//------------------------------// // 6.Therapy // Story: How Hard Could it Be? // by Richardson //------------------------------// 6.8 Something was bothering Luna. Something beyond her obvious issues, as far ranging as they had been brought up by the session she had finally escaped from her analysis session with the rather underutilized ‘Dr. Head Case,’ whom had been hired on by her sister on a generous stipend to deal with the coming return of a thousand-year out of date alicorn. One whom had promptly blown off her appointments with him out of archaic naiveté. Oops. He had at least kept himself busy offering free treatment to the castle staff while he waited. There was the obvious questions of how the head maid and newly minted leader of the castle secret service Honeydew, and her husband, the Captain of the Solar Guard Stiff Resistance; in particular how they had discovered her Tantabus, recognized what it was, and ensured her compliance in regards to seeing her psychiatrist at long last. Also digging at the edges of her mind and oozing all over her self-control was the uncomfortable closeness of the texture, smell, look, and—ugh—taste of the substance of the Smooze to that of lime jello or magic inhabitation gel. She didn’t even wish to consider the vastly annoying niggle of how a professor of psychiatry somehow knew the Smooze as a close, personal friend so that he could call upon it to ensure that she wouldn’t run away. No, those weren’t the burning questions consuming her every waking thought as she limply laid with her chin over the edge of her marble tub; a pitiful sight of sudsy misery as she was worked over by Honeydew motheringly to cleanse the green slime of the Smooze from her coat. No, the great bother bouncing around her mind was at the core of the good doctor’s arguments. What if he was right? What if… she had simply forgiven herself instead of smoldering away in self-hate for her actions? What if she had trusted the ponies around her more, let them in earlier and confided in them earlier of her fears? Would Celestia have been able to trust her more? No. No, at least not with Celestia. Her sister always found a way to take the burdens of her friends until she could stand no more. She should have seen it in the past. Maybe now they could both avoid relapses. Nay, there were far more likely miracles in their futures. Like Discord becoming a god of order. As if that would ever happen. “Oh, come loose! I’m so sorry that this is taking so long to clean, your majesty!” Honeydew groveled somewhat as she scrubbed harder, practically kneading Luna’s shoulder like a baker with a great clump of dough. Feeling her joint being kneaded so would have been a most enjoyable sensation were it not for the frantic energy Honeydew imbued into the actions; the maid and secret agent fairly frightened out of her wits at the way exposure to the Smooze and the subsequent immersion of the alicorn up to her neck in the happily burbling being had left her a dark forest green. Indeed, Luna’s experiences since her return suggested that at least the basic movements of thick scrub brush vigorously abrading away at her fur had the backing of some training in professional massage practices. A pity the sensations were being ruined by the panic of the practitioner, who likely had some wild and fanciful flight of fancy about how the alicorn’s coat would stay forest green forever or some even wilder tale of ponies being eaten alive by similar beings. Tales utterly bunk, since Luna had conspired with her sister to ‘create’ the supposed Gelatinous Cubes for pranks in their old castle. Mostly for annoying Starswirl, come to think of it. He had hated the color blue, but ended up dying his robe and pointy hat in their blue hues since the royal sisters were eternally dropping him into vats of blueberry pies and other such things when they had been young and stupid. Now they were old and stupid, or at least so it seemed as they never really learned from their past mistakes. Or, maybe she should give her agent credit, as one of the supposed properties of the Smooze was its ability to smother the joy from any soul and leave the victim in crushing depression. With the way the fire of passion had left Luna for the moment, it was easy to see where Honeydew might have made the mistake. “Calm thyself, Honeydew. My melancholy has nothing to do with the Smooze. This green menace upon my fur will serve as a stout reminder for my considerations over the next few days.” “Err, what?” That was probably what Honeydew wanted to say. Hard to tell with the great, thick sponge she had bitten into. Luna snorted, letting herself slip down a little deeper into the cooling waters and the devouring tide of bubbles that was still building up atop her. “Yes, considerations. Many times—long ago—I failed to use my judgment wisely, and so it seems that I have continued my unfortunate habits since my