Chapter Three: Luna Behaves Herself
~BlackRoseRaven
Canterlot was beautiful and sprawling, a testament to what the ponies could do as one unified race... and something was very wrong here, River thought moodily. Sure. Everything was bright and happy, and there were ponies chattering away as they walked in and out of the castle gates, but that didn't change the fact there were enormous 'decorative' statues that were clearly acting as barricades, funneling them directly towards one specific area of the castle.
If River Styx had known what video games were, he would have realized very quickly that his suspicions could only be true, and they were clearly being guided towards some sort of important event that would likely culminate in a terrible battle.
The stallion only grimaced a little, while Marina nervously leaned towards Twilight... but the violet mare smiled reassuringly to both of the ponies, saying softly as Shining trotted happily along beside her: “It's alright. We're almost there, and I'm not really concerned about any kind of fighting the Draconequus might want to do. The most dangerous weapon they have against us is our confusion.”
Shining looked up curiously, but Twilight quickly distracted him by adding: “Also, from what I remember of Canterlot, the ballrooms weren't nearly this deep in the castle...”
“She's right, but none of the geography makes any sense. None of this does, as a matter of fact: they're changing things around as they see fit.” River added, looking moodily back and forth as the genet on his head peered around in opposite directions, before the stallion shook his head. “It shouldn't be dusk right now.”
“And sunset doesn't last for an hour, either.” Marina added, and then she shook her head briefly as well before adding in a lower voice: “I feel almost as if we're being watched...”
Twilight smiled a bit over her shoulder at the two, but before she could say anything, there was a loud shout from the open doors at the top of the stairs ahead, the ponies all looking up before a distinct blue mare burst out onto the steps in a ragged black dress, shouting: “There! Finally! How dare thee leave me here in this torment for... for centuries! It has been centuries!”
“It has not been centuries, Luna.” Twilight said calmly... right before Luna plowed into her, tackling her backwards as the violet mare winced. “Luna!”
“I am here!” Luna declared from where she was now sitting on top of Twilight Sparkle, and then she looked curiously back and forth at Marina and River Styx, who were both staring at her. “Where is Scrivener Blooms? I desire my Scrivy as well, Twilight. Thou art a most terrible cook.”
Twilight sighed tiredly, and Luna grinned widely before she frowned as something tugged at her dress, opening her mouth to make what would likely be a very lewd comment... but thankfully, her jaw instead fell open as she found herself staring down at Shining Armor, who asked nervously: “Um, Princess Luna?”
“By the Gods, what is this? Twilight, when did thou have another child? And without me, no less!” Luna exclaimed incredulously, and then she paused and peered at the colt as he giggled, while Twilight only sighed tiredly. “Wait, no, I have seen this face before... 'tis Shining Armor! Thy colt is thine own older brother? Twilight, thou art even more twisted than mine most beloved sister!”
Shining Armor giggled again, then he replied brightly: “I'm not her baby! I'm her little brother! But you already know my name, wow!”
“Well of course I know thy name, I know all and I see all. But unlike my big sister, I am polite enough not to watch all.” Luna said pompously, and Twilight sighed as River Styx scowled and Marina gave a small smile.
But before any of them could speak, the sound of hoofsteps drew their attention, and the ponies looked up to see Princess Celestia herself striding down the stairs, her smile kind, her ivory body seeming to glow as if with its own luminescence. Her radiant mane flowed in a wind none could feel, and-
“And she is not wearing a damned dress but oh, no, little Luna must wear a dress, little Luna must make herself presentable!” loudly complained the mare, interrupting a beautiful sonnet that the Narrator had composed to mark this grand occasion. “Well, good. I do not like poetry very much. And I utterly loathe poets.”
Twilight rolled her eyes... then looked awkwardly back and forth as River Styx saluted – mimicked by the little genet on his head – and Marina and Shining both bowed, the foal's eyes glowing with amazement. The violet mare cleared her throat... but Luna only bounced on her, making her wheeze in pain and grasp at the sapphire mare before she grumbled: “Nay, this Celestia is far more annoying than any of the other Celestias we have met so far. She is very... divey.”
“Hello, my little ponies!” Celestia almost sang as she stopped in front of them, extending a hoof dramatically towards them. “How wonderful it is to see you all here today! Princess Twilight, Captain River Styx, and of course Lady Marina, and... I... who the hell is this?”
Celestia reared back as if shocked as she looked down at Shining Armor, who blinked dumbly, before the ivory mare suddenly whipped around and shouted angrily: “Director! Director, I want to speak with you, I want to speak with you like, right now!”
There was a loud groan from ahead... and then the Director slowly dragged himself out of the doors at the top of the stairs, scowling grumpily. The moment he appeared, Celestia began to gesture in agitation towards the foal, her eyes blazing and fury choking her words: “What, what, what is this? This is unacceptable! This is not in my contract! A child? You're bringing in a child, you... you expect me to perform my art alongside a child? Are you insane? Do you have any idea how difficult it is already for me to lower myself to... to performing alongside these hacks and amateurs?”
Marina stared in disbelief as River Styx only looked calmly at the ivory mare, even as he slowly relaxed from his salute while his genet chittered curiously. Shining Armor, meanwhile, had edged backwards a little, but Luna allowed Twilight to slip out from beneath her so she could awkwardly hurry to her 'little brother' and simply wrap a foreleg around him, smiling reassuringly.
The Director only stood beneath the tidal rage of the ivory mare, simply looking at her vacantly as she yelled and screamed and ranted away. And then, after minutes, the mare tired herself out and dropped her head, muttering: “I want a break. I need a cigarette. And I want him gone.”
“Fine.” The Director said blandly, and the actress playing Celestia sniffed loudly before the Director glanced away, adding offhandedly: “We just thought we could emphasize your role as a maternal figure and drive your ratings up after that nasty incident you had last time with that foal, but I'm sure the Critic-”
“Nononononono, wait!” the mare blurted, and then she suddenly zipped past Luna, shoving Twilight over and knocking her sprawling again before she swept up Shining Armor, exclaiming: “Oh, isn't he adorable! I've just had a huge burst of inspiration and... and a change of heart, why... I was just surprised, that's all! Let's keep him!”
