“There exists a cave. Inside that cave were many ponies that were chained to a wall. Their heads were constrained by chains and bars that forced them to look ever forward, towards a blank stone wall. Behind these ponies was a raised platform behind which a great fire burned. Beings walked in front of this fire, beings carrying representations of things of many shapes and sizes. The great fire cast their shadows onto the wall in front of the chained ponies. This was all they ever saw throughout their entire lives.
“The chained ponies had little else to do than speculate on the nature of the shadows cast upon the wall, for that was all they knew of the world. A few of them were very clever, and they found patterns in the shadow, which allowed them to predict which shadow would come next, and what it would do. These ponies won great acclaim from the other chained ponies, and were greatly respected.
“One day, the chains on one of these ponies came loose. This pony was able to get up and witness his environment in its entirety. He saw the great bonfire, the figures walking in front of it, and the shadows they cast. Intrigued, he made his way toward them, but was distracted by a light coming from a tunnel nearby. He turned his attention toward the light, and went through the tunnel.
“When at last he exited, he was amazed by the sights he saw. There was an enormous ball of light in the ceiling that seemed to expand ever upward. On the ground was green grass, and small animals chirped and flew around him. He was amazed that the world was so much bigger than he could have ever imagined during his life in chains. He came to understand that there was a meaning to life, a meaning that one could not see until enlightened. He took pity upon his former comrades, and proceeded back into the cave to inform them of his incredible discovery.
“When he reached them, he excitedly recounted his tale to them—of the bonfire and the shaped figures and the outside. They scoffed at his tale, and those who had gained notoriety through their understanding of the shadows dismissed him as a madman. So that they might see what he saw and be amazed at the complexity of life, he freed many of them from their chains.
“They promptly proceeded to murder the enlightened one, and locked themselves back into their chains, eager to resume the life of which they had become accustomed.”
- Mirror of the Mind, XII, Chapter β
The streets of Canterlot were busy today; everypony was trying to finish their Sunday shopping in preparation for the coming week. Unfortunately, it was no different for me. Of all the things on today’s schedule, this errand and the princess’ lesson were unavoidable. Therefore, I took this time away from Volume XII to analyze what Starswirl was trying to tell me. At least, I did when stupid shopping didn’t get in the way. I tucked some newly purchased quills into my saddlebag as I looked toward my assistant.
“What’s next on ‘Addendum 13’, Spike?”
He looked down at an unfurled roll of parchment in his claws. “‘Two bottles of Windigo ink. Hey Twilight, do you think we can stop by Donut Joe’s on the way back? I’m starving.”
“I don’t want to spend all day on this errand…” He groaned as I looked up at the position of the sun. “…but I suppose we can make the stop if we hurry.”
“Then what are we waiting for? Let’s go!”
He took off in an eager jog, and I couldn’t help but smile as I fell in behind him. He waded through the crowd of ponies in the cobblestone street as easily as a cat might slip through a herd of slow moving elephants. It was quite hard to keep up with him, for I was a much bigger being with a lot less maneuverability. The aristocratic ponies around him huffed and looked daggers at him as he brazenly maneuvered around their legs, causing a slow of traffic in his wake which made it much harder for me to keep up. After a minute of trying to walk as quickly as possible while apologizing for Spike, I gave up. Canterlot wasn’t a dangerous city for a young dragon, and Spike knew exactly where the ink store was. I allowed myself to slow down and think as I walked. There was always time for thinking.
The last passage of Volume XII that I read was a parable. I had spent all of my scholastic effort in calculating the world as a set of numbers. The success of the growth of a tree can be quantified by scientifically determining the role of every factor, such as watering quantity and frequency, soil nutrition, and so on. That tree is simply a number, albeit one that is enormous. This is my world—a world of fact and evidence. This is not the world of a parable. You can’t calculate a parable, and this made its message unusually difficult for me to discern.
The parable concerned a group of ponies in a cave who had never been outside. One of the ponies gets loose and sees the outdoors. He decides to free the other ponies, but instead of seeing what he was talking about, they kill him and re-chain themselves. I just don’t get it. Obviously I’m supposed to be siding with the freed pony, since the other ones commit murder, but what does this have to do with the Meaning of Life? Was it even intended to illustrate the Meaning of Life, or was it just another of Starswirl’s ramblings? Honestly, at this point it wouldn’t surprise me—there were a lot of rambling passages in that book that went nowhere.
