//------------------------------// // 02 - Entrance Exams // Story: Distance Education // by 32ndArtbomb //------------------------------// Consciousness came back to me slowly, as if it was afraid of what it might find. First in line were balance and touch. I was laying down on something soft, likely a bed or a cushion of some sort. Then came my sense of hearing, informing me of muffled voices and the faint clip of hard-soled shoes against tile flooring. Next was smell and taste, and the Cliff’s Notes of their report was simple: I’d eaten recently, sweet and savory alike, and was in a room that smelled faintly of old upholstery and older books. Then, finally, sight. My eyes struggled open, and confirmed the fact that I was laying on a large cushion in a room with a number of bookshelves in it, as well as a freshly-cleaned dining table on the opposite side of the room. They also confirmed that no, I had not been dreaming, I was still a pony. Damn and damn again. Well, like it or not, I was awake. No sense in laying around. The problem, of course, is that I didn’t know how to stand up. Let’s throw another damn on the pile for good measure, shall we? I tried a number of things to get my hooves under me, and came closest with a sort of rolling motion similar to one I’d learned decades ago after a back injury. Unfortunately, close only counts in horseshoes, hand grenades, and thermonuclear warfare. I wasn’t engaging in any of those three activities, and as such, I found myself stuck in gravity’s clutches for the time being. Rather than get angry at myself, I tried to analyze my failures. Maybe I hadn’t put enough force into the roll? It certainly felt like that was the closest… I lay there thinking for several moments, then my mind suddenly twigged to the fact that the room was darkening quite rapidly. It wasn’t the same effect as oxygen starvation - I was very recently familiar with those symptoms, thank you very much. Rather, it felt as if something was soaking up all the ambient photons and disposing of them in an unmarked black hole somewhere on the rim of the galaxy. Get up, Ferrum Veritas. The words slipped into my mind like a steel wire into a block of soft cheese, and I felt the decidedly odd sensation of goosebumps under the fine coat of fur that had so recently come into my possession. I tried looking around for the source, but there was hardly enough light left to see the tip of my own horn. Get. Up. The words coiling inside my head went cold, the last of the light vanished, and a moment later the fire of adrenaline hit my blood. Before I knew what I was doing, I was on my hooves and trying to look in every direction at once. The darkness melted away in an instant, revealing Princess Luna standing near the door with a smile on her face. “Good. Your instincts are reliable, and while I would have liked to have seen an attempt at a light spell? I am willing to overlook its omission for the time being, given your unique circumstances.” I stared at her, and fought off the urge to vent my spleen in her general direction. Instead, I closed my eyes and took a moment to breathe. When I opened them again, she was still smiling. I took another breath and blew it out through my nose before I spoke. “Are you attempting to anger me, Princess?” “I would hardly call it a mere attempt, Miss Veritas.” One corner of her mouth quirked upwards, just slightly higher than the other. “It worked.” I inclined my head, mostly out of respect. “That it did, though you will have to do better than that to make me claim what I am owed prematurely.” Mostly. “Indeed?” Her eyes gleamed with amusement. “I must compliment my sisters, finding a new sparring partner for me is a fantastic way to make up for the day I awoke to find my chambers had been filled to capacity with sweetened gelatin during my slumber.” “...Seriously?” “Nay. Though I suspect I ‘had you going’ to use the modern parlance, if only for a moment.” Her smile split into a friendly trickster’s grin. “Unlike my sisters, I have no true obligations ‘til sunset, and it has been far too long since I’ve provided a tour of the castle grounds to a guest like yourself.” “You sure that’s a good idea? From what you told me last night, you and your sisters have been the only members of your kind for quite some time…” I cocked a brow at her while I stretched out a few odd aches in my neck and legs. “And I can’t help but think that there’s someone out there who’ll see the two of us together and think we’re related, if just because of coloration.” “Let them think what they will. Those who blindly trust rumors are of little consequence, and our staff are certainly not the sort to do such a thing. They may spread rumors, of course, but they’re intelligent enough to investigate such things to discover the truth. Eventually.” There was a gentle flick of her wings to go with that trickster’s grin. “‘Tis quite the amusing hobby, tracking the path of such things through the castle. Why, for an entire month I had the kitchens convinced that ‘Tia was on the verge of banning cake due to its impact upon her figure...” I snorted. This sort of mischief, I could understand. “You know your people better than I do, ma’am. Lead the way.” Unsurprisingly, the castle halls were far busier than they were when I came up from the labs. Guards, nobles, bureaucrats, maids and butlers… Name a job you’re likely to see in a castle, and it was represented in the crowd that parted for Luna and I. And while it was a decidedly biased cross-section of Equestria’s inhabitants? I still found it quite enlightening. There were looks of pleasant surprise on all the faces I saw as they noticed Luna, followed swiftly by curiosity as their eyes found me, and what little conversation I heard in our wake… “I didn’t think she had a student, let alone one ready to ascend…” “Wow, look at those colors. ...Do you think they’re related?” “I didn’t think a princess could be a blank-flank. Think I would get in trouble if I told my daughter?”  Well, let’s just say that the rumor mill had a fresh load of coal in the boiler, and judging by the smile on Luna’s face as we made our way through the castle? She was enjoying every second of my casual exposure to this small fraction of Equestria. Most of the tour was boring and ultimately inconsequential, as tours often are. Entry hall, the doors to the throne room - it was in use for Celestia’s court, and Luna didn’t seem to want the general public to know about me just yet - and gardens, a glimpse into the library… I found myself yawning, and it wasn’t long before my guide noticed. “My apologies for boring you, Miss Veritas. I expected that experiencing an entirely new culture would be invigorating all on its own.” Luna quirked a brow at me. “It seems I was wrong. Is there anything you would like to see?” “Guilty as charged, ma’am.” I fluffed my wings again, and failed to hide a wince as one of my bent feathers was tugged at by its neighbors. Stupid alien body. “I’ve always preferred seeing how things work and how they’re made to seeing the things themselves. There wouldn’t happen to be a metalworking shop on the premises, would there?” “Hmm. The likeliest place for such a thing would be near the royal armory, I suspect.” There was a slight frown and a brief flicker of her horn, and she turned to walk away. There was an air of… I wouldn’t exactly call it anticipation, but the way she moved spoke of a certain fondness for this particular topic, and she smiled over her shoulder at me as I trotted along behind. “While I have implemented stricter training programs since my return, I have yet to perform an unannounced inspection of the facilities at the disposal of our Guard. I believe this may be quite fun.” “I