Candlelight. With no windows to been seen, and nowhere for a lamp to be plugged in, it was the only thing that allowed me to see down here. Colors. It was a pale orange, almost yellow light that barely allowed me to see as I sat down quietly after endless pacing in this dungeon cell.
Flick, flick.
Each flicker of the singular flame made the shadows dance across the damp grey walls and ceiling, casting blackness in the shape of my slouched body jerking back and forth with the fire. There was no breeze to move it though. Only my shallow breaths as I breathed in and out. It was the only thing I could continue on doing. It kept my mind off of the events that conspired not to long ago...
The floor was cold. Wet, and covered in what I only assumed was moss as my fur brushed against it. At least, I hoped for it to be moss. Rough. I could feel each little bump and crack in the stone below me. Tracing my hooves along it. Feeling.
Uncomfortable. The musty, thick smell of the underground cell filled my nostrils with each breath, and I choked down gags. Dry and cold. Eventually I had to close her eyes, since the air stung them. This is what I was reduced to- a petty princess in chains for horrid mistakes.
Images began to play on the inside of my eyelids.
I looked down slowly, heart beating like a caged animal- I could see Rainbow Dash collapsed in front of me as the sun began to be shrouded by incoming changelings.
“Twilight, we have to go!”
Cadence’s desperate yells fell on unlistening ears as I stared down at the blue pegasus. My eyes darted everywhere. One of her wings was on the verge of tearing off, what little feathers and flesh that remained matted with hardened blood. Various wounds, mainly burns and cuts, were covering her filthy body, some fresh while others had infections from being left untreated for so long. Her tail was nothing but a ball of ripped and unkempt hair, and she barely had any of her mane left.
Rainbow Dash.
That couldn’t be her.
I still remembered her smile…
Why was she smiling now? Hysteria?
I’d left them. My friends, back in Ponyville because my supposed princess duties called up a few seconds I could spare for them. For Tirek, I had surrendered Equestria to save my friends.
What had happened that made me change?
A hoof on my shoulder.
I’m insane.
“Twilight, it’s not your fault-”
I let out a blood curdling scream.
And that was where my memory faded. I tried to remember the rest, but it left me with nothing but that scream.
“Princess Twilight, I’m sorry, but we can’t risk another… episode like before happening up there. The ponies....” the guard spoke out softly from his post.
A forehoof jerked against the chain securing it, while my horn was squeezed by the ring forced upon it. I let out a small hiss as my ankle was crushed by the iron cuffs.
I could only assume, once more, that he was talking about what happened after I lost my memories.
“I… I understand,” my voice was on the verge of cracking, each word shaky as I spoke. Even so I still remembered the hurt I caused.
I couldn’t see the guard through the bars that blocked me from the outside world, but I could hear him shuffle a bit.
“This was the cleanest cell we had. I truly am sorry, Princess, it’s just we haven’t had to use them since… well, since Sombra was killed. We’d keep you somewhere nicer if it was safe.”
What was that supposed to mean? I was already assuming so, so why must he must confirm this for me unless it’s not true? Are they hiding something for me? I mean, it’s not like I’m worthy of better… And wouldn’t they have thought to clean up the entire castle, even the dungeons? It sounds like something Cadence would do… She was always a very clean pony.
But then I remembered what Celestia once said to me when I attended a party with her only to run away in tears.
“Language is scary when overanalyzed.”
I looked down at my hooves. Purple. Clean. And though they couldn’t see it, they were covered in blood through my eyes.
I had forgotten about asking Rainbow Dash why she was smiling. Yet I remember now.
Oh the way she seethed at me.
“It’s just funny that the princess who’s all about friendship still has the audacity to cry about Applejack and the rest of us when she didn’t cry about abandoning us.”
“I know.”
But I wasn’t speaking to the guard.
I remember Rainbow Dash’s face…
“Twilight… Why?”
Even I didn’t know the answer to her question. Why? Why had I left my friends? The princesses would’ve done fine without me. They didn’t need me. My friends did. Ones I considered family. My real family… would I have left them too if Shinning hadn’t already retrieved them? Why?