return. With a most poor end-state indeed were it not for the council you forced upon me.” A little bit of the alicorn’s normal sarcastic bite had returned to her, creeping back into her voice as she adjusted herself to thrust her shoulder upwards to be reached easier. “And thank you. You intervened before my poor judgment could compromise me further, and given me something to talk about with my sister.” Right, Luna was starting to scare Honeydew, and her not-so-good captain standing beside her. The setting sun was casting deep amber panes of light across the room, filtering in from the great window. The moody lighting gave the pair a rather ominous set of shadows as they worriedly looked at one another. Honeydew elbowed Resistance to make him speak, since she still had the sponge in her mouth. “Poor judgment, ma’am? Should we be worried about—you know?” Stiff Resistance tried to politely ask his diarch, wincing at the judgmental sound of his inquiry. That, and the way Honeydew was insensitively miming a silent Nightmare Moon despite the muffling sponge in her mouth. Ducking behind Honeydew to try and avoid being too noticeable, his consequent shoves of the half-sudsy maid failed with all the grace and subtly of Discord riding a 200 elephant tap-dancing death metal band stampede. Deeply did a contemplative sigh rattle up from Luna’s chest to spill forth from her hanging chin. Just a breath, one laced with a bit of shame as she considered, contemplated, corrected. “If you mean my former predilection for night eternal and revenge unceasing, then neigh.” A gentle and languid tilt of her head let Luna’s waterlogged mane splat wetly against the blue-grey marble of the tub, then slowly let gravity pull it over the thin lip to smack loudly like a wet slinky, pulled free of the water. “Nay, that is not the concerns upon my mind. However, to forestall even the slightest hint of my—less well-tempered alter ego—the doctor has proscribed a rather ironic course of medicine for me to follow.” “Drink the pain away and bar hop from club to club?” Ah yes. The mind of a—wait, Honeydew? Luna cracked open an eye to look at her, flinching in the bathwater a little at the closeness of the maid and the way the suds around her mouth combined with the deeply eager look in her eye together formed the unpleasant appearance of being quite rabidly mad. Ugh. Resistance carefully hooked a fore-leg around his wife’s hind-legs, carefully and helpfully dragging her half-sudsy form back from the sloshing tub. “Oh honey-nibbles.” He whispered into her ear, frantically shooting glances towards Luna. “Can we avoid giving the princess the kinds of ideas that get third-year privates in trouble?” “Experience?” Luna blurbled questioningly as she let her chin sink down into the water a little. Resistance clammed up, stiffening like his namesake as the slightest of whole-body blushes flushed through his steel-grey fur. “Oh, er, um, you see—“ He began as she raised her eyebrow ever-so-slightly. Before any further words could pile up in his mouth like a train derailment, Honeydew seductively looked back and winked at him, flicking the tip of her tail delicately against his nose. “Gah, stop that!! This is a serious situation, Honey!” “What, afraid to break your already not-so-spotless reputation with her by mentioning that you used to be one of those third-year privates? Oh, oh my. I seem to recall a certain old night that involved little old you, little old me, thirteen bars, and the Canterlot Security Dispatch authorizing the entire force to-“MMmmph! Honeydew’s sultry spilling of her husband’s secrets was quickly corked by a crooked hoof crossing her muzzle and pulling tight as Stiff Resistance turned a most satisfying shade of crimson for both the mares. “Neyt! Nope-nope-nada-no such thing happened! Slander, slander and lies!” Resistance cried out again, still keeping the crook of his leg around the front of his wife’s muzzle. Hysterically laughing was on the table, or rather the gilded cart ‘borrowed’ from Celestia’s quarters, oh yes. And—he was totally screwed and his reputation was ruined, judging from the raised eyebrow on Luna’s part as she seemed to pinch him between his wife and the wall. When Princess Luna looked into his records he was going to be dead, so dead, atomo-choco-blasted dead with failure sprinkles liberally added. “Pft. Really? A carouser in your ill-spent youth, Captain?” Luna chided, clucking motherly as she lethargically shook her head in disappointment. “I was wondering what properties had brought you to my sister’s attention. She rarely considered those with the crystal tree of harmony improperly inserted in one side and out the other. She still picks captains after her own heart deep down inside, it seems.” Luna mused as she squirmed forward until the lip of the tub rubbed against the elegant curve of her neck. That did it for Stiff Resistance, the pegasus slowly