My half-brother stared at us in blank incomprehension for a good ten seconds after he answered his door. In his defense, I’d never showed up at his apartment door with a bound and gagged teenage girl before. “This isn’t what it looks like,” I hastily explained, slightly out of breath from taking the stairs all the way up to his place.
“That would be a bit more reassuring if you weren’t about to make me an accessory to whatever this is.” Despite the smartassery, Thomas opened up the door and waved us inside. Either this was a big sign of trust on Thomas’s part or my life was so screwed up that the people who knew me just expected this type of thing. “So, what are you getting me mixed up in this time?”
Sonata groaned and put up a token struggle as we dragged her inside, but thankfully the duct tape was still holding out. Also-thankfully, my brother lived in one of those big, fancy apartment complexes where there were only a couple units on every floor, so we didn’t have any neighbors poking their heads out and wondering what the fuss was.
“How’d you get past security, anyway?” Thomas idly asked while helping us haul the siren in. “I really hope you had enough sense to not sign in at the front desk while dragging in a kidnapping victim.”
“Magic’s handy stuff.” Holding a veil over all three of us all the way from the parking lot to Thomas’s apartment had just about tapped me out, though. Especially since we had to take the stairs instead of using the elevator. My magic usually won’t short out an elevator, but I didn’t want to take the risk with the way my luck has been lately.
Illusion work always made me miss my old apprentice; Molly had a real talent for it. Sunset, unfortunately, didn’t. Using unicorn magic would’ve saved me from hauling Sonata up twenty flights of stairs. Even with Sunset’s help and all the working out I’ve been doing lately, that was pretty hard to pull off. Especially while keeping the veil in place too.
I groaned and sank down onto one of Thomas’s very modern and fashionable couches. Like most things modern and fashionable, it wasn’t especially comfortable, but I wasn’t in any position to be picky. My brother’s place was a bit more lived-in than it had been back when he was masquerading as a gay European hairdresser, but it still had a long way to go before it matched my standards. Granted, my usual furniture budget was ‘Hey, someone left this couch out by the dumpster even though it doesn’t smell that bad!’
Thomas on the other hand was loaded with cash. He was my half-brother, and the other half of his family was a lovely little collection of succubi and incubi who’d spent the last few thousand years building up a financial empire. White Court Vampires were, at least theoretically, nicer than the other vampire courts, though that had nothing to do with any moral compunctions on their part; being ‘nice’ was a superior business model. After all, the Black and Red Courts had both been driven to the brink of extinction by playing hardball.
There were risks involved in coming to Thomas for help. The vampire side of his family tree kept tabs on him, and this was complicated enough without involving them. However, since his brand of vampires fed on emotions, I figured he might have a bit more insight into how the sirens might operate. Not to mention that his vampire powers made him superhuman in just about every sense, which is the kinda thing that can always come in handy.
While Sunset and I sat down and caught our breath, Thomas casually hauled Sonata over to one of his spare seats and set her down. I’m not sure if that really counted as a display of vampiric super strength though. From the looks of her, Sonata weighed about eighty pounds soaking wet, and that was counting ten pounds of hair and another ten from all the tacos she’d eaten.
My inner smartass couldn’t avoid commenting on that. “You really need to eat more, assuming human food has any effect on your appearance. Seriously, you’re just skin, bones, and hair. How much shampoo does all that hair take?”
Sonata’s gag limited her response to, “Mmmph!”
Sunset was quick to jump on board the snark train. “Well, now we know what they spend their royalties on.”
“Um, hey Harry.” Thomas waved at me from across the living room. “Feel free to clue me in on what the hell’s going on anytime now.” He sauntered into the kitchen and opened up his fridge. “Want a beer? And I’ve got soda for your apprentice and kidnapping victim.” A couple seconds later he came out with my beer and two cans of coke.
Or rather, not coke at all. “You only had diet? They’ll add another year onto my prison sentence for making her drink that.”
Thomas shrugged. “It’s the only thing Justine will drink.” He took a seat on the couch next to me. “So, I’m going to guess she’s not an ordinary, helpless teenage girl?”
“Nope, she’s a siren.” I took a sip of the beer, then waved the bottle towards her taped-over mouth. “Thus, the gag.”
My brother briefly frowned in thought, then nodded along. “Right, right, I remember the myth. Mind-control singing, lures sailors to their doom.”
“This one works a bit differently. Still got the mind control magic, but she feeds on negative emotions to power it.” I shrugged. “Blame the differences on her being out of a Saturday morning cartoon instead of ancient Greek mythology.”
“Saturday morning car—” He broke off, glancing at Sunset.
“Yeah, she’s from Equestria,” my apprentice confirmed.
“Great.” Thomas sighed, slumping back on his couch. “More Equestrian monsters showing up on Earth. That’s gonna complicate things.” He paused, then shot me a look. “I should probably warn you, Lara’s interested in cutting a deal with Equestrian changelings. You can probably guess why.”
“They eat love, and you guys are vulnerable to it.” I groaned and ran a hand over my face. Lara Raith was dangerous, and the last thing I needed was for her to get her beautiful, expertly manicured hands on something that could bypass the one silver bullet the world had against her vampires. I kind of had my hands full with the current crisis, but I did make a mental note to warn the powers-that-be.