I spent the entire morning studying Volume XII. It’s unlike any other book I’ve ever read. There are only four chapters, and the last one is entirely in the Classical language, which I can’t read without a dictionary. The existence of such a chapter was rather confusing to me. Why would the translator translate only three-quarters of the work when he made this version hundreds of years ago? If this is the New Equestrian translation, a language that’s been around for approximately seven-hundred years, how about older translations? What was the point of publishing an incomplete work? Perhaps the answers lay in the ancient language in the tome. I would have to ensure to add “Acquire a Classical-Equestrian dictionary” to my schedule tomorrow.
“Excuse me, but aren’t you Twilight Sparkle?” a voice called out.
I turned toward the sound of the question to see a smiling stallion staring at me with manic eyes. I instinctively backed away. Damn it, I was too busy for this.
“Uhm… yes?” I asked.
“Celestia, I can’t believe it! I was kind of hoping to run into a celebrity in Canterlot, but I can’t believe you’re actually here, in the street like a normal pony!”
“I’m not really a cele…”
“You’ve got to let me take a picture with you! My buddies back in Vanhoover won’t believe me otherwise.”
The stallion began inching toward me, and I quickly became unnerved at the desperate look he was giving me. I unconsciously backed away, only to have the unwelcome guest inch ever closer.
“Uh… I’m actually really busy,” I responded desperately.
“It’s okay, it won’t take long,” he insisted as he removed a camera from around his neck. There was no way I was getting out of this. I could feel myself sweating and my breath getting shallow—I was in danger of a full-on panic attack.
“Fine. Please hurry up.”
I didn’t think it possible, but his unnerving smile grew bigger. “Can you take the picture, seeing as how you have magic?”
Groaning in disgust and shaking with discomfort, I quickly grabbed the camera. The stallion grabbed me in a most inappropriate way, wrapping his hooves around me and hugging me to the point that I almost couldn’t breathe. He stunk of sweat and beer. I snapped the picture, paying no mind to composition, or even to focusing the image. I flung the camera at him and he let go of me to catch it. With his attention temporarily diverted, I fled.
After catching the camera and securing it around his neck, he looked around in wild confusion. I heard him call after me, but I couldn’t hear him over the desperate beating of my own heart. Why did I have to send Spike ahead? As lazy as he could be sometimes, he was certainly protective. Why didn’t I have the social courage to tell this stupid stallion to piss off? I needed help, and there was none to be found. Maybe I could find a royal guard somewhere.
As my chest tightened from my abnormal exertion, I slowed to a trot, breathing heavily. To my horror, I heard the thundering sound of hooves behind me. I turned in panic to see the stallion chasing me!
“Twilight, wait!” he called, “I want to ask you something!”
“Go away!” I huffed as I pushed my body back into running. It protested with a renewed dose of pain. If only there was anypony nearby…
I rushed through the streets of Canterlot, desperately pushing passed any pedestrians that got into my way. From the affronted yelps coming from behind me, it appeared the stallion was doing the same. I paid no attention to where I was going; I was simply choosing the paths of least resistance. I was no longer in the genteel central shopping district, but neither was I in a seedy part of town. The ponies that I ran past in this sector didn’t wear the huffy clothes of the aristocracy, but were naked like an average citizen. They looked toward me in concern, but were so off-put by the display that they merely watched in confusion as I escaped the demented stallion.
I soon found myself almost completely out of breath. My panic managed to push me further, although my body was quickly rebelling. Why couldn’t I have taken up occasional exercise? This was by far the most I had ever exerted myself. I no longer paid any attention to where I was, for my brain was completely deprived of its usual quota of oxygen. Suddenly, my rear hooves no longer had the energy to lift themselves off the ground. I tripped with massive forward momentum, scraping across several feet of asphalt as I ground to a halt.
I tried desperately to catch my breath, but no matter how much air I breathed in, my body screamed for more. I looked around to see where I had landed. I was next to a white fence, which surrounded the dining area of a small café where several of the patrons eyed me curiously. The sound of galloping hooves screeched to a stop next to me, and the stallion to whom they belonged breathed heavily before addressing me.
“Wow… that was a hell of a workout. How did you know I loved running? We should totally do that again sometime.”
