I didn’t see Lyra again in the week that followed. Not that I was avoiding her! It’s simply the fact that I had no business that would require me to travel within any proximity of the places she habituated, and much business that kept me confined to the castle. It was a separation of convenience, but I entertained the idea of maybe visiting her after a while. Well, eventually.
All things considered, it was a relatively quiet week. Cadance and Shining Armor were kept busy with the upcoming diplomatic visit, and I only briefly saw the latter on his way to the barracks on business. After my last miserable showing, I ensured to allot proper time for my studies under Princess Celestia. With my new strategy of appointing Spike as my official timekeeper, she seemed satisfied with my renewed performance. All seemed to be coming together.
Well, most things were coming together. Starswirl’s coded last chapter was remaining stubbornly untranslated. Despite having working knowledge of the Classical language, reading every bit of reference material I could find on code-breaking, and spending the entirety of my unallocated hours on it, I was no closer to finding a solution. As I had suspected, simple substitution code was a waste of time. Well, as much as any failure might be considered a waste of time. I now knew what not to spend my time on. It’s just as well. Any pony that had attempted to translate this text in eons past would undoubtedly try substituting letters. It simply didn’t work. Such a simplistic cipher was entirely unlike something Starswirl might do; it lacked elegance.
I looked again at the first phrase in chapter four. It actually translated directly into the Classical language:
Εάν είσαι σοφός, πεθαίνουν άγνοια.
It means “If you are wise, die ignorant”. What could he possibly mean by this? Did this have something to do with the Meaning of Life, or was it a warning. I shuddered. Princess Celestia’s warning regarding the sanity of Starswirl and the potential danger of the book flashed through my head. Informed risks had to be partaken by scientists in the name of all of ponykind, and uninformed risks were simply informed risks with a variable of the unknown. I was willing to take the risk, even if it claimed my own sanity. A life is finite, knowledge is forever.
Running out of ideas, I resolved to add the letters up, as was the Classical number system. I didn’t expect any results, and I wasn’t disappointed. The five words came out numerically as: 56, 226, 847, 675, and 135. As far as I could tell, they were completely random numbers with nothing mathematical tying them together. Maybe I need to dissect these numbers a little more. I tried prime factorization, reducing the numbers to primes. So then the numbers became:
2, 2, 2, 7
2, 113
7, 11, 11
3, 3, 3, 5, 5
3, 3, 3, 5
I banged my head in frustration against my desk. This was getting me nowhere! I had been playing around with these stupid number for a straight week, and was getting absolutely nothing out of it! I had been so excited to find this book, the only written record of anypony finding the Meaning of Life, that I never considered that I wouldn’t be able to translate it. If it wasn’t for my sheer conviction, I would have probably put it back by now. Hell, I might as well just put it in the public library, it’s not like anypony would be able to do anything with it, anyway. If thousands of years’ worth of study hadn’t been enough to crack this code, I doubt it’s the public menace Celestia made it out to be.
That of course left me with the question of what to do next. Checking my schedule, I still had a half-hour left of “free study” before I was due to go on a lunch break. My inclination was to continue trying to decipher the book, but I had a feeling that if I kept going as I was currently, I would end up pulling my mane out. At the very least. In hindsight, I can sometimes go a little overboard when it comes to figuring something out that doesn’t have a clear explanation. What I really needed was to do something that didn’t involve studying. I looked toward the little basket at the food of my bed, from where the sound of soft snoozing was drifting forth.
“Hey Spike,” I called as gently as I could.
No response.
“Hey Spike!”
“Wh… Huh?” He sat up, his little eyes blinking lazily, gazing around the room for the source of the call. I’ll admit—it was cute.
“Wake up, sleepy-head. It’s almost noon,” I laughed. “I was thinking of going for a walk. You want to join me?”
“Walk?” he asked, still not completely awake. “Where are you going?”
“I’m not sure, actually. I haven’t thought that far ahead yet. Is there anywhere you want to go?”
He laid back into his bed. “Not really…”
“You need to wake up, Spike,” I said sternly. “You really need to stop this ‘sleeping until noon’ phase you’ve been going through. If you don’t want to walk with me, that’s fine, but you do need to wake up.”
“But Twilight…”
“No buts, mister.”
“Uh. Fine…”
After several seconds, during which I was sure that he had fallen back asleep, he slowly crawled out of the basket like a slug, dragging himself until he was laying on the floor. It was obvious he was making a show of it, but I allowed him his theatrics. As soon as his last foot fell from the edge of the basket onto the marble floor, he said, “There. Happy?”
I rolled my eyes. “Spike, what has gotten into you?”
“Why do you care all of a sudden? Don’t you have a book to read?”
“Spike…”
“Just go enjoy your walk. I won’t go back to bed.”
“Spike, are you…mad at me?”
At this, he pulled himself into a sitting position. At first I thought that this was a mollifying gesture, but then I realized he only did it so that he could cross his arms angrily.
“Look, I see how you are with that book.” My eyes went wide. “Yes, I know about the book, and how it’s been the only thing you’ve been paying attention to for over a week.”
“You know about the book?” I asked fearfully. How did he know? Did he tell the princess? My mind started to go into a panic. “How much do you know?”
He shrugged. “I know it’s some Starswirl the Bearded book. I looked at it once while you were at a lesson, but it’s all brainy mumbo-jumbo to me.
“And I know you started reading it the same time you started hanging out with that Lyra mare. And I know that besides your lessons with Princess Celestia, you’ve been completely ignoring everypony else!” He took a deep breath, his last words rising in anger and pain. Then, he worriedly said, “Twilight, I think that book is cursed. You’ve been so distant with everypony since you’ve been reading it. I’m worried about you.”