With the cheerful thought of the next crisis lingering in my mind, I turned my attention to solving the current one. I taped the siren down to her chair, earning me some complaints from Thomas about how I was ruining the upholstery. “Now then ... Sonata, right?” My prisoner nodded. “Okay. I'm going to remove the duct tape over your mouth. If you try and pull your any sort of mumbo-jumbo or even so much as start humming, it goes right back on. You understand me, Son-taco?”
Sonata thought it over for a moment, then very reluctantly nodded. Sunset and Thomas both tensed, ready to make a move the instant she tried anything. I had to borrow some scissors from Thomas to get the tape out of Sonata’s hair, but there was no way to save her skin. “Er, sorry about this.”
I ripped the tape off. “Owww!” Despite knowing she was an evil mind-controlling monster, that still got a guilty flinch out of me. Sonata’s arms twitched against the duct tape holding them down as she tried to free them, presumably to rub at her red, irritated mouth.
I quickly clamped down on the urge to apologize some more; it would ruin my efforts to be an intimidating interrogator. “Now then, I have some questions for you.” I settled back down on the couch, sitting across from her. “The more you cooperate, the better this’ll go for both of us.”
Sonata answered with a glare. “I just wanted tacos and to sing for you, and then you guys punched me and tied me up and ripped tape off my mouth, which really hurt! What’s your problem?!”
“Mostly the fact that after the tacos and the singing you were gonna have a side of world domination for dessert. Evil, evil dessert. Like cheesecake.” Thomas and Sunset were staring at me like I’d taken a couple too many hits to the head, which in fairness I probably have over the years. “Or something of that variety. The point is, once you reach a certain level of evil it all starts to blur together for me. So why don’t you spill the beans?”
“Why would I wanna spill beans?” Sonata shot back. “If you cook them right they’re good. Besides, I don’t have any beans, and I couldn’t spill them while I’m all tied up like this.”
The peanut gallery started chuckling at me, which was just doing wonders for my intimidation factor. I finished off my beer; I had a feeling I was going to be needing it by the time we were done. “I wanna know what you and your siren buddies are up to.”
“I'm not saying anything!” she spat back defiantly. She paused, then spoke up again a second later. “Well, I’m not saying anything other than to tell that I won’t be saying anything.”
I switched gears in the hopes that it might throw her off. “But why not? I brought you home with me, let you sit on my furniture.” Thomas shot a pointed look. “Well, his furniture. Same difference. Hell, I'll give you some food if that would help you open up.”
Sonata’s eyes briefly brightened. “Well I am kinda hungry again...” She frowned, then shook her head. “No, wait, no way! I’m not gonna fall for that! You better let me go right now, or else you're gonna be really sorry when Aria and Adagio show up to rescue me. Which they will, 'cause we're totally besties.”
“Besties, huh?” Sunset asked with an innocent smile. “Well if you three are so close, how come your friends weren’t with you?”
Sonata sighed and rolled her eyes. “‘Cause they don’t like tacos? I dunno why. I mean, you can put anything inside a taco shell and it’ll taste good. Well, not anything, since you can’t put negative emotional energy inside a taco, and apparently that’s all they care about eating.”
I was tempted to make a tasteless remark about how Thomas could get his emotional energy fix by eating certain types of tacos, but that was a bit too crass for me to say in mixed company. Granted, Sunset and Sonata weren’t exactly delicate flowers, but there are some things a guy just shouldn’t say around women. Instead, I kept on topic. “If you’re hungry, Thomas and I might be able to scratch something together in the kitchen. But before we do that, I'd like to know a bit more about these friends of yours.”
Sonata thought that over for a minute. “I guess I could tell you some stuff, as long as it’s not anything secret like the fact that Aria snores.” Her eyes widened, and she clamped her hands over her mouth. “Er, don’t tell her I told you that? Please?”
“It’ll be our secret,” I promised. “So, anything else to tell us?”
“Oh, there’s a lotta stuff.” She paused, and a grin worked its way onto her face. “Oooh, but you're gonna be sorry you ever messed with me, ‘cause Aria and Adagio aren't nearly as nice as I am. Like, Aria can be totally mean sometimes. So can Adagio, but she's more like ‘evil mastermind’ while Aria’s more like ‘push you down in the mud and laugh at you’ mean. I know, ‘cause she did that to me when I used a pun.” She pouted as best she could while taped to a chair. “I thought it was really funny when I asked her ‘Aria mad?’ but...”
Thomas and Sunset groaned, but I couldn’t quite stifle a snort of laughter. “I guess you could say that was ... so not a good joke.” More groans followed, and Thomas smacked me upside the head hard enough to sting. Worth it. “So, back on topic, I’m gonna guess your two buddies do a lot of evil things?”
“Well yeah they do!” Sonata stared at me incredulously. “We're sirens! Being evil is, like, what we do!” She scoffed and shot a look over at the others. “Geeze, he doesn’t know anything, does he?”
“Nope,” Thomas quickly agreed, displaying typical sibling loyalty.
“He might know a few little things,” Sunset allowed with a smirk. “We try not to hold that against him. He's a work in progress.”
I really need to find new friends who aren’t such smartasses. Of course, if none of my friends were snarkers, they probably wouldn’t be willing to tolerate my own smartassery. It’s a delicate balance. “Yeah, I guess I don’t know much, which is why I'm asking questions. So let’s start with the basics. I'm still not 100% sure about what a siren is or what you guys do.”