“Hgn… Nnh…” I replied.
“So anyway, I was wondering if you’d like to do something tonight? I heard there was a really good restaurant over by where you took that picture of us together.”
“No…” I breathed, my lungs screaming at my attempts to form words, “Go away.”
“Oh, come on! Please, just a quick date. Just one! You gotta give this to me, Twi; I’ve never dated a celebrity before. My friends back home are going to be jealous.”
So this is how it’s going to end. I’m going to be molested by an insane pony in front of a bunch of café patrons. He grabbed me with his hooves to lift me off the street, and I feebly tried to brush them off, but I was simply too exhausted to do anything except lay there. This is exactly why I never associated with anypony—they’re all crazy. At least I was able to make it this long without succumbing to the crazy of the common pony. I laid there, helpless, his diseased hooves on my fur, trying to pull me to my hooves.
“Hey! Get your dirty hooves off of her!”
I turned my head toward the direction of the voice. My accoster did the same. A mare was storming out of the café, past the ponies seated in the dining area. I couldn’t see who she was over the white fence, but I could hear the anger in her voice.
“Hey, shove off, lady,” the stallion replied nervously, “This is between Twilight and me.”
“I happen to know Twilight wants no part of this. So you better turn tail and run, before I get really angry.”
The stallion hesitated. He took his hooves off me and back up slightly, uncertainty in his eyes.
“NOW!” shouted the mare.
That seemed to be enough for the stallion to make up his mind. “This pony is crazy, Twi. I’ll meet you at the place you took that photo at eight. I can’t wait!”
With that, he turned around and trotted off, occasionally glancing back and smiling at me. If I had the energy, I would have puked. A pair of gentle hooves wrapped around me and lifted me into a sitting position. I looked up at the face of my savior.
Lyra.
Damn it, why’d it have to be Lyra!? I felt incredibly divided. On the one hoof, she did save me from that crazy pony. But on the other, she’s crazy herself. I didn’t know whether to be thankful or flee.
“Are you alright?” she asked, concern etched on her face.
“Yeah,” I breathed, “Just exhausted.”
“I imagine so. Can you imagine the nerve of that pony, accosting the princess’ student? I should notify the guard to arrest him.”
“No, it’s not his fault he’s crazy.”
“Are you sure? Who knows what he might have done to you.”
“Just… I’ll deal with it. I’ll tell the guard to meet him at eight and tell him to leave me alone.”
Lyra shrugged. “If you think that’ll work. It’s lucky that you thought to come here.”
I opened my mouth to respond, but then shut it. It was actually pure luck that I came to Lyra’s coffee house. I didn’t have the wherewithal to flee anywhere in particular. She didn’t need to know that, however.
“Yeah. You think I can get a drink of water?”
“Sure,” she smiled, “Be right back.”
She went back into the building as I leaned against the fence. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the mountain air evaporating the sweat off my fur, cooling me more effectively than any magic could. Maybe magic itself exists in something so serene…
I scoffed at my own thought. What sentimental bullcrap. At least my brain was working again. When she returned, I gulped down the cold glass of water with a ravenous thirst. As the liquid poured down my dry throat, I found strength to stand up. All of my muscles were still aching with exhaustion, but I was able to walk again.
“Lyra, I… I’m not really good at this, but I guess you saved me, so… I don’t know. I think I’m supposed to say something, but…”
“You’re trying to say ‘thank you’?”
“Yeah, that works.”
“You’re welcome,” she said happily.
“So I guess I’ll be going.”
“Actually, my shift is ending. You want some company?”
“Uhm…” How was I supposed to say this? I didn’t want any company, especially company of the crazy variety, but then again, she just saved me from crazier company. I didn’t want to be rude, but I just wanted to go home and forget this happened.
“Great!” she replied without waiting for a proper answer. She pranced back inside to deposit her work apron, leaving me with the awkward choice of trying to run before she got back or waiting for my doom. Well, my Lyradoom, anyway. I don’t think that’s a word. It should be a word.
Before I had time to mentally prepare myself, she returned. “I’m back! So where were you off to all alone, anyway?”
“I was going to get some ink.”
“Well let’s go there, then!”
We started off at a slow walk, my muscles protesting with every step.
“So what’re you doing after you buy ink?”
