“EVERYTHING IS GOING WRONG!” screeched Rarity as she ran around her store. “Where the hell is that fabric?! I have an important order tonight and need to find-” She stopped suddenly and squinted. Posted on the wall was a note. Rarity walked forward and began to read it aloud.
"Dear Rarity, the girls and I are going to enter a talent show in order to find our Cutie Marks. Unfortunately, Ms. Cheerilee said we can’t slaughter the masses as our talent. Darn. I had just sharpened my sword last night. Shut up Scootaloo, that doesn’t mean penis. Sorry Rarity, I didn’t mean to write that. Anyway, we needed costumes so I borrowed some fabric, LOL. Love, Sweetie Belle, your future overlord.”
Rarity blinked. “Aw,” she cooed, “She said ‘loved’.” She turned and walked away.
A few seconds later, she ran back to the note. “Wait, what did she do with my fabric?” She reread the paper.
Meanwhile:
“SWEETIE BELLE!” screamed a voice from far away.
Sweetie looked around. “Did you guys hear that?”
Scootaloo looked up from the paper she was writing. “I just heard a high-pitched whining noise. I’m sure it’s nothing.”
Apple Bloom walked into the tree house, panting a little. “Ok girls, Ah got all the wood, paint, and nails outside. How’s it going in here?”
“Well,” said Sweetie Belle, “I got some fabric from Rarity…”
An angry growling noise could be heard from far away.
“And I’ve been writing lyrics!” said Scootaloo proudly. “Listen to this!” She cleared her throat and sang, “I want you to want me. And I need you to need me. I’d love you to love me-”
“Um, Scootaloo?” asked Apple Bloom. “Ah don’t want to stifle yer creativity, but...is that what you want us to sing at the talent show?
“What?” asked Scootaloo. She looked down at her paper and groaned. “Oh…I’m sorry guys. That’s my song for Rainbow Dash.” She looked down at the floor and picked up another paper. “This is what I want us to sing for the talent show.” She held the paper out so the other two fillies could read it.
“That’s good!” said Sweetie, looking it over.
“We’ll win for sure!” said Apple Bloom. “And get our Cutie Marks!”
“Right?!” said Scootaloo excitedly. She then held up the previous paper. “Now do you think this will get Rainbow Dash to love me?”
“Oh boy, I need to get working on these costumes!” said Sweetie Belle quickly, as she turned towards the rolls of fabric against the wall.
“And Ah need to start working on the stuff outside!” added Apple Bloom, avoiding Scootaloo’s eyes. She quickly went back outside.
Scootaloo looked at what she had written and started at it.
“…Needs more sex,” she determined. She grabbed a pencil in her mouth and started writing.
A few days later:
It was the night of the talent show, and ponies gathered at the school in order to harshly critique children. They all poured into the auditorium and started sitting down.
“Seriously, do we really not have anything better to do?” complained Rainbow Dash as she slouched in her seat. “We don’t even have kids! Why the hell are we here?”
“Don’t you want to support these kids?” asked Fluttershy, who was sitting next to her. “I’m sure they all worked hard on their performances.”
“Whatever,” said Rainbow, rolling her eyes. “Applejack’s not here and her own sister is in this. Why should we care?”
“Speaking of,” said Twilight as she took the seat on Rainbow’s other side, “Has anyone even seen Applejack lately? She just sort of disappeared.”
Meanwhile:
Applejack looked around at the dark orchard around her. She was still stuck in the middle of the walkway for the treehouse. “Hello?” she called. “Been out here for a few days…Anyone lookin’ for me?” She waited. “…Anyone?”
She waited for a few more seconds.
“…Mah nose itches…” she whined.
Back at the school:
The show had started and Snips and Snails were up on stage.
“Our talent is magic!” proclaimed Snips, who had a top hat on his head. “Prepare yourselves for the best trick you will ever see!” He gestured at the table that had been set up between him and Snails. On the table was an ordinary brown bunny.
Snails set his own top hat over the bunny, hiding it from view. His horn started glowing red and he pointed it at the hat. “Presto change-o!” he said.
There was a black puff of smoke. When it cleared, a demonic looking bunny with blood-red fur and sharp fangs was tearing apart the hat. It noticed the audience staring at it and hissed. It jumped off the table and ran for the exit.
“Why does that always happen?” asked Snails slowly. His horn flashed red and the table burst into flames.
As Cheerilee hurried up to the stage with a fire extinguisher, Fluttershy turned to Twilight and said, “Remind me to catch that bunny when this is over.”