I let out a sigh of relief. He didn’t know what I was doing, and he didn’t mention telling the princess. This could easily be smoothed over; I just have to explain to him that it isn’t cursed. Then I can go back to…
No, Twilight , a resolute voice told me, It isn’t right. He’s your friend, and he’s worried about you. You need to be his friend, too. You need to tell him the truth.
“Spike…”
Or at least, a sanitized version of the truth.
“The truth is, I’m doing a very important research project. This book contains unique research, and I’m trying to figure it out.”
“Is this a project from Princess Celestia?”
My heart jumped at the mention of my mentor’s name. “No. This is something I’m doing on my own, outside of what the princess assigns me. There’s no need to bother her with it, right?” Once again, my crazed, lopsided smile betrayed me.
His eyebrow rose. “Why are you so nervous?”
“Nervous? Who said anything about nervous? I’m perfectly fine.”
“You don’t want anypony to know about this, don’t you?”
I sighed. Despite his relatively young age, I often forget how perceptive he could be. I at once both thanked and cursed the princess for assigning me such a smart assistant. There was only one course of action. To stave off the threat of him informing Princess Celestia, I had to placate him.
“Spike, you’re still a baby. There’re things that go on that we sometimes can’t tell other ponies, even the princess, about.”
“Why not? What’s that book about?” he interrupted.
“It contains a code that nopony’s deciphered before. That code is very important, but the princess doesn’t want anypony looking at it because she doesn’t know if it’s dangerous. I promise that once I figure out the code, I’ll tell the princess what I found.”
“I don’t know, Twilight. Princess Celestia usually has good reasons for doing the things she does. If she thinks it might be dangerous, there’s probably a reason for that.”
I did my best to restrict my rising panic. I lived in constant fear of being discovered, of potentially losing to all ponykind this unparalleled knowledge. Not to mention the horrible, nightmarish penalties that might result. My mind came to its own conclusion—either convince Spike to promise to keep my secret, or perform a memory charm. I much preferred the former course of action, as memory charms, besides being blatantly illegal, could affect the mind of the subject in unpredictable ways. Actually, that’s probably why it’s illegal.
My heart ached at the prospect of subjugating my friend’s mind, but the Meaning of Life was greater than all of us.
“She doesn’t know that it’s dangerous. She’s just being overly cautious. There’s no danger in simply reading a book. I promise you, Spike, that if I think it’s dangerous, I’ll stop immediately.”
“But I think she might be on to something. Ever since you started reading that book, you’ve barely talked to me or anypony else. When’s the last time you talked to Cadance? Or Shining Armor? Or even Lyra?”
As I opened my mouth to provide a rebuttal, I realized that I had none. He was right. I hadn’t talked to anypony outside of Princess Celestia at our lessons. But there was such a thing as priorities, and something so monumental as the Meaning of Life automatically trumped everything in the way of its discovery. Of course, I couldn’t expect someone so young to understand such a thing. Misdirection again, it is, then.
“You’re right, Spike. I haven’t been spending much…”
He cleared his throat loudly.
“…any time with my friends. And I’m going to fix that right now, starting with you. I asked you if you wanted to go on a walk with me earlier. Would you like to?”
For the first time today, he smiled. “You’re not bringing the book? You’re just spending time with me?”
“Of course.”
“And we can go anywhere I want?”
“Yep!”
“Can we see if they have any cakes ready for lunch?”
I laughed. “Sure thing, Spike. Let’s head down to the kitchens.”
He happily jumped up off the floor, and I offered him a space on my back. Once he hopped on, I exited my room and we set forth towards the castle kitchen.
As usual, the pristine marble passageways were filled with cheery ponies. All of them—castle staff and visitors alike—smiled merrily at us as we progressed. After several of these encounters, I grew aware that these greetings were more enthusiastic than normal. Was it because they had seen so little of me over this past week? Or perhaps something more sinister? My mind drew its own conclusion that the princess had put them up to it, to reinforce her conviction on the importance of that inanity that is friendship. I couldn’t help but feel hurt as the possibility of the manipulation.
To distract myself from this uncomfortable thought, I talked to Spike as I walked.
“So Spike, you’re getting to be quite the grown-up dragon.”
I felt his posture straighten on my back. “Well. I’m glad somepony noticed.”
“So grown-up, in fact, that it’s about time that some-dragon started thinking about school.”
He groaned as he slouched once more. “School? Come on, Twilight, I don’t need to go to school.”
I laughed. “Everyone needs to go to school, Spike. How else are they going to grow up to be smart and wise? You wouldn’t want to be an old, illiterate dragon, would you?”
“Pssh. Like I have to worry about that. I’m the assistant of one of the smartest ponies in Equestria, after all.”
A pony less accustomed to his mannerisms would have fallen for the distracting flattery. “While I’m glad to hear you think I’m a smart pony, that doesn’t mean that I can become your teacher. What about all your classmates that you’ll get to make friends with?”
He mumbled something, and I had to turn my head to better hear him. “What was that?”
“Like you can lecture anypony about friends,” he mumbled again.
I turned my head back forward, blushing slightly. “That’s not a very nice thing to say. I have plenty of friends.”
“Like who?”
“Whom,” I corrected.
“Who is ‘Whom’?”
“‘Who’ is most certainly not ‘whom’. ‘Whom’ is the objective form of the pronoun. Maybe you need school more than you think?”
“That’s not what I… Just forget it. This conversation is giving me a headache. Can we change the subject?” he groaned.
I laughed. “I suppose we can, but you can’t avoid the fact that someday, you’ll have to go to school.”
“I know, I know. Anyway, did you know that this summer will be the thousandth anniversary of the Summer Sun Celebration?”
“Honestly, Spike, what kind of student would I be if I didn’t know that?”
