//------------------------------// // Chapter 13: Angel and the Badman // Story: Newborn Mare // by nanashi_jones //------------------------------// When Pinkie came back, she brought a whole mess of doctors. They shooed us away from Twilight so they could work. From what I could see, they were checking her vitals, her reactions, doing doctor things like that. “She’s awake,” Raritony said, grinning ear to ear. She clutched Twilight’s tiara close to her chest. “Eeyup,” I said, grinning along with her. The doctors continued to check vitals, reactions, and other doctor things. I think I heard Twilight answer the same question five times. I definitely heard her start losing her patience. I nudged Raritony. “She’s gonna turn the lot of ‘em into cacti,” I whispered. Raritony nodded. “On it.” Raritony primped her mane, then sashayed over to the huddle. She started by applying a little Rarity charm. Then she got huffy. Then she shoved every last one of them out the door, and slammed it behind them, in a haze of magic. “We’ll call you if she feels worse, thank you!” Raritony shouted, overly pleasant. She whirled back to smile at us. “I fucking hate doctors, sometimes,” she said through clenched teeth. With the medical troupe gone, Twilight relaxed visibly. “Thanks, Rarity,” she said. “Normally, I’m all for the pursuit of knowledge, but it was just so… repetitive!” She laughed, and looked all of us over. “How’s Earth been treating everypony?” We moved as one to hug her. Twilight grunted out another laugh. “That good, huh?” she gasped. “Easy. Easy- ow!” We eased back. “Sorry, Twi,” I said. “It’s just- well, it’s so good seeing you awake.” “It’s good seeing you girls, too,” she said. She looked at each of our faces, then her brows knit in worry. “Still no Spike?” We glanced at one another. “Sorry,” Erishy said. “None of us came across him.” “I’m sure he’s fine,” Raritony said, patting Twilight’s hoof. “He’s a tough little dragon. I’m sure he hasn’t run up against anything he can’t handle.” “I still worry,” Twilight said, ears drooping. “I know how you feel, Twi,” I said, taking her other hoof. “I only just heard from Apple Bloom. But she was safer than Big Mac’s doll collection. I’m sure Spike is doing just fine.” Twilight nodded. “You’re right. You’re absolutely right,” she said. “Look at me, worrying about who isn’t here when I have all of you!” She reached forward, giving Raritony and me little side hugs. “I missed you girls!” “We missed you too, Twilight!” Pinkie said. “Well, we missed talking to you. Because we were totally here with you, before, but you were all… bleeeh, beep, beep, but now you’re all awake! Which is sooooo much better for talking.” Twilight chuckled. “Yeah Pinkie. Kind of hard to talk in a coma.” “I know, right? You were worse than Dashie in the middle of a nap.” “Hey, I’m not that bad!” Dash replied, with mock affront. We all gave her a look. “Okay, maybe I am, but it’s not a coma,” Dash said, gesturing to Twilight. “Yeah- you girls managed to wake me up from my coma. We’ve yet to find the thing that’ll wake you from a nap,” Twilight joked. That earned a ripple of laughter through our little group. “Oh... how sweet,” commented a horrifyingly familiar voice. The laughter died instantly. The TV bolted to the ceiling swiveled down to face us, of its own volition. “Discord!” Erishy squeaked. “Hello, my little ponies,” he said, all teeth. “Enjoying Earth so far?” I couldn’t speak for my friends, but there was a special place in my heart for Discord. It’s the same place I lump solicitors, lying snakes, and anypony who hurts my family. He… unmade me. He grabbed me with his creepafuck chaos magic and turned me into a joke of who I was. I became a pony who lied about anything and everything, and I didn’t care about my family and friends one bit. Big Mac had been barking like a dog and digging holes like a gopher, and I just sat back telling everyone how things weren’t my fault. You don’t forget a day like that, and you don’t forget what it did to you. Like hell was I going to let him get in round two. “Discord,” Twilight growled. “In the flesh! Well, in the electrons for now, but this is still so much better than digital animation, don’t you think?” He popped his head off, rolling it down one arm and lifting it in his claw. The skin and fur melted away from his face, leaving a goat-like skull in its wake. “So realistic. It’s like it’s in three dee!” Then he shoved the skull through the screen. It swept around the room, looking at all of us. “I can start throwing lettuce next. I want you to have the full experience, after all,” he crooned, then snaked his skull back into the TV. “What do you want, you fucking varmit!” I snapped. “Tut! Temper temper, Rachel,” he said, resettling his head. “There are fillies present.” Rising to her full height, May called Discord