thought the guards in the palace were strictly ceremonial.” And I had, honestly. The thought of tiny technicolor horses making war simply hadn’t occurred to me. “Are you telling me you maintain a standing army?” “A modest one compared to the grand armies of yesteryear, yet an army all the same. In these times, they serve purely for the defense of our country.” Luna flashed a grin that was equal parts prankster and predator. “Those chosen for our personal guard are our finest, Ferrum. They may be polite, and their garb may be more suited for a parade ground than a battlefield, but they are still the best our kind have to offer. You would be wise to remember this.” Hm. That made a certain amount of sense. After all, the Swiss Guard looked utterly ridiculous in their ceremonial garb, and they still knew how to kick ass with the best of them. “If they give orders, listen to them?” I nodded. “Don’t have to tell me twice.” “Excellent.” She glanced at me again, and the corners of her mouth twitched upwards. “Though I suspect if you were to defy them in an emergency, they may hesitate to treat you as they would any other defiant civilian. There is a certain institutionalized reverence for our kind within their ranks, which we have not moved to counteract in any great degree in recent years.” “I’m not going to be treated like a god that’s come down from on high, am I?” “Of course not. I challenged a single platoon of our infantry forces to a sparring contest long ago, and as a unit they were more than my equal. An analysis of that trial has been part of our tactical curriculum ever since.” There was a shrug of her wings. “They still respect our kind to a remarkable degree, but they will not mistake you for a deity.” I let out a sigh of relief. “Good. I’m not sure if I could put up with ponies bowing and scraping whenever I went outside.” There was a titter of amusement. “I believe Twilight said something similar shortly after her ascension. Do not fret, the majority only bow out of respect for our station, not out of worship.” “Your station, ma’am.” I cocked an eyebrow. “I’m not exactly thrilled by the idea of assuming a role in your government.” “You are under no obligation, Miss Veritas. We merely wish you to consider all of your options before deciding upon a course of action.” There was another flick of her wings as we drew up to what definitely resembled a guard checkpoint, where the ponies on duty saluted and waved us through. “Regardless of if you accept our offer, the Crown will provide a monthly stipend to cover your living expenses. Something We wrote into the constitution, in case my sister or myself wished to live a quiet life for a few centuries, but the wording allows it to be applied to you as well.” “Much appreciated.” I smiled a bit as I looked around. The decor had gone from ‘opulent’ to ‘practical’ the moment we rounded the first corner after the checkpoint, and most of the ponies I could see were wearing armor. “Let me guess. This is the wing of the castle with the barracks?” “Among other facilities for the Canterlot Defense Force, yes.” Luna’s gait developed a certain spring to it as she spoke, and there was a definite smile on her face. “Fully half of the castle grounds are dedicated to their training, housing, and assorted other needs.” Okay, even if I still didn’t know how big the castle grounds were, that was impressive. “Holdover from an earlier time, or…?” “Precisely. My sister and I have never seen the logic in demolishing that which may be useful in the future.” Yep, moonbutt was enjoying herself. Either she was glad to be out of the more public spaces of the castle, or she was a military-minded sort of mare. Hard to tell, and I wasn’t about to ask. “While the facilities have been renovated countless times over the centuries, the structures themselves have seen no major modifications since their construction.” “Huh.” Her claims were quite easily verified as we exited into a large walled courtyard, and it certainly reminded me of the various pictures of restored castles that I’d seen. Only this one wasn’t full of tourists. It was full of ponies, organized into various groups for training exercises. Some in armor, some not. Some armed, some unarmed. It was... “Interesting to see a structure like this still in use. Most of the old buildings where I come from fell out of use centuries ago, and time caught up with them. The ones still standing are mainly preserved for historical tourism.” “Loss of such important structures is unfortunate, but it is good to know your kind respect their past.” I didn’t think it was a good idea to correct her, particularly given how fondly she seemed to be regarding the sparring groups we were walking by. “‘Tis easy to repeat mistakes when one forgets what came before.” “Yeah, I hear you on that.” I tried to shrug, only to grumble in my own head as my wings rustled around. “Where are we headed, anyway?” “The armorer’s workshop. Thou did inform us of thy prior occupation, as well as an interest in seeing the extent of our industrial skills.”  We walked along in amicable silence after that, and I tried to ignore the looks I was getting from the ponies we passed. None of them were staring outright, and if there was any conversation about who I could be, I wasn't hearing it. Professionalism over curiosity was definitely a good sign, though it was still unnerving to know that I was drawing so much attention. I'll be honest here, I wasn't particularly fond of being in front of so many ponies. Scratch that, I was straight-up uncomfortable with being looked at like I was some kind of alien. I mean, technically, I suppose I am an alien, but still. I wasn’t that far off in appearance from Luna, and one would think they’d be used to seeing her around. Fortunately, it wasn't long before we passed through an archway and into a short hall. It was wide enough for eight ponies to stand side-by-side in, and the ceiling was high enough to allow for flight traffic, but it was still a welcome change from the busy training yard. It was still rather short, however, and I found myself blinking in confusion as we entered another courtyard. Well, more of an atrium, really. It was somewhat small, maybe forty by seventy feet, and there were a variety of workstations set up and segregated by task. Metalworking on one side, woodworking on the other. And, judging by the aural atrocities coming from the bench lathe on the far end of the room, it was currently in use. The array of available tools was nothing short of impressive. There was the bench lathe of course, as well as a vertical mill, a couple of grinders with an array of different heads on a rack underneath them, a belt sander, a bandsaw… It reminded me of nothing less than a high school shop, minus all the extra space needed for students to stand around and hurt themselves in. Granted, all of the tools were mounted lower to the ground than I was used to, and there were a considerable number of changes to the controls to accommodate the nature of their builders, but that didn’t change the fact that these tools were built to do the same things as the ones I’d learned to use. I couldn’t help myself. I smiled at the familiarity. After a few moments, the unicorn at the lathe shut it off to inspect the part he was working on. Apparently satisfied, he pulled it from the chuck with his field and turned to bring it to the workbench… Which gave him a clear view of Luna and I, and his muttered grumbling came to an abrupt stop. “Are we interrupting your work, Glitter Chip?” Of course Luna would take the lead in the conversation. “If we are, we may return another time. It was not my intention to be a bother.” He immediately relaxed, and a smile appeared on his