I must be dreaming
“Okay, this is the weirdest dream I’ve had so far.”
I was lying in the middle of. Well what I will call a ‘road’ (but it could be called a dirt track for all I know) in some cartoony town in the middle of the night. I think I might reconi…. Oooooohhhh, maaaan.
This looks like, “The My Little Pony TV series that my li…!”
My voice! It sounds so, so, GIRLY? “Hello, Hello." And it sounds like a really young girl!
Worst, dream, EVER!
Alright I know what you lot want an introduction so here’s one.
My name is Alex Jones, I am 19 years old, my interests are: Ancient Rome, science (Physics) and Video games. I live in England, Hastings, East Sussex.
If you want to know about my family, well, there is not really much to tell. My 6 year old sister Amy doesn’t seem to give a damn about much except her dolls and that show which I am going to simply call MLP. My dad died not long after my little sister was born and mum never really got over it. She just broke down, and is just a sort of… empty shell of herself. The only thing she does for us is give us whatever we want. Not that any of it mattered, she and dad just ignored me for all my childhood. Just gave me all the crap I wanted to keep me from their ‘Happy Times’ as I called it.
But hey, I got an Xbox One just after it came out. As a matter of fact, I was playing 'Wolfenstein: The Old Blood’
on it. Well, before I nodded off, that is.
So, there's your introduction, happy?
But hey, this is just a dream I'm in… right?
Getting in to a sort of sitting position (which, I note, was a lot harder than usual for some reason. Odd things, those dreams) I looked down at myself.
What? There’s nothing wrong with having a look at myself in a dream, right? There’s always a chance you might be dressed as your Skyrim character, or your Runescape one.
I don’t know what you’re all looking at, we all have our images of how we look in our dream adventures.
Why you looking at me like that? Oh, I see, I’m weird. Well, I’ve been called all the names in the book, so I’m not going to crack.
Want to know why I’ve been called names? Well, I’ll tell you, I was diagnosed with High-functioning Autism (or Asperger’s Syndrome if you want to be specific).
Anyway!
When I looked down at myself, what I saw was not Skyrim Dragon Bone armour. What I saw in the light of the full moon, was not two, but FOUR very small grey legs! And just to put the cherry on it, do you know what they were! THEY WERE BLOODY HOOVES!
I didn’t scream. Alright, yes I did!
Just a bit.
“This… has… to be… a nightmare!”
Okay, okay, this is just a dream, this is just a dream. Hey, wait! This is a dream, I can simply…
Lifting my right foreleg, I gave myself hard punch in the face!
Pain?
I felt pain!
I FELT PAIN!
I FELT PAIN!
Immediately I began to repeatedly punch myself in the face, stomach, and bite myself hard on the arms.
After about 5 minutes of this, I gave up hope. I collapsed on the ground in utter shock… and pain, hooves hurt and horse bites are far worse than human ones. I think I’ve given myself a nasty black eye, a series of bruises on my face, and horrible bite marks on my forelegs.
After some time of me being curled up in utter shock, I thought it was time to attempt to stand.
(…)
This is going to be interesting.
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..
Man! That was a pain, but I did it. This whole walking on 'all-fours' is starting to feel natural…
And at that I gave a hearty 'hello' to the ground. “Ow!”
Picking myself off the dirt road and resuming my aimless walk around this stupid cartoon town.
Anyway, walking is hardly the worst part about this ‘non-dream… thing’.
FUCK IT, I DON’T KNOW ANY MORE! Just go with the flow. Pleeeaasse, don’t fight me on this.
Now just to bring you all back to earth. You know, earlier when I said that when my voice sound like a little girl? Well, turns out I AM ONE!
Yeah, I know what you’re thinking, why didn’t I figure it out before, huh? Well when I panicked in discovering this is not a bad dream, I… needed to pee.
And I do know some horse Biology, that’s when I found out that my male parts were replaced with the female parts. And OH GOD, it feels wired having brea… I mean teats and a… no, I’m NOT going to say it! But you know what a girl's reproductive organ is.
Okay, Let's just think rationally now. You've somehow been turned into one of those stupid pony from My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic. And also... you're now the opposite gender!
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..
I was just NOW starting to properly get the hang of walking. Oh, hey, a puddle… I can finally get a proper look at myself (I’m so small I couldn’t reach the windows on the houses). Stumbling over to the small pool of water, I managed to finally get good look at myself.
Staring back at me from the puddle was a dark grey filly with a purple mane and tail (when I looked back, that is). “Hey, I still got my dark green eyes. That’s a relief, something that is still me.” WAIT, the filly… had a horn… AND WINGS!
I stood there a little stunned. What was it my sister called them? She was obsessed with show, she wouldn’t stop going oooon about it. Okay, Amy said they were something very specific type… of pony thing. I’ve never really been very good at mythological critters, but facts I skyrocket in. (Just the situation I’m in… I try not to think about it.)
Wait, I remember now - Alicorn. That’s what she said it was they were called. She also told me their blasted names - Celestia, Luna (Latin for Moon) and two others whom I can’t remember.
After my realization of my new species, I let loose a small embarrassing high pitched yawn, and at that I decided to find a place to sleep for a while. Then I’ll try to find a way home.
Wandering into an alleyway. I found a rusty dustbin lying on its side, which seemed better than nothing. So I crawled inside it, and curled up, and eventually fell to sleep.
I really hope that this is just a dream with realistic consequences.
(…)
I hope.
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..
The light of the early morning sun shone through my bedroom window. I slowly opened my eyes to my TV and Xboxo… the rusty inside… of a dustbin?
Looking around, I saw the sunlight was not coming through curtains, but through small holes in a garbage-can. Looking at my arms, I saw small grey hoov… Oh, now I remember.
“Crap, I’m still here.” So this is definitely proves my theory of this NOT being in a dream! “Da-a-amn it, I want to go home.” Well, moaning about it isn’t going to get me anywhere, is it?
Okay, okay, pull yourself together and…
A growl from my stomach pulled me out of my inner conflict and in to the here and now.
Okay… time for breakfast.
Standing up (I am getting much better at doing this), and wal… I mean, I trotted out of the upturned trashcan and into the alleyway. Looking to my right to the entrance of the alley, I saw the morning sun peaking over the buildings.
Actually, the place looks even MORE cartoony in the light. But hey, what can you do.
I took a deep breath (realizing my face and arms are still hurting a bit from my ‘trying to wake up’ self-harm spree), exhaled, and began to trot out of the alley.
I found the main street (dirt road) in no time. However, the moment I stepped into this equine cartoony civilization… Everyone, pony, bird, chicken and whatever electronic… Sorry, I’m getting carried away, aren’t I? I've been watching too much Zero Punctuation, but you get the idea of what I’m talking about.
“What?” I do hate being looked at, but this is really making me uncomfortable. Most of them were wide-eyed and mouths hanging open, but I’m not very good with facial expressions, being Autistic and all.
I heard them start to whisper stuff like, "An Alicorn child? Impossible!”, “She looks hurt! What has happened to her?” and “Somepony get Princess Twilight Sparkle. NOW!”
I didn't know how to react in this situation. So I just stood there, whishing all these stupid coloured looking ponies would FUCK OFF!
I felt small at this moment, and backed up back into the alleyway and cowered like child. Which was relevant to what I was now.
“I want my mummy!" I whimpered.