//------------------------------// // Week 7: Princess Spike - Rarity and Spike go to Heck // Story: EqD Writers Training Ground for Georg - S5 // by Georg //------------------------------// Week 7: Princess Spike - Rarity and Spike go to Heck For the S5 EqD Writer’s Training Ground Rarity and Spike travel to Tartarus to recover a misplaced prince. Romance does not ensue. Well, much. (Yeah, it’s late. So?) Princess Spike - Rarity and Spike go to Heck It had been a long, silent trip on the train back to Ponyville as Spike and Rarity sat next to each other with the little dragon trying to look in every direction except hers. He had been so troubled after Twilight had woken up from her nap and found the ongoing disaster, and absolutely certain that it was all his fault that a series of totally random coincidences that he had somewhat encouraged by his actions had caused such a kerfuffle. Rarity really did not want to blame the little dragon, but it had been his responsibility, and it was his job to clean up afterwards. “I still don’t see why Twilight sent you along with me,” complained Spike. “I could do this by myself, you know.” “Dearest Spike,” started Rarity with a flicker of eyelashes that always disarmed the grumpy little dragon whenever he was in one of his ‘moods.’ “What kind of friend would I be if I left you go on this dangerous journey all by yourself?” “I’ve done this before with Twilight and Princess Celestia,” said Spike with a huff. “It’s not all that big a deal.” “Still, it could be dangerous,” warned Rarity. “Besides, even if you’ve been here several times, I’ve never visited even once.” “Never?” The little dragon perked up. “Would you like a tour? It’s a little scary if you’ve never been here before, but I’ll protect you.” “That would be wonderful, Spike,” said Rarity. * * * After leaving Ponyville, they walked down the narrow road side-by-side as Spike began cast nervous glances up at his escort. After due consideration, Rarity finally asked, “Is there something wrong, Spikie?” “I just… Well, I don’t… You aren’t angry at me for this, are you. I had the best of intentions.” “Spike, you know the road to Tartarus is paved with good intentions. It’s right there on the sign.” She pointed at a small sign next to the road that read ‘Good Intentions - Next 3’ “It’s just…” Spike twisted to look away as they walked. “I know you wanted to tell him first.” “True.” Rarity walked for a while, sucking on her bottom lip to aid in concentration while Spike was looking the other way. “I really had considered saying it, and I really wanted to say it. A proper lady does not say such things, particularly to him. Even if he is a brute,” she added with a derisive sniff. “So it was ok for me to say it then?” Spike looked hopeful, and she really did not like having to crush his little spirit, so she settled for a brief squeeze, both physical and conversational. “That you did say it is the second most important point,” she admitted. “That you realize that it was wrong, even if it felt right, is the most important point. Suppose he was hurt on the way here. Or attacked by a manticore and choked it to death with his fat head. Fluttershy would have been horribly upset.” “So it was wrong, even though it felt right, and I should be sorry for it, even though he deserved it and more. Right?” Rarity considered the point for a while as they walked. “You don’t have to be sorry for it,” she corrected, “only realize that it was wrong and that you shouldn’t do it again. So how much further is the entrance,” she added, trying to change the subject. “We’re almost there,” said Spike. “Just remember when we get there to watch out for the—” A stentorian barking tore through the peaceful woods as an immense dog with three heads burst out of the trees and glared down at them. One head darted forward at Spike, one at where Rarity stood frozen in fear in the middle of the road, and the third remained where it was, dripping saliva around a bright red ball in its mouth. “You are such a good doggie, yes you are! C’mere, you big lovable critter, you.” Spike crawled up on top of one head and began scratching vigorously behind the ear as the head over Rarity began to drool long strands of gooey slobber. “Go ahead and throw the ball, Rarity. He likes that.” “Ball?” squeaked Rarity, trying not to get drooled on and failing as the sodden red object splatted to a halt at her hooves. She worked up her courage and grabbed the slimy thing with her magic, throwing it just as far away as she could get it, followed by the huge multi-headed dog in full howl. “Whoa,” said Spike as he dug himself out of a nearby bush. “Warn a guy before you do that.” “Will it be back?” she asked, listening to the crashing in the forest as the dog searched for its toy. “Normally, Princess Celestia and I play with Cerebus for a while before we go in,” started Spike, motioning to a dark cavern entrance. “But sometimes we’re in a hurry—” “We’re in a hurry,” blurted out Rarity as she dashed for the entrance, levitating Spike along in her wake. The rustling and crashing out in the woods had stopped, and before the huge dog came bounding back, she had darted into the cave and came to a screeching halt at a small gate with a stunningly beautiful red mare sitting behind it, applying a hoof file to a stubborn rough spot on her right forehoof. “Picking up or dropping off?” asked the red mare in a low monotone before catching sight of Spike dangling in Rarity’s magic. “Spikies!” The mare bounded over the desk and swept Spike up in a hug with several lipstick-stained kisses immediately following. “Two Equestrians in one day! So what did this one do, Spikies?” The red mare gave Rarity an evaluating glance, and Rarity was shocked to see two short horns poking out of her mane, as well as a long red tail that came to a triangular point. “She didn’t do anything, Seraphine. This is my friend, Rarity. Rarity, I’d like you to meet