The mare loudly smooched Shining's face, and the foal whimpered and twitched, his eyes wide like a frightened animal, a huge blotch of lipstick now distinctly marking his features as he pushed and struggled uselessly in the iron grip of the mare.
The Director smiled wryly at this, and then he sighed tiredly before saying finally: “Actors. This is the... world-renowned Karl, who-”
“Karla!” shouted Karl, flinging her forelegs wide and not noticing – nor caring – that she also flung Shining across the hall, but Marina hurriedly leapt to the side and caught the foal before he could smack into the steps as Luna half-giggled, half-snorted in rage and Twilight stared in horror at the travesty of a Celestia before them. “My name is Karla and I am the greatest actress of our time!”
“Time doesn't exist here.” the Director mumbled, and when Karl shot him a look, he continued tiredly: “Karla has top billing and has been with our humble little production company for... oh, many, many years now. She-”
“They! Gender neutral pronouns, feminine nouns, and oh darling, don't forget the butter!” Karl laughed loudly at her own cryptic phrase, before she suddenly sniffed and then brushed past them, declaring: “Five minute break! I am going for a cigarette!”
The Director watched as the gender-neutral horse strutted out of sight down the steps, and then the Director slowly, calmly lowered his head until his face was pressed into the ground.
“That wasn't the real princess, right?” Shining asked worriedly... and then he bit his lip as he looked awkwardly at the Director. “And um. What's he doing, Twily?”
Twilight only sighed a little, and then she reached up and gently patted Shining's head as she replied: “No, it wasn't, don't worry. And he's... just...”
“Having a breakdown. That's all. Go about your business.” mumbled the Director, grinding his face slowly against the floor. “Oh, I just want a play to go right for once. A little show. A little huzzah. A little sizzle. But you people can never just play along and enjoy the opportunity. Oh, no, no. You always have to wrestle with every little detail...”
The Director gave a long, miserable sigh, then he slowly keeled over onto his side, hugging himself as he curled up into the fetal position. “You don't understand. The audience must be entertained. And we require more than puppets on strings to entertain them, which is why we need you. But you never listen to us! Actors are always so... free-spirited.” He halted, then mumbled: “Or they turn out like Karl, and even after the play is over, refuse to leave and make my life even more miserable than it is. No, no. I am not living. I am decaying. I am slowly decaying into nothing but failure and ruin...”
The ponies looked at the Director uncomfortably, and then Marina leaned forwards and said hesitantly: “If you would just talk to us instead of shouting orders all the time, I'm sure we could work something out...”
The Director only mumbled under his breath, then he shook his head and covered his face with his hooves. Shining Armor looked worriedly up at Twilight, and the mare began to open her mouth... before instead glaring at Luna when the winged unicorn tromped over to the Director and poked him firmly several times with her horn, making him yelp and roll quickly to his hooves.
“There, stand up instead of wallowing, great idiot!” Luna grumbled, and then she complained: “Thou art the one stupid enough to bring us here with no knowledge of-”
“No I'm not! I'm just in charge of making the play go as planned, that's all!” The Director retorted immediately, huffing loudly. “Plutocrat and the Critic choose the players! My job is merely to try and mold what they give me into... something!”
“Thou art as specific and smart as Scrivy.” Luna said drolly, and then she scowled a little before muttering: “Oh, damnation, he is not here, yes. It has been many, many moons since I have been apart from him like this... well, now that Twilight is here, we most assuredly know where to go, so we shall be taking our leave, Director.”
With that, Luna began to wiggle her way out of her dress, and the Director winced before he jumped to his hooves, shaking his head vehemently. “No, no, no! You can't just leave, there's... there's a whole big scene planned here at the castle tonight! If you leave, then the audience will revolt and The Redacted will come for us!”
A chill ran through the air at that, and Luna blinked, looking curiously out of the dress that was now mostly-wrapped around her head and forelegs as Twilight frowned uneasily. River Styx narrowed his eyes as well as he looked back and forth: everything had gone silent at those words, and the ponies that had been casually passing by had all vanished, as if they had never been anything but ghosts wandering these faded stone halls...
“What is The Redacted?” asked River Styx, and the Director stared at him for a moment before he gave a short, weak laugh.
“I can't describe it to you. What it is, what it does. That's why it's redacted.” retorted the Director, and then he shook his head, shivering a little before he muttered: “If you could only understand. But you can't. The company has rules, you know. Regulations, employment standards, rights and privileges and I saw what happened to the last Director when he broke the rules, and it was not pretty. We'll never be able to use that set again. We'll never even be able to perform that play!”
He shivered and looked away, and Luna scowled before she began to wiggle back and forth, resuming trying to get the dress off as she grumbled: “I do not care. I shall punch it. I am losing my patience with thee, Draconequus, all of thee, and I do not enjoy these games or plays anymore, and-”
“What if... what if I give you something you would like, then? This scene was made just for you, Luna!” the Director almost pleaded, smiling weakly. “Please, please, please! I'm desperate, that's the only reason we brought in Karl, the audience always loves him and his overacting and-”
“I always knew Celestia was a stallion!” declared Luna as she suddenly tore her forelegs to either side and ripped the dress to shreds that floated slowly down around her, and Twilight sighed as Shining Armor giggled a little, and Marina and Styx simply traded looks. More and more, even the chocolate mare was starting to doubt just how sane Luna was... while River Styx wondered moodily why exactly he had bothered to try and help these ponies in the first place for the umpteenth time.
“Ha ha, yes, yes.” the Director said in a strained voice, twitching a little... but visibly struggling to go along with Luna's insanity, which made Twilight a lot more worried than she wanted to admit. If he was really working this hard to try and get the play moving again... she was starting to suspect that the Director and perhaps some of the other Draconequus were in far more danger than they, the 'actors,' were, in spite of all the threats and bluster they had endured.
Luna frowned a little, pursing her lips as she looked suspiciously at the Director, but since for once she seemed to be listening, the Draconequus hurriedly explained: “You want action, excitement? Well, so does the audience! And Karl loves the dramatic scenes so... how about saving the castle from an invasion, how does that sound?”
Luna looked thoughtful at this, narrowing her eyes suspiciously, and the Director grinned weakly before he added: “And then after, I promise you, you can take the train right to Scrivener Blooms, and we'll reunite the cast with... a big, dramatic... uh... something!”
