//------------------------------// // Why Princesses Can't Join in Any Equestria Games // Story: Letters from an Irritated Princess // by Tired Old Man //------------------------------// Dear Spike, I'm quite thankful you'd managed to stop that massive ice cloud from crushing the stadium stands. We would have helped, but couldn't thanks to one Twilight Sparkle's spellcasting at the start of the games. I know that was a thing that happened, because a few hawkeye officials and security guards had monitored us this year. I understand why, though. Cadance and I had a bit of... rowdy good fun at the previous Games held at Manehatten (think barrels full of live monkeys during the barrel races), and with Luna's infamous booming voice, many eyes were watching us for shenanigans at this year's Equestria Games. In regards to Twilight, they didn't exactly know what she did at the time, but just the thought of an alicorn having "fun" with the games again was more than enough to bristle their gangly nose hairs, and shortly afterward, we were pulled aside for a small conversation with them. They called her out on her actions, and she clarified that she used a small pyromancy spell to light the torch, as you were unable to do so. Despite her eloquent apology and promise to refrain from using magic for the remainder of the Games using the absolute best of reason a princess can offer, it was too late. Reasoning lost ground as slippery slopes took hold, and they started spewing off all sorts of "solutions" to the problems they foresaw us causing if they let this small thing slide. One official in the group had the gall to suggest they muzzle Luna. That official is no longer with us due to Luna's... response--he's probably deaf, angry, and flying at a hundred miles an hour right now. I decided to cast a small sound dampener instead, much to her dismay, but it kept mostly everypony happy. Except that one official, of course. We're definitely going to pay their medical bill. That's our bad. Anyway, they'd set up the magic dampeners shortly after our discussion as a catch-all safety precaution. The paranoia of an alicorn or any unicorn messing with the games would have had some tragic backfire, were it not for your fire, Spike. Honestly, I cannot praise you enough for being the hero here. Maybe now the officials will see reason for next year. Or not, like always. Your singing voice needs work, though. Like, big time improvement. Pinkie might have enjoyed your calamitous chords, as did I, but not many in this day and age appreciate that sort of twist on music anymore, especially to something as patriotic as an anthem. If you like, I can introduce you to Luna's vocal coach. It took the better part of six months to find one that could both withstand the shockwaves and give solid advice on controlling the range and volume without being too antagonizing for my sister's liking, but I found one. It's only been a few months, but the results are quite promising. I no longer need to sneak in disposable earplugs to her practice sessions! Both of them need to stop checking my ears, though. I told them I stopped doing it, and I meant it! Also, Rarity or Fluttershy might be good options. Both of them are Ponytones, if memory serves, so you certainly have the pick of the litter among some of the best on offer. Do respond through the usual correspondence if you choose Luna's coach, though. She normally has appointments, but I think I can arrange an exception. Sincerely, Princess Celestia Oh, good evening, Ms. Harshwhinny. Luna's probably in her room, but if she remembers what today is, she is most certainly not there. Yes, hiding from you again. Probably in the same spot she hid in two weeks ago. Check the kitchen cabinets. Well, I guess I can come and see the session later and--HEY! Not the ear! I told you there's no earplugs in there! Your eyes played tricks on you last week! I swear I wasn't wearing any! Fine, you can check as I enter the room, but I mean it when I say you won't find any in my ears.