quipped. ''Pretty sure'' I answered. ''Well I won't judge'' she chuckled. ''Well that's comforting, I feel so much better knowing that the mare that nearly bludgeoned the life out of a fellow guard won't judge me'' I couldn't control my sarcasm, but I did give her my winning smile. ''You see now you're getting it, you might just make it around here'' she laughed, she gave me a pat on the back, I'll admit there was something charming about her and she was about the closest thing I had to a friend right now. A voice called out from down the hall ''Private Nights, the doctor will see you now''. ''Well it looks like I'm up, I guess I'll see you around 'Brigand' and when they decide to stick you in a squad, I highly recommend you suggest Badger squad, that's where the best of us go'' she chuckled as she trot past the double doors into the doctor's room. ''I think she likes you new guy'' one of the other guards let out a laugh as he gave me a friendly punch on the arm. ''Oh yeah, how do you figure?'' I questioned, curious myself as to what sign that maniacal mare was giving me. ''Well for starters she didn't bite you or give you a black eye without warning, or even give you a black eye at all, I'd take that as a good sign'' he gestured, trying to be friendly. ''Well I'm not looking for any romantic interest'' I remarked, making sure my tone was as serious as possible. ''Hey relax buddy, I didn't mean it like that, she isn't looking anyway, don't believe the lies those Solar bastards have been spreading about her, they're not true, but for your own sake I'd recommend you don't mention it... ever'' I could tell he meant well, that he cared. ''Right. Message received. I wasn't planning on bringing it up anyway after that little display'' I said in defence ''but I understand your concern; I'll be careful''. Our conversation was cut short by the sound of commotion and muffled yelling in the Doctor's room: ''there is no way I'm letting that wannabe Doctor practice on me!'' it sounded like Red; there was a lot of racket coming from the room. ''You don't have a choice right now, they need me in intensive care to work on a critical patient and Holiday is the only other pony available that is qualified enough to patch you up properly'' the voice of the doctor said as he came bursting through the double doors and quickly rushed through the hallway into the intensive care wing. ''C'mon Red you know me! How am I supposed to patch ponies up in the field if my own squadmate doesn't trust me with a simple stitch job?'' yelled an unfamiliar voice to me. ''Not my concern, you keep that needle away from me, I swear to Selena I will hurt you, now back away! If anypony is going to be patching me up it's going to be a real doctor! Now get back already!'' her yelling was much more audible now. ''I guarantee you he's not going to waste his time with a simple stitch job, especially since he was just called into the intensive care ward, now stop being such a little filly and let me patch you up!'' his voice became firm, authoritative. ''Alright fine, just make it fast, I don't want to be in this room with you longer than I need to be'' she whined. ''Okay I'll try to make this as painless as possible, now I'm going to have to get a closer look at your cuts, don't bite me like you did the last time'' he tried to reassure her. The voices became more muffled now, I figured things had calmed down in there as several minutes passed before a loud scream was heard followed by a voice yelling ''I told you not to bite me! Why in Equestria did you bite me?!''. I looked around the room to see if any of the other guards noticed the commotion or even cared; some gave each other confused looks; others briefly looked at the double doors where the noise was emanating from but quickly returned to their own private conversations. The only other guard who seemed to really notice the yelling was the guard sitting next to me, he had an amused look on his face as if he expected this to happen ''what's got you so amused?'' I questioned. ''Oh nothing'' his tone was nothing short of reminiscent ''I was just trying to remember a time when those two weren't going at it; I swear my two foals are better behaved than them at times'' he allowed himself a small laugh, ''I'd pay attention to ponies around here, you may learn a thing or two about your fellow guards''. ''Good point'' I agreed, I supposed it would be beneficial to learn a thing or to about ponies around here. I turned my attention back to the argument in the next room. ''Tell me why you bit me, Nights'' he demanded. ''Don't call me that! You kept hesitating and your hooves were all shaky after you put the needle through! I had to do something to get you to stop!'' her voice was accusing and defensive as if she'd done nothing wrong. ''Of course I was hesitant and shaky look who I'm stitching up! And what ever happened to a simple tap on the shoulder or 'hey Holiday do you mind steadying your hooves a bit, it's not like I'm gonna bite your ear if you don't calm down'! And why my ear above all else?!'' his voice was loud yet not angry there was something calming about his voice. ''Well your ear was closer and it just felt so... right, besides you always said you wanted to get your ears pierced, now you have the holes to do it'' she snickered ''you really