The sapphire mare grunted, then she looked meditatively over at Twilight. The purple mare only smiled a little and shrugged a bit before she said finally: “I can't believe I'm actually saying this, but... I think playing along might be the best thing to do here, Luna, and... well-”
“Most excellent! Aye, a good fight! That is what I need!” Luna exclaimed cheerfully, cutting Twilight off as she grinned widely and threw her hooves in the air. Then she looked down at Shining Armor and winked at the foal, adding cheerfully: “And thou, shall thou serve as my apprentice, little one?”
Shining Armor's eyes slowly widened as he visibly puffed up, while Twilight winced and said hurriedly: “Luna, I don't think that's such a good idea-”
“Nonsense! I think he shall do excellently.” Luna said firmly, and then she slowly turned a pointed look towards the Director. “He will, will he not?”
The Director sighed tiredly, reaching up to rub slowly at his temples before he mumbled: “Child actors. I hate child actors...” He stopped, then looked down at Shining Armor, who was gazing at him imploringly as he bounced on his hooves... “Oh, fine. Yes, yes, fine. Anything to get you to cooperate just for one scene.”
Luna grinned slowly at this, licking her lips slowly before Twilight said hurriedly: “What's going to happen? And what about the rest of us?”
Marina looked up uneasily at this thought, while River Styx only scowled, and the Director groaned and made a supplicating gesture with his front hooves. “Whatever you want, whatever you all want, alright? I'll-”
“Very well, then with but a single hoof and my trusty apprentice, I shall defeat the hordes without the rest of these silly ponies who don't seem to understand the meaning of the word 'fun!'” Luna declared, tilting her head high before she stomped a hoof firmly, and Shining Armor brightened... then suddenly looked up at Twilight with pleading eyes.
“I can, right? I really can, BSBFF?” he asked hurriedly, dancing on his little hooves, and Twilight sighed a little... then fought to conceal a smile when Luna suddenly began to hop back and forth on her hooves, mimicking Shining Armor as she gave her own pleading look to the mare.
“Yes, Shining, you can.” Twilight said finally, and both actual foal and foal-like-mare gave happy cheers before Shining laughed as Luna swept him up in a hug, even as Twilight continued: “But you have to listen to everything Luna says, even when she tells you-”
“Oh shush, Twilight, he is my apprentice! And I have full faith there shall be no greater squire in all of Equestria!” Luna said firmly, winking down at Shining before she set him down on his hooves... then she suddenly leaned backwards and grinned widely, eyeing Marina and Styx: “And what about the two of thee? I would gladly take either of thee under my wing...” She paused, then licked her lips slowly as she studied Marina intently. “Especially thee.”
Marina blushed deeply, and Luna sniffed the air before sighing dreamily, swaying a little on the spot. “Oh, yes, how could I miss that delightful scent of chocolate! It lingers about thee like the sweetest perfume that has ever existed... a mare, made from the most delicious of delights! And if thy body is chocolate, tell me, what is the rest of thee made of?”
“Um. Chocolate and... well, I still have my... insides, you know. I wouldn't... recommend eating me.” Marina said awkwardly, taking a slow step back.
“Wow, she's made out of chocolate? Like... real chocolate?” Shining asked in an amazed voice, his eyes widening. “I didn't know mares really could be made out of sugar and spice and everything nice!”
Luna's lips slowly curled up into a smile at this, and then she started to vibrate with badly-repressed giggles. Shining Armor looked over at her quizzically, but Luna only continued to giggle away, covering her mouth as her eyes gleamed with entertainment, while Twilight couldn't help but smile slightly even as River Styx simply looked at them dourly... although he was unable to stop himself from shooting a half-curious look at Marina. “How?”
Marina blinked, looking over at Styx as he began to open his mouth... then grimaced when his genet tugged wildly on his ear before he rolled his eyes, sighing before asking in a somewhat-more polite voice: “How do you... heal yourself?”
That wasn't quite what he wanted to ask, but he supposed it was good enough for now. Marina studied him for a few moments, but then she answered hesitantly: “Well, I... I can eat and drink things still. Anything I do is converted into chocolate, and likewise, I can convert... anything I touch into chocolate...”
“Oh, thou art a blessing from Valhalla.” Luna said dreamily, licking her lips slowly as she leaned hungrily forwards, and Shining Armor was staring now as well with a matching look of delight. “Do this now, creature! Make me chocolate!”
Marina winced a bit, but she was saved from having to answer by the Director interrupting with a wave of his hooves: “Excuse me! But I believe we were discussing something. Something important. Something you were in the middle of agreeing to, that-”
Luna sniffed loudly at this, flailing a foreleg in the direction of the Director and making him flinch back slightly. “I have agreed to nothing yet, and it does thee no favors to be so pushy! Pushy pushy pushy. Thou art as bad as Scrivy.”
Luna huffed a bit, then grumbled and dropped her head slightly as Twilight smiled faintly at the sapphire mare. Sure, Luna was being more than a little childish and frustrating at the moment... but that was only because she was more upset than she wanted to let on. It had been literally years since she and Scrivener Blooms had been apart for more than an hour... in fact, Twilight couldn't remember the last time they had all been separated for so long, and so far apart...
“Oh quiet, Twilight Sparkle, do not defend me.” Luna huffed grumpily, and then she scowled up at the Director, beginning to open her mouth... before all eyes were drawn upwards as there was a sudden loud pop before an envelope fell out of thin air, the Director wincing and beginning to reach for this-
Luna immediately dove forwards, tackling the letter out of the air and knocking the Director sprawling with a yelp before she dropped her rump on his stomach, knocking the wind out of him as he flailed uselessly under her. The mare completely ignored him as she bit into the envelope and tore it open, spitting paper out as she yanked the letter free and squinted at it... then grinned suddenly, her eyes gleaming. “This is most excellent news!”
“What? What?” The Director wheezed, grabbing at the letter... and then he squeaked as Luna grinned wider as her horn glowed, the letter shooting up into the air before it burst into blue flames. “No, no, no, you can't do that, you-”
“I can do anything I like!” Luna shouted cheerfully, and then she suddenly leapt off the Director to land in front of Shining Armor, who stared up at her before she declared: “Shiny, thou art not a Scrivy, but all the same I require a squire! Come! We have much to do!”