“I wonder what the princess is planning for it. It’s the thousandth anniversary, so there’s bound to be a huge celebration!”
“Hmm… To be honest, now that you mention it, she really should have already started planning for the Summer Sun Celebration. Normally it’s not that big of a deal, but you’re right—this is the thousandth one. All that seems to be on her plate right now is the visit of the Dalai Llama.”
“Do you think she forgot?”
“The princess, forget?” I laughed. “She often doesn’t act on things if she thinks it’s unnecessary, but the princess never forgets.”
“Huh. Oh well. I’m sure that she’ll bring it up to you if she thinks that you’re important to it, somehow.”
“I doubt that there would be much for me to do. I’m only her student, after all. Then again, she is having me escort the Dalai Llama for his visit… Speaking of which, Cadance was supposed to talk with me about that. You feel like going to visit her after your snack?”
“Sure thing.”
Silence passed between us, but unlike those silences earlier in the day, this was a comfortable silence. Perhaps I haven’t totally made things up to him, but at least he’s no longer in a state of overt animosity. Before long, we arrived at our destination—a pair of double doors through which ponies entered and exited with dizzying frequency.
“Hey, you’re in the way!” shouted a stallion I recognized as the head sous chef. He snorted and pushed past me before I could even say a word. With an embarrassed smile, I stepped back from the doors.
“Yeesh. That guy was rude,” Spike commented.
“Sorry, Spike. I should have figured that they’d all be busy preparing lunch.”
“Doesn’t mean that guy has to be a jerk about it.” He patted me reassuringly. “It’s no problem, Twi. We can go see Cadance now, if you want.”
Truth be told, I was rather indifferent to the idea. Sure, I enjoyed seeing my old foal-sitter, but now that I had given my brain some time to decompress, I felt driven to get back to work on Volume XII. I really needed to talk to somepony who could give me some ideas, but the only pony I could talk to about the code was Lyra, and I didn’t suspect she’d be too big in the idea department.
Speaking of Lyra, she would be a topic of great interest to the Princess of Love, and that conversation was forecasting a tornado of embarrassment. And then I’d have to explain why I haven’t seen her in a week, and…this whole conversation sounded wholly unpleasant.
“Say, Spike, you know what sounds like even better fun? Going back to the room and reading a book.”
He shifted on my back as he crossed his arms. Looking back, I could see him raising an eyebrow. “Reading a book? Like that Starswirl book? Uh-uh. No way, Twilight. You need a break. If you don’t want to go see Cadance, then I’m sure Lyra…”
“Cadance it is then!”
It’s not that I don’t want to see Lyra. Even if she is insufferable at times, she’s still my marefriend…
Wait, is she my marefriend? Did accepting her offer of a date necessitate that I declare her my marefriend? Or did she have to ask me this specifically? Wait, was I supposed to ask her, since she performed the action of asking me on the date? Was the reason that she hasn’t been bothering me because she assumed that my failure to perform this social mannerism effectively constituted rejection on my part?
Dear Celestia, the word itself sounds weird to me. “Marefriend”. It’s a word that I never before thought I would use. It’s true that I never gave much thought to the prospect of romance, but like every filly, I thought it would be inevitable that I would one day grow up to marry a stallion and have a family. It’s just something that goes without saying. Of course, when I got older, I imagined that there was a distinct possibility that I would be an old maid, that is, never married. It didn’t really bother me, and truly speaking, neither does being in a homosexual relationship. Princess Celestia was sure to instill in me a sense of acceptance towards that community. It still seems weird. If anypony were, before they became aware of the spectrum of their sexual preferences, or despite of them, declare in the vernacular of the other orientation the term for their endeared, they would too be shocked. I can imagine any straight stallion saying, “I’m going on a date with my coltfriend”, even to himself experimentally, with a similar sense of disquiet.
What was I talking about again? I shook my head and took note of my surroundings. I stood in front of Princess Cadance’s door. How did I get here again? With but a moment of respite from my cognitive ramblings, I remembered my purpose here. I was to socialize with my old foalsitter. My split-second surge of anxiety was calmed when I remembered that this was essentially a favor for Spike, and that in all reality, it would probably a more pleasant visit than my ever-present social misgivings would have me believe. I let slow my thundering heart as Spike knocked loudly upon her door.
Imagine my surprise when it was my brother that answered it.
“Uh, hey Twily,” he greeted nervously, “I was expecting somepony else. Heh. Uhm… Fancy seeing you here!”
“Shiny, what are you doing in Cadance’s room?” I asked sternly. I had no reason to accuse him of any misdeed, but his mannerisms immediately demanded skepticism.
“Oh, I was just…you know. I was actually waiting for my adjutant to deliver a message, and he’s late, so I better go find him. Nice seeing you, Twilight. Bye!”
Without a word, or more importantly, an explanation, he bolted out from the doorway, and down the marble hall, never once looking back towards us.
“Huh. He seemed like he was in a hurry,” Spike noted.
“Yeah, he did…”
Before I had the time to ruminate on my musings concerning my brother’s strange behavior, the original target of our journey appeared in the doorway, noticeably out of breath.
“Oh hey, Twilight,” Cadance said, “I was actually going to come down to your room, later. What brings you here?”
“Just thought we’d come and visit!” Spike said.
“And good afternoon to you too, Spike. Please, come in.”
We made our way into Cadance’s room. Well, I use the word “room”, but I would more appropriately call it a “suite”. Being as she was a princess, her quarters were far more luxurious than my own. While my room was set up more like what one might see at a hotel, hers had a full sitting room, bedroom and meeting room. We entered into the former, easily twice as wide and twice as high as my bedroom/library. The entire decorum was fashioned in the most flamboyant way, with pink couches, pink drapes, pink carpet, and heart-shaped mirrors along the walls. It was, of course, reflective of her personality, and enough to make most any stallion gag.