paling to a shade that shone against the gently curving moonstone marble behind him. His slackening grip let slip his minx-y wife as he sat down in dazed puzzlement and confusion. He had his records sealed, he was—aw, hay. Just a touch—a hoof lifting his chin up—brought him back from his funk before his wife sighed an apology into his ears and nuzzled him politely. “Peace, Captain. Be at peace, and relax. Any activities of an ill-spent youth would pale in the comparison to the shenanigans wrought by my sister in her own, if there were left any tales to record them.” Luna mirthfully apologized as she scooted around beneath her cloak of foam spread out over her bathwater. Oh, the tales she could tell. She worked her tired legs up and over the sides, letting them flop to the sheer marble side of her tub one after another so she could rest up to her shoulders in her mess. “Oh, if you could but see my sister’s youthful—noise—you might understand why I disappeared into the background. Feh. If ponies back then beheld my current behavior, they might imagine a mouse would have more volume.” Honeydew stopped her reassuring nuzzles and caresses as she heard what Luna was saying. “Wait, Princess Celestia used to be a lot louder than you? That- that doesn’t seem physically possible.” “As I might have been compared to Fluttershy, so might she be compared to Rainbow Dash in those turbulent days.” Luna meekly affirmed with a sheepish grin curling up on her hot and blushing cheeks. “I might maybe might have learned my ‘Royal Canterlot Speaking Voice’ from her example.” Oh yes, she was slowly tweaking and twiddling her hooves as both of her attendants snickered lightly at the thought. “So, I won’t hold your youth against you if it has been left behind, Captain. Harmony knows, I’ve seen far worse than anything you could dare imagine in the realms of dreams.” “Um, thank you?” Resistance had moved from mortification and shame on down into the bog of bafflement. It was actually a rather nice place, since his wife made it a habit of dragging him down there. Luna pursed her lips, scrunching up her muzzle in thought as she looked him over. “Come now, Captain. I’ve heard from Honeydew her thoughts on the matter. What might you have suggested to help aid me in therapy?” “Quiet contemplation on the moon, private meditation, reminders of your failure and planning to account for a future lapse, and—“ He stopped with a squeak as Honeydew nibbled on his ear, color returning to him in droves, “—A close, private companion to offer support?” A bitter laugh fled from the ancient alicorn as she realized just how closely Resistance’s suggestions matched her own previous attempts at self-therapy. Perhaps there was more to him than she had thought or found, after all. “Alas, no. You know me well, and know what I’ve been doing, but no. As it happens, the professor suggested instead focusing on the pleasant parts of the present, and-ahem-“ She cleared her throat, taking on the wizened old stallion voice the professor himself took up to compensate for his flaming red mane and youthful looks, “-ahem, ‘Finding a large and helpful herd of friends to monitor and help correct potentially dangerous behavioral patterns before they transform and pull you into another self-destructive cycle.’” She coughed, hacking from the scratchy feelings left all over her throat from her fake baritone. There wasn’t much to tell what exactly Honeydew was telling her husband, likely something pleasant from the way he turned colors again. Turned—oh, right. That had reminded her of something else the good professor had mentioned. “Also, maybe perhaps becoming more intimate with a special some-pony to share the deeper, darker parts that one might not want to share openly with others.” And so the honor of imitating a glowing, hoof-twiddling strawberry passed to Luna as she thought about how she was going to have to come completely clean with Twilight, and all the embarrassing secrets that would spill forth from that. “Oh, a special somebody like Twilight, all ready to talk your ears off?” Squeak!? Nod. “Awww, young love!” Honeydew cooed as Luna put her hooves over her ears and let even her mane start to glow with the flush of her embarrassment, taking on the bright hues of her sister’s sun. Honeydew shoved at her husband playfully, pushing him to the door. “Quick! Go get a camera while I get her all clean and sparkly for Sparkle so we can tie her up and leave her on the doorstep! Huggy-kissy-therapy!” “Nay! Cease! Desist! Captain Resistance, save me from your infernal half!” “Nope! Your sacrifice will be remembered, princess!” He shouted as he made a break for it. “Oh, hold still, we need to get a good look for you!” “But-but, I’m not even seeing her tonight!” “Planning! Oooo~oh! Stiffy, go get Rarity, too! Beauty takes time, and we don’t have a lot of it! Now hold still so I can get this green out for her!” “Auurgh!”