//------------------------------//
// Chapter VIII: The Derpiest of Derpy's Derps 
// Story: Four Ponies & A Time Machine 
// by SkelePone 
//------------------------------//

“Vane grabbed me. “DuLac, let’s chat.”
Chat. British-speak for “Stand still while I yell at you.” 
― Priya Ardis, My Merlin Awakening

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They had successfully escaped the castle undetected, with their barrel of oil.

Getting it down the sewers had been easy enough. Pulling it up out of them was the hard part. Derpy was flapping, pulling on the heavy barrel with all the strength she could spare. Carnegie Porter, Time Turner, and Roseluck were grunting in the turd-filled sewage. They were holding up the barrel, pushing it out of the hole.

Derpy huffed and gave one final pull, tugging it up from the gate and onto the cobblestone road. Then came the overwhelming task of pulling the two stallions and Roseluck from the sewage.

They all were filthy. They had been able to quickly bathe when in the storage room, but now they stood about, soaking in filth and grease. They placed the barrel on its side and began to slowly roll it down the street, towards the distant TROTIS.

Then they heard somepony yell.

"Halt! Who goes there?"

A Royal Guard was behind them, marveling at the filth-caked ponies rolling a metal barrel of oil down the street.

"You are breaking curfew! I am hereby placing you..." He took a moment to count them out. "Four under arrest."

Carnegie, of course, was first to speak up. Derpy felt that Time Turner should be the one to talk them out of the situation, but Carnegie was better with just talking to other ponies, anyways.

"Lissen, Gov. I've 'ad a rough night. A rough couppa thousand years, at tha'. Maybe we can take ya to our carriage, give ya a pint o' lager, an' we'll be off. Sound good, mate?"
The guard replied by socking him in the mouth with a hoof. The brewer crumpled, landing on his side. He groaned, his cheek already starting to bruise. The guard began to beat the tar out of him, and his friends let out cries of protest and nearly began to fight back when Carnegie choked out a bellow.
"Get goin' ya three! I'll be at the TROTIS, jus' leave 'im ta me!"

They hesitated, but they eventually turned and ran, rolling the barrel along beside them. Behind them, they heard grunts and scuffling from the two fighting stallions. Derpy knew Carnegie Porter was made out of tough stuff, but he wasn't a fighter. Sure he got drunk and talked big, but Derpy knew the stallion was just a big softie. And he was fighting a trained Classical-Era Royal Guard.

They reached the TROTIS. She and Roseluck both turned, and breathed a sigh of relief as they saw the stumbling silhouette of Porter approach. Guards were running after him, carrying and levitating spears and crossbows. They all clambered inside, having refueled the TROTIS. Time Turner immediately began to set the time machine to begin moving.

Carnegie had just reached the time machine, and was clambering in when a crossbow bolt shot him right in the rear left leg, in the knee. Derpy heard Roseluck let out a scream. Roaring in pain, he pulled himself up. He collapsed onto the floor, his leg already bleeding profusely from the bolt sticking out of it. The door closed and sealed as Guards began to beat against its sides.

Without a moment's hesitation, Time Turner slammed a hoof into the activation button.

The carriage began to lurch and the pounding outside stopped as they sped forward in time.





Carnegie Porter choked down an entire vat of ale.

His leg had stopped bleeding so much, but a steady stream continued to flow from it. Roseluck sat by his side, petting his mane as she cried, tears falling onto his face. The bruise from the Guard's kick was still dark and puffy. He smacked his lips as he finished his alcohol.

"Alrigh', Doc," Porter winced, "Pull 'er out."

Time Turner gripped the tail of the bolt. He began to pull, and Carnegie's screams of agony echoed across the shaking time machine. Time Turner had set it to autopilot while he tended to the younger stallion's horrible wound.

Roseluck kissed his unmarked cheek.
"You're doing great, Porter. Just breathe."

Finally, Time Turner ripped the bolt free, and Derpy leapt into action. They had a few towels hanging around. She hurriedly wiped down his leg and began using long ripped strips of towel as bandages. His leg was soon bound in rags, the bleeding stopped. They had also found a roll of duct tape, which they used to completely seal off the shoddy work before them. Derpy wished they had a unicorn with them, to heal. Thinking about unicorns made Derpy think about Dinky. She immediately felt homesick.

"Doc, how long have we been gone from home?"
"Time is irrelevant when we're traveling, Derpy. No time has actually passed at all in the present."

She tried to comprehend this, but it made her head ache. She wished she was smarter. Maybe then Time Turner would love her back. Carnegie had passed out in stress, and the Doctor was mopping up the blood from the floor. Roseluck lay beside Carnegie, petting his mane still. They all had filth caked onto their hooves and coats, but they had wiped off most of it with the few spare towels they now had left.

She felt her heart explode looking at Time Turner as he sat down in exhaustion. Derpy knew now was the time to tell him. With Carnegie asleep and Roseluck occupied with keeping the unconscious stallion accompanied, Derpy knew this was the time to tell him, with nopony to laugh at her when she told him.

"Doc," she whispered timidly. He looked up, his blue eyes meeting her yellow ones. He looked so tired. She wanted to just snuggle up to him, make him feel better. But she held herself back.

"Doc... I-I... I..."
"It's okay, Derpy,"  He said back to her, "it wasn't your fault Carnegie got shot. He did it to save us."
"Wai - wha? No! Doc, I-I l..l-lo..."
He looked at her quizzically.
"What are you trying to say, Derpy?"
"Doc," she breathed in, trying to slow her racing heart, "Doc, I love you."
He smiled at her, getting up to put a foreleg around her shoulders in a hug.
"Aw... Derpy, I love you, too."

"W-Wait! It's not in the way you think it is..." She protested.
He gave her a half-smile, looking into her eyes.
"It's okay, Derpy. I love you in that way, too."

Then, before she could say anything else, Time Turner used the hoof he had had on her shoulder to turn her muzzle towards his, and kissed her. He kissed her! It was only for a second, but Derpy felt like it had lasted a millennium. When he broke away, he smiled warmly at her. Derpy thought for a moment she must have been dreaming. Then he pulled her into a hug once more, then broke away to manage the dashboard.

Derpy stood there in shock.

Roseluck turned to the pegasus, grinning.

"Nice one, Derps. You have your stallion, and I've found mine."
She gestured towards the now snoring Carnegie. The wounded stallion's leg was a mess. His face looked like raw meat. Derpy Hooves realized that Roseluck must have really fallen for the drunk to still coo over a face like that.

"Yeah, Rose. I guess you do. 

"And I do, too."