"It can't be happening!" insisted Twilight. "Look, it's just words on paper. Discord's writing this to mess with us. It's the only reasonable explanation!"
"It doesn't quite seem to fit, darling," said Rarity. "I mean, can you imagine Discord writing something like this? As opposed to, say, a heartfelt treatise on why making Ponyville the chaos capital of the world is such a great idea?"
"...huh," said Twilight. "But - look, Discord delights in being unpredictable. Of course he wouldn't do what ponies expect him to do! And the idea that there is a world inside each and every work of fiction is completely and utterly absurd in any case!"
"Hush, darling, I want to see what he asks the other Celestia..."
~~~~~
"Why don't we start with a simple question?" mused Discord.
"Depending on the question," said Celestia, staring down at her own traitorous muzzle, "you might find out more with a complex question and also there are some things that I really really really don't want to think about..."
Discord sighed. "This is going to hurt, I'm afraid," he apologised. "You can't lie to me right now, but you also can't lie to yourself. And as much as I appreciate the chaos of cognitive dissonance, I really do need to be sure of what's going on here. So... are things really better now than they were before Spectrum Slash was born?"
Celestia looked paniced. "They have -" she began. "They - I - I have to think so, because every time I don't, then bad things happen!"
"Question withdrawn," said Discord, quickly. "Now... what were things like, before Spectrum Slash was born?"
"...Equestria was peaceful," said Celestia. "Harmonious. Every pony had their part to play, and every pony played that part. There were giant monsters... but we dealt with them. Together. In harmony. The weather - the pegasi all looked after the weather. Together. The Earth ponies took care of the farmlands. And they could. Together."
"Mmmmm." Discord nodded. "And what's it like now?"
"Spectrum Slash does everything. Spectrum Slash has to... if anypony else tries..." Celestia started sobbing again. "The first time it hurts, the second time it kills..."
"And the third time?" asked Discord, again. "What happens to those who try it a third time? I can't believe nopony would - I mean, surely the other me, at least..."
Celestia wailed, a heartwrenching scream of despair. "They dieeeeeeeeeee!"
Discord blinked. "What?"
"Inside their heads and then there's nopony there but the body keeps moving and all they ever talk about is how great Spectrum Slash is and my student my sister half the population of Equestria are mindless constructs that just look like who they used to be!"
"...ah," said Discord. "No more experiments, then."
~~~~~
"I wonder what happens if we write in it?" asked Rarity.
Twilight waved a hoof irritably. "Do what you want," she said, "but you're really just encouraging Discord if you do."
"He does seem to be in quite a spot of bother, darling," said Rarity, lifting a quill. "Let me see, what shall I - ah, yes, that should be perfect..."
~~~~~
Quite suddenly, an elegant white mare in a brilliantly designed white-and-gold dress inlaid with emeralds trotted up to Discord and Celestia. She was carrying a large tub of triple fudge ripple ice-cream, the sort with a sweet taste that melts on the tongue, absolutely perfect for a mare undergoing a crisis; it was still cold enough that frost was visible on the outside of the tub.
"Hello!" said Discord. "Where did you come from?"
"I - I'm not sure," said Fashion White.
~~~~~
"Fashion White!" snorted Rarity. "Honestly!"
~~~~~
"I was just waiting in the bushes to jump out at some unsuspecting pegasus and force her into a lame dress -"
~~~~~
"Well, I never! I will not stand for that!"
Rarity quickly began writing again.
~~~~~
" - when I decided never to ever do that again." said Fashion White. "Also, my name is ridiculous and I should change it."
"Rarity?" asked Discord. "Is that you?"
"Rarity is an absolutely wonderful name," said Fashion White, primly.
"This - has - flavour," said Celestia, eating a spoonful of the triple fudge ripple. "It has flavour but it's not poisonous! And, and -" She looked up at Fashion White. "You're not speaking in a monotone anymore!"
~~~~~
"And why shouldn't ponies be able to solve their own problems?" asked Rainbow Dash, standing on a cloud well above Ponyville.
"Because they can't!" insisted Spectrum Slash. "Ponies can't do anything! I have to do everything! All the time!"
"You are a pony!" yelled Rainbow.
"No, I'm NOT!" yelled Spectrum Slash.
"...what."
"Look - a pony, when they meet a hydra, they scream, fold their wings tightly to their side, and say 'I am scared'. Then I come and beat up the hydra, okay? Ponies can't beat up hydras! I can! Ponies need me to survive! I... I don't know what I am, and okay, I look like a pony, but I am NOT a pony!"