Shining Armor's eyes widened in excitement, before he yelled cheerfully when the mare scooped him up and tossed him onto her back, clinging into her starry mane as Twilight, Marina, and Styx all stared as Luna shot off like a rocket down the hall. She didn't slow down even as Karl stepped back inside, her eyes a little red and a lethargic smile on her face that hinted she had smoked something a little stronger than tobacco.
Luna plowed through the Celestia-lookalike, sending her comically flipping head over hooves before she crashed loudly down on her face. The mare blinked stupidly for a few moments, and then her eyes blazed with a much-less pleasant shade of red before she leapt to her hooves, screaming: “Director! I want her gone!”
Karl spun around, chasing after Luna with a frustrated scream, and the Director moaned low in his throat as he slowly covered his face in his hooves, curling up into the fetal position as he whimpered: “Oh, this can't be happening.”
Twilight winced a bit as the Director trembled helplessly, and then she sighed, biting her lip and shooting a look down the hall... but of course Luna and Shiny – and Karl, too, although they could still hear her screaming voice shrieking threats – were already gone. She shifted a little, then finally looked down and asked: “If I get Luna for you, will you let us go find Scrivener?”
The Director stared up at her, and then he nodded vigorously before clambering hurriedly to his hooves, blurting: “Yes! Yes, anything! Please, my life depends on this scene, do you understand?”
“I'm trying to.” Twilight said honestly, and then she smiled a bit before looking over her shoulder to Marina and Styx, saying quietly: “Look, I don't think it'll be that hard to track Luna down. My link isn't functioning... quite right with her, but it's enough that I can probably follow her myself. You can just stay here if you want.”
Marina only smiled, though, volunteering: “No, I'd be more than happy to come with you. And... River Styx, maybe you could...”
The chocolate mare gazed over at Styx, who slowly scowled even as his genet chirped happily and nodded several times from his perch on his head. And after a moment, Styx gave a tired sigh before he dropped his head slightly and muttered: “Fine. The sooner we drag her back here, the faster we get out of here.”
“That's the spirit!” Marina encouraged, and Styx gave her a grumpy look before the chocolate mare smiled again at Twilight. “How can we help?”
“Well, knowing Luna...” Twilight smiled wryly, then she shook her head before starting down the hall, automatically taking the lead and moving at a trot. Styx and Marina fell in on either side of the purple mare as she thought for a few moments, then mused out loud: “Something in that letter must have attracted her attention. She can't be going far because then she would have tried to drag me along, too, and I know she wouldn't put a foal in danger, even if she seems...”
“Crazy.” supplied River Styx sourly, and Twilight sighed... but also didn't argue, shrugging awkwardly, before the stallion asked: “Why is she so insane, anyway?”
“Because she's Luna.” Twilight said simply, shrugging and smiling a little as she looked forwards. “I know that's not much of an explanation, but... it's probably the best one I can give you, too. Luna is just Luna.”
“The Princess Luna I know isn't like that.” River Styx replied dryly, and then he looked ahead and added moodily: “We're never going to catch her at this rate, either.”
“She's going somewhere specific, that I'm sure of. We can catch up to her there.” Twilight replied with a slight smile before she turned her eyes ahead as they exited the long hallway... and then the purple mare blinked in surprise as they emerged into a wide city street, all three ponies looking dumbly around at the sudden change of scenery.
Then their eyes were drawn down the road to Karl, who was huffing loudly as she trotted towards them, her expression furious as she growled: “This is not in my contract! You three, yes, you three there! I demand to know at once where the Director is and why exactly there has been a scene change and why, why has that... hack not been fired?”
Karl came to a halt in front of them, sniffing loudly, and Twilight looked awkwardly up at the mare before she said awkwardly: “Uh... the Director is back in the castle...”
Twilight half-turned... and stared as she realized that the doors they had just left had vanished, and Canterlot Castle was now a majestic pearl gleaming in the distance atop the mountains, and they were standing in the middle of a crowded city street.
Karl laughed loudly, and Twilight turned back towards her before the Celestia-lookalike said sourly: “Oh, please, you can't actually expect me to walk all the way in these, can you?” She held up a golden-shoe-covered hoof, shaking it violently before she sniffed disdainfully. “Not only do these cost more bits than the three of you get paid combined, diamond-tip heels are not made for walking long distances.”
“We aren't getting paid at all.” Styx said moodily, and Karl gave a thin, patronizing smile down at him, which just made the unicorn scowl. “So are the Draconequus lying? Is there no escape from here?”
“What do you mean, 'escape?' Oh, is this already too much for you? Too hard, working with masters of the art of acting?” Karl leaned down, grabbing Styx's nose and wiggling his head back and forth, and the Royal Guard twitched as the genet on his head hurriedly grabbed his mane and tugged back on it, as if reining the unicorn in to prevent him from doing something he would regret later. “Well! You'll be happy to know that any actor who survives the arduous days and nights, who is able to give that fabled hundred and ten percent of pure passion just like I do, who properly fulfills their role in whatever grand and glorious storytelling we storytell, they are sent happily on their way.”
She paused, then clicked her tongue loudly before suddenly rearing back, letting go of Styx's nose so she could touch her own breast as she rose her head snootily into the air, adding patronizingly: “But of course you cannot even dream of accomplishing such a majestic feat without me. Everyone loves me, you see. Everyone comes to these plays purely because of me. I am a virtuoso, a genius, a master of my craft!” Karl laughed loudly, throwing both forelegs wide as she declared: “Why, the audience regularly showers me in affection!”
And as if in dramatic response to her dramatic words, a great hail of liquid poured down from the sky, splattering all over Karl and only Karl. There was silence for a few moments as all ponies present only stared at the mare, who was drenched from horn to hoof in some disgusting, unknown substance of mysterious origin...
“Narrator!” Karl screamed, thrusting her forelegs above her head as the goop exploded off her body in a wave of sound and magic, Twilight wincing and hurriedly protecting herself and her fellow ponies with a field of purple magic. “Narrator, you are not allowed to treat me like this! How dare you!”
The Narrator was truly, terribly sorry for what he had done. But he is merely another player on the stage, and helpless but to fulfill his own role... which sometimes includes dumping great steaming messes of adulation on top of screaming drag queen divas like Karl happens to be, with his big hair and his fancy gold heels.