“I don’t know,” I responded mechanically, “Spike has the sched—Oh no! I forgot all about Spike! He went ahead to the ink store. He must be worried sick!”
“I’m sure he’s fine, Twilight. Let’s get going. Lead the way.”
I did as she asked, though not without a mild groan. Of all the ponies in Equestria, the last one I’d want to go anywhere with was Lyra Heartstrings. Okay, I take that back. The last one would be that insane stallion. Lyra would be second.
Then again, there were a few things that I’d been wanting to talk to her about. Not that it would be worth “hanging out” with her, or whatever it was called, but since I was already here, I might as well address the elephant in the room. Well, more than one. Multiple elephants.
“Hey Lyra, could I ask you something?”
“Sure. What’s on your mind?”
“A couple things, actually. First off, what was the big idea giving me a forbidden book?! Is finding out about humans really worth getting me thrown in prison?!”
She flinched at my words, which were admittedly a little harsher than I’d intended. Maybe it was just days’ worth of frustration coming out. She drooped her head slightly and looked at the ground. I started to feel a little bad.
“I’m sorry, Twilight,” she said, words filled with pain, “I thought that you’d like to see it again. You seemed really excited about finding it. I wasn’t thinking about my interest in it at all, I promise. I just wanted you to be happy. I guess it was a pretty dumb idea.”
I sighed. I was starting to feel pretty guilty about my outburst. “I didn’t mean to yell, it’s just that I could have got in a lot of trouble if the princess found out about it.”
“I’m really sorry. I didn’t really think about it. Breaking the rules usually doesn’t bother me that much, but I didn’t realize that you could get thrown in prison for a book.”
“How did you get it, anyway? Did you find another copy?”
“Actually, I broke into the restricted section.”
“You what?!” The ponies that had been enjoying their shopping stopped to stare at me. I blushed and lowered my voice. “How did you even do that?”
She smiled slightly under her expression of regret. “Well, when the guard escorted me out that night, I turned around and went back to the archives. I remembered that Celestia had forgotten to close the balcony door before she left with you. I just got a ladder and did a little break in, human style. I unlocked the library door from the inside and tried to go to your room, but your door was locked. So I just left it in the bathroom instead.”
“I can’t believe you did that. One of the palace maids might have discovered it while cleaning the bathroom.”
“Yeah, I didn’t think the whole thing through very well. I was just trying to help you out.” She shot a glance over at me. “So do you want me to put it back?”
I thought about this. Admittedly, that is what I wanted most a few days ago—an easy way to get rid of the book without destroying it. However, my great curiosity for the Meaning of Life and Starswirl’s experience with it had slowly morphed my intentions. Then again, the obedient and cautious side of myself had been battling with my obsessive studiousness. I knew that keeping the book was wrong, and the war that my mind waged on itself was starting to wear on my peace of mind, and now was the time where I had to make a choice for one direction or another. Chances were, if I declined Lyra’s offer now, there might not be another chance for me to get rid of the book. I thought back to my mental self-discussion earlier in the day. It truly was a war between my new intellectual rebelliousness and my old desire to keep all things orderly and right. I was compelled to choose a side in this war.
“Actually, Lyra, I’m going to keep the book. I’m upset that you were so risky, but I guess I can forgive you. It’s really an interesting read. I guess that when all is said and done, I’m happy you got it for me.”
For the first time since the subject was broached, Lyra broke into a full smile. “Really? I’m so glad you feel that way!” She reached over and gave me a repulsive hug, stopping me in my tracks. I felt a blush rise onto my cheeks, and as soon as she let go, I looked away so as she would not see my face and misinterpret what the blush meant. The situation reminded me of the other time I had felt so awkward around the unicorn, which was the other thing I had intended to speak with her about.
“There was actually something else I wanted to ask you about…” I started hesitantly. She looked at me with slightly raised eyebrows, her smile intimating friendliness. I tried to think of a way to phrase the question without offending the pony that had just saved my life. “Do you remember what happened the last time we met?”
“You mean the talent show?”
“No, I’m talking about what happened when we parted at the palace.”
“Oh.” She looked away from me, a blush rising onto her own cheeks. I felt my own face heat up once again, and we both looked resolutely away from each other. “That was kind of…a spur of the moment thing. I’m really sorry if I upset you; I didn’t intend to.”