I’d gotten a pretty good briefing from Celestia, plus Bob’s conjecture, but there was no harm in seeing what I could get Sonata to spill. She might give away something new, or put a new perspective on the facts I’d already been given. Sonata looked like the type who might let a few things slip out if I caught her off guard.
Thankfully, Sonata wasn’t sharp enough to figure out my clever scheme. “And Aria says I'm dumb. We sing, and that makes people give us food.”
“You feed off the people you sing for? That must be a handy trick.” I tried something a bit more probing. “So how do you do that anyway? Is it something all sirens are born knowing how to do, or is it something unique to you three?”
Sonata’s eyes brightened, and she cheerfully gave that up. “There aren’t any other sirens. We were actually ponies a long time ago, before Adagio made our—” She abruptly cut herself off.
“Before she made your what?” I prompted.
Her eyes nervously darted around the room. “Um ... tacos. ‘Cause she made us some tacos one time, and they were really good!”
I was tempted to call her out on trying such a blatant lie, but I didn’t think it would be in my best interests. Trying to browbeat her into confessing seemed likely to just make her dig her heels in harder, while I’d nearly gotten her to give up a big secret by finessing things a bit. I might have all the subtlety of a sledgehammer most of the time, but I could be sneaky when I applied myself.
So instead I let her think I’d bought it. “Right, tacos. Those are pretty tasty.” The siren’s cheshire grin told me plenty, but I noticed Sunset frowning. I kept my focus on Sonata for the time being. “So, I'm willing to bet that isn't the only thing that you guys can do, is it? I mean, considering how fearsome your reputation is and all...”
Sonata ate the flattery up. “Well yeah, we can do all kindsa stuff!”
“Like what?” Sunset demanded, slamming her hand on the table. “Give us something useful, before we start thinking about where we’re gonna lock you up and throw away the key!”
Just like I’d feared, the threat only made the Siren clam up. “Nuh-uh! Maybe you’ll lock me up for a bit, but Aria and Adagio are probably already on their way to come rescue me! I’m not gonna tell you how to stop them!”
I sighed and tried to do some damage control. “So, how about I get to work on those snacks for you? I’m sure Thomas has something edible in his refrigerator.” I paused, then grinned at my brother. “Then again, last time I was here the only thing in your fridge was beer and soda, and you were living on pizza delivery and chinese takeout.”
My half-brother rolled his eyes. “Relax, now that Justine’s living with me I had to stock up on real food. No more bachelor diet for me.” He paused in thought, then shrugged. “Not that it really matters all that much what I eat.”
That was the disgusting truth. Thomas managed to maintain a physique most underwear models would be jealous of while living on nothing but pizza and beer. I eat way healthier than he does, and I still look like a creepy scarecrow-man. Stupid sexy vampire powers—life is so unfair.
I groaned and stopped wallowing in self-pity. “You mind keeping an eye on her while I make the snacks, Thomas?” It seemed a bit rude to kick him out of his own kitchen, but there’s a reason the guy had mostly lived on delivery until Justine moved in with him. It had taken him a long time to get used to living without his family’s small army of servants. On the bright side, since Thomas almost never cooked for himself, the kitchen was sparkling clean. Of course, it was also full of high-tech appliances I had no idea how to use and would probably break if I so much as turned them on.
Thankfully the kitchen wasn’t fully enclosed, so I could still keep an eye on what was going on in the living room while I worked. Sunset followed close behind as I got to it, and I knew what I was in for the second I saw the scowl on her face. I’ve dealt with way too many pissed-off women over the years. “Harry, mind if I have a word?”
I rubbed my forehead in an effort to stave off the growing headache. “I have a feeling you're going to have more than one.”
Sunset flicked a hand, and my ears popped as the air pressure within the kitchen adjusted. I knew enough about Equestrian magic to recognize that as a privacy spell. Once it was in place, she turned on me with a fierce scowl. “What are you doing?”
“I’m pumping her for information,” I answered matter-of-factly.
“Really?” Her frown deepened. “I thought you were about to make her dinner. What next, are you gonna ask her if she wants some cake too?”
“Maybe, if I think it’ll get her talking.” I opened up Thomas’s fridge and started digging out meat and veggies with the vague notion of making sandwiches. “What were you expecting me to do, try and beat the information out of her? That almost never works, and I couldn’t do that to her anyway.” Regardless of what she really was, she still looked like a girl. Call me old-fashioned, but I don’t think it’s alright for a guy to hit a lady. Well, not unless she’s some sort of murderous insane super-powered monster, but then she’s not exactly being a proper lady.
I tried to find a way to explain my plan to her. “Look, I think with Sonata we’ll have a lot more luck playing good cop than we will playing bad cop. Whenever we try to push her she’ll just clam up, and I can’t really threaten her with all that much.” About the worst I was prepared to do was lock her up in Demonreach, and that wouldn’t break her as long as she believed the other sirens were coming to rescue her.
Sunset’s eyes narrowed, and I could hear her teeth grinding. “I never said anything about torturing her, for Celestia’s sake! I’m just saying that you're letting this get away from you. You’re supposed to be her captor, not her damn maid! You're ceding control of the entire interrogation before it's even started. If you want to play Good Cop then fine, but at least do it right. Tell her she doesn’t get her snack until after she gives us something solid and useful.”
