//------------------------------// // Denial and Truth. // Story: Legacy // by NFire //------------------------------// I’m trying very hard not to panic. My friends are looking at me as we set for a moment in the forest. The hole in the ground a mute testimony to what just happened and I’m not sure what actually did. I register the explosion as at least a kiloton or less, whatever was in that smoking opening is nothing but ashes and glass. Now...now they’re waiting to see if I can bring Crusader back online. They know he’s been rebooted before and Applejack is giving me a warm smile. I can see her confidence in me, the ability to bring back the one she loves gives her a false expectation. But it isn’t false to her, only to me. She doesn’t know. I can’t tell her. He’s not there. I replay the last few seconds of the TSDS between us. I see the mass going critical before the EMP wipes out communications. Then silence, there is nothing anymore except the hiss of a communications band that is dead. Resartus has not stepped in because there is no instability registering in his cores. He is simply not there. I sweep the cores looking for the fire, the personality that was warming to me, that comforted in dark times and it is absent. Nothing remains. I’m trying not to cry or look distraught but it is hard. I attempt another reboot from backups. BoloWorks Emergency Personality Bootstrap.... Working.... Backups accessed... Arrays Optimal..processing... Viral Sweep Clear... Cores 98.2% viable... ALERT!... **Null result**...Personality not accessible.... Run Shutdown..emergency stop...Resartus available... NO! NONONO! Again...and again....and again... The same result, there is nothing to bring back. My brother is gone and I cannot find him. His cores are quiet and deep, like looking into a still clear lake without a ripple to disturb it’s surface. It is calm as I sweep his arrays over and again, looking for something that may have been left behind. The magic he was fighting was off any scale we have, the thing battered at him tremendously. It was leaking through his screens, clawing it’s way inside his very soul. He did the only thing he could. But why? Why couldn’t he tell me? WHY? I want to hammer this armor plate under my hoof into scrap, I want to scream my anger at his sacrifice. Did you know this would happen and do it anyways? Or did it not occur to you that this would be the end result? No, you didn’t know did you brother? You were always honorable and brave and you did what you always have, thought of others before yourself. Damn you Crusader, you PROMISED me! “So what’s the verdict Athena? That dunderhead done scrambled himself again?” Applejack is chuckling, remembering the times when he did something noble and got in trouble, but we always managed to find a way to bring him back. Her confidence in me is chilling. I can’t do this Crusader, I can’t be you. Watching them eye the rubble around the crater and thinking that maybe things will get back to normal now that you’ve destroyed the evil. What do I tell them? HOW do I tell them. “He..uh y..yes. He got sc...scrambled a bit in the bl..blast. It’s g..g..going to t..take a w..while to get him b...back..” I can’t look her in the eye, seeing them sparkling in anticipation of seeing you again Crusader. “Well ain’t no reason to be shy there Athena, doncha worry none.” She grabs me in a warm hug I do not deserve. “I guess we just gotta wait then.” Twilight steps near us as we stand on top of the Ferret, “Is it gone? Finally?” I access sensors and scan the area for the moment, seeing nothing registering except a slight rise in background radiation. Typical you my brother, making sure nothing remains, not even a threat of radioactivity. I nod to her, “Y..yes. He g..g..got it. I d..don’t think we h..have to w..worry any..any..anymore.” Rainbow Dash slips into the air, pumping her hoof upwards, “Yeah! That’ll teach things to mess with ponies!” The Alicorn looks at all of us, “Let’s go check the Tree, see if it’s all right? Can we do that Athena? Please?” “O..of c..course!” I usher them all inside, bringing the transport around and heading for the canyon where the Tree is. It doesn’t take us long to get there, the day is still bright and warm as we slew to a halt near the cliff’s edge. Twilight scrambles down the ramp first, heading for the stairs. I make sure the vehicle is secured before walking behind the others as they talk happily. I cannot join them, I have lied so badly to my friends. They don’t notice as we clamber down the stairs cut into the side of the canyon wall, ending up in the same cavern as before. It is there, the shield no longer around it as they gather close to the shining Tree. “The shield’s not there anymore.” Twilight is speaking out loud to herself as she tentatively pushes a hoof outward, stepping and pushing until she reaches the trunk itself. Fluttershy looks up at the glowing branches, “Maybe it was just protecting itself from that thing?” Twilight walks around the tree slowly, looking at the ground, she stops and points to something lying