A/N: Well, now that I'm actually writing this chapter, expect an edit to the previous intermission chapter. Personally, I don't care what her name is. I still love her all the same.
Properties belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, and Square Enix.
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The Moment No Pony was Waiting For (26)
---Death Battle---
So she walks up to the mirror and says, "I think." Then she disappears. Hah? Hah?
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A/N: Psst. You're on the air.
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What? Oh! Sorry, audience. I didn't see you there. *Ahem*.
The screen is flooded with images of blondes and blonds.
"You ever wonder why there are so many jokes about blond people?" asks B, "Because they're so darn funny."
W states, "Today we're taking two of media's 'dumb' blonds and putting them into the ring."
"Demyx, the Melodious Nocturne."
"And Derpy, the Pegasus with a bubbly personality."
"Pfft. Ah ha ha ha ha."
"I'm W and he's B and it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle."
---Death Battle---
The title card parts to reveal a somewhat lanky guy in a black overcoat holding a blue sitar.
"Demyx is No. 9 of Organization XIII," introduces W, "His hobbies include playing his sitar, napping, slacking off work, and letting others do his work for him."
"Like me!" chips in B. Stats appear for the Melodious Nocturne as W continues.
"Though he insisted on doing recon missions, his higher ups constantly placed him in situations where fighting was a mandatory task."
"I bet the Organization was smoking something when they were assigning missions."
"While he's not fond of fighting, Demyx is far from helpless. His capabilities with water magic and sitar attacks are enough to keep any enemy busy."
"He can command his water to dance, instantly killing a certain Keyblade wielder after a set time passes. He can also conjure bullet-speed bubbles and lines of hot geysers that follow a beat."
"Playing his sitar in just the right way allows Demyx to release lethal sound waves that can eat away the health of the Heartless."
"Yet, for all the power this guy wields, he's a complete wuss when faced with a challenge."
A cut scene shows Demyx saying, "You shouldn't judge anyone by appearance." Sora, Donald, and Goofy pull out their respective weapons in a ready pose.
"Oh... I told them they were sending the wrong guy," says Demyx to himself.
---Death Battle---
A gray pony with golden eyes and a bubble cutie mark appears on screen when the title card splits.
"Ditzy Doo AKA Derpy Hooves is one of the many Pegasi that live in Equestria," introduces W, "Though she has been seen working for a delivery service, it is unknown what her official occupation is."
"Holy crap!" exclaims B, "What's wrong with her eyes?" Stats appear as W ignores B's rudeness.
"As a Pegasus, Derpy can manipulate weather. She can easily force a thunder cloud to release lightning, though she doesn't seem to always be able to control which direction the bolts go."
As if to prove that point, we get a cut scene where Rainbow Dash narrowly avoids losing her tail in which she shouts, "Now careful, Derpy!"
"Rumors state that she's been sighted with an earth pony with an hourglass cutie mark," says W, "As shown by this zoomed in section of background."
"Is Derpy another name for Waldo?"
"Like many other ponies, she's quite fascinated with Sugarcube Corner's free samples."
A sound byte and visual clip show Derpy happily saying, "Muffins."
W continues, "She enjoys attending sporting events and basking in sunlight. While she's always willing to lend her support, she is prone to causing property damage and her flank has enough strength to destroy wooden frames and floors."
"Man, I feel sorry for her," says B.
Another cut scene of the cross-eyed Pegasus has her standing by as Rainbow Dash tells her, "In the name of Celestia, just sit there and do nothing." While Derpy obliges, she loses her balance and grabs Rainbow as she falls through the hole in the floor.
"Oops, my bad," apologizes Derpy.
---Death Battle---
With usual flare, W declares, "All right, the combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all."
"It's time for a Death Battle!" shouts B.
---Death Battle---
A wide-open canyon area marks the location of today's battle. The riverbed has long since dried up. We see a tall blond man strumming away on his sitar as he waits. He doesn't have long to wait as his opponent comes flying by in somewhat of a zigzagged path. At one point, her flight seems to be upside down before she quickly rights herself and lands on a cloud.
"FIGHT!"
"Dance, water dance!" cries Demyx as he starts double strumming his sitar. Out of seemingly nowhere, bodies of water that take his general shape appear and start skating around the battlefield. A time counter of one minute appears in the top, left-hand corner of the screen while a counter starting at 100 appears in the top, right-hand corner.
Derpy seems to enjoy the melody that the sitar emits. She starts dancing and bouncing atop the thunder head that she was standing on. Thunder rumbles as electrical bolts are discharged from the cloud. The lightning goes in every which direction. Some of which zaps the Pegasus mid-dance. Others surprisingly hit the multitude of water clones on the field.
The clock ticks the seconds by, but the number counter is going down at a much faster rate. Many of the water clones are exploding into vapors upon being zapped. Soon there is only one clone left skating around, and the lightning comes to a halt. Derpy has electrocuted herself one too many times. She dizzily steps off the cloud. Miraculously, she lands right on top of the remaining clone and obliterates it. Five seconds remain on the time before the clock vanishes.
"Water!" shouts the Melodious Nocturne. Multiple bubbles of pure water materialize and rush toward the enemy. The gray pony shakes herself before realizing what's happening. She lets out a gasp before flying in a haphazard pattern to avoid the orbs of pressurized water. Eventually, the orbs cease fire and Demyx switches tactics.
"Come on!" he calls, "Keep to the beat!" As he strums a beat and dances forward, lines of geysers blast out of the ground in metronomic time with his steps. The poor Pegasus has to fly backwards just to stay out of range. She eventually backs up into a loose section of canyon wall. Part of it starts to crack, and a giant fragment of rock falls out. Derpy looks up in panic before flying forward.
Demyx is so lost in his music, that he doesn't notice the Pegasus fly around and behind him. A sort of spotlight moment happens and Derpy's rear end meets Demyx's back.
"Duwah!" exclaims the sitar player as he's launched away. He manages to regain his footing after sliding a bit.
"Dance, water!" he shouts, but before he can shout the second "dance" a large, round shadow appears above him. One moment, he's wondering how it got so dark. The next, a giant rock fragment has collapsed on top of him.
The screen fades to red and then to black.
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The faint sound of a heart monitor is heard. The screen lights up like an eye opening, shutting, and then opening again. We see Derpy's face and then the camera pans out to a third-person view. Demyx is lying in a hospital bed and he's covered with white bandaging all over his body.
"I just don't know what went wrong," sighs Derpy sorrowfully while she stands at the bedside.
"K.O.!"
---Death Battle---
"And that's how the canyon crumbles," states B.
W reflects, "Demyx had relatively more fighting experience, but his attack patterns are predictable and straightforward. Derpy on the other hand was very imprecise and sporadic, making it difficult to find the perfect counter attack. But, the fight was basically over when her destructive rear end dislodged that rock enough to topple onto the distracted sitar player."
"Demyx got crushed by all of his life's failures."
"The winner is Derpy Hooves." Her picture is shown with her name boldly printed underneath.
---Death Battle---
"Special thanks to Pierce Smoulder for the voice of Derpy."
"Thanks for watching."
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A/N: Yeah, I decided to let the muffin-lover fight. Is that a problem?
Properties belong to their respective owners. I gain no profit from this. And now I must apologize because...
You just got Derp Rolled!
Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna fly around and desert you.
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna drop an anvil and hurt you...