So I’m sitting there, tending bar, when in comes one of the most famous ponies, Princess Luna.
As she walked in all the usuals began to stare at her.
They were looking at her like she was a goddess to them, but a few were turning their eyes away from her in shame.
Luna smiled at those whose eyes caught her sight and she sat down at the bar.
“Ah, princess, it’s always a pleasure to see you”, I told her, “Tell me what can I give you on this fine evening?”
“Whiskey”, she said groggily, “and make it on the rocks”.
I looked at her, confused by her order. Usually she would have something later, like Urban Twilight or the Nighttime (which consists of ambrosia juice mixed with pineapple juice and lime drops),but rarely something harder.
I poured her the drink.
As I handed it to her, the princess drank it as fast as she could. She closed her eyes and let out a grunt.
“Ah, that’s good”, she said, “Keep it coming!”
Naturally, I poured her another.
“Princess”, I said, “I hope you won’t mind me asking, but what’s happening with you? You never drank whiskey before, especially in these quantities”.
She gulped her drink and looked at me, shaking her glass.
Naturally, I refilled it.
“Bartender”, she told me, “Do you know how it is to see everyponies dreams every single night? Dou you know how does it feel to see their deepest secrets?”, she asked me.
“No, but I have a pretty good perception of it”, I said to her.
She laughed.
“Look who I am talking to!”, she laughed even harder, “After all you know everyponies secrets in here”.
“Well, maybe”, I said, feeling a bit proud of myself.
She suddenly turned serious.
“What I would give to trade places with you”, she said, looking down at her glass.
“Why do you say that?” I asked her.
“Well”, she said, “ponies’ dreams have certainly changed in these thousand years. Before, their dreams were pretty tame, but lately, they became much”, she said, looking around, “raunchier”.
“What do you mean?” I asked her.
“Well their nightmares have become much more disturbing”, she said, “They have become much more vivid and detailed. For example, in the past, a pony would dream of falling. Nothing unusual, I dealt with these dreams on a nightly basis”, she said and sipped her drink, “However, now you have ponies that actually dream of their bodies getting splattered all over the sidewalk in such gruesome detail that it made me almost vomit”.
“Sounds rough”, I said.
“Oh, but that’s not even the worst”, she said, “Nowadays you have ponies that actually enjoy in these dreams. Some more than others”, she
said and shivered.
“What do you mean?” I asked her.
“Well see that pony over there?”, she said pointing her hoof to Big Mac.
“Yeah, what about him?” I asked, “He seems like a nice fella”.
“For the most part he is”, she said, “but last night I accidentally walked into one of his”, Luna coughed, “ ‘fantasy’ dreams”.
“What like fairies and pixies?” I asked.
“No”, she said, “The forbidden ‘fantasy’ “
“I don’t follow” I said.
“The VERTICAL DANCE fantasy”, Luna heavily implied.
“What?” I asked.
“Erotic fantasy!” she gritted through her teeth.
“Ooohh”, I said and then recoiled in disgust, “Well what was it about?”
“Trust me you don’t want to know”, she said, “but it did involve a dungeon, chains and maple syrup”.
“Oh no”, I said.
She just waved her head and gulped the drink.
“But even that’s tame compared to one dream I saw”, she said.
“Oh sweet Celestia what did you see?” I asked her ot of some sort of morbid curiosity.
“It was about a stallion performing some sort of a family act. There was just so much wrong with it that I can’t even describe it to you”, Luna said, “but in the end everybody was dead and pretty much in a horrible shape. So much blood", she shivered, "Then I heard somepony yell from behind me. I don’t know what he said exactly, but I think it was something along the lines of “The Aristocrats!””
“Sounds awful”, I exclaimed, “How do you deal with them?”
“Well, I ain’t here for pleasantries”, she said and gulped down another glass of whiskey.
“But why don’t you just avoid these dreams?” I asked her.
“And let somepony else to suffer through this?!” she exclaimed in surprise “Trust me, it’s best I contain them so nopony else has to”.
As she said that, she placed the money for the drinks on the counter.
I took the money and gave it back to her.
“It’s on the house”, I said.
I tell ya, my respect for her grew at least three times in size that day.
You see a lot of weird things as a bartender. You see a lot of weird things at the Hay Palace. So, I see a lot of weird things as a bartender at the Hay Palace. And that’s no lie. Swear on me mum.