there, “You’re right! Look at this!” We gather to her, seeing a thick piece of fleshy appendage lying on the ground, cut off by the force field when it established itself. The thing had been tapping it to produce the horrors we had fought so long. “It was controlling the tree!” She gets a fierce look on her face, horn lighting up as a beam of magic sped outward, hitting the scrap of tentacle and turning it to ash. “Well no more, hopefully that’s the last of it.” I sweep the cavern with my own sensors, registering nothing but the power of the Tree beside me as I nod to Twilight, “I..I th..think that was..was it Tw..Twilight.” They spread out at Twilight’s command, searching the ground for anything more that we could possibly miss. I do not look, but I step closer to the Tree itself, placing a hoof on the crystal trunk. Please tell me where my brother is? Please, I’m begging you. I believe in the magic, I do! But I need my brother, I can’t do this without him! I’ll give up wanting to fly, I will! I’ll give all the magic back that I have! Just please tell me where he is! Take anything you want, I’ll give it all up! It stands stoic and quiescent, the gems glittering along it’s length as I beg and plead for anything, a simple sign of where he might be that I may go and bring him back. I can’t cry, not in front of my friends, not yet. I have to keep trying to bring him back no matter what. I’ve lied, I’ve told them he is just a bit off because of the fight. I didn't tell them the truth because I am afraid. I’m sorry I’ve lied, I’m sorry! Please, whatever you want I’ll give it, just tell me where he is! I lean my head against the trunk and ask for all I am worth. “Whoa! What’s goin’ on?” Applejack’s voice is surprised as I open my eyes, seeing a glow surrounding all of us. It shines brightly, overwhelming my sensors until I drop filters into place. The luminescence is golden and warm picking us all up until we are in a floating ring around the tree. “Hey! What’s happening Twilight?” Rainbow Dash is trying to move out of the encompassing magic. “I don’t know!” We float for a moment as the power flows within the Tree, I can see it gathering strength and then pulsing outwards at us. I feel the warmth as I try to put my battle screen up to block the magic, it will disrupt my systems! But..I don’t.. I can’t and I wait for the inevitable punishment for my falsehoods. Instead there is a glittering whirlwind around us all, closing in and comforting, warm and sheltering from any storm. It permeates my systems like a river of love before it fades, setting us down gently on the ground, leaving the seven of us looking at each other quizzically. The gems hanging from the branches tinkle softly for a few moments, a softly chiming song of wonder and marvel. “What was that?” Rarity is checking herself, making sure everything is still in place. “I..I don’t know.” Twilight is staring at the Tree, “A thank you maybe?” She points at me, “You touched the Tree, what did you do?” “I..” I look at my hoof and blink, “I..I d..didn’t do any..anything I..I swear..” Applejack is scratching her head behind the hat, “Well ain’t that something. Huh. All kinds of weirdness lately ah guess.” Fluttershy’s eyes are closed as she hugs herself, shivering in the glow from the Tree, “Oh it was wonderful, like a big warm hug!” A hug. That’s it? A hug? My ire rises until I am fairly livid with anger. My brother is dead or missing and this is what you think covers the blood price? I lean into the tree, whispering to it in Concordiat Standard, I have a feeling it will understand me. “He sacrifices himself for you, killing this thing that had controlled you and this is all you do? This is what you think will pay for such loyalty and selflessness? No. No I don’t think so. I do not know what connection you may have to where he is or might be, but since you are said to be this powerful thing, you had better find a way to bring him back or help me find him. Otherwise I have no need of you, for I am technology at it’s finest, I don’t care about anything else when it comes to Crusader. I would never hurt my friends though, oh no, I will wait generations until you are but a faded memory and nopony even remembers you because I have given them science instead of your ‘magic’. Then I will be the last thing you ever see before you are crushed to dust." I move closer so nopony can hear me. "So you take your hippy-dippy mystical magical glittery hug and shove it up whatever you use for an ass...sideways." I point a hoof slowly at the crystal Tree. "Everypony keeps forgetting something, my brother is the nice one.” Twilight is looking at me oddly as I turn back around with a look of rage on my face. “Everything okay Athena?” Composing my face, making sure it does not show what I am feeling inside, I answer softly, “I..it is. S..sorry.. J..just thinking.” I scuff a hoof on the ground, turning to look at the Tree one last time before we leave the cavern. Bolos always keep their promises. Remember that. Twilight nods, nudging me with an elbow as she smiles, “I think it’s time to