face. “Yoo're ne'er an interruption Princess, ye ken 'at. Jist in th' middle ay makin' some spaur parts. Whit can Ah dae fur ye?” Oh, sweet bouncing Jesus on a stick. A Scottish pony. Somebody stop the world. I want to get off. “Actually, it’s what you may do for my acquaintance that interests me. This is Ferrum Veritas.” Luna gestured in my direction with one of her wings, and I inclined my head. “She is a traveler from quite far away, unfortunately left stranded by circumstance. As she wishes to contribute to our society and claims to have experience in this field, I believed it would be to her benefit to show her what is at our disposal.” “Ye say yoo're a crafter, dae ye?” There was no mistaking the raised eyebrow on his face for anything other than doubt as Glitter turned his attention to me. “Woodworker, machinist, a bit ay baith...?” “I was primarily a machinist, before I came here.” There was a flick of my wings as I tried to shrug and failed. “Wood never really caught my interest the way metal did, even though I did mess around with it every so often.” There was a slight frown as his brow furrowed. “Cannae rightly say I've seen a pony yer age withit a cutie mark, an' aam hesitant tae lit ye wark withit knowin' whit yoo're guid at.” ...I had no idea what he’d meant, but it still felt like my credentials were being challenged. “How about I prove it, then?” “Whit sort ay proof did ye hae in min'?” “Basic safety and tool identification.” My wings flicked again, and I tried to hide my annoyance at my lack of proper shoulders. “Same as any student entering a classroom for the first time.” He gestured at the room with a hoof. “Tak' it awa', 'en.” “General safety, then.” I took a breath, closed my eyes, and dug into my memory. “Check and adjust safety devices before starting a job, including guards. Ensure all stationary tools are secure before use. Ensure an emergency stop is within easy reach of the operator. One operator per machine, though all operators should know how to stop any machine in an emergency. Ensure keys and adjusting wrenches are removed before-” “Nae, nae, nae th' things ye shoods be daein' every time ye donner intae th' shop.” He cut me off, and I opened my eyes to see him shaking his head. “Whit shooldnae ye dae?” Safety is something that any good instructor drills into your head, and mine had made sure I could recite the rules from memory. I didn’t hesitate. “Never distract an operator. Never think of the machines as toys. No loose clothing or jewelry, and long hair should always be confined so it doesn’t get caught in the machine. Never clear cuttings while a machine is running, and always use a brush or other tool to do so. Never leave a machine running unattended. Never free a-” He cut me off with a hearty laugh and another wave of his hoof. “Lassie, Ah micht nae ken whaur ye learned yer way aroond a shop, but ye clearly ken whit yoo're daein'.” I caught a smile from Luna out of the corner of my eye. Clearly, his grin was infectious. “Whit abit th' tools?” Compared to reciting safety rules? This was the easy part. “The ones I recognize?” I pointed out each tool with my hoof as I named it. “Center lathe, vertical mill, bench grinder, and bandsaw. The controls aren’t anything like what I’m familiar with, but it’s hard to build the working parts any other way.” “Weel, whit ur ye waitin' fur?” He set the part floating in his magic on a nearby workbench and stepped aside, gesturing at the shop. “Gang gie comfortable wi' 'em. Ah troost ye willnae rip aff a win' while mah back is turned.” “Er…” I glanced over to Luna, received a nod and a smile, and gave another flick of my wings. “Guess it couldn’t hurt.” “Nae unless ye gie yerself caught in somethin'.” Glitter Chip waved a hoof at me with a smile, then turned his attention to Luna. “Coods Ah hae a wuid wi' ye, Princess?” “Of course, my friend.” Luna smiled and lit her horn, and I had a chance to see the effects of the privacy spell from the outside. I could tell their mouths were moving, but there was a ridiculously potent blurring effect that kept me from trying to read their facial expressions. Huh. Maybe once I had a better idea of how the thing sticking out of my forehead worked, I could learn how to cast it. Ah well. That was a worry for Future Me. Present Me was more concerned with figuring out the controls of the various machine tools, particularly the lathe. Let’s see here, if that’s the compound rest, then these dials must be the X/Y adjustments… Interesting solution for a quick-change toolpost, given the lack of opposable thumbs... After several minutes of fiddling and poking at adjustment dials and levers, I stood triumphant against the wall of machine tools. I’d finally figured out their various controls to my satisfaction… And found myself wanting to do something. Luna and Glitter Chip were still talking, or so I assumed, so I looked around the shop for inspiration. I didn’t have to look far. The part that Chip had been working on was sitting right next to a diagram of what it would look like in a finished state, and there was a note of how many he needed in the corner. It was a simple design, really. Little more than a batch of flanged brass bushings for… some purpose or another, it wasn’t listed on the diagram, and I didn’t particularly care. It’s easy enough to crank out bushings on a lathe, particularly when there’s a diagram right there describing the end product, so I glanced around the shop until I found the thick-walled tubing he’d been using as stock - the fresh-cut end was a dead giveaway. Another moment’s scrounging turned up a grease pencil, and I started measuring and marking the pipe to cut it into workable sections with minimal lost material. I glanced over at Glitter Chip when I was done, and if he had any objections? He didn’t act on them. So, with a flick of my wings - seriously, is it too much to ask for a proper set of shoulders? - I made my way over to the bandsaw. I checked to make sure the right blade, then flicked the machine on with my telekinesis. Nobody yelled or tackled me, so I proceeded with the cuts without issue and shut it down, then made for the lathe. I’ll be honest here, I was in the zone. I’d found a project to do, complete with a wonderfully precise diagram of what the end product was intended to be, and I had the tools and supplies to work on it. I didn’t hesitate as I chucked in the first hunk of stock, set the right tooling into quick-change holders, and set to work. Time, and chips of brass, flew by as I worked. Sure, I stopped occasionally to double-check my measurements, but that didn’t register as a break as much as a part of the process. I take pride in the fact that I only make mistakes when I’m not following a plan, and I was following a plan so simple that a freshman could turn the parts out without issue. In what felt like no time at all, I’d cranked out ten of the remaining eleven bushings. The finish was a bit rough, but some time with a decent polishing compound and a buffer wheel on the grinder could take that right out. As I cut the last bushing free of the stock I’d used as an anchor in the lathe chuck, I smiled. Everything was within the specified tolerances, and all that was left was to put a good finish on the batch. I was just about to move from the lathe to the bench grinder when I heard Glitter Chip’s thick brogue fill the room. “Mah wuid, lassie. Ye ur exactly whit ye said ye waur.” I turned just in time to see a thick silver aura wrap around one of the parts I’d set on the workbench, and it floated over to the stunned unicorn for him to inspect. “Stoat grasp ay plannin', ye clearly ken hoo tae maximize yer part yield, an' I've certainly seen waur roogh finishes come aff mah