“Because it’s dangerous?” asked Twilight.
“Because it’s cute!” squealed Fluttershy. “I wonder if it’d get along with Angel?”
Back on stage, the fire had been extinguished and Cheerilee wiped the sweat off her forehead. She quickly shooed Snips and Snails off the stage and turned to the audience, a forced looking smile on her face. “Let’s move on to our next act, shall we? Give a round of applause for Diamond Tiara and her…um…talent.”
She walked off stage as Diamond walked out from behind the curtain. She proudly walked to the center of the stage and turned so her side was showing. She pointed at her Cutie Mark, which looked suspiciously like it had been drawn with permanent marker.
“Ta-da!” she said triumphantly.
The ponies in the audience were silent.
Somebody quietly coughed.
“What am I looking at here?” asked Rainbow Dash.
“My Cutie Mark!” said Diamond Tiara happily. “It’s better than all of yours in every way!”
There was loud clapping from the front row. A stallion with slicked back hair and a necktie with a dollar sign was applauding, a proud look on his face.
“That’s my girl!” cheered Filthy Rich. He wiped a tear from his eye. “I’ve never been prouder!”
Diamond smiled and said, “Thank you, daddy!” She turned and walked backstage.
Cheerilee walked up, a confused look on her face. “O…kay…” She cleared her throat. “Anyway, our next act are Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo with a musical performance.”
The audience clapped politely as Cheerilee walked off the stage.
“I hope they do alright!” said Fluttershy over the crowd.
“I hope I don’t die of boredom,” muttered Rainbow, who winced when Fluttershy and Twilight both elbowed her.
“I hope Sweetie didn’t waste my fabric on something stupid,” growled Rarity from Fluttershy’s opposite side.
“I hope those bits were worth these seats,” said Spike from Twilight’s opposite side.
Twilight looked at him strangely. “Spike, this thing was free. You didn’t have to pay for seats.”
Spike slapped his forehead. “Damn it! I could have used those bits to help my pen pal! He’s an exiled prince from Neighgeria and needs some cash.”
“…We need to have a talk,” said Twilight.
The crowd quieted as the curtains raised. The stage was dark, making it impossible to see where the girls were.
Suddenly, there was the sound of hooves stomping on wood. Then there was the sound of three sets of hooves clapping together.
The sound repeated several times. The audience slowly started to do it as well, filling the auditorium with noise.
Suddenly, Sweetie Belle stepped out of the darkness. She was wearing a pink and green jumpsuit. She had pink makeup around her eyes and her hair was in a messy style. The noise from the audience faltered for a second, but they continued the pattern of stomping twice and clapping.
Sweetie Belle walked to the center of the stage, a microphone in her hoof. She raised it to her mouth and started singing.
“Filly, you’re a girl,
In a mean world
Playin’ in the street,
Gonna be a big pony some day!
Your flank is blank
You big disgrace
Kickin’ your can all over the place.
Singin’…”
From the darkness, two other voices joined in:
“We are,
We are,
The C.M.C.!
We are,
We are,
The C.M.C.!”
As the last line was sung, Apple Bloom stepped out of the darkness. She was wearing a black jumpsuit that was decorated with stars and a bandana on her head that had skulls on it. She walked to Sweetie Belle, who passed her the mike. Apple Bloom looked out into the audience and started singing:
“Pony, you’re a young mare,
Hard mare,
Shoutin’ in the street gonna
Take on the world one day,
But your flank’s still blank,
You big disgrace
Wavin’ that banner all over the place
Singin’…”
Like before, a voice joined in from the darkness as Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle both started singing into the mike:
“We are,
We are,
The C.M.C.!
Singin’ we are,
We are,
The C.M.C.!”
Scootaloo finally walked out from the darkness. Like the others, she was wearing a jumpsuit, but hers was purple with blue and pink stripes. She had purple make-up around her eyes, and her hair was spiked up. She grabbed the mike from Apple Bloom and sang:
“Pony, you’re an old mare,
Poor mare,
Pleadin’ with your eyes,
Gonna make you some peace some day,
Your flank’s still blank,
Big disgrace!
Somebody’s gonna put you back into your place.”
Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle got on either side of Scootaloo and sang with her:
“We are,
We are,
The C.M.C.!
Singin’ we are,
We are,
The C.M.C.!”
Scootaloo looked out into the audience and yelled, “Everybody!”
The ponies in the audience grinned and started singing with the three fillies:
“We are,
We are,
The C.M.C.!
We are,
We are,
The C.M.C.!”