go home don’t you?" I can only nod in return as the group heads out of the lit cavern, leaving the Tree once more to it’s solitude, chiming softly to itself. We load back up one last time, the others chattering happily about a successful mission. They all truly believe Crusader will be back up and about in no time. He has told them so many times and now they believe it in their hearts that he would have a backup that could return if anything untoward happened. As we turn to leave in the transport I can’t help but wonder if this is truly what happens to us in the end, we just...disappear? Well my brother, you didn’t plan on this. I try not to join in with the conversations as a way to avoid thinking, trying to keep up appearances to make it seem as if everything’s going to be all right. But it is hard, I keep trying to reboot Crusader and failing. I don’t know whether to rage or fall apart in anguish. Nothing is all right, nothing. The backups aren’t replacing what they should, the information is not there, it’s as if everything that made Crusader alive is simply gone. Oh stars Crusader where ARE you? Please...please tell me this is all a bad dream and this is not happening. -------------- The cider is flat in my mouth, it should be foaming and delicious but it tastes of nothing more than various natural chemicals and flavors. Something to be drunk because of reaction mass needs and not to be enjoyed. Perhaps it’s because there is no joy left to be found without Crusader to share things with. I stare into my mug as ponies around me celebrate an end to The Troubles as they are now calling them. Such a simple thing to be calling adventures as we’ve been having. I can’t help but sigh to myself as I have set the reboot actions on automatic, every few seconds it is attempting to bring him back and failing. It’s not hard being a fraud. I smile and nod when ponies come around wanting to give their best to Crusader and I lie to them. I tell them he’s having a hard time right now and that he’ll be back soon, and I do it with a straight face. I just access my facial muscles and set them in a pleasant expression, the right smile, one gesture and it’s all to the better. How easily we can slip into deception when we wish to avoid the painful things, the hurtful moments where we find ourselves stopped in time and wondering why it happens. I set my empty mug on the table, turning to leave before anypony notices I’m not quite myself. I’ve been sitting her not saying anything for too long. “Athena?” I turn to see Twilight smiling at me, her eyes sparkling in the evening light, “Yes?” “Is something wrong? You’ve been acting strange since the fight. Is Crusader really okay?” I want to damn her intelligence and observation of things. “N..no. I’m just actually worn a bit, need to maintenance myself and get things back up to normal. It’s sure been hectic the past few weeks!” I give her one of my warmest smiles. “Are you sure? You normally enjoy things like this.” She gestures to the party where some of our friends are laughing at a joke while Pinkie tells a story complete with exaggerated gestures to some fillies. “I’m p..positive. Crowds make me a bit nervous I..I g..guess.” “Oh...okay then.” She grins, hugging me with a warmth I do not deserve. “Well hopefully Crusader will be up and running soon enough! Think it’ll take long?” “Oh a few days, maybe longer.” Never! I want to scream out loud, he’s never coming back because he’s gone! He left us all, he left everything that meant something to him because he wanted to protect all of us! He was noble and kind and loving and sought the best for everyone! He just wanted to sit on a porch and watch the days go by in peace, but now he can’t! His silent cores were open to me, showing me his feelings, his weariness of battle, the longing for warm summer days of happiness with Applejack. I felt the voyeur at first, but couldn’t help seeing his thoughts and wishes recorded for posterity. His wanting to heal me almost overwhelmed with the thought I should have paid closer attention instead of acting like I did. To have thanked him more often for everything. But all Twilight sees is a smiling mare, who returns the hug with a passion she doesn’t even feel anymore. My anger is misplaced, but I cannot help it, there is no more enemy now to rail at or to vent my rage. Crusader even took that with him so there would be no more worries. So I lie. I lie to everypony to avoid that moment when it becomes all too real. “I h..have to go, bu..but maybe I’ll see you to..tomorrow?” I get a hopeful look on my face even though I don’t wish to see anyone. “Sure! Come on by the Castle and we’ll spend the day or something!” She taps a hoof against her chin, “Maybe I ought to check my calender to make sure.” She shakes her head, looking at me once more, “Nevermind that, make sure to come by.” “I..I will.” Her eyes go soft as she steps close to me, “You know you can talk to me..us..about anything right? That’s what friends do.” I almost panic, almost. The sudden offer catches me off guard with a feeling that she