lathe...” Luna favored him with a smile. “You approve, then?” “Dae Ah approve? Sweit Tartarus, Princess, Ah want tae offer 'er a job!” There was a laugh just begging to be released behind his words as Chip turned his attention to me. “Whit dae ye say, lassie? Ye feel loch workin' fur a livin', insteid ay sittin' oan yer crease in th' castle? Pay's naethin' tae laugh at, hoors ur flexible, an' ye clearly hae th' chaps tae keep up…” “I…” I decided honesty was the best policy. “I don’t know what to say, sir-” “Dornt caa me sairrr, Ah wark fur a livin'.” There was a deep, bass chuckle. “An' yoo're supposed tae say ‘yes’, lassie.” I glanced at Luna, only to find her expression was unreadable yet positive. “Well, in that case…” There was another flit of my wings against my sides. “Yes?” “Stoat, ye start noo. Finish up those parts, 'en i'll shaw ye whit we've got tae wark wi' haur.” Glitter Chip’s face split into a friendly grin. “There's mair tae th' job than spinnin' bits ay metal aroond, ye ken.” This managed to extract a giggle from Luna. “It seems you’ve gotten your hoof in the door sooner than expected, Miss Veritas.” She turned, making to leave, and smiled over her shoulder at me. “I shall arrange for temporary lodgings within the castle for you, as well as consult with Princess Sparkle on the matter of your magical education, while you settle the formalities of your apprenticeship.” Before I could say a word, Glitter Chip dove headlong into the process of acquainting me with all the various tools available in his workshop, and it was all I could do to tease out the meaning of his lessons from behind that ridiculously thick accent of his. I’d already shown basic competence with the machine tools, so he focused more on the woodworking equipment to fill in the blanks in my knowledge, as well as a few of the more commonly-used hoof signals that would let the two of us communicate while the machines were running. Have I said yet that I don’t like woodworking? Because I don’t. But, when in Rome... To say that the next few hours were busy would be an understatement on par with ‘the ocean is somewhat damp’. Time flowed by as I cranked out test pieces using bits and bobs from the scrap bin. Arrow shafts, wooden handles - or more accurately, mouth-grips - for tools and weapons, roofing slats, and all manner of miscellaneous woodcrafts passed through my kinetics to be judged by Glitter Chip’s expert eyes. Around the time I started feeling like there was an inch of sawdust caked to my everything, Glitter Chip signaled for me to stop. Funny how a pantomimed throat-cutting motion meant the same here as it did at home. So, I hit the woodworking lathe’s power switch and waited for the wagon wheel spoke I was finishing to come to a stop. “What’s up, boss?” “Ye swatch loch ye got in a barnie wi' mah dustbin, lassie.” I had no idea what he’d said, but I suspected it was related to the layer of sawdust and assorted wood chips stuck in my… Well, everywhere that could draw line-of-sight to the tools I’d been using. “We're dain fur th' day anyhaw. Wa dornt ye gang gie cleaned up? I'll tak' caur ay th' mess.” The Scottish-to-English translator in my head took a moment with that, and I blinked. “We’re done? Already?” I glanced up at the sky, then down at the shadows on the ground. “What time is it?” “Jist abit noon.” He shrugged with a single foreleg, and I made an effort to try and remember the gesture. “She tauld me yer story, ur as much ay it as aam cleared tae ken, an' Ah dornt want tae explain tae th' Princess wa Ah ran ye ragged oan yer first day.” Guess that explains why the privacy spell had been going for so long earlier. “So you know that I’m not exactly from around here, then?” “Aye, an' yoo're daein' a bang-up job sae far.” Glitter’s face split into a grin. “An', if ye dornt min' me sayin' sae, yoo're a secht easier oan th' een than mah lest apprentice.” …Was he hitting on me? Did that mean I was… No. That way lies madness. “Anyhaw, yoo've got a thrang day aheid ay ye, an' it'll be damned mair comfortable efter a shower. Th' mare's locker room shoods be clear thes time ay day.” He lit his horn and floated a variety of basic cleaning tools from their resting place in the corner, then made a shooing motion at me. “Jist ask a guard ootwith tae shaw ye th' way, an' teel 'em yoo're mah apprentice if they gie ye lip.” “I, uh. Okay?” I’ll be honest, I could only grasp the broad strokes of what he was trying to say. “Thanks, by the way. For the job, I mean.” “Ah doobt yoo'll make me regrit it, lassie. Jist shaw up aroond th' sam time tha' moorns nicht, an' we'll pick up whaur we left aff.” My new boss gestured mock-menacingly at me with the broom in his kinetics. “Noo quit dawdlin' an' gie cleaned up, ye hae mair important things tae dae than watch me sweep th' floors.” “Same time tomorrow?” He nodded, still smiling, and I silently thanked whoever first came up with the concept of reflective listening. Maybe I wouldn’t have such a hard time figuring out how to understand Glitter Chip’s accent after all. “See you then.” I walked out of the workshop with a head full of ideas relating to how I could adapt the tools I was familiar with to work for ponies, only paying enough attention to my surroundings to navigate… And I promptly bumped into a lightly-armored pegasus. “So sorry, Princess...” Her expression went a bit cockeyed as the realization dawned on her that I was not, in fact, one of the alicorns she was familiar with. There was a moment of careful examination, then she re-settled her wings against her sides. “Apologies, ma’am. Specialist Lemon Snap. I get the feeling you’re the VIP that Princess Luna assigned me to escort?” “First I’ve heard of it, but I sure won’t say no.” I raised an eyebrow of my own. “How much did she tell you about me?” “Short version? Traveler from another world, you’re stuck here for the long haul, and you’re not used to having wings or a horn.” She gave me another appraising look. “Glitter had you for the morning, didn’t he?” “That obvious, huh?” I shrugged on reflex, which wound up ruffling my wings instead, and I scowled as I felt sawdust start scratching against my skin. “I’ve got sawdust in places I know I wasn’t born with. Mind showing me to somewhere I can get cleaned up?” “Sure, mare’s locker room is this way.” Specialist Snap trotted off, and I easily made up the difference with my longer strides. “I’ll also introduce you to the basics of wing and horn maintenance while we’re there. Knowing how to preen yourself properly is a skill worth having, unless you’re absolutely drowning in bits to throw at beauty salons, and proper horn care is vital to keeping the feedback from your thaumic projections from giving you a permanent case of brainburn.” “Learning wing care from a pegasus, I can understand.” I shot a glance at the feathered appendages folded against my sides, then went a bit crosseyed looking at my horn. “But shouldn’t I be learning about my horn from someone who also has a horn?” “With all due respect, ma’am? I’m a trained and licensed physical therapist for all three of the majority races living in Equestria, and I’m set to graduate with a master’s in gryphon-specific physical therapy within the month.” There was a ruffling of her wings as she glanced back at me. “I understand that you’re not from around here, so I feel I should tell you I’ve seen fights started over remarks like that.” ...Well, piss. I had the good sense to try and look embarrassed. I even felt my ears fold back, which is a ridiculous sensation all on its own. “I, uh. Wow. That’s…” Words just kind of tumbled past my lips. “I didn’t mean it like that, I just-” Lemon Snap cut me off with a smile. “I’m not mad at you, since I know