“I’m pretty sure withholding food until she confesses isn’t a Good Cop strategy.” I passed Sunset some greens, then sliced a tomato for the sandwiches. “I just don’t think we’re gonna get very far squeezing her. We’re better off making her feel safe and comfortable, maybe even a little bit confident that she can outsmart us. Let her think she’s in control, and she’ll be a lot less careful about watching what she says.”
Sunset didn’t say anything else for a while, silently helping me prepare the rest of the sandwiches. Once we were mostly done with it she let out a resigned sigh. “I hope you know what you’re doing.” She turned and walked back into the living room, dropping the privacy spell on her way out.
Sunset stalked back over to Sonata, picking up her chair and deliberately moving it to slightly behind and to the side of the captive Siren, so that Sonata would only be able to see her out of the corner of her eye.
It was a good technique for making Sonata nervous and uncomfortable without being outright menacing, but Sunset hadn’t accounted for who she was dealing with. Rather than remain in place, Sonata started twitching and tugging at her bonds, trying to shift the chair to face Sunset. Instead, she just managed to topple the chair over, landing heavily on her side. “Um ... little help here?”
Thomas let out a barely concealed snort of laughter, while Sunset groaned and buried her head in her hands. “Really?”
Sonata stared up at her as best she could with one cheek buried in the carpet. “Please? I don’t think this guy’s vacuumed in, like, forever.”
“It’s only been a week,” Thomas muttered under his breath. Which made it a pretty safe bet that the last time Justine had visited his place had been a week ago—left to his own devices, my brother’s a complete slob. He sighed and walked over to Sonata, easily picking up both her and the chair and setting them right-side up. “Don’t do that again. That carpet is worth more than Harry makes in a year.”
Sunset sighed and shifted back to sitting directly across from Sonata. “So while we're waiting for the help, anything you'd like to tell us?”
Sonata glared at her. “It really hurt when you punched me. Which was totally a jerk move, by the way. Why’d you have to hit me?
“You were going to use your magical mind control music on me if I didn’t stop you,” Sunset countered. “And once we were doing the whole kidnapping thing, I didn’t think smacking you once or twice to subdue you would be that much worse.”
“Well it still hurt,” the Siren grumbled. A moment later her eyes brightened, and a mischievous smirk worked its way onto her face. “Tell you what, though. Untie me and give me a free shot at you. That way we’ll be even.” She stared at Sunset eagerly, waiting to see if she would fall for it.
Fortunately, Sunset hadn’t been born yesterday. “Yeah, I’ll tell you what. I’ll do that right after I finally grow my wings and become an alicorn.”
“Cool!” Sonata paused a moment, then cocked her head curiously to the side. “So how long is that gonna take, anyway? ‘Cause, y’know, being taped to this chair kinda blows.”
I couldn’t resist the opening for a bit of my patented brand of smartassery. “Not to mention wanting to become a giant unicorn horn is a pretty weird ambition to begin with.”
Sunset spared an annoyed glare for me. “For the millionth time, Harry, in Equestria we call a winged unicorn an alicorn. Deal with it.”
“Why do you automatically assume all of your ‘alicorns’ are winged unicorns?” I shot right back. “It sounds like you’re some kind of unicorn supremacist. I mean, we know that at least one of them is actually a horny pegasus.” Because he’s horribly immature, my brother laughed at that. Then again, I was immature enough to say it in the first place.
One of Sunset’s eyes was twitching, and I could see her fists slowly clenching and unclenching. I know it’s probably not the best idea to poke my apprentice with a temper problem, especially when Sunset losing it tended to involve setting things on fire, but sometimes it’s just too much fun. Besides, this would help her develop a thicker skin. It was for her own good, really. There were plenty of baddies out there who were more than willing to get under your skin and were a whole hell of a lot better at it than I was.
Sonata leaned forward as much as she could while taped to a chair, an eager grin on her face. “So Sunset, you’re from Equestria? And a unicorn too, huh? That’s interesting.”
Stunned silence descended over the gathering, until Thomas broke it with a loud snort. “Did ... did she just outsmart you guys?”
“No.”
“No.”
My brother’s grin widened. “That’s funny, ‘cause it sure looked like she did.”
“Thomas, you’re not helping,” I grumbled.
“Aside from giving you guys a place to hide out from the cops,” he responded. “Oh, and letting you borrow my kitchen and food. And you’ll probably need some other stuff too. Plus, if these sirens are as nasty as you say they are, I’m probably gonna get dragged into fighting them. But aside from that, I’m definitely not helping at all.”
I stepped out of the kitchen carrying a plate loaded down with sandwiches. “Just for that, I’m not cutting the crusts off of your sandwich.” I set the platter down on Thomas’s coffee table where everyone but Sonata could reach it.
The imprisoned Siren immediately started straining against her bonds, and I found the first problem with my current plan. Unless one of us wanted to feed her, we would have to at least untape her enough to let her eat. After thinking it over for a moment, I reluctantly stepped over and cut her hands and the lower part of her arms free. It would make it easier for her to escape, but I didn’t think it was too much of a risk as long as Sunset, Thomas, and I were all there watching her.
“Thanks!” Sonata chirped, immediately snatching up one of the sandwiches. “You know, for a creepy weirdo who kidnapped me off the streets, you’re alright.”
“Thanks. I think.” At least she wasn’t coming up with inventive new expletives to hurl at me. “You thirsty? We’ve got some beer, if you want it.” I felt a bit bad about offering alcohol to a creature that looked like an underage teenage girl, but I rationalized it by telling myself that she wasn’t human or anything close to her apparent age. It would make her comfortable, and if the alcohol loosened her lips, then so much the better.