Diamond Tiara looked out at the audience singing and gasped. “I deserve to win this!” she growled. “Not those miserable Blank Flanks!” She watched as the other fillies sang and noticed something. “No way…” she said in disbelief.
Something was happening to the Cutie Mark Crusaders. Each of their sides started glowing, the light shining through their jumpsuits.
“They’re getting their Cutie Marks?” gasped Diamond. She growled and looked around. “Not before me they’re not!”
She quickly looked around the backstage, trying to find something to stop the Cutie Mark Crusaders. She grinned wickedly as she saw the audio equipment for the microphones. She quickly picked up a wrench and went over to the equipment. She swung the wrench at the machinery.
The lights in the auditorium dimmed and the song was suddenly silenced. The audience and the Cutie Mark Crusaders looked around in confusion as the music stopped. The light glowing on the fillies’ sides faded and died.
A horrible screeching mixed with a loud zapping noise was heard from backstage. Diamond Tiara was launched onto the stage, electricity surging through her body.
Twitching, she looked out into the audience and said, “Ta-da…”
The audience, as one, blinked.
Then they all applauded and broke out into wild cheers.
Cheerilee walked up on stage, clapping her hands. “Why Diamond!” she said. “I didn’t realize you were working with Apple Bloom and the others!”
“W-what?” wheezed Diamond.
“What?” asked the Cutie Mark Crusaders in unison.
“Yeah,” said Cheerilee. “It was a brilliant act too! First, Diamond warmed the crowd up by showing off her Cutie Mark and showing how shallow it is to judge someone simply by it. And then you girls sang your song about not having your Cutie Mark and how society kicks you around for it! It was a brilliant commentary on our expectations of young ponies!”
“It was?” asked all four fillies.
“And then Diamond puts on her light show, providing you girls with a grand finale!” continued Cheerilee. “I’m so glad you girls were able to put your differences behind you in order to create an amazing act!” She eyed Diamond’s smoking form. “Although, you should have told me about the light show. Stuff like that can be dangerous.”
“No shit…” muttered Diamond, coughing up smoke.
Cheerilee turned towards the audience and said, “By what seems to be a unanimous decision, I have decided to give first place to Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo, and Diamond Tiara for their amazing act.”
“Do we get a trophy?” asked Scootaloo.
“Better!” said Cheerilee. “You get gold star stickers!” She walked to each of the Cutie Mark Crusaders and put a sticker on their jumpsuits. She then walked over to the twitching form of Diamond Tiara and placed a sticker on her forehead.
Scootaloo looked down at her jumpsuit and then back at Cheerilee. “…Seriously, what about a trophy?”
“That was fun!” said Sweetie Belle. She looked at her side sadly. “Sucks we didn’t get our Cutie Marks though…”
“Ah just wish Applejack was here to see us,” said Apple Bloom.
“Ah am here!” said a voice.
Apple Bloom turned to see Applejack standing at the side of the stage. “Applejack?” she asked. “How’d you get out of the walkway?”
Applejack rolled her eyes. “Please, Apple Bloom. You know yer big sister’s one of the smartest-”
“Big Mac got you out with his power tools, didn’t he?” asked Apple Bloom.
Applejack sighed. “Yeah. He did. Got me out just in time to see you perform.”
“Really?” asked Apple Bloom excitedly. “Did you like it?”
“Yeah!” said Applejack. She pulled Apple Bloom in for a hug. “Ah couldn’t be prouder of ya!” She paused for a minute. “Yer not gonna practice yer music in the house are ya? If ya are, let me stop by the store and pick up some ear plugs, because you know Ah got sensitive ears and-”
“Practice music?” asked Apple Bloom. “Why would we do that?”
“Yeah,” said Scootaloo. “We’re not trying this again.”
“…What?” asked Applejack flatly.
“What do you mean, darling?” asked Rarity, as she came up on stage with Twilight and the others. “You girls were amazing.”
“Well, we only sang a song to try and get our Cutie Marks,” explained Sweetie. “Now that we know that it won’t work, why would we try again?”
“B-But…” began Twilight. “Maybe if you girls try again, you could get your Cutie Marks.”
The three fillies thought for a moment.
“…Nah, fuck that,” said Scootaloo. She turned to the others. “Wanna go see if we can get a Cutie Mark in explosions?”
“Yeah!” cheered the other two. They all ran out of the auditorium.
“…Should we be worried?” asked Rarity.
As if on cue, there was a loud explosion from outside.
“Never mind,” said Rarity tiredly.