“How dare you! How dare you!” Karl howled in outrage, shaking a hoof vehemently at the sky as her eyes glittered with beautiful anger. “What have I told you? I am Karla, and you will refer to me by gender neutral pronouns only!”
The Narrator, however, cannot comply to such a request because Karl only wants to be 'gender neutral' so that he and-slash-or she can be called beautiful and handsome without it being weird to attribute both masculine and feminine terms to him-slash-her. But the Narrator will gladly make a deal with Karl and refer to her by gender neutral pronouns when she is gender neutered.
Karl howled in fury at this, flapping her wings and forelegs violently before she threw her head back and screamed: “Director! Director! I demand that the Director come and immediately-”
And then tragedy struck as a sandbag fell out of the air and landed on Karl's head, knocking her senseless and unconscious.
The Celestia lookalike gurgled dumbly in the street, twitching absently as Twilight, Marina, and River Styx all stared down at her for a few moments, until Twilight finally looked up and asked uncertainly: “Is he... has he really been here for more than one play?”
The Narrator obviously cannot hold discussions with the actors... but if he could explain anything, he would tell them in the most tired and exhausted voice imaginable that Karl had been with them for no less than three plays before the current, two of which were terrible flops. He would also mention that while Karl is eccentric and nearly impossible to work with for long periods of times, he absolutely lives for the stage and always puts on an incredible performance for the audience... but, as a result, he has absolutely no identity of his own and lives purely by imitating whatever latest social media craze has caught his attention. Talent alone, alas, does not a good person make.
Twilight grimaced a bit at this, and then she shook her head before Marina asked uncertainly: “Do you think we should... do something for... uh...”
“It.” Styx looked moodily over the Celestia-lookalike as Marina winced a bit and Twilight only sighed, before the stallion said finally: “'I don't want to risk waking it up. And I don't think that it'll be in any danger out here.”
“Well, that's not entirely the point, Styx, and... could you maybe...” Marina started, but when Styx looked at her dryly, she only lowered her head a little, saying finally: “Karla just seems... passionate, that's all.”
Styx grunted, and Twilight smiled a bit before her eyes suddenly flicked up and she said quickly: “Luna's stopped just up ahead. For now let's focus on her, since I'm sure we'll run into Karl again.”
The purple mare hurried on past the unconscious, drooling mare, and Styx grunted, more than glad to follow after her as Marina shifted a bit, then mumbled a quick apology to Karl before hurrying after the two.
They didn't have very far to travel before they found Luna... wreaking havoc. There was really no other possible word or phrase for it: the mare was cackling, frolicking amongst several food stands that had all been turned topsy-turvy. She bounced cheerfully through the mess she had made, Twilight staring in disbelief as Shining Armor waved his arms excitedly on Luna's back, chocolate smeared all around his muzzle and an open candy bar in either hoof, the foal almost vibrating from the sugar high he was on.
There were other ponies, shouting and cursing at Luna, but she was ignoring them and easily dodging around the few who were trying to grab her, only seeming to take pleasure in the way they shouted and swore at her. Twilight winced as she hurried forwards, Marina gaping slightly in horror and River Styx feeling strangely unsurprised. “Luna!”
Luna looked up sharply at Twilight's shout... and without looking, easily slapped a pony that jumped at her out of the air, knocking him sprawling into a pile of candy. Twilight hurried forwards... and then winced as Luna grinned widely and dropped forwards, raising her rump in the air like a puppy eager to play. “What are you doing?”
“I am having fun, Twilight Sparkle! Much fun!” Luna said cheerfully, peering back and forth before she grinned widely and licked her lips as she hefted a stack of licorice into the air. This floated quickly over to her, and the mare chomped down on one of the long red strings as most of the rest vanished into her mane, while Shining crowed in joy as the mare floated the remaining up to him and the foal hugged them fiercely against his chest with a bright smile, twitching slightly from his sugar rush. “Will thou join me in my fun?”
“No! Luna, come on, this is crazy even for you.” Twilight pleaded, taking a step forwards... and then she winced as Luna wiggled her rump and stomped her hooves, her eyes gleaming with mischief, her grin widening. “Luna... you can't be serious, you can't-”
“Oh, I can, Twilight Sparkle. I can, and I shall.” Luna said with relish, and Twilight twitched a bit before she started to step forwards... and immediately, Luna spun around in a circle and bolted, shouting cheerfully: “Catch me if thou can!”
Twilight twitched a bit as Luna bolted to the end of the street, then skidded around a corner, Shining cheering happily on her back. The violet mare slowly ground her teeth together, her wings twitching at her sides before River Styx said dryly: “I don't think this is going to be as easy as you thought it was.”
“What is she even doing?” Marina winced at the sight of the overturned carts and half-destroyed stands of candy, the mare biting her lip before she shook her head as she looked nervously around at the crowd of grumbling ponies, who had all gone to cleaning about the mess, even if a few glared at them warily. “Can we... is there anything that...”
“Luna apparently wants to play a game, and since she's now trying to block my link to her, there's not much we can do but chase after her. The best and worst part is that she's got Shining with her, so she won't do anything too crazy... but 'too crazy' for Luna is very different from 'too crazy' for other people.” Twilight grumbled, shaking herself out briefly before she finally said: “I can still track her, though, and... if we can figure out what she's doing, we might be able to corner her.”
“Great.” River Styx sighed, dropping his head before he mumbled, as his genet rubbed at one of his ears comfortingly: “Why did I end up stuck with you crazy... I'm not even sure if any of you are ponies.”
“Maybe not. But we're all people.” Twilight smiled encouragingly over at River Styx... and then she looked blankly up at the sound of a tremendous bang, Styx and Marina also staring in disbelief before the three watched in shock as several bright flares of light streaked across the sky, popping and bursting through the air... “Oh Horses of Heaven. Where did she find fireworks?”
Twilight stumbled into a run, and Marina and Styx hurried after her towards the source of the disturbance, zigzagging down the street as ponies emerged from stores and stone homes to look curiously in the direction of the neon explosions peppering the air.