it was a genuine case of misunderstanding. It’s easier to learn about these things now, when most everypony you’re going to meet knows you’re not from around here, than out in the real world.” She flicked her wings a bit. “Less chance of somepony trying to kick your head off, for one thing.” I blew out a sigh. “Still, now I feel like an insensitive jerk.” “I can kick your flank, if it’ll make you feel better.” Lemon Snap grinned back at me. “I’d rather not, but all you have to do is ask.” Let’s see. Feel like a jackass, or get my ass beat by someone who beats asses into shape for a living. …Nah, I much prefer metaphorical pain over literal. “I’m pretty sure I’m outmatched by a toddler. Maybe in a few years?” “Hey, better than the outright no I got last time I asked an alicorn for a sparring session.” There was a grin as she lead me back through the training grounds and into another hallway. “If you’ve got the spare time, I could set you up with one of our gentler recruit trainers.” “Once I’ve got a better idea of what my life’s going to be like, I’ll let you know.” I suppressed the urge to shrug, since I didn’t need a fresh round of itchy wings. “It’s nice to have options, in any event.” Lemon Snap nodded, and we continued in silence for a while. It was certainly different, walking through the world of another sapient species, especially one that was so similar to my own that the inhabitants spoke a language I could understand and had very nearly the same definition of a second as the one I grew up with. In so many words, it was a lot to take in. I would like to point out, however, that I am not a clever person. I was determined to take in as much as I could, since an absence of information can lead to making worse mistakes than the ones made with an abundance of information. One particularly confusing bit of information I gathered as I was led towards what I could only assume would be the mare’s locker room was this: All of the ponies wearing armor looked the same. No, really. It looked like the majority of the armored ponies filling the halls were the same, like the factory had made too many and the Princesses had snatched up huge numbers of them at a discount. There seemed to be three predominant color-and-species combinations; white pegasi like Lemon Snap, dark gray unicorns, and light gray ponies with neither wings nor horns. It was like someone had dumped me in the middle of a batch of clone troopers. The only individuality cues I could see were in gender and body language. Before I could ask my escort what the hell was going on, she led me through a set of double doors set into one wall. The sound of hooves on wood was immediately replaced with the click of hooves on tile, and a quick look around showed that I’d been introduced to an open-plan locker room. Fortunately for the gibbering remains of my dignity, there weren’t any other ponies present. “Think you could help me out of this armor?” Lemon Snap trotted over to a locker, presumably hers. “I can doff it myself, but it goes faster with help from somepony else.” “Sure, I guess.” I picked my way across the tile a bit more carefully than she had, all too readily remembering the fun I’d had with Celestia earlier. Hooves are not the grippiest appendages, let me tell you. “What do you need me to do?” “Let’s just get this off first…” She lifted a foreleg in a way I would have never expected - ponies clearly have a much different shoulder structure than horses, to put it mildly - and slid her helmet off. There was a shimmering distortion around her as she set her helmet on its rack in her locker, and her coloration went from white and blue to eye-searing yellow and fiery orange. “Once I pop the clasps in the peytral and under my wings, just lift the rest of the barding clear and hang it on the rack under my helmet.” “Sounds simple enough.” I quirked an eyebrow as she went through the motions. “Let me guess. There’s some kind of magic on your armor that makes everyone wearing it look the same?” “Yeah, just a basic uniform enchantment. White for pegasi, dark gray for unicorns, light gray for earthies, and everypony gets a blue-on-blue mane and tail.” Lemon Snap stretched her wings as I lifted her armor clear and set it on the rack she’d indicated. “Commissioned officers have the option of showing their natural colors, but it’s not common. Why?” That answered that. “Thought I was in the middle of a book about evil clone armies for a minute there, that’s all.” I shook my head, which served to dislodge a cloud of sawdust from my mane. I frowned mightily at the sight. “Mind giving me a crash course in basic hygiene? This is starting to get on my nerves.” “Sure. First, let’s get you rinsed off.” I followed my guide over to the bank of shower heads jutting out from just above head level, and she cranked two of them on. “Get everything nice and soaked. Mane, tail, wings, the whole package.” Obligingly, I stepped into the warm water and flexed everything I could under the deluge. I even stretched out my wings and let them soak under each showerhead’s spray. There was an unfamiliar twinge of pain from each of them, particularly the one I’d landed on earlier, and Lemon Snap caught my flinch. “Muscle cramp?” “No idea. I’ve barely had these things for a day.” I let my wings relax, primaries nearly touching the tile as water drizzled down them. “First thing I did with ‘em was trip and fall on the left one, right after I picked up on how to move ‘em.” “Alright, stretch that sucker out as far as you can, let me get a look at it.” She stepped into the spray as I held the more-damaged of my wings out for inspection, and I got to feel the curious sensation of another pony’s hooves working over my plumage. After a moment, she nodded. “Yeah, there’s some deep bruises, and a bit of a tension cramp. You’ve been holding your wings against your barrel all day, haven’t you?” “Yeah.” I closed my eyes as I turned into the spray from one of the showers. “Not a good idea?” “Not really, no. Pegasi are built to stretch their wings every now and then, and alicorns are the same in that regard.” She brushed a bit of wet mane from her eyes. “Once you’re clean, I’ll show you a few stretching exercises that ought to help.” “New body, new rules? Makes sense to me.” I shrugged my wings, wincing a bit at the one I’d fallen on. “Celestia mentioned I had some damaged feathers, too. Anything I can do about that?” “Unless you want ‘em plucked, which hurts like Tartarus even if they’re not blood feathers, all you can do is wait. They should fall out during your next moult.” She nodded up at me. “Mind if I get a look at your horn?” “I don’t see why not.” I lowered my head down to just below her eye level, she lifted a hoof to run it along my horn, and - OHHH SAY CAN YOU SEEEEEEEE, BY THE DAWN’S EARLY LIIIIIIGHT My vision went a bit hazy. My knees went weak. I think I might’ve made some rather inappropriate noises. Lemon Snap looked positively mortified. “Oh hay, I didn’t know your horn was that sensitive. I am so sorry, ma’am…” Yeah. I’d moaned. Fantastic. Once I found my voice, I coughed. “It’s okay, honest. I just…” I swallowed back a sudden case of the giggles. “I didn’t know either. Let’s chalk this one up to a case of interspecies awkwardness, alright?” “Sounds fair to me, ma’am.” The look of shock on Lemon’s face diminished somewhat, though there was still a bit of a blush tinting her cheeks. “I’ll understand if you want to move on.” “No, no, I think I can ignore it now that I know what to expect.” I bit my lip. “But if you’re not comfortable, I’m sure I can find someone else to learn about horn care from.” Lemon Snap closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and blew it out in a sigh. When she