Advisory: For best reading experience, set "Formatting" to "Dark". Thank you.
A/N: Does anyone else remember the last time I did one man vs. an army of grunts? Neither do I.
Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, Funimation, Toei Animation, Fuji TV, and Akira Toriyama.
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The Moment No Pony was Waiting For
Season 4
Episode 9
This ought to be fun.
Witless... spineless... two descriptions that means somebody would lose their chance at victory under normal circumstances.
But which one is truly the most awful trait to have?
Representing the cowardice side is Yamcha from Dragon Ball.
He'll be facing off against the one-track minds of the Pinkie Pie clones.
He's W and I'm B.
And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.
---Death Battle---
Yamcha
-Human
-Desert bandit (formerly), martial arts fighter, Z warrior ("retired")
-Signature attack: Fist of the Wolf Fang or "Rogafufukin"
-Ki-based attacks: Turtle Destruction Wave "Kamehameha", Tri-Beam "Kikohou", Spinning Chi Bullet "Sokidan"
-One of the strongest in many of the early series' tournaments
-Once resisted being crushed by 300x normal Earth gravity for about thirty seconds
-Killed by a Saibaman, impaled by Dr. Gero, knocked out by Cell, absorbed by Buu
-Relationship status: Single
"Listen! This is all just a misunderstanding!"
Now here's a player that just can't catch a break.
The desert bandit Yamcha originally chased after the young Goku in hopes that the Dragon Balls would grant him the freedom from nervousness around female eye contact.
...and other female points of contact, if you know what I mean.
Eventually, he started a relationship with Bulma and trained under Kame-Sennin.
He used to fight with a sword, but nowadays he sticks with his fists and the palm of his hands. His training led to some crazy martial arts techniques like the Roku... Rogainafar... Fury...
Rogafufukin.
W! Language! There are children reading this!
*sigh* The Fist of the Wolf Fang is Yamcha's go-to barrage attack consisting of several punches and palm strikes. Later, he would figure out how to manipulate his Ki to perform attacks like the Kamehameha. However, his is not quite as quick or as powerful as Goku's.
Yeah, seriously. How much cinematic time does it take to form a bunch of hand signs before countering the coolest attack in fictional history?
Though, a Ki attack that seems to work better for Yamcha is the Sokidan: The "Spinning Chi Bullet".
With just the power of his mind and index finger, he can swing this ball of energy around to smack an enemy like a pinball. I bet he'd get all the high scores. But, it doesn't help that Toriyama uses Yamcha as his whipping boy.
In several of the significant sagas, Yamcha is usually the first one out of the gate and the first one to die or approach near-death.
And he lost his woman to the second most bad*ss Saiyan in the series, Vegeta.
A random clip of Vegeta's voice shouts, "I heard that!"
Is that okay?
"As a matter of fact, go *eff* yourself!"
Still, we're going to give Yamcha a chance to prove himself today.
"Don't worry. Most people come back normal."
"Hey, what's that supposed to mean?"
---Death Battle---
Pinkie Pie Clones
-Magical clones created from Pinkie Pie using the Mirror Pool
-Mission: Seek "fun", acquire "fun", have "fun", do all things "fun"
-Little to no consideration for their surroundings and other ponies
-Each one is insistent that they are the "real" Pinkie Pie
-Capable of mass destruction and small-scale earthquakes
-Each can jump several feet high, and can take advantage of cartoon physics
-Easily herded and fragile when attacked
"Then I wouldn't get to do that fun thing with Applesauce."
There comes a time when each of us must make a choice regarding what we do with our lives. For an all-over-the-place pony such as Pinkie Pie, she wasn't too fond of leaving any of her friends out of attention when they performed simultaneous tasks.
Her solution? Make more of her via a pond of water that requires a really cheesy poem! But one clone just wasn't enough to keep track of all of her friends. So, she made another one. But then those clones made more of them... and then they all made another one of her. By the time they were through cloning each other, they were just a few clones shy of a *ess*-ton.
Instead of going to separate locations like Pinkie Pie had wanted them to, they often crowded around the same place. With their mimicry of Pinkie Pie's high-sprung energy, they quickly drove the gist of Ponyville into annoyance.