“Sure!” I retrieved a bottle of Mac’s ale from the fridge. I felt a bit bad about wasting such wonderful stuff on a monster, but we have to make sacrifices for the greater good. I set the bottle down in front of her, and she eagerly guzzled about a quarter of it down. “Thanks! Aria says this place is the worst ‘cause we can’t get anything to drink without getting carded. I mean, we usually just sing the cashier into letting us have it all for free anyway, but...”
“I think I know how you feel.” I remember one night when Anastasia and I had gone out to dinner, and she’d been asked for ID when she ordered a glass of wine. Considering she’d been born back when the horse-drawn carriage was how most people got around, she’d been quite flattered by the request.
I let her enjoy the snack for a little bit, then moved in for the kill. “Alright Sonata, since I’m trying to be a good host and all, I was wondering if you could give me something to help me out.”
Sonata paused to swallow her current mouthful, then wash it down. “Um, like what? ‘Cause the only thing I have right now that isn’t taped up is the scrunchie for my ponytail. You can have that if you want it, 'cause I've got a lot more back at my apartment.”
Sunset groaned and slammed a hand down on the table, nearly knocking over Sonata’s beer. “We want you to answer our questions!”
“But you haven't asked anything yet!” she protested, quickly saving her bottle of Mac’s ale.
Sunset screamed in exasperation, her forehead joining her hand on the table with a loud thump. I took that as my cue to move in and try to salvage things. “Alright, you want some questions, let’s get down to business. What else can sirens do, besides controlling people's emotions with their singing and the whole mind control thing? Is there any way to block it besides willpower exercises and just stuffing my ears? What about ways to break the mind control once it’s established?”
That last was an especially big concern of mine. I’m not sure how it works with Equestrian magic, but mind control does bad things to people outside of cartoonland. It can cause serious psychological damage, or even drive the victims insane, and that damage doesn’t go away just because you’ve beaten the bad guys. If the Sirens really had gotten their hooks into a huge chunk of the world’s population...
“I dunno about all of that.” The captive Siren shrugged. “I just kinda ... y’know ... do it.”
Of course she wouldn’t know all the technical details of how her magic works. Hell, I’m a proper wizard, and I’m a bit clueless when it comes to a lot of the technical theory behind magic. I dropped that subject and moved on to something a little more productive. “Where are the other sirens hiding out at?”
“No way!” She struggled against the duct tape holding her down. “Aria and Adagio would be so mad if I told you that!”
“Maybe they would, but how would they know unless I told them?” They’d probably decide I’d used magic to figure it out. In my experience, once people learn I’m a wizard they tend to assume I use magic to do everything. “Think about it this way, Sonata: the quicker I find them, the sooner they’ll deal with me and free you, right?”
That gave her some food for thought. She chomped another one of the sandwiches to give herself some food for food. “That’s true....”
I gave her another little nudge. “And even if they found out that you told me, you could just say that you were sending me into a trap.” I’d be worried that she might actually try something like that if she’d shown even a hint of kind of brainpower needed to pull that off.
Her face brightened, and a sneaky little grin spread across her lips. “Oh yeah, I could do that!” She paused, then quickly amended. “But I’m not! If I tell you where to go, it’ll be absolutely, one hundred percent not a trap. For realsies.”
“Don’t worry,” Thomas assured her. “We believe you. You give us the info we need, and we remember you helped us out when all this is over. If your Siren buddies come out on top, you tell them you sent them a big, stupid meal and stopped someone who could’ve messed up their plans. Either way, you come out on top.”
That scheming smile got a bit wider. “Yeah, that’s true.”
Sunset frowned, and murmured to the two of us. “Are you sure we should give her ideas?”
I dropped my voice and muttered back, “How clever do you think she can get? I mean look at her.” The Siren in question was in the process of very sneakily trying to snatch another sandwich of the platter while we were all distracted by the conversation.
“I’d keep an eye on her anyway,” Thomas advised. “Just saying, I’ve managed to dodge a lot of trouble over the years by seeming stupid and harmless.”
That was a distinctly worrying thought. Then again, it didn’t change much. If Sonata wasn’t as dumb as she looked and was actually some sort of genius mastermind conning me, the best move was to let her think it was working. “Alright, so now that we’ve settled that it’s okay to tell us where they’re at...”
“They’re probably back at our place.” Sonata let that answer hang for a bit before finally elaborating. “It's this really big apartment building with a lot of guys who have those gun things you humans use. Well, they weren’t there when we moved in, but Adagio had us find some guys and sing to ‘em.”
Thomas raised an eyebrow. “Guards, huh? Well there’s only two types of apartment buildings that can have a bunch of armed thugs hanging around without it raising a bunch of awkward questions. Either somewhere ridiculously expensive, or run-down and shoddy. Considering we’re up against mind-controllers, I know which my money’s on.”
Sonata smiled and nodded. “Yeah, it’s this super-nice building on the Gold Coast.” Thomas was right, that was the ultra-rich section of Chicago. “Um ... I think the building’s called Golden Pines or Golden Oaks or something. Some kinda gold tree. Which is weird, cause the building isn’t gold or a tree. I mean, why call it Golden Pines, then make the building out of concrete that’s painted white? It’s just weird! Why are human names so weird?”
