//------------------------------// // Episode 92 & 93: The Cutie SMASH // Story: Yak to the Future // by hazeyhooves //------------------------------// “This is where the map sent us?” Rainbow Dash said as she peered at the mysterious town from behind the boulder. “Looks like the most boring place in Equestria!” “That's just an ordinary village full of ordinary pony folk.” Applejack shrugged. “Wait a minute, those ain't ponies at all. They're yaks.” “I don't like it. I don't like it one bit.” Pinkie Pie glared at the villagers as they shambled about the town square. “I know smiles - and those smiles? They're just not right.” “Forget the smiles, look at their cutie marks,” said Twilight. “I didn't even know yaks could have cutie marks.” Each yak had an identical cutie mark of a bold equal sign. “Okay, that's weird,” said Rainbow Dash. The ponies cautiously headed into the meager town, greeted by each yak they passed by with an identical “welcome!” It wasn't long before they came across a yak with a lavender coat and a mane of violet and turquoise streaks. “Welcome to village! Me Staryak Glimmer, founder!” She peered at Twilight Sparkle's wings and horn. “You princess?!” “Er, yes. I'm Princess Twilight Sparkle, but just call me Twilight if— ” “Princess not equal!” Staryak snorted. “If things not equal, yaks get mad! Yaks always get mad when things not equal!” Twilight grimaced and took a cautious step backwards. “You have unique cutie marks! Cutie marks not equal! Cutie marks make yaks mad! Yaks SMASH!” Then the yaks stomped up and down, trampling the ponies' cutie marks under their hooves, turning them into wispy vapors that they trapped in glass jars. “Our cutie marks!” Twilight gasped in disbelief. “Give them back!” “I am downright stumped as to how that just happened.” Applejack shook her head in bewilderment. “Wait!” Staryak stopped smashing, and the others followed suit. “Yaks getting ahead of ourselves! Yaks give tour of village!” The yaks paraded down the street in lines as a crisp drumming march rattled through the air. Flutes, tubas, and trumpets joined in as the yaks sang a verse from their anthem. In yak town, in yak town yaks work as a team yaks can't have a nightmare if yaks always SMASH Then the yaks destroyed the town. The houses collapsed into piles of debris and splintered planks as the yaks threw their body weight onto and into any standing structure in sight. Rarity groaned in pain and brushed the dust off her mane. “I don't think this town is very lovely.” Rainbow Dash rubbed her bruised head with a hoof. “Now I'm more confused than ever on why the map sent us here.” Staryak walked up to Twilight and stared her in the eyes. “Village is equal! Yaks happier here! Everything equal make yaks happy! Ponies join village?! Choice entirely up to ponies!” Twilight Sparkle grimaced. “Don't take this the wrong way, but I don't think this is where we belong.” Rainbow Dash snorted. “Yeah. Did you seriously think we like this?” Rarity nodded. “This is simply not an comfortable environment for friendship.” Applejack wiped the sweat from her brow. “Especially with all the smashing going on.” Pinkie Pie narrowed her eyes. “The smashing I can understand, but those smiles? Not my kind of party.” Staryak hung her head and sighed in disappointment. “Yaks accept decision! If ponies not happy, ponies free to go! Yaks return cutie marks!” She walked away toward the remains of her house, where the six glass bottles somehow remained intact under the pile of rubble. “Whew.” Twilight could feel the tension leaving her chest already. “I'm glad we settled that without some misunderstanding.” “Well actually, I don't think it's fair of us to judge how you yaks want to smash, um, everything.” Fluttershy meekly spoke up. “We shouldn't be so rude. I'm willing to give it a try.” Staryak stopped in mid-step. The ponies flinched, and . For that moment, everything stood still. Staryak slowly craned her head around to look at Fluttershy, her face frozen in horrified shock. Fluttershy gulped. “Ponies' decision not equal! Yaks SMASH!!” In Twilight's castle library, Big Mac and Spike had the biggest grins on their faces as they flipped through the photo-studded pages of their book, The Complete History of Hoofball Championships. “Wow, you were right, Big Mac!” Spike beamed as he read the captions in the margins. “The Bulldogs scored a backdoor touchdown in the very last minute to break the tie and win the grand finals, 37 to 31. What an underdog story! That must have been one of the greatest hoofball moments ever.” Big Mac nodded. “Eyup.” Staryak Glimmer crashed through the crystal wall and flipped over the couch. “Hoofball score not equal! Yaks SMASH!!”