Pinkie Pie quickly regretted her decision after seeing all of her friends suffer. But when she tried to get help, she was quickly confused with just another clone. Hell, she even doubted her own self.
Each clone seems to have a set goal of having as much fun as they possibly can, even at the risk of causing harm to fellow ponies and property. However, they seem to lack Pinkie Pie's complete ability to shatter the fourth wall, preferring to stick with impossible feats within the realm of cartoon physics, such as bending themselves into the shape of a pony's beard.
... or fitting two under the same hat!
With their one-track minds, the Pinkie Pie clones are easily herded like cattle. Additionally, they seem to carry a unique weakness to unicorn magic.
That and constantly getting distracted.
"Betcha can't make a face crazier than... this!"
---Death Battle---
All right, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.
It's time for a Death Battle!
---Death Battle---
The world seems to be in a relatively peaceful state. Gentle tidal waves run against the beach sand. The sun shines brightly upon the island. To top it off, a stinky cloud of smoke escapes the rooftop window. Everything is great as the camera flips over to the inside of Kame House.
"Thanks for wishing me back to life... again." Goku chuckles.
"Maybe you needed the Dragon Balls to come back." Vegeta grumbles. "I would've been fine if you *ssh*l*s had just given me a Sensu bean."
"Oh, yeah, I forgot to ask." Goku turns to his best buddy in curiosity. "How did you end up getting so beaten up before I went to that world to look for you?"
"I... er..." Vegeta struggles to find his words before he sighs. "I tripped on a skateboard."
Krillin tilts his head at that. "Wait, how would you trip on-"
"Shut up before I hit you with a skateboard," warns Vegeta.
The dwarf opts to whistle innocently while grabbing a can of Hetap from the fridge.
Piccolo crosses his arms. "If these aliens were capable of beating up two of our best fighters, we need a plan to do some damage control."
"How do you intend to do that?" asks Chi-Chi, poking her head into the room.
"Maybe if we send one of our more vulnerable locals, he can try and make peace with them," pipes in Gohan before turning the next page in his book. "Either that, or we'll at least lose someone that won't provoke a threat."
Everyone's eyes quickly glance over to a fine gentleman that has yet to say anything.
"Why are you all looking at me like that?"
---
Another spaceship from Capsule Corp flies through the reaches of space.
Someone on the inside screams, "Oh, this isn't fair!"
---
A combination of Deus Ex Harmonia, the magic within all of pony kind's survivors, and bad writing puts the world of Equestria back together in a somewhat stable form. Of course with this complete disregard for the space-time continuum, certain memories are relapsed. In other words, a certain pink pony forgets her lesson of why wandering to a specific path in the Everfree Forest is a bad idea. She takes a leisurely dip into a pool at the bottom of the ramp. The cave and water do a good impression of an active volcano.
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Somewhere at the forest's edge, a spaceship lands. Its door slowly opens out from the side to the ground. A figure rushes out and stands at the bottom of the ramp. He looks around rapidly, even with the scar above and below his eye.
Okay, no big deal, he futilely thinks to himself. I just have to scope the situation. I don't have to do any fighting or anything. Besides, how much pain can one or two alien ponies really cause?
Suddenly, the ground shakes underneath his feet. He looks down anxiously at the vibrating pebbles. He slowly turns to face the edge of the forest. He sees what looks like a massive blob of pink beans. However, as they hop closer, they look much more equine with cotton candy on their heads. Not to mention, they all seem to be saying a loud chant on repeat.
"Fun! Fun! Fun! Fun! Fun! Fun! Fun!"
Holy crap! It's a stampede! The poor human's panic is skyrocketing.
"FIGHT!"
Now that the stampede of Pinkie Pie clones is within a few stride lengths, they all catch a glimpse of the newcomer. At first, they look uncertain and blink in uneven patterns. However, one of them pops up and smiles. In a sort of hoard mentality, the rest soon find themselves fascinated with the human themselves and hop until they surround this point on the map.
"Fun! Fun! Fun!"
"No, wait! Stay back!" Yamcha cries out.