“Sorry, Twilight. I was having a word with Shining Armor about the upcoming visit, so we didn’t hear you knocking the first time.”
I was about to ask how they knew that I knocked if they didn’t hear it, but Spike beat me to a response.
“It’s cool, Cadance. Twilight was just…tired of her studying, so we thought we’d come say hi.”
“Well that’s very considerate of you, Spike. I appreciate the company.”
Spike and I took a seat upon one of the cloyingly decorated couches, and Cadance took the opposite loveseat.
“So what’s new?” she asked.
“Um…” To be honest, I hadn’t really thought about what to talk with Cadance about. I was simply trying to placate Spike. Thankfully, the object of my efforts felt fit to resolve my dilemma for me.
“Not much,” Spike replied, “We were going to try to get a snack at the kitchen, but they were all busy. We just thought we’d hang out for a while. What’s new with you?”
“Of course. I’ve just been keeping busy with Princess Celestia’s assignment. It’s actually the first time she’s trusted me with any diplomatic issues, and I want to make sure everything goes perfectly. Speaking of which… Twilight, how has your research on the Dalai Llama gone?”
My eyes sprung open in alarm. I had forgotten that whole issue what with the Meaning of Life and the Lyra taking my whole attention. “I… uhm…” Cadance raised her eyebrow, causing my nerves to once again spike in alarm.
“She’s probably been too busy reading some books for Princess Celestia,” Spike laughed. To one who didn’t know him quite as well as me, the laugh might have seemed jovial, but I could feel the strained effort behind it. “She’s been busy recently.”
“I’m sure she has been, but Twilight, you must understand that this is an important responsibility. It would be horrible if you accidently offend his holiness.”
“I know. I’m sorry, Cadance.”
“It’s alright, Twilight. Why don’t we take this time to bring you up to speed, then?”
I sighed imperceptibly. I had only wanted to take a quick walk, to stretch my legs and give my brain a little time to decompress. But responsibilities called, and I needed to put food on the table, as they say. “That sounds great.”
“Great! Do you have any specific questions? Or should I just give you an overview?”
“An overview would be fine.”
“An overview it is. The Dalai Llama is the spiritual leader of the Llama Kingdom, in the Far East. However, the Llama Kingdom was taken over about fifty years ago by the Dragon Empire, and the Dalai Llama went into exile. It’s a pretty good idea to avoid talking about the Dragon Empire, actually, unless he brings it up.”
“You say he’s the spiritual leader. What does that entail?”
“Well, he basically leads the rest of those that follow the Llama faction of the Eastern Religion. Hmm… How should I put this? While the Llama Nation was still a sovereign country, the Dalai Llama was also the head of state. Since it became a puppet of the Dragon Empire, his job is to bring attention to the country’s plight and act as a spiritual guide concerning the Eastern Religion.”
Great. More religious mumbo-jumbo to deal with. “What does the Eastern Religion teach?”
At this question, Cadance looked away and blushed slightly. “I’m actually not that sure,” she admitted abashedly, “I was hoping you’d look more into it. It seems like more your thing. Maybe you can talk to him about it? Princess Celestia has assigned you as his guide when I’m otherwise busy, after all.”
“I suppose…”
“Wonderful! I knew that Auntie picked the right pony for the job!”
To be honest, I wasn’t quite as sure. I had no clue about the Eastern Religion. Heck, I didn’t even know that much about the western religions, and there’re plenty of churches for them in Canterlot. I didn’t grow up in a religious household, and my education in them was merely the historical aspect. There were probably many ponies that could engage the Dalai Llama in conversation much more adroitly than I could, but as the saying goes—“If Celestia wills it, it will get done, one way or another”. Maybe while I undertook these new duties, I would get a break from my usual lessons. It would be nice.
“I’ll do the best I can,” I responded with a smile.
“I know you will.” Cadance walked over and pulled me into a warm hug. “I know that you always put a hundred percent into what you do. When you have time, make sure to read a little bit more on Llama social customs. Keep in mind that he’ll be here in three days.”
I pulled away from her slightly, my eyes wide. “Three days? I thought it was longer than that!”
She laughed. “You always did have a horrible sense of time. Don’t worry, Twily, you’ll be fine.”
I raised my eyebrow. “‘Twily’? Only Shining calls me that. Did…”
“No!”
“So you didn’t get that from him?”
“No! I mean, yes! I mean… I overheard him say it once.”
Something felt off. Her eyes darted rapidly around the room, not focusing on anything, but also very careful to not drift in my direction. She quickly pulled away from me, rubbing her foreleg with a hoof while trying to whistle nonchalantly. There was definitely something she wasn’t telling me, but I couldn’t for the life of me determine what the cause of her nervousness was. “Have you and my brother been working together a lot?”
“‘Working together’? What do you mean, ‘working together’?” She leaned desperately toward me and grabbed me around the shoulders, shaking violently. “What have you heard?” As if suddenly realizing what she was doing, she backed off, although still noticeably nervous.
“I heard that you two were working together…”
“No we weren’t!”
“…with the upcoming Dalai Llama visit.”
“Oh.” She took a deep breath, and looked at me bashfully. “Yeah, we are. Nothing to be concerned about. I forgot.”
“You forgot? Cadance, he was literally just here. Are you okay?”
She seemed to be quickly getting her composure back in order, and adopted a reassuring grin. None too soon, either, as even Spike was beginning to look worried. “I’m fine, Twilight, I promise. I’m just under a lot of stress recently, and I apologize I worried you. There’s nothing to be concerned about.” Suddenly, her calm smile quickly morphed into a predatory one. I knew that look. That smile had been a herald of impending doom when she was my foalsitter, a harbinger of looming embarrassment. I scooted back involuntarily.