“It’s…” I was about to say “It’s okay”, but I found myself stopping. Was it really okay? If I said such a thing, would it give her the idea that I was okay with it, in that I liked it? Would she start randomly kissing me, even at the most inappropriate of times? It was obvious that I would have to choose my words very carefully, lest a crazy love-stricken mare start embarrassing me in public. “Just make sure I expect it next time.”
I facehoofed. Great job, Twilight, just great. That was literally the worst thing you could have said! I chanced a look at Lyra, to see what her expression conveyed. Surprise. Definitely surprise.
“Yeah, sure thing Twilight. Again, I’m really sorry about just springing that on you. Anyway, which way now?”
I was about to tell her that I had not intended to say what I did, but I decided to listen to King Solomane’s advice, and close my dumb mouth before I said something else stupid.
I shifted my attention to our surroundings to find that we had reentered the shopping district. The crowds were once again congesting the streets, and we had reached a large intersection. I trotted to the left with Lyra in my wake. Before long, we were hopelessly stuck in traffic. We quickly found ourselves staring straight into the rump of a rotund aristocratic mare, and no matter how we tried shifting our position, we could not get around her. To add insult to injury, she often stopped in our path to talk to some stuffy noble or another, resulting in several close calls where one of us would almost walk straight into her plot, face first. As much as it wore on my patience, it was something to be expected when walking around Canterlot in the middle of the day. One could not expect to live in the city and expect to not have to deal with traffic. I huffed an exhausted sigh and resigned myself to tread behind the mare. Lyra, however, had a different idea.
“Excuse me!” she shouted at the women. She quite obviously heard her, but chose to ignore the lesser-classed pony behind her. Lyra rolled her eyes and took a deep breath to shout louder. I covered my ears. “HEY FAT LADY!”
With an indignant huff, she turned around to face us. “Excuse me?” I knew I should have been embarrassed at my acquaintance’s rude manner, but all I could think about was how relieved I was to be able to look at something besides her fat flank.
“I said, we’ve been trying to get your attention for five minutes. Please move aside so faster pedestrians can pass you.” Lyra stomped her hoof to finish her statement.
“Well I never…”
“Then you should start. Please move.”
“Of all the…” The noble shifted her gaze from my companion to me, and her eyes lit up slightly. “Miss Sparkle! I apologize, I didn’t recognize you. You really should choose better company—this ruffian is most improper. If you are free this coming Friday, I have a charity event at the Bridle Street Auction Hall. I would be most appreciative if you made an appearance.”
“Twilight doesn’t want to have anything to do with you or your stupid auction,” Lyra interjected. Turning to me, she said, “Come on, let’s get out of here.”
As the aristocrat blustered, Lyra grabbed my hoof and pulled me away from her. Once we were a good distance away, I looked toward her.
“You didn’t have to be so rude, you know.”
She shrugged. “It’s the only way to get those snobby types to listen to you. Did you really want to go to her charity auction?”
I shook my head. “No way.”
“That’s what I thought. You really should be more assertive.”
“I know, it’s just that interacting with ponies I don’t know is really uncomfortable for me.”
“It’s okay; that’s why I’m here.”
“Yeah, thanks.” As much as I find her unbearable and crazy, Lyra can really come in handy sometimes. After all, I would have spent an hour walking behind that mare and I wouldn’t have had the ability to turn down her invitation (although I probably wouldn’t have shown up). That’s not to mention Lyra saved my life from an insane pony earlier (at least, a more insane pony). Maybe if I could skirt around her unnatural attraction toward me, I could see myself talking to her again after this—about Classical academia, I mean.
“Is this the place?” she asked, pointing toward a small building labeled “Quill Ink and Pasta Sauce”.
“Yes, this is it. Come on, Spike’s probably already inside.”
We entered the shop through an old wooden door situated between two dusty window cases containing an array of different inks and ink-based pasta sauces. Behind a counter directly in front of us stood a stallion, behind whom was an enormous selection of various inks in pristine bottles. Lining the walls on either side of the store were jars full of black sauce, noticeably less new. On a red velvet chair sat my assistant, who until we entered, was chatting amicably with the store owner.
“What happened, Twilight? Did you get lost?” His eyes moved to my companion. “Oh, I get it. Your maref…”
“Spike! It’s not like that!”
