Pinkamena rolled over, frowning to herself. This was starting to get out of hand. Just the other day she had practically stared at Twilight's ink-spotted face. A few seconds more and it would have gotten very awkward. Sooner or later, somepony was going to notice. Not for the first time, she silently thanked whatever twist of genetics had produced a bright pink coat in the Pie family. It made blushes so much easier to hide.
It was hopeless, of course. She knew that. There was no way that such a relationship could work. She was, essentially, the product of an abnormal brain structure and a nasty instance of psychological trauma. A split personality that only enjoyed some semblance of normal life due to the afore-mentioned brain structure and the wonders of Pinkie Pie's...unusual relationship with the rest of reality. She shared a body with two other individuals, and they rotated control of said body almost at random. The only clear pattern that she generally spent the least amount of time in control out of the three. What pony would be willing to even date somepony with such a screwed-up personal life? Who would like it if their special somepony was in control of their body only some of the time, and any intimate moments with whom would have two observers by default?
And that wasn't even the biggest issue. That particular title went to the question of whether Twilight even liked mares to begin with. Heck, until she'd bumped into that guard in the Crystal Empire, after coming back through the mirror, Twilight hadn't shown the slightest hint that she was interested in stallions either. Until then, Pinkamena had been half-convinced that the Librarian/Princess was asexual!
Pinkamena groaned, and buried her head in her pillow. She was getting worked up over it all again. Logically, with the exception of ignoring it, there was nothing that she could really do with this crush that wasn't going to end badly. Therefore, the best course of action would probably be to ignore it and hope it faded over time.
Or just wait until Twilight fell in love with somepony and then deal with the heartbreak...
She shook her head to get rid of the unwanted thought. That was enough of that. She had to get to sleep soon or her 'sisters'- she called them that because really, they were as close as sisters, and in any case the word fitted as well as any other could- would wonder what was on her mind. And then start the unwanted questioning.
The next day brought a semi-welcome distraction in the form of Zecora. On one hoof, the excitement caused by the Zebra's tale did wonders for getting Pinkamena focused on something other than her issues. On the other, this was because Zecora had been robbed by a certain convict in the middle of the night. The Zebra had limped into town early that morning with an injured leg, apparently caused by Probe magically blasting her backwards into a wall. As soon as they had heard what had happened from a customer, one of the Ponyville doctors who had been on duty at the time, Surprise had shot across town in a blur. Pinkamena tried to ignore the view from their eyes, in case Surprise took a 'short-cut' or two. She had enough on her mind without getting a headache from watching reality being twisted for ease of travel.
"Zecora!" yelled Surprise as she burst through the door. "Are you alright?!?"
The occupants of the room- that is, two guards, Nurse Redheart, and Zecora herself, all flinched. The Zebra herself was in a bed, with the guards on one side and Redheart on the other. The white walls and clean, simple furniture identified the room as being in Ponyville hospital.
There was an awkward moment of silence, broken only by the sound of Surprise panting heavily, before Zecora managed to get her thoughts together. "My leg is hurt, but I am still intact. Nurse Redheart told me this is a fact."
"Oh, ok." Surprise switched from panic to her normal, cheery disposition in the blink of an eye. The panting stopped too- it was like her exhaustion had completely disappeared. To be honest, though, there was likely not much need to breathe deeply in the first place; Surprise did tend to exaggerate such things. "Sooo...does it hurt?" she asked curiously, peering at Zecora's bandaged leg.
Zecora chuckled. "It does sting quite a bit, but I have taken many a harder hit."
One of the guards coughed. "Er, Miss Zecora? I still need to finish taking your statement..."
As Zecora apologised and recounted the events of the previous night, Surprise sat and listened, surprisingly quiet. That is, she only interrupted the zebra about five times throughout the tale. When Zecora was finished with her story, the guard put away his notepad and thanked her for her time.
"It was no trouble, Sergeant Blade. I know it is important to not allow the memory to fade."
"Uh...yeah. I agree." nodded the guard awkwardly. He was clearly unused to Zecora's rhyming. Surprise stifled a small giggle at the look on his face. The guards filed out of the room, and just before the door closed the occupants could hear the beginnings of a conversation:
"The LT. is gonna flip when he reads this..."
"Oh come on, I'm sure it won't be that bad!"
"We came for a statement, Steel Blade! This is a bloody three-page poem!"
As the door closed, preventing any further eavesdropping, a rather awkward silence hovered in the room for a moment. This was soon broken, however, by Surprise finally losing her self-restraint and falling to the floor laughing. Zecora joined in soon after, followed by Redheart.
"I...I must admit." chuckled Zecora in-between breaths. "I may have overdone it a bit!"
After chatting to Zecora to a bit, Pinkie had taken over and bounced around town for a bit, chatting to various ponies. After a while, Pinkamena spoke up.
"Hey, Pinkie? Aren't you forgetting something?"
Pinkie tilted her head. "I'm forgetting something?"
Pinkamena sighed. "What were we doing before we heard about Zecora?" she prompted.
"...Oops." Pinkie winced. They'd ditched work. "I'd better get back, huh?"
"There you are!"
"Hmm?" Pinkie turned around, to see two rather bedraggled guards running up to her. "We've been looking all over town for you, Miss Pie! Please, don't go running off like that!" The same guard said, trotting up to her. His partner stayed silent. A muscle near his eye was twitching. Pinkie looked at him curiously.
"Hey, what's up Mr. Guard? You're looking a bit twitchy."
The guard stayed silent. His slightly wide-eyed expression stayed intact too. His partner coughed awkwardly. "I'm not sure what's wrong with him, Miss Pie. He got a good look at..whatever it was you did outside the sofa shop, and hasn't been right since."
"Whoops! My bad!"
"Oooh." said Pinkie understandingly, as Pinkamena facehoofed. "Not to worry! Just let him sleep it off and he'll be fine."
"Sleep it off? Are you sure?"
Pinkie taped her chin. "Weellll, I think so, at least. Mr. Cake saw me do something one time, and he managed to get better after a night or two. He did have a few nightmares the first night, though, so watch out for that, okay?"
"...Nightmares?" asked the guard hesitantly.
Pinkie nodded. "Yup! Most ponies don't like it when I do my thing, and their brains can go a little wibbly for a while if they get a clear look at it. It gets better quickly, though, so no need to worry!"
"Your...thing? Actually, never mind. I don't wanna know." said the guard, putting a hoof to his head and closing his eyes for a moment. He sighed, and reassumed his original stance. "Will you be returning to the bakery now?" he asked.
"Yup! Sorry about running off, but I was super-worried about Zecora, you know?" Pinkie apologised, smiling at the guard. She turned to the catatonic guard. "Sorry about what you saw, Mr. Twitchy-Eye Guard Pony! I'll be more careful next time, Pinkie Promise!" She made the required gestures quickly, much to the confusion of the speaking guard. He decided to just ignore it though, mentally filing it under 'Strange things done by Miss Pie'.
The Canterlot guards, though new to Ponyville, were quickly getting used to doing that.