“So, Twilight,” she continued in a pleasant tone, “How have things been going with you and Lyra?
“Lyra? Who’s Lyra?” my mouth offered without waiting due approval from my brain.
“Oh, you don’t remember Lyra?” she responded sardonically, “The mare that works at Cherub’s Coffee House? It’s actually a lovely place. As the Princess of Love, I must say that it gains my full approval. You know, I am a little thirsty, perhaps…”
“No, I’m okay! Not thirsty at all, in fact!”
“Oh? Well, that’s okay. We can just go and you can introduce me. I’m very interested in getting to know her…”
Okay, that was it. Cadance was definitely getting me back for something, some teasing that I must have inadvertently dealt to her. It was her unmistakable modus operandi. The same thing happened when I was four. We had taken a trip to Sweet Frost’s ice cream parlor and I told everyone who was interested that she once used half a roll of toilet paper after using the restroom. Of course, at the time, I had simply thought it a remarkable and noteworthy observation into alicorn biology. I had no idea the embarrassment that it would cause her. I wasn’t the least bit suspicious when she allowed me, for the first time, to get the wasabi ice cream I’d been dying to try.
But that’s just how she is. Cadance, probably taking from her adopted aunt, loves light-hearted practical jokes and embarrassing conversation. And I know from experience that the only way to corral the inevitable mortification was to play dumb, or to accept defeat. And I had already wasted my opportunity with the former.
“That’s not necessary, Cadance. You’re right—Lyra and I are…going out.” I was about to say “marefriends”, but quickly reflecting on my previous concerns over the terminology, I decided to go a more neutral route.
Not that it mattered. As soon as I uttered that damnable phrase, my old foalsitter’s eyes lit up, an insatiable grin etching itself upon her face. Extreme mirth shined down upon me, blinding me with the intensity of the beaming smile upon her face. I was at her mercy.
“Twilight, that is fantastic! Oh my gosh, I can’t believe my little Twilight is dating! This is so exciting.” She babbled on like this for several minutes, and while I was mortified both in her unnatural exuberance and Spike’s muffled giggling, I was at least no longer the target of her relentless teasing. At least, for now.
“I’m so happy for you,” she continued, “You simply have to tell me every detail!”
I shrugged. “There’s not much to say, really. We ran into each other again when Spike and I were out doing errands. She asked me to go watch Hoofley’s comet with her, but I thought it was just an academic venture.”
Cadance giggled at this. I ignored her.
“When I went to go with her that night, I thought that she was acting strange, but I didn’t know why at the time. It turns out, she thought we were on a date!”
The smile never slipped from her face. “I wonder what gave her that idea. How did she ask you?”
I rubbed a hoof against my chin, trying to recall last week’s events. “She was acting really nervous about something. Her eyes kept darting around, and she was fidgety and sweaty. I thought she had dysentery, so I was going to suggest some books on pony dietary needs.”
“You what?”
“She showed all the signs. It was the simplest solution, and I applied Hockam’s Razor.”
“Oh that poor dear…”
“Anyway, she finally asked me to go sky gazing with her, and wanted to know if it was ‘official’. I had no idea what she meant by that, so I assumed she wanted to make sure it was on my schedule. That night, one of my telescopes broke, so we had to sit close together. I don’t remember what was said, but apparently her hormones were acting up, and she tried to kiss me.”
“Twilight, just because a pony does something romantic doesn’t mean their hormones are acting up. Maybe she did it because she likes you.”
“Nonsense.” I waved her off casually. “I really should have figured it out sooner. The signs of nervousness that she exhibited all night were obviously hormonal in cause. I can’t really blame her for it; we’re all equine, after all.”
She opened her mouth as if to contradict me, but thought better of it. To be honest, I was a little disappointed. Love is, after all, her forte. If I were to discuss the intricacies of pony behavior and psychology, it might as well be with the expert. It would have been an enjoyable debate.
“What happened next?” she asked instead.
“Nothing consequential, really. She was upset that I didn’t know it was a date, and started to walk off. I felt bad for her, so I told her I would try her ‘date’, so long as we didn’t make unnecessary physical contact. Then the comet passed, and we both went home.”
“It sounds romantic.”
Spike pantomimed sticking a finger down his throat. I threw him a glare.
“It was okay,” I responded to Cadance.
“Only okay? You didn’t feel excited to get to know a new pony, a pony that might grow to care for you very much one day?”
I shrugged.
“Twilight, you’re hopeless,” she sighed. “So what happened next?”
I raised an eyebrow. “Next? There is no ‘next’. The night was over, and we went home.”
“I mean, the next time you saw her, dummy.”
What was she getting at? “That was it.”
For some reason, she looked worried at that remark. “Oh no. Did the date go that badly?”
“No, the date went fine.”
“Then why haven’t you talked to her again?”
“She never asked me to.”
Cadance’s facehoof was so hard, I heard it echo off the stone wall of her chamber. “Twilight, what am I going to do with you?”
“I really don’t understand what the issue here is.”
“The issue is that the poor mare probably thinks that you don’t like her, and are trying to ignore her! If she asked you on the last date, then you should be the one to let her know you’re still interested.”
“How was I supposed to know that?” What is with all these rules, anyway? If there was a book with them all written down, I could have perhaps read it. But there’s not. There’s simply ponies making these Celestia-damned rules up as they go along, expecting everypony to just pick them up without any form of education in it. It’s nonsense and anarchy!
“Twilight, you’re so adorkable sometimes, but you’re hopeless. I’ll tell you what—I could use a break, so let’s head down to Cherub’s, and I’ll help you talk to Lyra.”