should thank me''. ''Oh well why didn't you just say so! Thank you for taking it upon yourself to put two holes in my ear instead of politely telling me to steady myself! After all you were just doing me a favour!'' his tone sounded sarcastically jovial. ''Yes thank you, I'm glad you could see things my way, besides I think two piercings will be a good look for you'' she teased trying to lighten the mood. ''Whatever, I'm done patching you up, just remember to keep it clean and it's pointless telling you but I'll say it anyways: try stay out of trouble, I'm surprised you're still here after everything that's happened'' his voice became stern, almost concerned. ''Hey relax, this is me we're talking about besides, I'm sure Commander Blindsight will use his mystical powers of persuasion to diffuse the situation''. There was optimism in her voice but by the sounds of things I think she was running out of lives around here. ''Well regardless you should, I don't want to lose another friend, especially one that lets me practice my stitch-work on them... occasionally... sometimes... maybe lets is the wrong word'' they both let out a laugh as the double doors swung open and the two ponies emerged. I could see Red had cleaned up a bit while she was in there, she was no longer covered in blood and her armour had been straightened out... minus a few dents. She glanced at me and then whispered something to the stallion next to her, she then looked back at me but didn't say anything; she trot past me and said ''see ya 'round newbie'' whilst winking and left through the exit. ''So who's next?'' the stallion I gathered to be named 'Holiday' called from the double doors; every guard in the room shifted back in their seats and avoided eye contact with him. ''Why don't we let the new guy go?'' the guard next to me suggested with a chuckle, everypony around him nodded rapidly in agreement and ushered me to go forward. ''I don't mind waiting'' I said hesitantly, ''you guys were here first''. ''Nonsense, what kind of ponies would we be if we didn't have the common courtesy to let the new guy go first?'' the guard next to me insisted ''besides, I don't mind waiting a bit longer, by the time you come out the real..er..uh.. other doctor should be back''. I sighed, I wasn't going to win this battle so I got up from my seat and trot towards the stallion at the double doors, ''ahh somepony who knows a good doctor when he sees one, unlike you other chaps who apply your faith based on a what's on a piece of paper mounted on a wall somewhere'' the stallion said proudly . His eyes widened and he had a rather large smile as he escorted me through the two doors into what I can only assume was once a doctor's office, it looked as if a twister had recently passed through it, there were tools and bandages scattered about the floor; cupboards were open, their contents spewed out onto the ground below them, ''you'll have to excuse the mess, as I'm sure you've seen Red can be a bit... intense for lack of a better word'' he said gesturing to the room and his ear. He began to pick up the various boxes and tools off the ground and put them in a small pile on one of the counters, he proceeded to dig around the pile until he retrieved a brown bottle of antiseptic and some bandages and used them to clean and cover his ear ''so you're a doctor?'' I asked curiously. ''I'm not technically that kind of doctor, I was a pathologist before I joined the Guards; didn't work out for me though so I thought I'd try my hoof at sewing live ponies up rather than cutting dead ones open'' he winced as he tightened the bandage around his ear ''I passed every entrance exam to become a medic, passed all the basic training, I have as much right as every other doctor it's just that ponies around here feel differently''. ''Maybe you just need the opportunity to prove yourself'' I tried to reassure him. ''Thanks, I guess you're right; the name's Holiday by the way but ponies around here tend to just call me Doc despite having zero faith in my abilities whatsoever'' he extended his hoof for me to shake ''and you are?''. ''I'm Brigand, but ponies around here just seem to call me 'newbie' or 'rook''' I shook his hoof, he had a very gentle touch ''although I did just get in yesterday, I'm sure it's subject to change''. ''Right, I'm sure Red's already told everypony about you so that's not likely to happen without her approval; she's sort of the Czar when it comes to giving ponies little names around, it drives the officers insane'' he chuckled reminiscently as if recalling fond memories. ''Well I have a feeling that wasn't the last I'll be seeing of her, and now that introductions are out of the way, shall we get on with this? I wouldn't imagine it to take long, not that I haven't been enjoying my time in the Medical Centre'' I tried my best to convince him to do this as quickly as possible. ''Well I'm afraid not, this needs to be a thorough examination so I'm going to need you to remove all your armour and stand on the scale over there'' he said from behind a clipboard ''That's what I was afraid of'' I sighed as I walked over to the scale and stepped onto it. Doc inspected the various readings on the scale and scrawled notes on the his clipboard, he then went over to the pile miscellaneous items he had left on the counter and retrieved a small flat wooden stick. ''I'm gonna need you to stick out your tongue and say awwww'' he said using the stick to keep my tongue flat giving him a full view of my mouth and throat, ''hmm you have a very nice mouth might I add'' he said as he removed the stick and pulled a small piece of measuring tape out of his pocket and proceeded to measure my fangs ''very nice indeed'' he repeated. ''Why thank you'' I remarked with a smile showing off my pearly whites ''so what's next then?''