They found Luna prancing happily around in the square, several smashed wooden crates laying in ruin around a stage and a group of terrified-looking ponies trapped on top of the structure as Luna gleefully set off the fireworks and pyrotechnic cannons, dancing back and forth between fuses as her horn glowed with blue flames and Shining giggled loudly on her back. Twilight groaned loudly, then charged straight for the mare with Marina and Styx following, shouting: “Luna!”
“Twilight Sparkle!” Luna shouted cheerfully, then she grinned brightly over her shoulder before she firmly kicked one of the fireworks cannons over, Twilight wincing and skidding to a halt before the cannon went off with a tremendous bang, shooting straight down into the ground and sending up an enormous belch of smoke.
Twilight grimaced as she shielded her face with a foreleg, but before she could call up any magic, River Styx flicked his horn sharply to the side, a sharp, cutting wind bursting through the air and tearing apart the cloud of smog.
Twilight gave a quick smile to Styx, then turned her eyes back ahead with a small scowl. Luna, of course, was already gone... and worse, Twilight could see an overturned box labeled 'firecrackers,' which she had no doubt that Luna had helped herself to. Her suspicions were confirmed a few moments later by several loud cracks and bangs, followed by shouting: she could hear Luna and Shining Armor, she thought, mixed in with the others, heading-
“That way.” River Styx said shortly, and this time, the stallion took the lead, Marina and Twilight Sparkle falling in on either side of him as he charged at full speed down the side street where the disturbance had come from.
Luna was hopping cheerfully down the street, a lollipop sticking out of her muzzle as Shining Armor giggled and flung firecrackers back and forth with one hoof. Then he brightened as he looked over his shoulder and saw River Styx charging right at them, waving wildly as he blurted: “They found us already!”
Luna blinked in surprise, looking over her shoulder at the three charging towards her... and then she grinned widely before shouting: “And none of thee shall take me-”
River Styx snapped his horn down, firing a simple immobilization spell at the mare, the same he used to take down rowdy drunks in Appleloosa when they got out of hoof: efficient, professional, relatively harmless... and hopefully enough to put a stop to the mare's rampage. Luna, however, only deflected the spell with a grin, her eyes glinting before she responded by snapping her horn out and sending a thunderous blast of lightning at River Styx.
The stallion's eyes widened in surprise, his body tensing slightly as he gritted his teeth and resigned himself to the worst... before Twilight Sparkle leapt in front of him, easily drawing the blast of lightning in with her own horn before it became almost a solid thing, the mare gritting her teeth as she yanked back on the leash of energy connected between the horns of the two mares.
Luna squawked as she was nearly yanked off her hooves, bucking Shining Armor into the air, who flailed wildly in all directions as he flipped out of control with a yell. Marina was fast to react, though, leaping forwards and reaching out with telekinesis to catch the foal before he could hit the ground, the chocolate mare wheezing in relief as she gently set him on his hooves.
Luna, meanwhile, had spread her wings, the mare growling before she suddenly flapped her wings hard and snapped her horn forwards, and Twilight cursed as the leash of energy was torn to ribbons, the purple mare falling in a sprawl as Luna hovered in the air with a huff, hooves dropping on her hips. “That is not how we play the game, Twilight! Why, even River of Sticks hast played better than thee today!”
“I just really want this to be over and done with, and it doesn't seem like you're going to stop until one of us gives you a reason to stop.” Styx said moodily, even as his genet tugged nervously at his ear.
Luna seesawed a front hoof back and forth in response, looking thoughtful before Twilight sighed and clambered up to her hooves. Shining Armor, meanwhile, was giggling loudly in Marina's hooves as the mare awkwardly held him against her, the foal squirming and looking wildly back and forth as the purple mare said dryly: “I hope you're happy.”
“Not yet. There is still much more to do, and I require my squire!” Luna proclaimed, and Shining Armor looked up at the princess with bright, eager eyes. “The game is still ahoof and we are not yet done, Twilight Sparkle!”
Twilight looked at Luna for a few moments, and then she suddenly flicked her horn, and River and Marina both stared as there was a massive peal of thunder before a blast of lightning hammered down from the skies and straight into Luna, driving her into the ground with a tremendous boom of sound and light.
The sapphire mare twitched weakly a few times as the ponies all gaped in horror, and Twilight simply looked calmly at the smoldering sapphire pony for a few moments... before she rolled her eyes as Luna suddenly hopped to her hooves, shaking herself violently to throw off ashes and seared hair before she straightened and grinned widely as the ponies continued to gape. “I love and adore thee with all my heart Twilight Sparkle, but thou can be such a bitch at times.”
Twilight scowled a little at the mare, and then she said plaintively: “I caught you. Let's go back to the Director now, before he herniates. We need to find Scrivener, right?”
“Thou did not catch me, thou blasted me like I am some bug to be zapped! But fear me, fear what I shall become, for it has only made me stronger!” Luna declared, thrusting her forelegs above her head as her ephemeral mane sizzled backwards. Twilight glowered at the sapphire mare, her horn beginning to glow again, but Luna was clearly undaunted as she added: “I shall only be caught when I can no longer flee from any of thee.”
“And when we catch you, the game is over, and you come back with us to the Director. Promise.” Twilight said slowly, and Luna groaned and stamped her hooves like a toddler, but the violet mare only smiled at her, her gaze a mix of pleading and sternness. “Promise.”
Luna huffed loudly, and then she finally dropped her head with a grumble before nodding and mumbling: “Very well, Twilight Sparkle. If thou art going to be such a fun-killer, I suppose I have no choice but to agree to thy terms. But in return, thou must return my squire to me.”
Twilight smiled, extending a hoof, and Luna strode forwards grumpily before starting to extend her own... and then she slowly narrowed her eyes, peering at the mare suspiciously as Twilight only continued to smile, her foreleg extended, her gaze steady- “Trickster!”
Twilight dove at Luna, and Luna flapped her wings hard, narrowly launching herself over the mare before she shot suddenly towards Marina. The chocolate mare squeaked, leaping backwards as her horn glowed: on instinct, streams of chocolate burst out of her body, forming a barrier in front of her that Luna smacked into.
But to Marina's horror and pain, there was a horrible chomping noise before a large muzzle filled with sharp teeth literally bit a hole in her barrier, Luna gluttonously eating a window in the shield of chocolate before she grinned widely, large teeth glittering as brightly as her eyes as she declared: “Marina, thou art delicious!”