“If it’s any consolation, most of your names sound just as weird to us,” Thomas cut in. “Seriously, who names their kid something like Sonata?”
“Um ... my parents? Duh!”
Ask a stupid question, get an obvious answer. I tried to drag things back to a more productive front. “So how many guards does Adagio have?”
“Like, a lot of them!” When Sonata’s answer earned her a round of glares, she tried to justify it. “I didn't remember the names 'cause they're all boring ones, and they all look really boring and same-y compared the last universe we were in. You guys only have, like, four hair colors! What’s up with that?”
“In our defense, we use hair dye to address that.” I suppose I could bring up skin color and body types too, but those probably don’t make a big difference to someone who’s used to living in technicolor cartoon land. “So your Siren buddies pretty much just hang out in your apartment all day? That doesn’t fit.”
“Well they don’t spend all day cooped up,” she explained. “I mean, we have to go out to eat and go do music stuff and whatnot, but it’s still our home base.”
“Right, right, gotcha.” I would have to stake it out for a while anyway to make sure I knew what I was dealing with, so waiting until both the Sirens were inside wouldn’t be a problem. “Anybody else been hanging out with you?”
“Not really.” She frowned, and amended, “I mean, we do get visitors and stuff. Mostly music people helping us set up that big concert. Adagio said some more of them were coming by later today. Then Aria said I should go out while they were there, 'cause she thinks I'd say something dumb.” She rolled her eyes and scoffed. “Like, whatever! So that’s when I went to go get tacos, and you know the rest.”
“I know, right?” Thomas chimed in sympathetically, reaching over to pat Sonata’s semi-restrained shoulder. “How could anyone think that?” He gave that a moment to sink in, then hit her with a question. “Hey, Sonata—about those guards you sang for. Are they regular guards, or are any of them armed?”
She nodded eagerly. “They had those gun things, yeah.”
“Any magic-users?” Sunset cut in.
Sonata’s eyes went wide with shock. “Wait, there are humans who can use magic?” She turned back to me, and I could see the gears in her head shifting. “So that’s how you got past that security guy in the lobby without him noticing me!”
That was an interesting little nugget of information. I decided to probe a bit deeper. “Of course humans can’t use magic. Don’t be ridiculous.”
She frowned for a moment, then figured it out. “But I bet she can, right?” She levelled an accusing finger at Sunset.
Sunset answered with a self-satisfied smirk. “I'm not human, I’m a unicorn.”
Thomas chuckled and nodded. “That’s Harry, always expanding his entourage.”
“Nah, celebrities have entourages.” I waved towards my vampire half-brother and unicorn wizard apprentice. “I just have a bunch of weird crazies hanging around me and helping me save the world in the most insane ways imaginable. I'm a bleeding head that way.”
“I think you mean bleeding heart,” Sunset corrected.
“Nah, head.” I tapped the side of my noggin. “I've taken a few blows to the old cranium over the years, and half of them are from helping people like you two.”
“That, and all the times you tried to break through a brick wall by bashing your head against it.” He chuckled and elbowed me in the ribs. “Though more often than not, the wall gives out first.”
“I'm special like that,” I agreed.
“Special needs, maybe,” my apprentice snarked.
I briefly lamented my chivalrous streak. It might be rude to a hit a lady, but there are times when I’d really like to smack my apprentice upside the head. Not hard or anything, just ... you know, enough to make my point. “Quick history lesson: back in the old days, masters would throw mouthy apprentices into burlap bags and beat them with reeds. They’d keep doing that until the kids stopped being insolent. Just tossing that out there.”
Alas, Sunset did not seem impressed by my grasp of old teaching practices.
Sonata fidgeted against her bonds, staring at us as we bickered. “So, um, are you guys gonna ask me any more questions, or are you gonna let me go now?”
I shook my head and cleared away the empty sandwich platter. “Sorry Son-taco, but you're not going anywhere just yet.” She pouted, which made her look entirely too cute for an evil mind-controlling would-be world-conqueror. “Life is filled with disappointments. Trust me on that one, ‘cause I have lots of experience with it. You’ll just have to learn to live with it.”
Thomas stepped up, gently brushing me aside. “I thought you were supposed to be playing the Good Cop, Harry.” He put a reassuring hand on Sonata’s shoulder. “Relax, kid. It doesn't have to be all doom, gloom, and boredom while you're here.”
She looked up, a hopeful little smile on her face. “Yeah? Sounds good. What do you have in mind? If you have any video games, I love all the Rock Band games.”
“People still play those?” Thomas asked incredulously. “I thought they went out of style years ago.”
“They were still popular back in High School-ville,” Sunset provided. “But that place is pretty different from over here.”
I shrugged. “Don’t look at me, I can’t even look at one of those computer game things without them melting.”
Thomas sighed dramatically “And that’s what I get for expecting Harry to have the slightest idea about what is or isn’t in fashion.” He shook his head and dropped the drama queen act. “In any case, I've got enough movie subscriptions, music, and books to keep you occupied for weeks.”
Sonata reluctantly nodded along. “Well I guess that's okay then. I mean, being a prisoner still sucks and all, but...”
To be honest, whether the Siren was a happy prisoner or a sad one didn’t rate very high on my priority list. “That sounds fine. I'm sure there's something to watch on the—how many channels do you get these days? Three hundred?”