“…I don’t really have a choice in the matter, do I?”
“Nope!”
The closer we got to that heinous coffee shop, the faster my heart pounded against my ribs in protest. Truth be told, I was incredibly conflicted. On the one hoof, I had better things to be doing, and if this silly relationship appeared to be dying an easy death, then that was one less thing to worry about. On the other, Lyra and I had a bit of a unique bond. The two of us were the only ones who knew about Volume XII. I also begrudgingly admitted to myself that I enjoyed spending time with her, on rare occasions. My indecision could only allow me to draw the conclusion that whichever way this upcoming conversation went, it would have both benefits and detriments. I started to feel like this was going to be the hardest thing I’ve ever done. It was like going into a test, blind and unprepared.
“Cadance? Maybe we should do this some other time?” And then forget all about it before we do it…
She shook her head. “The longer we stretch this out, the worse it’ll be when it actually happens. We already have to convince the poor girl that you don’t hate her, that it’s just Twilight being Twilight.”
I huffed. As much as I wanted to convince her to allow us to abandon this inane quest, she was my only source of information about this whole situation. Besides, when she was on a “love mission”, no amount of logic could sway her mind. It was foolishness in its most concentrated quintessence.
“So what do I do?”
“You have to be honest. Tell her that you’re sorry, and that you didn’t know you were supposed to contact her… Actually, that sounds horrible. Why didn’t you contact her, by the way?”
I shrugged. “I guess I was just busy. I assumed that if she really wanted to talk to me, she would.”
“Well, you know what they say when you ‘assume’.”
I gasped. “Cadance, that’s racist! Donkeys can be really nice creatures.”
“Sorry. It’s something my father always said, and he was raised in a different time. It just slipped out.”
“It’s okay. So can we turn back now?”
“No.”
“But I have no idea what I’m doing!”
We stopped before Cherub’s Coffee House, with just two tables of customers in the seats outside. I tried my best to ignore them as they gawked at us (mostly at Cadance). This was my last chance to change her mind, and I felt the opportunity slipping through my hooves.
“What if she hates me?” I asked seriously, “What if she tells me that she wants nothing to do with me?”
“Does that thought bother you?”
I nodded, looking down at my hooves.
“That means that you don’t want her to hate you, that you want to continue to be friends. If you leave now, then you may never get a chance to make things up to her. If you really don’t want her to hate you, you need to go apologize.” She put a hoof under my chin, raising my head up so that I was looking into her eyes, a reassuring smile upon her face. “You can do this, Twilight. I’ll be here for you, either way.”
That was it. No more words needed to be spoken, could be spoken. She wrapped her wings around me, pulling me into a comforting hug. It was all that I needed. Without any more goading from her, I pulled away and marched inside, my old foalsitter right behind me.
The inside looked just as I remembered it, albeit with much fewer ponies. Unlike the night Lyra took me here, there were many that enjoyed their coffee by themselves, and the ones that were in groups were platonically so. There was nopony behind the counter at the back of the establishment, and Cadance took the lead as I followed her up to it.
“Hello?” she called out, “Is anypony back there?”
At that statement, a groan resounded from a doorway leading into a backroom behind the counter. After a few moments, a red unicorn mare walked out purposefully to stand before the register, an unmoving frown upon her face.
“Can I help you?” she asked curtly.
“Hello, my name is Princess Cadance. I…”
“What do you want?”
“Um…”
Despite being very humble and easy to talk to, Cadance was a princess. It’s an unusual occurrence for anypony to talk to her with any iota of disrespect, and the brevity of the mare’s statement left her uncertain from the shock of it. However, she was a princess, and she had certainly received diplomatic training for this very situation. She recovered quickly.
“You must be Cherub. You have a very nice little shop.” She smiled amicably.
“Thanks. You ordering something, or not?”
“I’ll, um, take two large black coffees.”
“Four bits.”
As Cadance summoned the money onto the counter, the disagreeable business-mare turned to brew us the coffee, the frown never leaving her face. Cadance coughed slightly to get her attention, but she never paid heed.
“Cherub?” she called cautiously.
“What?” Cherub answered without turning around.
“Is Lyra Heartstrings working today?”
“Yes,” she grunted.
“Would you mind if we talked with her?”
“Yes.”
“Yes?”
“Lyra is on the clock. That means her time belongs to me. And I desire for her to work.”
“Oh,” Cadance replied blankly.
“Here’s your coffee.” Cherub levitated both cups onto the counter before us. “Have a nice day.” She turned to walk back into the backroom.
“We would really like to talk to her,” Cadance tried again.
Cherub groaned angrily and turned back to us. “Look, Princess… I’ve purchased her time, and she’s currently busy doing dishes. I know the law, and I know that if you wish to claim her time, which at the current moment is my property, you’re going to have to take it to court. Since that usually takes weeks, I would suggest that you go back to the palace and get to smiling and waving.”
A frown started forming on Cadance’s face. It was a warning sign. My old foalsitter very rarely got angry, but it usually wasn’t pretty when it did. Somepony had to step in; something had to give, or there was going to be an incident. That somepony had to be me, by elimination.
“Ms. Cherub?” I called meekly. Her harsh gaze turned toward me. I flinched. “I’m really sorry for the inconvenience. I normally wouldn’t bother her at work, but the truth is, I’m not really sure where she lives. It won’t take long to talk to her, and if I don’t, I’m afraid that I’m going to lose my friend.”
She considered me for a moment, and I felt butterflies in my gut as I hoped desperately this emotional plea would get through to the disagreeable unicorn.
“I don’t see how that’s my problem,” she answered at last. My hope was broken, and the butterflies died inside my chest to land as rotten heaps in my stomach.