The sapphire mare belched loudly, then quickly leaned in and snatched Shining Armor away from her before she added cheerfully as her eyes half-lidded: “Know that I shall be returning to eat more of thee later. Much more of thee.”
Marina both whimpered and blushed deeply as Luna winked with a lick of her lips before leaping backwards, flapping her wings firmly and shooting straight up into the air as Twilight glared up at the mare, her horn glowing... before she winced as she saw the sapphire mare toss Shining Armor onto her back, the foal cheering loudly as he grabbed into her mane and Luna wheeled easily through the air before shooting off down the street.
She dropped to the road after a few moments, grinning challengingly over her shoulder... and River Styx immediately leapt after her, even though his genet was already tugging wildly on his mane like this was a bad idea. His horn began to glow as he narrowed his eyes: now that he knew the kind of punishment that Luna could apparently take, coupled with the fact that she apparently wanted them to take her down hard... well, he was more than happy to put a heavier hoof forwards.
He leaned forwards, locking on to her with his magic and where the safest place to hit her would be without harming the foal... before Luna suddenly leapt into the air and spun around, shoving a hoof into her mane before whipping it forwards and sending a burst of what looked like little balls flying out of her ephemeral locks, as she shouted: “Have a nice jawbroker!”
River Styx dumbly tried to process what the mare had just said before he stomped down on one of the brightly colored balls and it slipped out from under his hoof, the Royal Guard slamming down on his face with a curse. He blinked as he laid on his stomach, Luna cackling as she continued to bolt away from them... before the Royal Guard's expression slowly soured as one of the little balls rolled up to his face and gently bumped against it. Jawbreaker. That's what she was trying to say.
The stallion clambered to his hooves... and then Twilight ran past, calling over her shoulder: “She's heading back to the Castle, cut her off there!”
River Styx frowned: the sapphire mare seemed to be heading in the opposite direction of the castle, and they were trying to drag her back there in the first place. Why would Twilight Sparkle think that was her destination, of all places?
Still, he didn't have any other leads to go on... and the stallion scowled before he looked over at Marina as she hurried towards him with a faint flinch of pain, asking: “Do you think we should head back?”
“No, but I don't see any other choice, either.” Styx admitted after a moment, sighing tiredly. He looked grumpily in the direction of the castle, then shook his head before striding quickly down the street, muttering: “This is getting worse and worse.”
“Did you see her? That blast of lightning should have killed her! But she shrugged it off like it was nothing, and then... she literally ate through my shield!” Marina rambled, shaking her head quickly as Styx let his eyes wander towards her, as his genet chirped worriedly. “I never expected to see... my chocolate is not... I mean, I may sound... well...”
“Sweet.” Styx said, and Marina smiled a little and shivered a bit before the stallion asked grudgingly, more because his little genet wouldn't stop pestering him than anything else: “Are you... okay?”
“Oh, I... yes. I'm sorry, I just... only have so much chocolate I can use freely, and when it's destroyed, it feels a little like... like having a pain inside you that you can't quite put a hoof on. And I don't usually... react like that...” Marina stopped, biting her lip and looking down at the street. “It was very strange. It just happened. But the Draconequus did say that I would be... because I was touched by Discord...”
“Is that what happened to you?” River Styx cocked his head towards her, scowling a little before he muttered: “Always knew he had a sick sense of humor.”
“No. No, you misunderstand. He saved my life.” Marina replied softly, and River Styx looked back at her as Marina smiled briefly. “My family and I used to... visit him, when he was trapped in stone. After I ran afoul of some... bad ponies who did some... very awful things to me I would rather not get into detail about... he saved me. The only thing available was the boiling chocolate they had tried to... get rid of me in, so... there you go. Here I am.”
River Styx grunted, looking ahead: similar to the story she had told him back on the train, but... “You never mentioned Discord was a part of that.”
“I know that other ponies aren't... precisely fond of him. And we're being held here by some very strange Draconequus now, so... I was afraid to.” Marina admitted after a moment, smiling briefly at River Styx and blushing slightly as she lowered her head a little. “You're a little... intimidating.”
Styx only grunted, looking ahead as his genet chirped reassuringly on his head, and then the stallion glanced up and muttered: “How the hell did we get back to the castle so fast?”
Marina blinked as she looked up as well, staring in surprise at the double doors of the massive castle, the enormous white structure suddenly just... there in front of them, as if it had been rushing down to meet them faster than they had been making their way to the structure.
Then the doors were shoved rudely open, and Karl stormed out, sniffing loudly before she leaned down and glared between the two, asking sharply: “Where are those other two? And where is my coffee? I distinctly remember telling one of you to come back with my coffee, god, why are you all so useless?”
Marina awkwardly winced away, as River Styx only surveyed Karl for a moment before asking: “What happened to the other actors?”
“Oh, well, because I carried them through their miserable performances, they all got to go home, full pay, plus a bonus for it being a success. Small, modest, far more than they deserved.” Karl flicked a hoof disdainfully, sniffing loudly. “Of course, those were the successful actors. The failures were all forced to join the stage crew in their... miserable little hamster wheels, doing all that... silly work behind the scenes. You know, that all the ignorants do. Not the artists like us, dear. Or like me, rather. You, darling, you are a little... wooden.”
Karl suddenly flung her forelegs to either side, shouting in a trilling voice: “You need to emphasize! Emphasize everything you do! Throw yourself and your emotions into your role, darling!”
“I am.” River Styx said shortly, and then he looked over his shoulder as he felt a distinct tingle, his eyes locking on the sight of the sapphire mare charging straight towards them as he felt the faintest hint of surprise: Twilight Sparkle had been right. “Marina, do you have enough chocolate to cover the ground in front of us?”
“Yes...” Marina said uncertainly, and then she closed her eyes as she pushed a hoof into the ground, her limb rippling as chocolate flowed down and out of her foreleg to spill across the road, the mare wincing a bit as her body visibly thinned before she muttered: “I can't spare much more than this...”
River Styx looked at the chocolate blanketing the ground and decided it was probably enough... either way, it'll have to do. “Make it as sticky as possible. I assume you can do that.”