Thomas snorted and rolled his eyes at my continuing ignorance of technology. “Add another zero and you're getting there. Though the whole concept of channels is really starting to die off anyway, since you can stream and download just about everything worth watching.”
Stupid high technology world. And stupid wizard powers for making me unable to use any of that high tech stuff. I miss the old days, when using magic just gave you warts and boils. I hear they make a cream for that kinda thing, but there’s no treatment for being a walking techbane.
Sonata frowned, and raised her hand as best she could with the upper half of her arms still taped down. “Hey, thanks for the TV and all, but I just realized that if you keep me locked up here I'm gonna get hungry.”
Sunset snorted and waved towards the kitchen. “He has food.”
Sonata rolled her eyes and let out an exasperated groan. “Not that kinda hungry!”
If she expected to be let out so she could make with the music, she was badly mistaken. “You've been feeding on how many people lately? I think you'll be fine.”
Sonata grumbled and tugged against her bonds. “It doesn’t work that way! I can’t just stockpile energy like that. If I don’t eat for long enough, I’ll end up dead.”
Oh. Dammit, that was a problem. Hopefully this whole Siren business would get wrapped up before we had to deal with that particular moral quandary. I’m not enough of a bastard to lock someone up and force them to slowly starve to death. Especially when you were talking about something that looked like a teenage girl. On the other hand, I couldn’t just let her loose on the city to go feed on whoever she wanted to. Even if she didn’t use it as an opportunity to escape or cause general mayhem, it’d be letting her hurt other people when I had the power to stop her.
Thomas stepped over to the two of us, his voice dropping down to a careful whisper. “Don’t worry about her. I’ve got plenty of first-hand experience when it comes to handling emotion-eating predators. She’s small-time compared to my sisters. I can keep her under control, and if it really looks like she’s about to starve to death, I can find a way to get some food that won’t hurt anyone.”
I wasn’t too happy about that, but if Thomas could deliver on that promise, it was probably the best option we had.
Rather than linger on that, I focused on giving my brother a hard time. “You sure you got this? I don't want to come back and find out that she conked you on the head with a fancy vase and ran for it.”
“Getting duped like that's your job,” he shot right back. “I'd hate to step on your toes. Besides, which one of us has superhuman strength and endurance? I don’t think I’m in too much danger from a girl whose arms are about as thick as pipe cleaners.”
“I’d be more worried about her getting into your head with her magic, personally,” Sunset offered, frowning thoughtfully.
That suggestion gave him cause for pause. “Do you know how well her magic works on non-humans?”
To be honest, I barely even knew how her magic worked at all, let alone how effective it would be on non-humans. “The only other people I know who’ve been on the receiving end of it were the Equestrians. If it can work on ponies and humans, I’m not inclined to take any chances.”
Thomas conceded the point with a nod. “It’s generally pretty tough to get into our heads, though. Kind of a requirement, with the way a lot of the White Court’s internal politics work.” I shivered at the reminder: emotional manipulators tend to establish dominance by forcing emotional control onto those beneath them. And since Thomas was an incubus, that meant lust.
I should also mention that the White Court is a family business.
Thomas saw my shiver and probably misinterpreted the source. “Relax, Harry. I'll keep my earbuds in. As long as I can’t hear her she can’t get to me, right? I mean, that’s how it worked with the classic sirens.”
“Yeah, theoretically as long as you can’t hear her singing, she can’t get into your head.” I noted my brother’s frown, and quickly explained. “Everything I know says earplugs will work, and I got an expert opinion to back me up on that. Just saying I haven’t put in earplugs and let one of them hit me at full blast to test it out. It’s your call to make, but it isn't exactly going to break my heart if I come back and her mouth is covered by duct tape again.”
Before my brother could answer that, the phone started ringing. Or at least, I eventually discovered that’s what it was. For some reason, Thomas had apparently replaced his phone’s ringtone with some girl singing a song about letting it go.
Ugh, I hate feeling more and more out of touch with pop culture. Being old and cut off from all this internet stuff sucks. I was nearly a year late finding out they were making a new Star Wars movie because all the publicity for it was online. Well, that and nobody told me because they were afraid I’d talk about it non-stop once I found out.
Thomas sighed. “Uh, I should probably get that.”
“No need,” Sunset remarked with an idle smirk. “Just let it go.”
“You’re hilarious.” Thomas rolled his eyes. “But that’s Justine’s ringtone. She loves that song.” He picked up the phone, quickly carrying it to a safe distance away from me even though it was a landline. “Hey Justine.” His smile quickly faded from there. “Yeah. Yeah. Okay.” He paused, then said just a bit too loudly, “Hi Lara!”
Oh crap. Big Sister Raith was calling. That rarely meant good things for me, even though she was on my side more often than not.
I patiently waited, trying to shake off the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach as Thomas continued talking to his sister. “Which channel? I have a few thousand.” He paused, and I could hear Lara’s silky, seductive voice on the other end of the line. “That’s only because it's a pretty white girl. And really Lara, out of all the places to get your news from, you picked them?” My brother sighed, picked up the remote, and turned on his ridiculously huge flatscreen TV.
At first it was just commercials, but after a minute or so it came to one of those twenty-four hour cable channels. As soon as I saw the headline, I knew that bad feeling in my gut was about to get some justification.
Police Searching for Suspects in Celebrity Kidnapping
A minute later I was watching some really grainy footage of myself and Sunset stuffing Sonata into the trunk of my car. Thankfully, the quality was terrible, and whoever was recording it was doing so from a building across the street; I had checked for witnesses, but I couldn’t exactly go door-to-door clearing every single building. Obviously I must have missed someone.