That was it. There would be no talking to Lyra today. I could already feel the sting of failure, as Cadance’s earlier words had convinced me that this action was to be now or never. Of course, hindsight would have shown me that there were other paths I could have taken. I could have waited until she got off work. I could have gotten her address from a registry and sent her a letter. However, desperation was a force that tended to blind one from contemplation on future actions and force our thoughts to dwell on the darkest of unrealistic possibilities.
It was true that when I woke up, Lyra was a distant concern in my mind. I had started the day with no other concern that breaking Starswirl’s code. She was even a distant concern throughout the entirety of the previous week. Out of sight, out of mind. I didn’t even consider the fact that she might have been expecting my correspondence, that she might be upset that I was ignoring her. I simply treated her as I treated everypony else in my life. Only with Cadance’s warnings did I reflect on what I could lose, and with that reflection, I realized that I didn’t want to lose Lyra. Sure, she could be insufferable at times, but she could also be interesting and caring.
I felt like I was hopelessly failing an exam. A wave of desperation crashed down upon me.
“Please,” I cried out, “I don’t want to lose my marefriend!”
My plea worked as the proverbial ‘open sesame’. Cherub spun around. “What did you say?”
“Lyra is Twilight’s marefriend,” Cadance added with a smile, “And things have gotten a little off track. All they need is a few moments to clear a misunderstanding.”
Cherub rubbed her chin with a hoof. “I’m not one to get in the way of love. I do adore true love between ponies—it’s why I opened this shop. Maybe something could be arranged…”
“I’ll pay you triple what you pay her for an hour,” Cadance added.
For the first time since I’ve seen her, Cherub smiled. She reached out a hoof, and Cadance bumped it. “Deal.” She turned towards the backroom door. “Heartstrings, get out here!”
I heard a small noise of acknowledgement coming from the door before Cherub once again addressed the princess. “You got one hour. If there’s a sudden rush of customers, then she goes back to work. Got it?”
“Of course.” Cadance summoned a bag of bits onto the coffee shop counter, one so big that I was relatively sure that it was quite a bit more than the promised amount for Lyra’s time. Then the mare herself walked out of the backroom.
I couldn’t help but smile as I saw her. She had a black apron on, with an embroidered heart upon the chest, with a matching hat. Her hair was tied back into a ponytail jutting out from the back of the cap. She had a confused look upon her face, looking toward her boss.
“What’s up?” she asked.
“Go entertain them,” Cherub responded, gesturing aloofly towards us.
As she saw us, Lyra’s curious gaze turned into a bright, beaming smile. At once, my previous worries concerning that I might have hurt her evaporated. She galloped across the shop, looking for all intents and purposes as if she were going to tackle me. I braced myself for impact, but just as it seemed I was about to be bowled over, she screeched to a halt before me. I looked at her curiously, and she suddenly shifted with great uncertainty.
“Hey, Twilight,” she said softly.
“Hey, Lyra.” What was wrong? Was she actually upset with me? What was with that initial reaction, if she was?
We looked pointedly away from each other, gazing at the room, at other ponies, at anything but at each other. It appeared that neither of us knew quite what to say.
“Hello, Lyra,” Cadance greeted, “I’m Princess Cadance. Twilight’s told me a lot about you.” Cadance reached a hoof out, but Lyra didn’t take it. Instead, she looked at her suspiciously, her eyes brightening with the unmistakable glimmer of obsession.
Oh no! Cadance, what did you just do to yourself!
“So where are they kept, huh?” Lyra asked.
“I’m sorry, where are what kept?”
“Don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about, because I know what I’m talking about.”
“I really don’t…”
“Are you concerned that the other ponies might know?” Lyra gestured wildly to the other patrons of the coffee shop, none of which were paying the least bit of attention to us. “Fine. It’s cool. I understand. I’m talking about the hairless, two-legged things. Rhymes with ‘moo-mans’?”
Cherub merely groaned and returned to the backroom. Apparently she knew better than to try to interfere when Lyra was in a mood. Cadance looked utterly bewildered. “Two-legged ‘Moo-mans’? You mean the minotaurs?”
“Don’t play dumb with me! I’ve read convincing evidence from Equestria’s leading cryptoanthropologists that there’s a cavern underneath Canterlot where the government is forcing the humans to harvest magic crystals to brainwash…”
“Lyra, she’s not playing dumb. She really doesn’t know what you’re talking about,” I said with a facehoof, her tirade causing me to temporarily forget the awkwardness between us. When she turned to look at me with sad eyes, I realized what I’d said, and shrank back from her. Curiously, she did the same. It seemed the only one who could think through the discomfort of the situation was the Princess of Love.
“Maybe you two should have a talk. How about we go sit over there in the corner?”
We nodded dumbly, and followed her to a secluded table, away from any possible eavesdropping. Lyra and I sat across the table from each other, while Cadance stood between us on one side of the table.
“Would you like me to start, Twilight?” she asked.
“If you don’t mind, I’d like to do this myself. To make for, um…”
“Of course,” she answered tactfully. “I’ll be over there if you need me.” She took her coffee over to a table out of hearing distance, and purposefully tried to look at anything but us, respectful of our privacy.
“So…” Lyra began.
“I’m so sorry,” I blurted out. The sooner I said what needed to be said, the sooner I could be rid of this miserable feeling. “I should have said something sooner. Cadance told me that you would have been expecting me to say something, but I had no idea.”
She nodded glumly. “It’s okay.”
Her reaction was incredibly confusing to me. From what Cadance had told me about the situation, and all of my mistakes, the most logical conclusion to draw would that Lyra would be infuriated. What was the meaning of all this melancholy? I was the one who messed up! I was expecting screaming, maybe disappointment, but not this.
“Lyra?”