opened her eyes again, she seemed much calmer. “I’ve worked with all kinds of high-sensitivity cases, this isn’t any different.” She gestured to lower my head again. “All I need to do is make a surface inspection, and touch is more sensitive than sight when it comes to detecting imperfections in a surface, so I have to touch your horn with the frog of my hoof. If at any point you think I’m going too far, tell me to stop. Okay?” I obligingly lowered my head and nodded, just enough to make the tip of my horn bob. “And if you think I’m getting too worked up, hose me down with cold water.” There was a snicker. “Deal.” “Whenever you’re ready.” I closed my eyes and started mentally working my way through a pet project I’d been working on before I was summoned, relying on the fact that a distracted mind is very difficult to arouse. It wasn’t much of a project, I’ll admit. Just a custom prop, something that I’d intended to be uniquely mine while still being recognizable as a weapon from the films I was drawing inspiration from. There was a delicious wave of sensation from the thing sticking out of my forehead. If- No. I buried that particular train of thought with a mountain of mental diagrams that laid out exactly what cuts could be made in what order, what sorts of threading to use to join parts together, what kinds of metal to use, how deep the knurling and threads should be… “Done.” My eyes snapped open, and I looked around. The first thing I noticed was that my wings were at full extension, and Lemon Snap was blushing profusely. I put two and two together, and opened my mouth to make sure the answer was in fact four. “Let me guess. Physical sign of arousal?” “Yeah.” She fluffed her own wings a bit, still blushing. “I’m kind of impressed, actually. I’ve never seen anypony with a sensitive horn control themselves quite so well during a tactile exam. What’s your trick? I might be able to teach it to some of my patients.” “My trick? Think about something else, anything else, that engages your brain.” I sighed, still idly turning over the plans in my head to calm myself down once I realized I could hear my heart throbbing away in my ears. “The more detail, the better. Keep your mind busy. For me, it’s a pet project that I want to recreate. Doesn’t do anything for raw physiological responses, but it’s a good way to keep yourself from doing things you shouldn’t.” “Makes sense. Anyway,” there was a bit of a nod as she continued, “your horn’s in fantastic shape right now. A light polishing once a month, or whenever you notice ridges start to form between the grooves, should be enough to keep it that way. You might have a bit of trouble with keeping the tip rounded over, given how long yours is, but some ponies like having a sharp tip for the fine control it gives them.” I felt my ears flip back. “And the sensitivity..?” “From everything I’ve heard? Polishing compound on a soft cloth feels nice, but the grit keeps it from feeling too nice.” She smiled and waved a hoof. “You won’t wake the neighbors, I promise.” “I’ll hold you to that.” I smiled as I felt the tense muscles in my wings start to relax, and the sopping plumage draped to either side of my body. “Any suggestions on soap? I’ve never dealt with anything that had fur and feathers before.” “Whatever brand you like the smell and taste of, and I only mention taste because preening’s best done by mouth. Better control that way.” She shrugged and turned the water flow down to a trickle, then trotted over to her locker to retrieve a squeeze bottle. “Other than that, avoid medicated soaps unless your doctor tells you otherwise. They taste horrible, and sometimes there are unpleasant side effects if you don’t have the condition they’re meant to treat. I know a stallion who had all his feathers fall out that way, and it took a full season for them to grow back.” “I can honestly say that I didn’t consider that until now.” I flicked my wings a bit, shedding water in the process. “I get the feeling the rest of this little adventure is going to be a scrub-down, drying, and preening lessons?” “Yep. Mind lending a horn? There’s places most ponies have trouble reaching without help, and it’d be nice to have my mouth free for a change.” “Sure, just show me a brush and I’ll do the best I can.” From there, it was a fairly typical shower scene. Not the giggly-bouncy-let’s-have-fun kind of shower scene, though. Just two mares helping each other clean up, with one giving the other various sorts of tips and pointers in how to best care for herself. Y’know, nice and businesslike. I ignored the tiny little naked ape in the corner of my mind screaming about how I was naked and showering with a woman. His opinions weren’t important right now, and I could deal with them later. I gotta say, it’s one thing to know I’ve got a completely different body, but it’s something else entirely to be guided around the particulars of that body with the intent of cleaning it to societally-acceptable standards. Sure, the shower only took a few minutes since I was the one who really needed to be cleaned up, but I’ll be damned if it wasn’t an informative few minutes. Most of what I learned was related to keeping my wings and horn in good condition, but there were some meandering bits of conversation that touched upon everything from proper exercise and nutrition to body language and how to avoid accidentally sending the wrong messages with it. Like all good things, however, it had to end eventually. Lemon Snap cranked the showers off and gave herself a shake, spraying water in pretty much every direction. She was still wet, mind you, but not soaked. “It’s always a good day when I can rinse off the PT grime in the middle of my shift. You feeling more comfortable?” “Definitely, but not comfortable enough to replicate that little trick.” I scowled at the wet tile. “I don’t trust my hooves on wet tile, and I’m not exactly eager to hurt myself. There any towels I could use instead?” “Towels? Nah.” She grinned and led me over to an empty corner of the locker room. “We’ve got something better. Stand over there, will you?” I peered at the corner. Other than what looked like a large steel ring embedded in the tile, wide enough for five ponies to stand side by side inside its boundaries, there wasn’t anything notable. “...Why?” “You’ll see.” Lemon Snap flapped her wings a couple of times, shedding what little water was left in her plumage, then took to the air. “Stand in the ring and spread your wings a bit.” I shrugged. Ruffled my wings. Stupid body confusion. “If you say so.” I had my head on a swivel as I stepped into the ring laid into the tile, and caught sight of a cloud forming underneath Lemon as she hovered in place. A white, fluffy cottonball of a cloud. Indoors. And it wasn’t being beaten to hell by the downdraft from her wings. “Uh. Specialist, are you aware that a cloud is forming underneath you?” “Yeah, I know, it’s not common to build clouds indoors.” Her grin got a bit wider, and the head-sized cloud started darkening. “But I don’t know any other way for a pegasus to charge an artifact.” “...What?” Rather than answer, Lemon Snap gave the miniature thundercloud a kick. There was a crack of electricity and a flash of light as a bolt of lightning struck the ring I was standing in. Much to my surprise, I didn’t find myself writhing in pain. Instead I felt the air around me stir into a respectable updraft, warm and dry in sharp contrast to the humidity that had filled the locker room a handful of moments ago. She gave the cloud another kick, knocking the spent thing into mist, then swooped into the column of warm air and lazily glided around the perimeter of the circle, just over my head. “You alright, ma’am?” Yet