a name that would have done a drill sergeant proud. Discord raised an unimpressed eyebrow. “And the fillies are rather knowledgeable.” He snapped his fingers and a padlock appeared over May’s mouth. Her eyes bugged out, and she pawed desperately at her muzzle. “May!” Raritony shrieked, picking up her sister and holding her close. “Undo it, Discord,” Twilight said, her tone hard. “Your fight is with us.” “Ah, David. Always so tough,” Discord said, smirking at her. “But you do cut straight to the heart of the matter.” He jammed a spear through his chest, then snapped his fingers. The padlock disappeared and May gasped, working her jaw up and down. “You know, this world is quite fascinating. Quite fascinating, indeed. I’d have thought the second you annoying little ponies took over your humans, that’d be all she wrote. Nothing but sugary, friendship-minded Equestrians as far as the eye could see.” He batted long eyelashes at us. “Yet… I can see the human all over you. And it’s just so… interesting,” Discord said, leaning down, pressing his face against the screen. “Especially Reid,” he added, grinning at Pinkie. “Are all the naps helping, Reid-i-kins? I bet subconscious life is treating you sooo well.” Pinkie blew a raspberry at him. “What do you want, Discord?” I said, stepping between him and everypony else. “What does any pure manifestation of chaos want when they’re plunged into another dimension?” He twirled around, donning an ermine cape and crown. “I want to rule. You can keep Equestria and your silly ponies- America. Now here’s a country ripe for planting chaos.” He tossed the cape and crown away, sliding on a copy of my hat. “And I’m jus’ the chaos-poke to farm it!” He spat, then slid a wheat stalk between his snaggley teeth. “Once I get all these hyoo-mans on board, a ‘course.” “So go on and do it,” I challenged. “What’s stoppin’ ya?” He sighed, and the hat and stalk caught fire and burned away. “What else? You,” he said, glaring down. “I mean, let’s be honest, Honest Rachel, the score is Elements of Harmony 2…” He scribbled it on a chalkboard behind him. He poofed out of sight, and reappeared as a circular number on his score board. “Me? A big. Fat. ZERO!” he screeched. “And is that fair? Is that just, I ask you?” he moaned, turning back to a draconequus and throwing the chalkboard offscreen. “Is that any way to treat someone such as I?” He flung an arm over his face, a violin playing in the distance. He looked upon us forlornly. “Nay,” he whispered, sniffling as a tear trickled down in a dramatic, black and white closeup. The violin screeched to a stop, and he plopped into an armchair. “So, per the usual, we will play a game.” “The usual?” Pinkie said. “How is that chaos-y?” “Because, sweet Reid,” Discord said, grinning. “No one sees chaos coming the same way twice. And it’s a different game, so nyah.” He stuck out his tongue. “What... game?” Twilight asked, eyes narrowing. “Can it be Jenga? I’m really good at Jenga!” Pinkie said, hopping up and down. “As much fun as tottering buildings with you would be, Reid, I have something else in mind,” Discord said, pulling out a sand timer. “Something that will be fun for everyone.” “Discord, we ain’t here for any of your games,” I growled, stepping forward. “Whatever you’re thinking of- don’t.” “Or you’ll what? Get yourself kidnapped again, Rachel?” Discord sneered. “Really, you’re so useless here. All of you are. And I’m going to prove it.” He flipped the sand timer. “You have sixty minutes, one hour, to find where I am. To make it easy, I assure you, I’m somewhere in New York.” He waved, negligently, at a map of New York City. Tiny, waving Discords, in Where’s Waldo get-ups, appeared across the city. “What- what happens if we don’t find you?” Erishy asked, with a gulp. “Fail to locate me and…” He snapped his fingers, and the map poofed into a picture of a red apple. “I turn New York City into the biggest apple of all.” He cackled. He actually cackled. “Hm. And I think, yes, I think all its residents can be the worms.” Several of the tiny Discord Waldo’s popped out of the apple, spinning worms like party favors. There was confetti. “And if we find you, then what?” Twilight asked. “Then I don’t turn New York into an apple with all its residents as worms,” he said, snapping his claw and vanishing his visual aid. “I thought that was obvious.” He snorted. “Really, there’s just no talking to some ponies.” He slid on a pair of sunglasses and an “I <3 NY” cap, and said, “You lot have have fun! I’m off to see the sights! Ta ta!” The screen faded to one of those old black and white disrupted broadcast cards, with Discord in a feathered headdress in the center. With a groan, the TV broke free of the ceiling mount, then scuttled out the window, on legs of wire. We all stood in silence. “We are so fucked,” May whispered.