“Easily.” Marina nodded and smiled as Styx strode in front of the clearly visible trap, Luna's cackling now clearly audible as she bolted down the street, Shining Armor laughing and giggling on his back as he flung firecrackers and balls of candy in all directions, the noise almost enough to drown out the furious shouting from Twilight Sparkle.
Luna looked ahead... and her eyes gleamed as the sight of the chocolate before she grinned widely, putting on a burst of speed before she suddenly spread her wings and leapt into the air... and River Styx immediately snapped his horn sharply down, a blast of cyclonic force hammering into Luna's back and wings and knocking her out of the sky. She had a moment to look shocked before she hammered down into the mess of chocolate, Shining Armor bouncing out of her forelegs as she squawked... and Styx swiftly caught the foal and yanked him to safety as Marina's chocolate burst up around the sapphire mare, twining around her and seizing into her like claws to hold her firmly down in the mess.
Luna slowly began to open her mouth, her tongue slowly emerging to poke at the chocolate in front of her... and then she squawked as a tendril of chocolate wrapped quickly around her muzzle and yanked it shut, Marina wincing a bit as Luna wiggled wildly before snorting loudly through her nostrils. She glowered grumpily as Shining Armor giggled in River Styx's forelegs... then winced and hurriedly closed his mouth when the soldier glowered at him, the foal looking away before he mumbled, as Twilight skidded up to a halt behind the chocolate-covered Luna: “Aww. We lost.”
Luna tried to say something... and Twilight simply stomped on her back, making her squawk before the purple mare said triumphantly: “We win.”
The sapphire mare whined loudly in her throat like a dog, and then she slumped before grudgingly grumbling what sounded like a concession. Marina hesitantly let her chocolate draw away from the mare, pulling it back into her body, and Luna hopped up to her hooves after a moment before she complained: “'Twas not fair. I did not use all my powers, did I? Thou art all cheaters. Especially thou, Twilight Sparkle, reading my mind as thou did. Curse thee, meddling foals. If it were not for thee, I would have gotten away with it, too.”
“It was simple, once I thought about it.” Twilight explained, when River Styx looked at her for an explanation. “Luna was gathering up things to cause trouble with. She wasn't just causing chaos, though... well, I mean, she was, but she clearly had some kind of plan in mind. And there's only ever one pony who Luna puts that much thought and effort into harassing.”
“Me!” Karl declared joyously, leaping forwards as she thrust both forelegs dramatically into the air, and then she leaned down and grabbed Luna in a hug around the neck, the sapphire mare wincing and flailing wildly. “Oh, I love you too, little sister! I'm glad we're so important to each other!”
“Get off me, great lout! Damnation, nothing proves thou art not a Celestia more than this!” Luna complained, shoving the ivory mare away, and Karl huffed even as she stumbled backwards, the two glaring at each other before she added meditatively: “Aye. I have lost. I must submit and return to the Director to be chastened like a filly. But, first...”
Luna grinned and winked, then suddenly flicked her ephemeral mane firmly upwards as it gave a flash of light... and all eyes stared in disbelief as firecrackers, candy, and all manner of other food and toys and odds and ends shot out of her mane, flying high up into the sky... before Twilight shouted a warning and covered her head, her horn glowing and creating a shield over her body before a hail of firecrackers and candy fell over the ponies around Luna, who grinned and looked pleased with herself as Styx winced, Marina covered her head, Shining Armor danced happily through the rain of candy, and Karl screamed and darted back and forth as firecrackers banged and hard candy pounded down all around her.
Finally, when the hail ended, Luna smiled cheerfully before she winked down at Shining Armor, adding: “And I could not have done it without thee.”
Shining smiled brightly up at her... before the Director stumbled quickly out of the door, shouting in a strangled voice as he waved a badly-taped together, burnt piece of paper back and forth: “You dirty evil conniving lying bit-”
Luna grabbed the Director by the throat, hefting him into the air with one hoof, and he whimpered as his eyes went wide... before the sapphire mare delicately reached down and picked up an unopened lollipop, saying kindly: “Careful now. Thou hast a bad habit of putting thy hooves down without looking first where they are going... 'twould be a pity if one went down thine own throat.”
With that, Luna bit off the candy wrapper and spat it aside before shoving the lollipop in her mouth as she dropped the Director. He bounced once on his rump, then glowered up at her as he shoved the burnt, ripped, taped-together letter towards her. “This! This was a request, and-”
“And I have gone and fulfilled it, although sadly there was not enough for me to steal. Thou art sorely lacking in props for a great play production.” Luna commented, and then she sniffed loudly before asking mildly: “May we go fetch Scrivy now? I wish to go and fetch my Scrivy. And I swear to thee, Director, if thou hast replicated North Neigh and forced the beetle to relive his life there again...”
Luna leaned in suddenly, her eyes going cold, her face shoving into the Draconequus as she promised coldly: “I will burn it to the ground, and not all the powers in the world will stop me from tearing this whole play down around thy heads.”
The Draconequus gave a weak smile, and then he slowly held up his hooves before saying awkwardly: “If... if there are no objections...”
“What about Shining Armor?” asked Twilight, striding forwards and looking nervously down at the foal, who was slowly starting to list to the side, his eyes blinking owlishly as he visibly began to crash from all the sugar Luna had likely let him eat. “He's just a foal...”
“That is fine! I will take care of him!” Karl interrupted, immediately stepping forwards and declaring: “I will lead this little band forwards from here, Director, you are no longer needed! I know the play, inside-out, back-and-forwards, and I will make sure it is the very best of the best, and teach all these... these amateurs the true meaning of being an acteur!”
The Director wheezed through his teeth... and then he slowly dropped his head into his hooves, rubbing at his face as he mumbled: “This has all gone terribly, terribly wrong.”
Luna grunted in agreement as Twilight Sparkle sighed and shook her head... then smiled briefly as she looked up at Marina and River Styx. Karl only laughed loudly as she cradled Shining Armor in one foreleg, the foal looking too exhausted to realize who was holding him as he simply mumbled and curled up a little... and the purple mare couldn't help but flex her wings before she reflected that even if everything had indeed gone terribly, terribly wrong... at least they were all getting closer to getting back together, and hopefully, finding their way out of this strange and ever-changing play they had all become a part of.