again, magic was leaving metaphorical mushroom-shaped bruises all over my face. I blinked a few times, clearing the spots from my eyes, and shook my head. Nothing hurt, aside from the dull ache in my wing. “I will be.” “You sure?” “Yeah, I’m not hurt.” I glanced down at the faintly-glowing ring in the tile and slowly spread my wings, careful not to catch too much air underneath them. Yeah, it felt really nice having warm air blowing through my plumage. “But I’m not used to magic, either.” “Were you an earth pony before you came here?” I snorted. “That’s one way of putting it.” “Hm. But they have magic too, it’s just not flashy…” Lemon Snap peered down at me. “And you do have a decent idea of how to grab things in your field…” “I have Princess Celestia to thank for that.” I quirked a brow at her and smiled. “But that doesn’t change the fact that I’m not used to magic.” “How can you not be used to magic? It’s everywhere.” “From what I was told over breakfast, different worlds have different rules.” I shrugged my wings, a bit more carefully than usual, and shivered at the feeling of warm air blowing under my feathers. “And, if Princess Sparkle is right, the one I’m from has a set of rules that don’t allow for the existence of what you call magic.” “And since ponies need magic almost as much as we need food, water, and clean air? That means you weren’t a pony at all.” Lemon Snap smirked at me. “Or at least, not what we’d call a pony. So what were you?” I paused, remembering Celestia’s earlier request not to reveal precisely what I… Used to be. “Something else.” I shook my head and gave my wings a gentle flap, mostly just to get the warm air moving between the feathers a bit more. “I’ve been asked not to discuss the details.” “One of the Princesses told you not to let it out?” She smiled and shook her head when I nodded. “Don’t worry, I understand what that’s like. How’re you liking the changes so far?” “Now that is a loaded question if I’ve ever heard one.” I snorted and glanced over my shoulder, making a show of peering at myself. “The wings are certainly nice, though I need to learn how to use them, and I find myself appreciating telekinesis more and more…” “But?” “But it is still damned weird.” I put a conscious effort into relaxing my wings, and was surprised to find the gentle breeze rising from the floor was enough to keep them open. “Think about how strange it’d be to spend your whole life getting used to all the little quirks and eccentricities of your body, only to be stuck into one that’s completely different.” “How completely are you talking about?” “For starters, I was male.” I snorted. “So, y’know. There’s that.” “Wow. That… Actually explains a few things.” There was a brief clicking of hooves on tile as Lemon Snap set down next to me, then the updraft tapered down to nothing. “Guess the next stop is for a full physical, then?” “...You’re serious, aren’t you.” “As a heart attack. Mind lending a horn with the armor again?” I lit my horn, ruffled my wings a bit to settle them properly, and helped Lemon get back into her armor. Watching the uniform enchantment ripple across her coat as she walked to the door was fascinating. “We’ll have to see if any of the Guard medics are cleared for alicorns, otherwise you’ll be seeing the royal physician.” “My anatomy’s a state secret?” I followed along, confusion warring with amusement on my face. “That’s a new one.” “It’s an old, old law. Dates back to the founding of Equestria, actually. I only know about it ‘cause I just had a refresher course to keep my certification updated.” My escort glanced over her shoulder at me. “And it’s really just a combination of enhanced privacy measures and subspecies-specific care plans. All that extra mana flow of yours can mess up treatments that’d work on the rest of us.” I blinked. “So, wait. Are you cleared to treat alicorns? ‘Cause that’s what it sounds like.” “Basic care and emergency first-aid only, sorry.” She flashed a grin over her shoulder at me. “But if you catch me off-duty, I’ve been told I can play doctor well enough.” “Uh.” I felt warmth spread across my face, and fought to keep my wings against my sides. “I mean, you seem nice enough, but-” “Sorry, sorry, I couldn’t resist after what happened earlier.” She didn’t laugh so much as she snickered. “Your plumage is astounding, and I do have a reputation as a shameless flirt to uphold. I wouldn’t hear the end of it if I didn’t at least try, especially since I’ve done the same to all four of the Princesses at one point or another. You’re just the first I could be so direct with. No hard feelings?” “No hard feelings.” I shot her my best deadpan look as I tried to keep my wings settled. “But only because I don’t have those parts anymore.” Lemon bounced mid-stride, just once, and I swear her grin was emitting light. “Helpin’!” So. Fun fact. Canterlot Castle is... Huge is too small a word. Enormous? No. Gargantuan? Nah. Ah, there we are. Labyrinthine, and positively massive in scope. Virtually a city all to itself, which explains why there was an entire hospital in the east wing. As it turned out, the only medical pony in Canterlot qualified to provide a full physical for an alicorn was the royal physician. So, with the help of a courier, Lemon Snap and I had met Book Princess at the waiting room. Lemon, being a Guard, was doing Guard-ly things outside the door. Like you do. Which… Left me alone in the royal physician’s waiting room with Princess Twilight Sparkle. The mare responsible for my current condition. After a few minutes of awkward silence, I spoke up. “So…” “Hm?” Twilight glanced up from the medical journal she was reading. “Yes, Ferrum?” “Just how…” I gestured vaguely with a foreleg. “Invasive, would you say a physical exam is? ‘Cause if you recall, there’s… Stuff I’m not used to, to put it politely, about this body.” “I was wondering when you’d bring that up.” Twilight set the publication aside and focused her attention on me, smiling vaguely. “Put simply, unless there’s a solid reason for invasive procedures, specialized diagnostic spells and thaumometric tests are all you’ll be exposed to. They might feel a bit weird at first, but they’re harmless and completely non-invasive.” “So…” I raised an eyebrow. “No cold medical devices in uncomfortably personal places?” “Not unless there’s a legitimate need to do so. We have magic, remember?” Twilight smiled, and I have to admit I couldn’t help but relax. “Doctor Equinox is a lovely old mare, and she’ll answer any questions you have. I’ve been seeing her ever since I ascended, and I’ve already given her a copy of my notes from your summoning. It’s okay, Ferrum.” I blinked and reeled back a bit. “A complete copy?” “Yes. You can be as honest with her as you are with me or my sisters.” Twilight’s smile warmed. “Or more honest, if you like. Anything you say in her office is protected by laws that even a Princess can’t get around without dealing with centuries of accumulated red tape.” I opened my mouth to reply, but was cut off by an elderly voice. “Ah, this must be the newest jewel in the Crown, so to speak. Ferrum Veritas, was it?” I turned my head to look, and saw a lovely older mare with a lab coat draped over her back. “Pleased to meet you, dear. Doctor Celestial Equinox, at your service.” “Hi..?” As far as introductions go, that one could have gone better. “I suppose you know as much about me as the Princess here, huh?” “Oh, yes. Absolutely fascinating stuff. I’m sure our little Twilight will make headlines in the thaumatological papers when she decides to publish,” she waved a hoof as a blush tinted Twilight's cheeks, “but we’re not here to talk about her, dear. We’re here to find out how you tick. Follow me, if you would please?” I