I had messed up. I had the chance to spread my wings. I could’ve escaped this cage and saved them. This damned cage made of… of…
There was one little detail I was also forgetting…
I had been scared.
I heard hoofsteps outside. Then a mumbled exchange of words from the guard and… someone before a voice spoke up.
“Twilight, we know it is hard to deal with loss, but we have found a way to counterattack Queen Chrysalis,” she spoke.
“I don’t care,” I growled back at her.
The response was instantaneous and instinctive.
I could never care again after what I did to them. Care about anyone or anything. My friends. Family. I left them to die because I thought what I was doing was more important. That I was more important at that time. That my own skin was of more worth than five others. It was repulsing. I’d lost my equinity at that moment. Princess or not, I was only pony, and they were what mattered the most instead of trying to be diplomatic. And I had been scared.
My eyes began to tear up as my wings fluttered. I began to push my hoof into the stone, an audible crack being heard as I bit the inside of my cheek. Shaking my head, it took all of my restraint not to yell again. Not to have another episode. I was scared. Scared of hurting myself. My eyes were blinking rapidly. I felt nothing but fear for myself.
I looked around the room. She still hadn’t shown herself.
I remembered what I said to Rainbow Dash through the haze of pained, blurry memories…
“You couldn't save them because you don’t have the power, Dash. I couldn't save save them, save Applejack, because I… I lack the courage!”
I remember too much.
“I think you’re my best friend.”
I had said that to Applejack.
I’m a psychopath.
I was scared to face them after already leaving to Canterlot without saying goodbye. Leaving family without warning. Yes, I had been in a mess after Spike was killed by the later revealed changeling spy, but that did not excuse me acting so harshly to them. They were in just as much pain. Then when they needed me again I repeated the act.
Guess princess aren’t even alright in the head.
Discord didn’t lie when he said history repeats.
Discord…
Captured by Chrysalis. I didn’t even think of him until now.
Pathetic.
I looked up, squinting as I tried to look through the bars to her. Yet all I could see was the dark outline of the guard’s stiff, unmoving body as he kept his vigil. Then I remembered who that voice belonged too.
Remember, remember.
Luna was nowhere to be seen, though I kept on looking.
The candle’s light was fading too.
“Twilight Sparkle, you are going to let others die at the cost of your own selfishness?”
Luna was talking nonsense. Just like she did a little over a thousand years ago.
History. Repeats.
“It’s the same thing I just did, and none of you stopped me then!”
Silence. I drew blood in my mouth, stopping the onslaught of harsh words begging to come out.
Could Fluttershy handle herself? Could Pinkie Pie? Could Rainbow... Could…
“Applejack is already dead, Luna,” I say, struggling to be devoid of emotion as I felt my body begin to shake.
The changelings, from what Rainbow Dash said, had killed her to set an example to the rest of Ponyville on what happens when they become rebellious. Murdered. Just like that. A knife was all it had took. A simple knife.
At least she hadn’t gone out without trying to put up a fight.
A fight that ended with Applejack falling to a knife.
I could’ve handled a knife, of all things. .
They had even gone as far as burning some houses down too, resulting in Dash’s burn marks. Atleast, I assume that from what Rainbow said.
If only I could do the same to myself with that candle…
I began to fight against my restraints only for Luna’s magic to wrap around me. Green. Light to replace the candle. She entered the room as the rusted red bars swung open to the side, and instead of anger on her face I only saw disappointment. I relished in it either way. She tried to keep a regal look to herself as she walked in front of me, looking down, but I could practically smell the fear and hesitance on her. Each hoof tapped the ground before she fully put her weight on it. Eyes hunting for any sign or danger.
Furrowing her eyebrows, Luna spoke.
“...Twilight, it was not your fault. To go there and risk your life was to risk the fate of Equestria. It may hurt now, but trust me-”
“Trust what?” I snapped. I could feel the blood rushing in my head. “Trust that I was being a bitch and could’ve easily helped them? I’m an alicorn, for crying out loud, while those changelings can barely do basic levitation spells!”