Seraphine, Guardian of the Gate.” “So pleased to meet you,” said Rarity, extending a hoof with a cautious glance at the cave entrance where a huge doggish shadow had just appeared. A sharp sizzle broke her concentration and Rarity hopped backwards, shaking her hoof to cool it down. “Hey, Hot Stuff,” chided Spike. “That wasn’t very nice.” “Well, she needs to get used to it, if she’s going to be spending the rest of her life here.” Seraphine smiled, or at least lifted the corners of her mouth to expose numerous sharp white teeth. “She’s escorting me, Seraphine,” said Spike with somewhat of a huff. “Protecting me from anything dangerous while I go pick up your latest guest.” “Is his sentence up already?” Seraphine bounded back over her desk and hoofed through the book. “He really doesn’t have a due date. I was going to drop by and see him in five years when I get a day off.” She waggled one eyebrow at Spike. “Give him a taste of some hot plot.” “He was sent here by accident,” explained Spike while Rarity blew on her smoldering hoof and considered just how much she really wanted to see the proposed romantic liaison. Preferably while holding a stick with a marshmallow on it. “Accident, huh?” Seraphine shuffled a few papers around on the desk and looked innocent. “So you want me to lose the paperwork, have him reassigned, and see just how long it takes before anypony notices him missing?” Yes! “No,” said Spike with obvious reluctance. “We just need to pick him up and take him back home. Today.” “After he plays with Cerebus for a while,” added Rarity. The excited bark from outside indicated agreement from at least one of the two parties. “I suppose,” said Seraphine, pulling out some papers and hoofing them over to Rarity. “If I can just get you to sign on the line, I’ll open the gate and— Hey!” Spike’s flame engulfed the paperwork and whisked it out the cavern entrance and away to Canterlot. Rarity was unsure if she was more shocked at the sudden blaze or Spikey-Wikey’s incredible control. Not even one hair on her coat was even singed, while the only thing left was the coal-black quill still dripping with a dark red substance she preferred not to think about. “A girl has the right to try,” groused Seraphine as she swung the gates open and nodded while they strolled through. * * * “Tartarus seems to be an… interesting place,” remarked Rarity once they had gotten far enough away from the entrance for her to speak again. “You haven’t seen any of it yet,” gushed Spike. “Wait until you see the Exploding Fire Fountains, or the Lake of Eternally Burning Pitch, or even The Pit of Endless Agony.” “I… see,” said Rarity, trying to keep a brave face. “Is that where you sent him?” “Actually, no.” Spike kicked a small pebble out of the way, which grew legs, yelped, and scurried off into the darkness. “I sent him to the lame side. There’s really nothing there to see other than the Pools of Tepid Water, the Smoldering Pits of Somewhat Rounded Rocks, and the Library of Insufficient Light.” He suppressed a shudder. “Twilight hates that place. Princess Celestia has to search her everytime we come here to make sure she doesn’t smuggle in a lantern.” Rarity nodded. Endless torture for an eternity tended to be rather variable depending on the subject. “Still, I suppose tourism should wait until a second trip when we can linger a little longer. Let’s just focus on retrieving our errant knight for now. Where do you think he is?” Spike shrugged. “It’s Tuesday, so he’s probably at the spa.” “The spa?” Rarity’s eye twitched. “This place has a spa?” * * * It certainly seemed to be a spa, at least from the outside and considering the environment. A river of steaming mud flowed into one end of the building and out the other, seeming somehow more dirty on the exit than the entrance. A dismal sign in dull grey letters proclaimed ‘spa’ over the front door, which hung on one hinge and dropped little bits of decaying wood whenever a customer dragged themselves in or out past the three or four grey ponies chain smoking cigarettes just outside. “A spa,” said Rarity for the uncounted time, only this time adding a curious look at the little dragon and a question. “What was that, Spike?” The little dragon looked away and scuffed one foot in the loose pumice of the path. “I said you would have told him exactly what I did.” Taking a deep breath of cigarette-tainted air, Rarity bent down to look Spike in the eyes. “No, Spike. I may have wanted to tell him, and possibly dreamed about it at times, but there is a difference between wanting something that you cannot have and wanting something within your reach.” “Oh.” A certain amount of fire seemed to die out in the dragon, but was encouraged back into flame when Rarity bent forward just a smidge more and kissed Spike right on the forehead. “Oh?” “I’m very glad I decided to travel with you today, Spike.” Rarity smiled. “And you’re right. I couldn’t have told him what you did.” She kissed him again on exactly the same spot. “Thank you.” “So…” Spike failed to hide a growing smile, but Rarity placed one hoof on his lips. “So.” She gestured towards the blocky spa with one hoof. “A gentlecolt gets the door for his lady.” “As you wish!” Spike darted forward through the chain-smoking staff to swing the door open and followed behind as Rarity proceeded into the run-down and shabby building. It took a very short time to find their prey, as a group of elderly mares who each outweighed Rarity by an even multiple of her weight surrounded the handsome stallion. Blueblood had taken refuge in the ‘hot’ tub and was huddled away from the promises of kisses and ‘other’ favors from his admirers. “Prince Blueblood, I presume,” said Rarity with only the hint of a smile. “I’m sorry, ladies. His Highness is needed back at the castle. “But Princess Twilight told me to go here,” whined Blueblood. “I’m sorry, Prince Blueblood,” said Spike. “I was the one who told you to go to Heck.”