Lyra giggled and nudged my side. “Relax Twilight; he’s kidding. What’s up, Spike?”
“Nothing much. Mr. Sepia here was telling me about his family’s annual squid ink festival.”
“That’s right,” the stallion behind the counter added, “It’s held every year in Baltimare. You won’t believe all the culinary uses ponies have thought of for squid ink. I mean, there’s squid ink jelly, squid ink salad, deep fried squid ink…”
“Sounds lovely.” I cut him off, my stomach turning.
“It is! It’s actually going to take place in August, if you would like to come.”
“Oh, it sounds nice, but…well, I’ll think about it.”
“I really hope you attend. Anyway, Spike’s already picked out the ink you’ll need. It will be twelve bits, please.”
I paid him and Spike deposited the ink and my checklist into my saddlebags. We bid Sepia good day and exited his very bizarre store.
“Was that all for this trip?” I asked my assistant.
“Yep. I believe somepony promised me some donuts?”
“Yes I did. Lead the way.”
He ran off with youthful enthusiasm, leaving Lyra and myself to smile knowingly and trot after him. The clientele of the streets of Canterlot changed with the setting sun. While earlier, rich patrons trotted along to chat and gossip and shop at the luxury stores, now ponies in evening dress congregated in preparation for their nightly repast. As a result, our path became noticeably less crowded. In a few minutes, Spike waddled his way into the front door of Joe’s Donuts, and the two of us followed in right behind him.
“Spike, what’s up?” called the eponymous owner of the shop, his back turned to us as he tended the fryer.
“Nothing much, Joe. Just get me the usual.”
“Yeah, no prob.” Joe turned his head, noticing Lyra and myself before turning back to his task. “Hey Twilight. You ladies want anything?”
I glanced over the menu hanging above the counter and followed my usual routine. After carefully consulting a mental Venn diagram of the choices, I selected a cinnamon donut.
Joe lifted the fryer basket out of the oil and attached it above the fryer before turning around to give us his undivided attention. “How ‘bout you, lady?” he asked, addressing Lyra.
“I’m good, thanks.”
He shrugged. “Whatever floats your boat. It’ll be a few minutes.”
The three of us took seats at a booth near the window, Lyra sitting across from the two of us. The restaurant wasn’t too busy this evening. It must have been due to the fact that we were lucky enough to come during a lull in customers. If the empty display cases and Joe’s feverish cooking were any indication, we had come just after a rush of patrons.
“So what are you doing after this, Twilight?” Lyra asked.
“If I remember my schedule correctly, I have some free studying time until dinner.”
“That sounds cool. What’re you studying?”
I bit my lip—I didn’t want Spike knowing about Volume XII. Ignoring the question, I levitated a quantity of bits into Spike’s claw and nudged him toward the counter. It would be a few minutes until the donuts were ready, but that should be enough to talk about the book. After ensuring that he was out of earshot, I turned to Lyra.
“I’ve been reading the volume you stole,” I whispered, “But I don’t want Spike or anypony else knowing about it.”
“Whatever you say, Twilight. I don’t particularly want anypony to know I took it, either. So what have you found out? Anything about humans?”
I shook my head. “No. Actually, it’s not quite what I expected. Starswirl hasn’t said anything particularly profound or noteworthy. The first chapter was about general philosophy stuff. He talks about the Meaning of Life a little bit, and what it means, but mostly stresses that one cannot be told the Meaning of Life, that it must be experienced. I’ve only just started the second chapter, but it starts with a parable about ponies in a cave.”
She furrowed her brow. “That’s weird. I was kind of hoping…”
“Hey girls, I’m back,” Spike called to my right. I turned and saw him carrying a platter of a dozen donuts. I scooted over and rolled my eyes—I had only ordered one.
“Thanks, Spike,” I said, in spite of myself, “Any change?”
“Yeah, five bits.” He reached out to hand the money to me.
“You can keep it,” I said with a smile, “You deserve it for all the work you’ve done recently. Dig in.”
“Thanks, Twilight!” he said as he began to obliterate the tray of food before him. I picked up my cinnamon donut and bit into it. Lyra watched us in mild interest, mostly directed at the two-legged food disposal performing his function next to me. As I finished my snack, she looked toward me. Her front hooves were fidgeting in front of her, and her eyes spun around in nervous glances. She opened her mouth to speak several times, but closed it before uttering a word. With little effort, I could determine what was currently ailing her. Shortly after finishing my donut, Spike was finished consuming his entire tray.