She looked up at me and smiled sadly. It was a look that meant to comfort the one it was directed towards, while the bearer obviously felt none. “I understand. I really do. We’re just too different. To be honest, I never really expected you to want to continue. I’ll admit that it hurt when you didn’t even tell me that’s how you felt, but it’s nothing in comparison to… Nevermind. It would be great if we could still be friends, though.”
“What are you talking about?”
“You’re here to tell me that you’re not interested in me.”
“What? No, I’m here to apologize for not contacting you for a week!”
“I know, and it’s okay. I appreciate that you told me in the end, and I hold no hard feelings. Can we still be friends?”
“Lyra, that’s not…”
“That’s not possible? Oh…”
This whole debacle made me want to scream! Here I was, dutifully sorrowful to have committed some romantic faux pas that I didn’t know about until a few hours ago, while Lyra was upset because she thought I broke up with her! To top it off, she was so distraught she wouldn’t even let me get a word in edgewise. It was the kind of thing that I had absolutely zero experience with. How was I supposed to handle this if she wouldn’t listen?
And then my own thoughts began to betray me, on top of it.
Why do you even care? they asked, You never wanted to be with her in the first place. She’s annoying! Just leave, already. You have better things to do.
But I couldn’t. I did have a conscience, after all. I couldn’t bear to see somepony that I knew, that I maybe cared about a little, be so destroyed by my actions. It was illogical. It was asinine. It went against everything that I had known about my world up to this point. Vaguely aware that Lyra was still babbling on as I was lost in thought, I grabbed her with my magic.
She squeaked as I lifted her up, her limbs flailing in the air. I set her down on the floor beside me, and in shock, she fell on her haunches. She stared at me in confusion. Good. I finally had her attention. I did the only thing I could think of to convey my thoughts to her.
I leaned over and kissed her on the cheek.
Both our faces bore a bright blush as I pulled back. I heard a chorus of awws from behind us, and with a shock of terror I turned around to see that the entire clientele were looking at us with smiles. How it was possible, I had no idea, but my blush grew more saturated. I noticed that Cadance had her hooves pressed against her cheek as I turned around, and I could almost swear her pupils had been replaced by hearts.
Just breathe, Twilight. Ignore them.
I looked back toward Lyra, whose eyes were still wide open in shock, her mind utterly broken.
“Lyra?”
“Huh?” she responded, continuing her stare.
“Are you okay?”
She shook her head clear and looked at me. “Yeah. I just…wasn’t expecting that. Does this mean…”
I nodded.
A smile started growing on her face. That smile quickly grew a mile wide, and I felt nervous for a fraction of a second. But then she simply hugged me, and even had the wherewithal not to overdo it, which I was very grateful for.
“Thank you, Twilight.”
“Uhm, you’re welcome?”
I patted her mane awkwardly as she continued to hug me. What was I supposed to do?
Thankfully, I was saved as Princess Cadance returned to our table, her grin still plastered in place.
“I see everything turned out fine.”
Lyra released me and looked up. “Uh-huh. Did you… I mean, Twilight’s here, and, uh…”
Cadance laughed and nodded. “I may have had something to do with Twilight realizing that she wanted to talk to you, but I didn’t put a single word into her mouth.”
Lyra smiled up at her gratefully. “Thank you, princess. I’m sorry I gave you trouble earlier. I should have known that humans were something Celestia would only trust herself with.”
Cadance pointedly ignored her last comment. “It’s quite alright. I’m just glad that you made up.”
“I think it was just a big misunderstanding,” I added, “But now we know better, I think.” I suddenly realized that there was something I had meant to ask Cadance before this whole issue even came up. “Oh, I had meant to ask you. Is Lyra my marefriend? I’m not sure how to properly define the terminology.”
She smirked. “I don’t know. Is she, Lyra?”
Lyra giggled and put her foreleg around my shoulder. “You bet your pink princess plot she is!”
Cadance raised an eyebrow, and Lyra seemed to suddenly realize what she had said. “I mean, um… Yes?”
She let go of me and squirmed a little bit as Cadance’s expression didn’t change. However, after a moment of discomfort, the princess laughed openly, causing Lyra to relax.
“It’s fine, Lyra. In fact, I seem to remember one time, shortly after Twilight became Princess Celestia’s student…”
“That everything went fine and nopony said anything stupid!” I interjected hastily. I knew what story she was about to tell—it was one of her favorites.
“Oh, I wouldn’t say that…” she smiled wickedly. “I seem to remember a certain purple filly asking the Princess of the Sun if her rotund plot was a symptom of alicorn biology, or just excessive cake. She even recommended a book on proper pony dieting.”
I groaned and slammed my head down on the table as she and Lyra burst out laughing.
“She really said that?” Lyra asked, giggling.
“Oh yes, she did. And that’s just the beginning. I was Twilight’s foalsitter, if you didn’t know. I have dozens of stories and hundreds of pictures.” I banged my head repeatedly against the table. “I even have a whole photo album of them.”
Lyra rubbed my back encouragingly, but continued to laugh. “I might have to buy that off of you. It would be a prime addition to my bookshelf.”
I jerked my head up, eyes wide. Her words clicked into place in my brain, bringing forth a rushing torrent of epiphanies. Universal language. Necessary ordering. Leading phrase. I jumped out of my seat and stared at Lyra with the focus of an ineffable force of nature. My mannerisms seemed to shock my friends, but I had more important things to worry about.
“Twilight, we were just joking. It’s okay,” Cadance tried to reassure me. I paid her no attention.
“I need to get back to my room. Thank you, Cadance. See you later, Lyra.”
I dashed out of the coffee shop and fast as I possibly could, leaving two bewildered mares behind me. I had it. I could feel it.
The answer was prime addition.
I was so close…