“Is everything alright in there?”
I ignored the guard, while Luna replied with a yes, “Yes, Spearhead.”
Harsh language was no long something in need of restraint. I was going to let it all out. Luna backed up a bit as I spat on the floor, shaking my head and gritting my teeth.
The candle was out.
It was pitch black.
Luna lit up her horn.
She was terrified.
“And here I am. I’m crazy. Why else would I be locked up down here? I went crazy, I showed my crazy. I remember waking up to be dragged away from a huge crater in the ground. I’m crazy, Luna! I’m so crazy I didn’t even realize I could save my friends. Crazy, right? So you want to know the craziest part? I’d do it all again.”
I laughed, Luna’s magic fading as I stood up and pushed against the chains. My lower eyelid twitched. Pitch black. She couldn’t see.
But it’s not like she ever did.
“I’d do it all again to make sure I realized I’m crazy, and I don’t deserve to live. Applejack is my best friend, and she deserves to live. She deserves a better best friend.”
“They…. The changelings would’ve overwhelmed you, Twilight! Their numbers have increased beyond tenfold since we last defeated them. If anyone’s to blame someone for what has conspired, it would be us. You’re far from crazy, Twilight, calm down.Celestia and I, who have thousands of years worth of experience with such things. We didn’t make sure they were fully brought down, a foolish mistake. It’s our fault, and you couldn’t have saved them. And we needed you to help. ”
My chains clinked, the sound echoing as I shuffled into a comfortable sitting position. I chuckled, and lit my own horn, giving the room a soft purple glow. She didn’t even react, though she should’ve realized one important detail about it. Sitting down, Luna awaited my reply. I took a deep breath, ignoring the soreness in my throat as I did so.
“You did not need me. All this stuff about my ‘wisdom’ is bogus. You and Celestia are far older than me and have much more experience. Then the Changelings- they are still nothing to my power, and you know I could’ve made things quick and saved them. Saved Rainbow Dash from having her wings almost torn apart escaping to here. Save Applejack from…” I struggled to finish the sentence.
“Death? Probably not. The Changelings have grown more clever- they would have probably ended up capturing one of your friends to ransom you with. Tirek did the same. Don’t forget they can imitate your friends. Cast as many uncovering spells as you want- they can still do it. You and your friends would’ve been captured one way or another, Applejack would most likely still rebel, and it would only be worse for all of you.
“Tell me, Twilight, what is the choice you regret the least after hearing this?”
Regrets…
“I regret many things, Princess.”
I felt the ring squeezing against my horn. My magic began to glow brighter, as Luna’s expression became confused.
“I regret I called Spike a brother when I didn’t return the sibling love. Chore after chore, no love in between from me. I regret I never got to say goodbye to Applejack, and let her die with uncertainty in her heart as to whether or not I truly considered her a friend. I regret Rainbow Dash will forever live with memories of pain caused by me, and possibly much more. I regret Discord was captured, I regret the many things that are to come with the consequences my actions shall have. I regret acting like a bird in a cage when I am far from it, for ever thinking such either. I regret that I’m a crazy, insane, maniac.”
I let myself hurt. I let the air sting my lungs, I allowed my eyes to burn as they let out tears. I bit my lower lip with only the purpose to draw more of my own blood in mine for theirs. I let a sob or too come out. All for them. My friends. I pushed my forehoof into the stone, feeling it snap and sent small bursts of pain shooting through my leg. I tightened by wings against my stomach until it made breathing feel worse and my wings ready to fall off.
Celestia had forgotten to activate the ring. She missed one spell.
“But on the top of my huge list of regrets, I regret I didn’t come to this realization sooner. That I didn’t do this sooner.”
Luna tilted her head.
“Twilight, what are about talking about-”
“I’ll do it all again.”
Her eyes widened.
The room began to spin as everything went from white to black.
The black proceeded to take the shape of insect-like ponies gathered around me.
“I, Twilight Sparkle, surrender on behalf of Equestria in exchange for my friends.”