//------------------------------// // Noobs. Noobs Everywhere // Story: Battlefield: Equestria Online // by AngryPenguin //------------------------------// It was a beautiful day in Equestria. The sun was shining, birds were chirping, and ponies laughed and talked throughout the land. It was a perfect day to stay inside and play video games! A red-maned, pegasus stallion grabbed his Ponystation4 controller and hooked up his microphone. He plopped down in his gaming chair with a bottle of Sunrise Sarsaparilla and a giant bag of corn puffs. “I’m going with Rarity and Fluttershy to the spa! I’ll be back later!” He heard his wife in the kitchen. “Okay, honey.” He hoofpumped. “No distractions.” He mumbled quietly. As soon as he heard the door close, he switched on the console and entered the Battlefield: Equestria lobby. In-game perspective “Hey, True!” Fake called, getting his gun ready. Fake, Unit, and True were brothers who frequented the online universe with their friends Ghost, Alley, and Viking. “I would play the Pony Wars theme song and make a Darth Hayder entrance, but I’m lacking a cloak.” True chuckled. “Yeah, right, loser.” Fake said. The six stallions greeted each other with crude humor, then took their places on each team. True and Alley were on the criminal’s team while the others took their roles as Royal Guards. There were dozens of other players in the game, as well. “Lotta players today.” Unit pointed out. “I know. I bet True is pretty excited about all these stallions.” Ghost guffawed over the commotion, getting disgusted looks from his teammates. “Shut up, Ghost. He’s mine!” Alley exclaimed, sarcastically. Finally, the battle began. True and Alley spawned next to each other inside a chopper. As Alley hovered over a group of police ponies, True whooped and fired his machine gun. Bullets sprayed the ground. Two guards went down, swearing and cursing at the two bucks. “Look out, Unit.” Ghost warned. Just as True aimed the machine gun at Unit, the unicorn buck rolled out the way and galloped inside an old warehouse. With a loud thump, he fired his grenade launcher, sending an explosive towards the chopper, making it spiral out of control. “FFFFUUUUUU!!!” Alley screamed. “Damn it. Ghost, control your lover!” True laughed. With that, he spawned as a medic, throwing a medical bag onto the ground beside one of his teammates. He fell back onto his flank as a sniper took out the same buck that stood next to him. He knew exactly who took the shot. “Viking, I’m comin’ for you!” True yelled. Without replying, Viking loaded another round and pulled the trigger. The large sniper rifle floated next to him. True spotted the young unicorn on a roof. He dodged several shots from the guards as he galloped into the building below Viking. He slid to a halt when Fake zoomed past. Growling, True tossed a grenade into the room where Fake was hiding. BOOM! Fake killed by True “Bastard!” Fake screamed into his microphone. True cackled, madly, as he flew up the stairs and onto the roof. He scanned the area, unable to see Viking. He watched as three stallions on his team dove head first off the roof. They pulled their parachutes, gliding down and screaming their “war cries”. Their fun ended when they fell from the sky, dead. “Idiots.” True rubbed his temples. “Now, where the f-“ CRACK! True fell when the round lodged in his forehead. “Headshot.” Viking smirked. True appeared on the other side of the map, no longer a medic. He slammed the rounds in his AWM and galloped forward into battle. Around him, ponies fell and respawned. He didn’t know if his team was going to win this! As soon as the criminals were spawning, they were being killed. He hid behind a fence with Alley, shooting randomly at the guards. At least he managed to hit one. “Alley, come on, we gotta pick up the pace! We have nothing but noobs on our team!” He yelled at the earth buck. “What the hell do you think I’m doing?!” Alley screamed, taking out two more guards. True tapped his chin. There had to be an easier way to victory. He and Alley had more kills than the rest of the criminals, and all they needed was three more. Looking around, he spotted the armored command vehicle across the way. He grinned, evilly, as he made his way over to it. “Alley, over here!” He yelled while the others were distracted. Alley rushed over, shooting behind him as he did. He smirked and hopped in the driver’s seat. True ducked as a bullet hit the door to the vehicle. He turned and gulped when he saw who had been on the other team. The huge earth stallion smirked and aimed at True. “It’s Big Mac!” Alley squealed. True jumped into the passenger seat and ducked, the glass window shattering from the high powered Scout Elite. Alley, unfortunately, didn’t have time to dodge the slug. Grunting, True crawled over the body and cranked the vehicle. He slammed his hoof on the accelerator and spun out. “Ha! Come get me, now, asshole!” He yelled, waving his hoof out the window. “True sounds like he wants some of that action.” Fake laughed. “I’m glad Mac’s on our team. Have you seen his fucking level?” “No, I really don’t want to, to be honest.” Ghost said. The truck picked up speed as a guard flew over the windshield. He burst into laughter as the guard’s body twisted in ridiculous ways. Driving over the roads, he spotted his enemies. Fake, Unit, and Ghost camped beside a crumbling wall. “Gotcha.” He whispered, pushing the pedal down as far as it would go. “What I miss?” Alley popped next him in the passenger seat. He looked forward and his eyes widened. “Are you insane?! You’re going to blow us up!” True ignored his flailing hooves. Alley covered his face, protectively, as True hit a pile of dirt and ramped the obstacle. The nose of the truck went straight for the three guards. “Mother of Celestia.” Unit tapped Fake’s shoulder. “What?” Fake and Ghost turned, their faces covered in horror as the vehicle impacted their bodies, slamming them into the wall. Instantly, they disappeared. True and Alley scrambled out of the truck before it exploded into shrapnel and flames. “That’s how you do it!” True pointed a hoof at Alley, who stood dumbfounded. The chaos stilled as the round ended. True watched, gleefully, as his stats increased and he gained a few coins. He was almost at level one hundred! The guards threw their helmets on the ground, swearing and stomping about. Alley hoofbumped True. “I could have done that if Mac hadn’t killed me.” He said. “Let’s hope he’s on our team, next time.” True said. They waited patiently for the next round. Hopefully, the lobby wouldn’t be full of noobs, this time.