“Spike, how about you start heading back? I think there’s something Lyra and I have to discuss.”
He raised his eyebrows. “Yeah, sure thing.”
If anything, her fidgeting increased at this statement. A bead of sweat developed on her brow as the front door bell rang with Spike’s exit. I turned toward her, hooves meeting on the table in front of me with a serious look on my face.
“Lyra, I can see that something’s bothering you. I want to help, and if there’s something you need to tell me, I promise I will listen to the best of my ability.”
She gasped and stared at me wide-eyed at that statement. “I—I’m that obvious?”
I nodded seriously. “I’m afraid so. It’s nothing to be ashamed of; we all go through this at some time or another.”
“Even you?” she asked with surprise.
I smiled knowingly. “Yep, even me. You show all the signs—shortness of breath, sweating, fidgeting in your seat, nervousness around me. You’re suffering from dysentery.”
Her jaw dropped. “What?!”
“Lyra, don’t deny it. You show all the symptoms. If you’d like, I can recommend a very good doctor…”
“I don’t…”
“Please. What else could cause nervousness like that? If you need to use the restroom, I…”
“I DON’T HAVE DYSENTERY!” she screamed at the top of her lungs. In an instant, the other ponies in the establishment stopped their conversation and turned toward us. Donut Joe stared at us mid coffee pour, causing the cup to overflow. She dropped low into her seat, a blush burning furiously on her face. I looked at her with pity—some ponies just couldn’t admit their issues as well as I could, I guessed.
“Twilight, I don’t have dysentery,” she whispered, “I was trying to ask you if you’d like to meet up later tonight.” As soon as she uttered this statement, she slammed her hooves over her face in unbearable embarrassment.
“Really? Well, I don’t know; my schedule’s kind of full.” I magically rummaged through my saddle bags for the aforementioned schedule, only to realize in disappointment that Spike still had it.
“Well, maybe you can hang out later tonight?” she tried meekly, “After all, Hoofley’s comet is making its pass over Equestria, and I was hoping you’d like to see it with…”
I slammed my hooves against the table and threw myself into a standing position, my eyes wide in panic. “Hoofley’s comet?! Did you say Hoofley’s coment?”
“Yeah?”
“Oh dear Celestia, how could I have forgotten? Why didn’t I schedule this? You don’t understand, Lyra, I can’t just reschedule this evening! I did that already!”
“The comet isn’t supposed to pass by until about eleven thirty,” she reminded.
“Eleven thirty?” My thoughts flew by my consciousness in a flurry of half-formed jumbles. Did I have anything planned for eleven thirty? I know I didn’t use to, but I couldn’t remember how I had altered it. Did I plan free-study for then? Could I just move that to tomorrow? It would mess up tomorrow’s schedule, but then again, Hoofly’s comet only passed by once every seventy-five years. It was a horrible conundrum, but even in my panicked state, I knew what the correct course of action was.
“You’re right, Lyra. Studying the comet is something that needs to be done.”
Her look of uneasiness quickly turned into one of the widest smiles I’d ever seen. “Thank you so much, Twilight! I was kind of worried that I went too far when I kissed you the other day, so thanks for looking over that. Uhm…is this one official? I mean, we were just kind of hanging out the last time we went out, and I was kind of hoping…”
“Official?” What did that crazy mare mean? “Yeah, I guess so.”
She jumped out of her seat and pulled me into another one of those insufferable hugs. I patted her on the back awkwardly, and she let go far too late for my tastes. I had no idea why she wanted it to be official, but if putting “Watch Hoofley’s Comet” on my schedule made her happy, then I guess I could do it.
“I can’t wait for tonight!” She beamed at me. “Should I meet you outside the castle gates at eleven?”
Wait, was she expecting me to do this with her? Did she even have a background in astronomy? “Lyra, do you even have a telescope?”
“Nope.”
I sighed in exasperation. “Alright, fine, I guess I can lend you one of mine. Just don’t be late.”
“I won’t; I promise.” She gave me another hug, mercifully briefer, and pranced out of the donut shop.
How come I always attract all of the crazy ponies?