His insistence goes ignored. One clone hops up against his chest. Another leaps on top of his head. Yet another clone hops over and starts licking his fingers. Within a few seconds, the entire crowd of Pinkie Pies is doing their best imitation of the Agent Smiths. Luckily, they lack the body-hacking ability. Plus, their distraction with having fun with the human gives him a chance to flail his arms around.
"Neo Fist of the Wolf Fang!"
Yamcha's arms and hands move around faster than the clones and even the camera can accurately track. All of the Pinkie Pies go flying away from the man. He slams his palms into one last clone before taking a second to catch his breath. The clones quickly get back on their hooves as they slowly approach him, wondering what fun they'll have next.
"Get back!" warns Yamcha hysterically. "Don't make me use this!"
He holds his hand up. A small energy orb forms just above it. The Sokidan catches the entranced gaze of the clones.
"Gumball!" cheers one of the clones.
She quickly jumps over the crowd. Her mouth is wide open before it closes over and swallows the Spinning Chi Bullet. Yamcha freaks out as he shakes his hand around. The clone seems to shake around, refusing to let him have his weapon back. He tries shaking even more rapidly. The clone simply waggles through the air wherever Yamcha points.
Wait a minute... A light bulb clicks somewhere in Yamcha's mind.
The man swiftly waves his arm to the side. Following that line, the Pinkie Pie clone flies and smacks a fellow clone with her stomach. Yamcha swings his arm left. The clone flies into one of her lookalikes yet again. Chuckling, Yamcha waves his finger to point all over the battlefield. He has essentially turned this one clone into his new weapon to smack around the rest of the pink. Eventually, all of them are flying up in the air again. With some well-placed smacks, he manages to slam all of the clones into a straight line.
Yamcha puts his hands together. "Kamehame...ha!"
His destructive Ki wave first slams into his weaponized clone. The Chi Bullet within swells and then bursts out of that pony's backside. It then gathers force and momentum as it crashes into the next clone... and the next clone... and the clone after that... and then all of the rest of the clones.
Just before they hit the ground, each of the clones explodes into a cloud of pink smoke. These small clouds of pink whoosh into the forest from whence they came. Yamcha lets out a sigh of relief. That wasn't so bad.
"Multi-Kill!"
Wait a minute! There's one more pink pony sitting there. She... has tears in her eyes. Yamcha holds his arms in a defensive stance. However, this Pinkie Pie promptly wraps her hooves around him in a hug.
"Thank you so much!" she exclaims. "I wasn't sure I'd ever be real again."
He glances down at the pink wrapped around him. "Hold on. What?"
"Oh! I know!" Pinkie pulls back and looks at him with a hopeful smile. "Would you like some cake? For saving me from myself, I could give it to you on the house!"
Yamcha stares, baffled at the lack of context regarding what's going on. "Um... yes?"
"Great!" Pinkie Pie promptly pulls the side of the screen. Both she and Yamcha end up in the 'New Hero of Ponyville Party' scene. There are several ponies with varying colors and manes. Each of them is in the middle of enjoying the various party activities.
Oh man, the guys back home will never believe this, Yamcha thinks with a sigh. Heck, I don't even know what's going on.
---Death Battle---
I think Yamcha just beat A's pinball high score.
The Pinkie Pie clones are a force to be reckoned with and are destructive in numbers. However, they lack any tactical sense beyond ramming into something for the fun of it.
Yamcha may have been stabbed and blown up in the past, but he's got the know-how to avoid those life-threatening situations.
Yamcha's skills may pale in comparison to the rest of the Dragonball characters, but he can hold up his own weight for several seconds under intense gravity, much more than what ten or twenty little ponies could possibly hold on top of him.
While Pinkie Pie herself can pull out items at random and shatter the fourth wall, her clones don't have quite as much liberty with their abilities and must follow the limitations of anyone inside of a television show.
And of the two sides, only Yamcha has the moves that are suited for a finishing blow. Sometimes, being paranoid is all it takes to outlive a herd of idiots.
In the end, their assets were pooled together.
The winner is Yamcha.
---Death Battle---
Next time on Death Battle...
"I am the only serious character. That is the joke."
Vs.
"I dare you to call me a 'background pony' one more gosh-tarn time."
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