got up and made to follow, glancing over my shoulder at Twilight in the process. She smiled and went back to the medical journal she’d been reading earlier, so I walked along behind the doctor as she led me to an exam room. She gestured at a sitting-cushion similar to the ones I’d seen at breakfast and lifted a thick folder from the counter in her magical field. “Have a seat, dear. How’s your day been so far?” Huh. “Not exactly what I was expecting, really. It’s not every day you get your consciousness copied into a whole new universe and put into a whole new body that’s nothing like the one it developed in.” I shrugged, and peered at the folder. “Are those Twilight’s notes…?” “They are indeed, but they’re mostly background information at this point. I suppose they could be considered your birth records, from a certain point of view.” She smiled, and the mischievous twinkle in her eyes reminded me of nothing less than my grandmother. “You’re the only pony alive that actually has the legal right to say that Celly and Twily are your parents, though I suspect they’d both rather you keep that to yourself.” Okay, that managed to coax a smile out of me. “So then... Luna’s my aunt? Neat.” “That it certainly would.” Doctor Equinox flipped through the file for a few moments, then made a curious noise in her throat. “It says here that you claim your original body was male. Do you have any interest in regaining that?” “Right to the heavy questions, huh?” I sighed and stayed silent for a few moments, tossing ideas around in my head before I started to think out loud. “On the one hand, it would be a reassuring bit of continuity to have that back, even if the form is altered. On the other hand, I’m technically not the same person anymore - and I don’t want to make such a drastic change without thinking it over first. I mean, what if I wind up wanting to start a family at some point in the future?” “Hm. Intelligent, analytical… Twily’s notes are spot on about your personality, I’ll give her that much.” The doctor made a vague head-bob, then closed the file and set it aside. “I can tell you right now, gender reassignment spells do exist. They’re complex and they’ve never been tried on an alicorn before, and I suspect your innately higher magical flux would cause complications, but if you want to go through with that it can be an option. It may just take some time for such a spell to be made for you, but time is something you have plenty of.” “Don’t remind me.” I muttered, then snorted out a breath. “Can we table this line of questions for now? I’m more concerned with knowing if this body’s gonna self-destruct on me or not.” “A fair concern, given the circumstances of your… Birth, I suppose it could be called.” She lit her horn. “If you could stay still for a few moments, please?” I obliged, and felt the most curious tingling-squirming sensation pass through me, from the tip of my horn all the way down to my rump. Then it reversed course and made a few more passes over my hindquarters. “Something wrong…?” “Not wrong, per se. Just… Unusual.” Doctor Equinox put out her horn, the weird fluttery feeling in my gut went away, then she lit her horn again to make some notes on what I was assuming was my chart. “If it weren’t for the most profound case of infertility I’ve ever seen, including documented cases from medical literature, I’d say you’re in peak physical condition. Though I suppose, since your body was magically generated, the flaws could have been much worse…” I blinked. “Well, it’s not like I’m trying to start a family right now.” “That is true, that is true…” She finished writing, then met my confused gaze. “Even still, it’s a shame to see somepony have that option closed to them so early in their life, dear. Do let me know when you make up your mind about your preferred gender, hmm? The sooner we get the ball rolling on that research, the sooner it’ll be done.” “Wait, that’s it?” I blinked. Then I blinked a few more times for good measure. “That spell gave you everything you needed?” “Of course. What use would a medical diagnostic spell be if it didn’t?” She smiled and gave another one of those curious head-bobs. “Infertility aside, you are a prime example of alicorn health, my dear. Immune system is top-notch, thaumic system is in good shape, nervous system and musculature are in peak condition… I dare say you could give your aunt a run for her money if you put in a century or two of training. Unless you have any questions, you’re free to leave.” I got up and took a step towards the door, then a stray thought got lodged in my throat. I turned to look at the doctor over my shoulder. “Just one, actually. What if I change my mind in the future and want to start a family, as I am now?” “Hmmm.” Doctor Equinox tapped her chin with a hoof as she thought, and a moment later she made a vague waving gesture with that same hoof. “I suppose, if such a thing comes to pass, you’ll have to look into fertility treatments - or if those don’t work, donors and surrogates could be arranged, and there’s always adoption if nothing else works.” I nodded, even smiled a little as I opened the exam room’s door. “Better to have the information and not need it than the other way around, I suppose. Thanks, doc. If I have any more questions, I’ll make an appointment.” And with that, I didn’t bother to think as I walked back into the waiting room. Twilight stood up as I came out, smiling. Always with the smiling. Doesn’t it hurt to smile that much? I didn’t pay attention beyond that as I strode for the door, only to be snapped out of it as Twilight’s magical field wrapped around the door before I could push it open. I didn’t even put the effort into glaring at her. I just looked in her direction. “Yes?” “Ferrum, is something wrong?” God help me, she actually looked concerned. “She… She didn’t find anything bad, did she? I mean, it’s always a possibility with magically-generated organisms, but the signs would’ve been there from the start if you were unstable, and-” “No, Twilight. I’m in perfect health.” I cut her off like a BMW driver jockeying for position in Los Angeles traffic: Ruthlessly and without a shred of emotion. “I’m just a little overwhelmed. Is there somewhere I can lie down?” “Oh. That’s… Good, I suppose.” She seemed to brighten a bit, but she still had that vague furrow of concern on her brow. Nevertheless, her horn went out and the haze of magic around the door went with it. “I was hoping to learn more today, but I understand if you need some time to process what’s happened. There’s a guest room set up for you in the towers, Specialist Snap can show you the way.” I couldn’t not smile at that. Sure, as far as smiles go it was the runt of the litter and sickly to boot, but it was still a smile. “For a talking purple horse with wings and a horn, you’re alright. Thanks, Twilight.” Apparently my sense of humor had grown on her, and a brief giggle snuck past her lips. “Go relax, Ferrum.” “Jacob.” That caught Twilight off-guard, and she blinked. “Is… Is that some kind of farewell?” “No,” I pushed the office door open, “that’s who I was.” I stepped through before she could reply, the door swung shut behind me, and from there it was just a matter of asking my escort to show me to my room. When we got there, she gave me a quick tour - bed, vanity, wardrobe, attached bathroom - then took up station outside my door. Once the door clicked shut? I gingerly settled onto the bed, stretched out, and relaxed. Then, quietly, I wept. Tears rolled from my eyes and soaked into the pillow as I grieved for who I had been. That lifetime of experience, all the pain and all the joy, the hobbies and annoyances… None of that mattered anymore. The man I had been was dead.