“Horseapples!” Sunset hissed, summing up my thoughts quite nicely. Or at least as well as anyone could while limited to an Equestrian vocabulary.
I could definitely feel a headache coming on. The footage was low-quality enough to make a positive ID tricky, but Sunset and I do both stand out in a crowd. I’m tall enough to play basketball and am one of the only guys who runs around in a black leather duster, while Sunset’s got her bacon-hair. Enough people would recognize us to make life really complicated. “Oh come on! I did not need this! At all!”
Thomas let out a strangled squeak. “Hey Lara, I'm going to have to call you back.” He shakily set the receiver down.
Sonata took the news much better than the rest of us. “Hey! I'm on TV! Cool! I'm gonna be faaamous!”
The three of us stared at the TV in dull horror. Sunset was the first to break the silence, grabbing the two of us and quickly dragging us into the other room. “So ... how do we fix this?”
I took a moment to calm down and try to find a rational solution. Mostly because running down the street screaming expletives at the top of my lungs wouldn’t accomplish anything. “Okay, so this is bad. But the good news is that I don't think the quality of the film was very good. Plus, a lot of people still think I’m dead, and Sunset doesn’t have much in the way of official records here. That should slow down anyone identifying us.”
“But you guys do still look pretty distinct,” Thomas pointed out. “I mean, even with how bad the footage is, anyone who looks at it then looks at the two of you is gonna make the connection.” He paused, then grinned at us. But this was not a light, happy sort of grin. It was the horrible, pure evil grin of a brother who has discovered a chance to screw with one of his siblings. “Looks like you guys need a makeover and wardrobe change. The duster’s definitely got to go.”
“You’ve gotta be kidding!” I protectively wrapped it around myself. “I’ve got it enchanted to keep me safe. And even you admitted the duster has style, dammit!”
“Of course it does,” Thomas agreed reasonably. “The problem is that right now it has enough style to get you arrested if you walk out the door wearing it.”
“You suck when you're right,” I groaned, reluctantly removing my duster. “You suck diseased horse wang.” I blinked as I remembered there was a lady present. A horse lady, at that. “Er, sorry. No offense, Sunset.”
“Real mature, Harry. And in front of a lady, no less.” Thomas turned to my apprentice, waving a hand accusingly in my direction. “You see the abuse I have I to deal with every single time he drops by?”
Sunset snorted out a laugh. “I have to admit, you have it pretty bad. He's even worse with you than he is with me. And much whinier.”
I put on my best prim and proper not-quite-fake British accent. “I am not whining, I am complaining. Would you like to hear whining?”
“No,” my brother answered firmly. “Seriously, are you five, Harry? All I'm asking you to do is put on some different clothes and dye your hair. Maybe wear a hat. You've done worse to save the world, so just run it until the heat dies down. You can go right back to being horribly tasteless once you’re no longer a suspect in a high-profile celebrity kidnapping that’s going to have your face plastered all over the news.”
“But I like my duster,” I whi—complained.
Sunset rolled her eyes. “Oh stop being such a baby, Harry.”
“I wouldn’t get too cocky, padawan.” I pointed out her almost-as stylish piece of black leather. “If my duster’s out, your jacket needs to go too.”
Now that her black leather was on the line, Sunset was singing a different tune “Hey, wait a minute! That’s not the same at all!”
For once, my brother backed me up. “He's right. Leather's out right now, and that means you too, missy.”
Sunset sighed, and very reluctantly began taking her jacket off. “Promise you’ll keep it safe? It’s got sentimental value.”
Thomas held up his right hand. “I solemnly swear that any and all fashionable articles of black leather entrusted to my care will be returned unharmed as soon as the crisis is over. Once the heat dies down you can go right back to wearing them with utter disregard for weather and social appropriateness.”
I groaned, surrendering my duster. “I guess that’ll have to do.” Fortunately, another idea quick sprang to mind that rapidly improved my mood. “You know, you should probably do Sunset’s hair too, Toe-moss. Assuming you're not too out of practice from your old stylist job.”
“Don’t worry, I still know how to do it all.” He looked Sunset over, frowning thoughtfully. “So, what to do about that hair of yours? It’s way too long, and not too many people have striped red and yellow hair. It makes you stand out way too much.” Sunset glowered threateningly, and my brother did some quick damage control. “Don’t worry, I’ve got a pretty good stock of supplies in the closet. It won’t be a salon-quality job, but you’ll still look fine when I’m done. I’ll probably turn you redhead since you’re halfway there already. And change your makeup a little. You’d be surprised what a difference it can make.” He turned to me. “It’s always trickier to dye dark hair. I might have to get a little ... creative.”
I definitely didn’t like the sound of that. “Creative, huh? Just remember I know where you live.” I shot a look at Sunset and was slightly consoled by the fact that she looked just as unhappy about the news as I was.
I might be suffering, but at least I wasn’t suffering alone.
Thomas let out a patient sigh. “I can’t believe you two. It's just different clothes and some hair dye. I'm not asking you to chop off a limb or something like that. You can go back to having a complete lack of fashion sense after we've dealt with mind-altering singers.”
I groaned and stepped forward, eager to get it over with as quickly as possible. “Yeah, yeah... The things I do to save the world.”