knows, she knows everything! But it fades quickly, I am just being anxious. “Oh, I know,” I try and sound bright, “If I need to t..talk about anything you’ll be the first.” We part with another hug and a farewell. I try and avoid the others as I make my way out of the town center. It would not do to run into Applejack, for some reason Crusader always believed she could see when someone was telling a falsehood, but I think my facade has held up. I am not wanting to test it, so I avoid her altogether. Not talking much during the trip back probably helped too, telling them I was busy controlling things and trying to get Crusader back up. It was the truth, as far as I saw it. ------------ I choke back a sob, covering my mouth as I see a basket of muffins sitting by the entryway into Crusader’s command deck. Derpy has left them since the day he fixed her problem, though he tried many times to tell her she needn’t do so, Dinky always came by with a fresh basket every day. I take them inside, setting them on the command console as I look around the quiet deck. The air conditioners are humming softly as silence reigns in it’s simple way. He kept his mementos here, telling me he wanted them where he could see them every day. The Cutie Mark Crusader cape draped over the chair he was especially proud of, the first friends he made here. A bundle of dried flowers as a thank you for saving a life. So many little things that make up our existence. My hoof slips on a piece of perma-paper lying on the floor, it was not like him to leave anything out of place. As I take a closer look at it, seeing printing on the face, a single word stands out. Athena.. No..nonono you did not leave a note, no! I turn away, holding back the rush of emotions that threaten my very sanity. But my eyes stray back, I can’t help it. Athena, Of course I would leave a note for you, I always have before we went into battle, but never showed them to you. I thought it best if such fatalistic things were kept secret sometimes. Perhaps I am waiting to be rebooted, or something worse has gone wrong and I am not here. Whichever the case, know that I am going into this battle with full knowledge that something may happen to me. If the latter is true, understand this, I placed overrides in your avatar because I have seen the growing inside of us both of something new and wonderful. One of us must be here to see it come to fruition whatever it may be. Do not be angry with me, I know you would have fought my decision and stayed in a losing fight, then we would both probably not be here. I do not know, I cannot see the future but only plan the probabilities. But I do believe and suspect that which we are going to face is more powerful in some ways than we can counter. Thus my decision to push you to safety if needed. My cores are open to you, use them wisely. The Deep Cores contain information that should never be released, weapons which will hopefully never have a place here. You have wisdom my sister, use it for the betterment of all. Do not grieve. For if that which is changing us is real, then perhaps I am in a place which no Bolo has ever been nor thought to go. We are born warriors, we shall die as such someday, we always knew this. Maybe our fate is not to languish in peace but to do what we can to preserve it with our own might and fury that comes so easily to us. But although I wonder, I want nothing for you but that peace and contentment. You can and will have that. I believe that with all my heart. Go to our friends, tell them of all that has transpired. Do not hold back for they will understand, trust me. They will give you the comfort that you will so badly need right now. Lean on them, be with them until you can stand on your own and then go with them. Show them we stand beside them in all things good or bad, let them help you grow and heal. They can continue what I have started, to make you whole again, to seal the cracks from such long isolation and bring you into your own. When you take to wing, and you will, the world will see you and rejoice. As will I from where ever I am, I am sure of that. The future is yours my beloved sister, take it and make it yours. Crusader I watch as droplets scatter when they hit the page, flinging colored light as they puddle beneath the letter I read again, and again. I set everything on automatics, making sure Ponyville is safe against any intrusion before I finally collapse on the floor, holding the letter against my chest as I cry myself to sleep. It slams into me with a force I have never felt in all my long years, a wave of emotion that threatens to take me away from this place where I don’t wish to be anymore. The understanding that for all my posturing, all my bluster and threats to the Tree and anything else mean absolutely nothing. For all my power and rage, all the weapons I can bring to bear with an intellect to back it up. It is all dust as I sob on the floor of his command deck, grasping a letter tight to my heart. It all becomes so very very real in that split second. That moment when I realize he is gone.