. ''Next I'm going to need you to turn your head and cough'' he smirked as he pulled a rubber glove over his hoof, I heard the sound of the rubber snap tight against his hoof, the sound made me shudder a bit. ''Fine but make it quick'' I replied as he approached behind me I turned my head and coughed as I felt a hoof in an uncomfortable area. ''Very good'' he said with a snicker. ''Don't make this weird'' I snapped as he continued to feel around my nether regions. ''Okay one more cough, this is the last one'' he promised. ''You see this is the exact opposite of making this quick, you're dragging it out'' I groaned ushering him to finish already. ''There I'm done'' he said removing the rubber glove from is hoof, ''was that so hard?''. ''Can I go now?'' I asked praying that he didn't have anything else to do to me. ''Yes'' he said. I let out a sigh of relief but was cut short by ''after I get a blood sample and you fill this cup'' he smirked ''its up to you which you want to do first''. I rolled my eyes, just wanting this to end ''I guess I'll give some blood first'' I groaned as I sat up on the counter and extended a forehoof for him to retrieve the blood. He tied a piece of rope around my forehoof and then pulled out a disturbing large needle; my eyes widened ''that's a big needle!''. ''I know, isn't it awesome?'' he grinned, an ecstatic look of pleasure loomed on his face but as quickly as it appeared it vanished into a more solemn expression ''unfortunately not the needle I will be using'' he said as he pulled a much smaller needle out of his pocket and stuck it into my forehoof to extract the required amount of blood. ''That was cruel!'' I exclaimed trying to return my breathing to normal. ''What can I say? I love theatrics'' he erupted in laughter. ''Maybe cut back on the theatrics if you want ponies to trust you as a doctor?'' I said as I joined in on his laughter. ''Yeah I just can't help it sometimes; it cuts the tension, now I believe you have a cup to fill, there's a room in here if you want privacy but it's not like there's anything to hide from me'' he snickered. ''well I think I'd rather go in the room anyways, as much as I've enjoyed your..er... company, I hope you understand'' I avoided eye contact to try and prevent any awkward conversations. ''I'm actually relieved you've decided to use the other room, I was more curious as to how open you were; now go piss in that cup so I can get you out of here'' he smirked. I entered the small room and shut the door, as I began relieving myself into the cup I heard the double doors swing open and Holiday yell ''sir'' as he snapped to attention. ''Where's our new recruit corpsman?'' sounded the voice of Commander Blindsight. ''He should be out in a minute, sir, he's just giving a urine sample'' Holiday explained in more detail than I felt was needed. I stumbled out of the small room as quickly as I could and snapped to attention saluting the Commander ''Sir'' I said in my most serious tone. ''At ease gentlecolts'' he said in a soft voice, ''how's his health looking corpsman?''. ''His health seems optimal sir, I couldn't fault him if I tried'' he said proudly as he winked at me. ''Good to hear son'' he said as he trot over to me, ''so have you made any friends yet?''. ''I guess so'' I hesitated. ''Oh yeah? With who?'' he questioned. ''Uhh Private Starry Nights and Corporal Blue Moon, sir'' Holiday chimed in ''as well as me I guess'' he glanced at me and then back at the Commander. ''Interesting'' Commander Blindsight seemed to say to himself, ''well I think you're finished here, why don't you head down to the mess with the rest of the troops, maybe get to know the rest'' he suggested, although the suggestive tone was more to be friendly so he didn't have to order me to go. ''Should I go with him sir?'' Holiday eagerly suggested. ''No you stay here and clean up this mess which I can only assume Nights had something to do with; you can head down to the mess after this room is made spotless; if you'll excuse me I have to go sweet talk some ponies in Internal Affairs before news of these recent 'incidents' make it to their desks'' he turned and exited the room. ''Well I guess you're free to go then, I'll see you in the mess hall, it shouldn't take too long to clean up, besides I don't want it to still be a mess when the doctor gets back from Intensive Care'' he said as he began to sort through the pile he'd made earlier. I retrieved my armour from the floor and put it on, making sure everything was in order, ''I'll see you there'' I said with a nod as I left through the double doors; the waiting room was now empty, I suppose the Commander dismissed everypony. I trot down the hall and out the exit into a large courtyard; it was midday and a cool breeze brushed past my coat, it felt good to get some fresh air.